A.i.b.u to think , fuck it to school work now?

[DollyPartons]

Dd , yr 9 can't be arsed at the best of times , but will just about complete most homework during term time as hates any confrontation from teachers. Started lockdown set homework but as times gone on like pulling teeth to get her to do any. Doesn't take to bribery or jossling. I've tried , a lot. She's just below average, I'm terrified this will plunder more but with no communication from school she's just not bothered . The school have not given guidelines to parents to get them to do the work , no expectations, schools out for summer early?

My nephew has moved into my mums hes yr7 and has blatantly refused to do any work at all. I'm rather harsh with home learning ill come and do it with her til shes done it. Last week in maths I fired questions at her and wrote it down for her but her calculations whilst she was playing on trampoline.

I'm rather harsh with home learning ill come and do it with her til shes done it. Last week in maths I fired questions at her and wrote it down for her but her calculations whilst she was playing on trampoline.

That doesn’t sound that harsh.

She has positive attitude instilled. This is evident in her positive housepoints at school and in her sport. I never said she or I had a negative attitude during normal school.

and yet your opening post says Dd , yr 9 can't be arsed at the best of times , but will just about complete most homework during term time as hates any confrontation from teachers. ummm doesnt sound positive to me

Make your mind up. Or at least RTFT as in YOUR OWN POSTS

You’re not even responding to posts OP about school.

Have you contacted them? If not, why not?

What exactly would you like them to do?

What’s the point of just getting defensive and snapping at people or just responding to those that tell you not to worry?

What did you want out of your post?

You’ve been given advice on how to communicate with the school and you won’t seem to accept that teachers can’t just magically make your child work.

I'd meant in relation to school as that was what the post was about CrazyTimesAreOccouring

What are you shouting for? What doesn't sound positive? The fact that most homework is done during term time because she'd rather not get into confrontation. That's a good thing !

Year 9?! YABU. My year 8 was calling my office with homework questions today. Not that he'd done much by the time I got home, I made him carry on until 8PM when he finally managed to finished his english. I'm hoping he will understand if he gets on with it and stops watching You Tube he wont be doing it until stupid o'clock. I think he took the biscuit today because I've been so soft about it up until now and he thought I would give in.

Though obviously when I work from home it's so much easier as I can actually see what he needs help with! How can you not supervise her working from home?! If you have more than 1 child I apologise I have not read the whole thing.

YOU said she can't be arsed. You said it, no one else. You just want to make excuses. Carry on. At least your 'friend' won't fall out with you

Just so you know children do "fall out" with their teachers all the time but teachers don't care as long as the children are learning. They are their teacher not their friend like you are their parent not their friend.

I have read many things which say the education can be made up (it might take longer for some than others), and mental health of the whole family is more important.. Those many things weren't facebook memes by any chance, were they?

I’ve read more or less that today in a letter from ds’s headteacher.

Whilst we want students to continue to study ,weareawarethatthis is a challenging timefor them. From time to time , they may be feeling anxious about different things; this is natural. If they follow their timetable and attempt some work from the lessons usually held that week, they will probably get through about 3 hours of work; to achieve this would be excellent.
They may not complete all of the work that has been set and are concerned that they might fall behind. Please tell them not to worry about that. Just as in school, all we expect is that they do the best they can; some days they might get lots done, and on other days less. We just need them to try their best, whether they are completing their Mathematics or English work, making their bed or helping to put the bins out.

You know your child. I have 4 DC and they’re all completely different.
Two of them would get worried without adult-led activities,
One is happy to be wound up and let go along a solitary track and the last has realised his parents know nothing and are weak .
You say she was struggling a little before lockdown, so maybe time spent together getting her confident about the stuff she finds hard?
You have to do whatever it takes to get you all through the lockdown but if she can come out feeling a bit better about herself with schoolwork and not too far behind, you’ll be doing her a huge favour.

Actually the British Psychological Society issued a brief to parents and teachers that academic work should not be pushed onto children if it will cause distress. Not a Facebook meme.
UNICEF UK have drafted an open letter to the government on what their plan is to recover 700hrs of lost learning (by the time kids return to school). This is being realistic, not blaming schools or teachers. Some children cannot concentrate at home, some are lazy and unmotivated, some will not have access to tech or a printer, some will not have adequate parental support or supervision (for many different reasons, not just 'bad parents') some have SEN requiring specialist support only schools can provide, some will have suffered a Covid related bereavement (potentially hundreds or thousands of grandchildren/children to the people that died).
Not only that, when children do return, it will not be business as usual, part time, reduced hours, tiny classes, reduced socialisation with friends.
Even more than that, those of us that are still students, I'm doing a master's, have been given 'no questions asked' extensions, substitute marks if needed, no end of allowances and offers to support our mental health.
But hey, you all want to blame children and parents for not being motivated enough, not being tough enough, give them a good old kick up the arse or else attitude ok then....

OP - work out what leverage u have. Are there treats like electronics, WiFi, tv that DD likes? If so then make an agreement that none until at least 2 or 3 pieces of work done. Then agree which subjects and make a timetable. If really a struggle then I would make sure I sat with her for at least 1 of those 20min sessions per day.

Some kids find it encouraging that their parent is doing it with them rather than them being left on their own.

I do agree that the modern education system is too academic for some and seems divorced from real work and life experience. Sometimes unless you see the context, it is difficult to see why you have to put the work in. However I would say that as good gcses as possible in maths, English and interest subject (eg science, history, geography, languishes) would make things easier later.

The only input I’ve had for my Y9 dd is an occasional check she’s doing what she should (she is). Her teachers are available to answer any questions and help with anything she is unsure of.

My Y6 dd needs more prompting but the teachers are great with that too and give phone calls and video messages and assemblies to keep them feeling part of the school. She always does more the day she gets a pep talk call!

I’m working out of the house a lot so both have to be reasonably self motivated to get on with it.

OP I’m really sorry you’re getting such a hard time on here. Mine are Y4 so still do what they’re told. I cannot imagine that being the case when they are 14.

If you were a friend and asked me whether you should just say “fuck it” I’d probably know that you weren’t really going to give up and just needed to vent. So vent away.

If you were asking for advice I might say take the weekend, take a break today, have a serious chat and tell her how worried you are.

Ask her what she needs to be able to focus on her tasks without you resorting to punishment, being clear that that’s the next step.

And then be clear that she has to do something constructive every day so if she’s not building her brain and growing her knowledge then she has to do something else to contribute to family life (e.g. list of spring cleaning tasks).

You’re still working hard, full-time. So she needs to have a think about what her role in the family is if it’s not being the best student she can be.

@aintnothinbutagstring - I completely agree but what's worse for mental health is being stuck on social media/TikTok/the Xbox all day. That's why they are usually given a lot of work or extra challenges to do in case they need something extra to do for their mental health.

As I said up thread if her DD is doing other things like cooking, cleaning, running, being creative, learning a new language etc then I would email the teachers this instead. They will be happy she's not spent the past 5 weeks on constantly on social media.

This was my instinct aintnothingbutashoestring
With no "voice" (or voices from lots of teachers), children are left . Our school has set homework. She has emailed the odd teacher with regards to questions with work. They've replied in a couple of words , fairly blunt, no expansion . Before this is picked apart and I'm accused of teacher bashing, I'm just talking basic manners and let's see if we can help a bit more would be good!

For example, one local school emails the parents asking if child is okay. Our school doesn't. Our school threw up a suggested timetable, basically a copy of usual timetable. I mean, how lazy is that?

She has been doing activities that she wouldn't do normally ; gardening,baking, bike ride , decorating ....and school work. I'm just saying that I am not about to change my relationship. I am firm but fair. I am her mother in that if her behaviour is bad we have consequences as ever. I maintain I am proud to be her friend, not just disciplinarian. We have a right good laugh, what the hells wrong with that? Needed more than ever. Schools need to be interacting more though.

Our school threw up a suggested timetable, basically a copy of usual timetable. I mean, how lazy is that?

You are getting right on my fucking nerves. I've set a 'suggested' timetable - everyone's timetable is fucking 'suggested', because we have no right to assume everyone's circumstances are the same, so we have catered for every parenting situation we can - no devices, devices being used for parent work so only available for children for a limited time, devices that are the child's own, parents who work, parents who don't work and can get their child to, parents like you who can't get their child to do anything but somehow that's the school's fault.

A suggested timetable caters for everyone, that's the point. And now it's lazy??????

Wow. What an arsehole.

What have the school said when you've emailed (not your daughter)?

So what else have you done Feenie Are you that teacher that looses their shit all the time. You must work harder to take positive criticism! In this instance the timetable was just literally the school week copied. Unrealistic and lazy.

OP you are mental.
Why the flying fuck would the school give each child a timetable?
Have you lost your fucking mind?
We set the students work for the days they have their lessons.
So if I have a year 10 on a Tuesday and Friday I will set the work for a Tuesday and Friday.
They follow the school timetable.
What the fuck else are they going to do??!!!!

Why can’t you even try just bloody try to understand you are not special your child is not special. Schools have 1000 children o cater for. Teachers cannot wrote loving detailed thoughtful supportive odes to your child every single day.

I get 25-30 messages from kids every day asking about work, checking things etc. I have to quickly reply to them alongside setting and marking work. I’m currently doing that while marking 60 assessments.

for @feenie. DLTBGYD.

What do you want OP?
You still haven’t even answered the most basic question:
Have you asked the school for help?
Have you called?
Have you emailed?

What do you want then to literally physically do for you?

I have two primary ages children I’m trying to homeschool and an insane workload as a teacher.

I spend most of time creating audio ppt for my A level student who I’m so worried about.

I made 35 phone calls home yesterday for students not handing work.

I’m marking 60 assessments right now.

I’m responding to every single message that comes my way.

I have to interact with my form and set them home challengers every week.

I need to being handing out more achievement points from home for good work.

I’m doing that while teaching my own kids. Shock horror. I made my own timetable for them. It’s dead easy. Promise! Even you could do it OP.

And cooking and cleaning the house and doing fun activities with them.

And on and on and on

A level students plural I don’t just have one kid 🤦🏽‍♀️