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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To move to mum if lockdown extended?

156 replies

LolaLollypop · 30/04/2020 10:49

I'm just asking for gentle opinions so please no bashing. I know everyone is struggling in their own ways on lockdown.

I've been in for the past 7 weeks with my toddler and 10 week old and DH (We all had colds/virus symptoms in early March so self isolated earlier than most).
It's been really, really tough managing the kids whilst DH WFH full time. I'm struggling with my toddler who has regressed massively in her behaviour. She usually spends 3 days at nursery and 2 with my mum so lockdown + new baby has been very tough for her.

AIBU to consider moving to my parents if Boris adds another 3 weeks on next Thursday? They're both 70 but in very good health. Both sets of households have been isolating - we've not seen anyone and have been doing 99% of our shopping online.

Could we all move as a family and do the remainder of lockdown from my mum's?

OP posts:
Hoohaahoo · 30/04/2020 10:51

Sorry but I think you just need to cope as best you can. I can see why you are tempted, but what if one of you has just caught Covid and you haven’t realised yet?

Elouera · 30/04/2020 10:52

Its sounding like the only reason you want to move to your mums is free childcare! Would your DH move too, or you'd just leave him at your home Hmm

sunnie1992 · 30/04/2020 10:53

Yes you can.

Jennie Harries - deputy chief medical officer told people to make a choice - either MLB's in together or don't see each other.

If you have all been isolating then if it would help, do it.

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 30/04/2020 10:53

No, I would let my family move in with us

Mikki2019 · 30/04/2020 10:55

I would def move

My partner is going to move in with me if this lockdown is extended as no way can we do another 3 weeks without seeing each other

RedskyAtnight · 30/04/2020 10:58

Well you can ... the thing to consider is whether this will just add a different set of problems. If your toddler is unsettled now, is moving homes really a good idea? Is your DH happy to live with your parents for an unspecified length (remember, it might be much more than 3 weeks) of time?

I get that it's tough being at home with a toddler and baby (do you have a garden you can let the toddler run off steam in?), but it sounds like the issues you are having are mainly just ones related to having two young children, not lockdown specific. Have you talked to DH to see if there's more he can do to help? One advantage of working from home is that you can normally be more flexible about how you work.

coffeechocolatecoffee · 30/04/2020 10:58

I wouldnt ask for advice on here - you seem to get attacked for ever suggesting parents help out with childcare even if it is something they would love to do. My parents would love nothing more than for us to do the same, they are desperately missing the children but I work for NHS and am going to work so the risk is too great even though they are fit, well and under 60.

In your case, I would move in a heartbeat (dh moving too). You are all isolated and can isolate safely as one house if no one is going out

ChicChicChicChiclana · 30/04/2020 11:00

I can see why it's a struggle if you are only used to being with your toddler all day at the weekend, but I honestly doubt she has regressed in this time, don't worry about that. You are tired and stressed - no wonder! - but is it fair to take all that to your parents? Would they want you?

1066vegan · 30/04/2020 11:02

If both households have been self isolating then there's no risk of you infecting your parents.

If they are fit and healthy (which many people in their 70s are) then it could be a good solution for everyone. As long as you're careful not to put too much work and responsibility on your parents' shoulders, then it could actually be a boost for them. I'm sure that they must miss you and their grandchildren.

minettechatouette · 30/04/2020 11:04

People will say YABU but I think YANBU at all. As you say, if you have been isolating you won't give her the virus. You are allowed to move house under the regulations. It will be better for the kids and better for your MH to move. Presuming your mum is keen I would definitely do it.

sunshinesupermum · 30/04/2020 11:08

I agree with PP saying it will be even more unsettling to move your toddler. Could your DPs move in with you instead?

PumpkinP · 30/04/2020 11:09

Go for it, I’m a single mum with 4 children. If I have family I could move in with to help I wouldn’t hesitate. Do what you have to do.

Khione · 30/04/2020 11:09

Of course you can

Lazypuppy · 30/04/2020 11:11

Thats what we're gonna do. If its extended my mum is moving in with us.

walkingchuckydoll · 30/04/2020 11:13

Does your mum also want this? It's a big leap from weekly childcare to effectively being an extra parent to young children when she herself is a lot older, so will have less energy than you.

SouthernComforts · 30/04/2020 11:20

I would. In a couple of weeks both me and dd's dad will be expected to be back in the workplace not WFH, and if the schools are not open I might need to consider dd moving in with my mum temporarily.

WanderingMilly · 30/04/2020 11:29

If your parents want this it is fine, go ahead. You can amalgamate families and you've been in isolation. It would be better for you and better for the children, just make sure your parents are happy about it too.

Original poster
LolaLollypop · 30/04/2020 11:32

Thanks for the comments. A couple of responses:

It would absolutely be my parents decision if they want to have us. If they don't feel comfortable with it that's fine.

We live in a 2 bed flat in London so sadly no room for them to move in.

We have a small shared garden that has been well utilised already!

It wouldn't be for childcare. The bulk of the care would be done by me and DH. It's for a helping hand and some company tbh. My toddler adores her nanny and misses her. And it's very lonely for me too! I don't feel like I can give either child the proper attention they need atm. My toddler talks about going to her Nanny's every morning.

OP posts:
frockdestroyer · 30/04/2020 11:37

I could have written your post OP. I have a 9 week old and 4 year old - it's tough and I'm seriously considering moving to my Mums.

I understand PPs saying it would be upheaval for the toddler but my 4yo is actually desperate to go. I think she would love a change of scene and have some new people other than me to play with. She's been stuck in the same house with the same stuff for weeks and I can't give her of my attention all day because of the baby. She's lonely and it breaks my heart.

Just go for your own mental well-being OP and pitch it as a holiday to your toddler if need be. You're not moving there forever!! If you're parents have been careful, it'll be OK.

Choice4567 · 30/04/2020 11:38

I’ve been thinking about this too. My only worry is it might cost me more money. I’ve just about got it sorted here with mortgage holiday, but that will end soon. If I’m paying all bills here, and contributing to my parents house (understandably if the children and I are there!) I’m not sure I could afford it Sad

MintyMabel · 30/04/2020 11:47

I was going for yes, when it seemed you were struggling and needed help. The risk is worth taking in that situation. But to do it because your toddler (and you) miss your mum and want company, then no, that’s not appropriate as that’s also the case for 90% of the country.

Original poster
LolaLollypop · 30/04/2020 11:51

@mintyMabel I am struggling and do need help! And I miss my mum. I'm just saying my mum would be helping me rather than taking over the childcare.

OP posts:
Wingingthis · 30/04/2020 11:55

I have a 1 week old and a 2 year old and I totally understand. My 2 year old has started acting up massively the past couple of days as well. It’s as hard for them as it is for us!
From what I understand it is totally fine to do this if you stay there for the rest of lockdown. Ignore the people saying it’s for “free childcare”. Having a newborn & a toddler is hard and the best of times let alone in the middle of a pandemic!

MintyMabel · 30/04/2020 11:56

I am struggling and do need help!

But you said you wouldn't be moving for childcare. So what "help" is it?

I'm not convinced.

Mikki2019 · 30/04/2020 11:59

Dementor alert !

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