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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To move to mum if lockdown extended?

156 replies

LolaLollypop · 30/04/2020 10:49

I'm just asking for gentle opinions so please no bashing. I know everyone is struggling in their own ways on lockdown.

I've been in for the past 7 weeks with my toddler and 10 week old and DH (We all had colds/virus symptoms in early March so self isolated earlier than most).
It's been really, really tough managing the kids whilst DH WFH full time. I'm struggling with my toddler who has regressed massively in her behaviour. She usually spends 3 days at nursery and 2 with my mum so lockdown + new baby has been very tough for her.

AIBU to consider moving to my parents if Boris adds another 3 weeks on next Thursday? They're both 70 but in very good health. Both sets of households have been isolating - we've not seen anyone and have been doing 99% of our shopping online.

Could we all move as a family and do the remainder of lockdown from my mum's?

OP posts:

velocitygirl7 · 30/04/2020 12:02

Ffs. What has happened to Mumsnet? I've been here for a very long time, my eldest is 19 now and Mumsnet helped me so much with its humour and support when my dc were small.
Op has a 10 week old baby! And a needy toddler who is struggling without nursery etc Of course she wants her mums help and support.
Op go to your parents, lockdown is tough enough with teenagers moping around, in your shoes, with a dh working full time, I would be desperate for adult company during the day. Take care

TeensArghhhh · 30/04/2020 12:04

Speaking as a grandmother I will say I miss my grandchildren desperately - just like the majority of grandparents. I would give my right arm to see them and cuddle them right now.

However, I know I don’t have the energy levels to have 4 people move in 24/7. If my son asked if they could move in I would struggle to say no, but deep in my heart I know it wouldn’t work. There is a massive difference between looking forward to having the GC over for a few hours/day/night/weekend than having your home taken over indefinitely.

By asking if you can all move in I feel you will be putting your parents in an impossible situation

zingally · 30/04/2020 12:09

I would.

If Boris extends lockdown for another 3 weeks, we're seriously considering going to move in with my mum. She lives alone in a large house, with more than enough room for us, and it would give everyone a change of scenery.
You know your family and your situation best. Do what you think is right for you.

lockdownbirthdayhelp · 30/04/2020 12:13

If you can all isolate for 2 weeks before hand I don't see the problem

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 30/04/2020 12:13

I think it would work, you're just increasing the size of your household.
I totally understand the need for more company and moral support, and if your parents were totally happy, I would go for it.

Easilyanxious · 30/04/2020 12:19

I must admit seriously considering this my parents live in a larger house with good size garden . My husband might have to start going back to work so tempted to take myself and kids to isolate at parents and he stays at home, but I'm not sure it's allowed or not ?

StewPots · 30/04/2020 12:27

I'm frequently in hospital for a condition I have, so DS has been in Cornwall for the last 6 weeks with his dad. However he's now been called back to work, so DS is home today. My mum will be moving in with us at the weekend so I'm not stuck should I go into hospital short notice (happens frequently).

No one is symptomatic only doing shop runs when needed etc so will be fine locking down here. It's the most realistic solution as no way can DS come to hospital with me - I often need to stay in for three or four days at a time. Last admission was two weeks ago but as DS was at his dads it wasn't an issue.

So I'd say YANBU definitely not OP. Seems like the best solution to your situation here.

Sarahandco · 30/04/2020 12:27

There is nothing wrong with families helping each other! there is nothing wrong with someone with a toddler and a baby saying that she needs help! Your mum might be wanting your company too (obviously a bit awkward if she doesn't!)

If both households have been safe and careful then joining together is absolutely fine.

BabyTeacherBear · 30/04/2020 12:30

Does no one understand 'don't mix households'?

Your mum lives in a different house to you. That means you cannot go and live with her until the lockdown is over.

All you want is free childcare. If you can't look after your children, don't have them (radical, I know...)

vanillandhoney · 30/04/2020 12:30

Does your DH want to live with his in-laws for the foreseeable future?

Because if it's extended for three weeks it won't all suddenly go back to normal afterwards.

Fluffybutter · 30/04/2020 12:32

If your parents are happy then yes I think it’s a good idea for all of you .
Shitty remarks about free child care says more about the poster than the op .

Fluffybutter · 30/04/2020 12:33

All you want is free childcare. If you can't look after your children, don't have them (radical, I know...)
Have you always been such a prick or was it brought on by lockdown ?

Boshmama · 30/04/2020 12:35

I would, yes. We came to parents the weekend before lockdown and have stayed here since. It's working really well.

lockdownbirthdayhelp · 30/04/2020 12:35

Does no one understand 'don't mix households'?

You're allowed to move. You're even allowed to go and stay with someone else to cool off if you fall out with your spouse.

helpmum2003 · 30/04/2020 12:36

If your parents agree then i would. Risk to them is low. Mental health very important.

Billben · 30/04/2020 12:36

My partner is going to move in with me if this lockdown is extended as no way can we do another 3 weeks without seeing each other

🙄

lockdownbirthdayhelp · 30/04/2020 12:37

All you want is free childcare. If you can't look after your children, don't have them (radical, I know...)

That's a really shitty thing to say to someone with a newborn in the current climate.

MrsEvil · 30/04/2020 12:43

YANBU we were thinking of doing this as my parents have a huge house and we all miss each other. But I worry about my house being left empty for a long period of time as it's more than a few weeks and will invalidate the insurance (maybe?) . We don't know how long this will go on for and if your parents are happy then I would go for it, especially if you are struggling.

MorrisZapp · 30/04/2020 12:43

Ignore that horrible person. What a grim view of the role of parents and grandparents.

moveandmove · 30/04/2020 12:45

Will dh have somewhere suitable to wfh at your parents?

TeddyIsaHe · 30/04/2020 12:47

@BabyTeacherBear What the fuck?! Have you come down with a new strain of corona that makes you into a total bellend?

Op has a newborn baby ffs, it’s hard enough for anyone, let alone in the midst of a pandemic.

Op if you’re all happy to do so I’d definitely move in with them. The extra support will make your days much easier and you’ll all be more relaxed, which will in turn help your toddler. Hope you’re ok.

Fromthebirdsnest · 30/04/2020 12:48

My mil is currently isolating to move in with us but we have an annex that is separate so we have the space and we are doing it because we are in a unique situation as my bil&sil and there 3 children currently have no where to live , they will be moving into mils house (they are waiting on a steel for there house that has been postponed indefinitely and have no utilities ) they are currently in our annex but we are living separately as we are shielding and they are having to do shopping ETC , my mil will be shielding alone with us so she can see the children , I get on very well with my MIL , however while she's here she has a separate living room , kitchen and bedrooms etc in a separate building so we won't get on top of each other plus we have a huge garden and my mil is very healthy and is 64 ... if your mum doesn't actually have the room for you it might be a much .. but I can see why you want to and if both of you want to you can .. Does your mil have a garden etc? Xx

CaptainAthena · 30/04/2020 12:50

@BabyTeacherBear you're being an arse and starting a TAAT makes you more so

OP there's absolutely nothing wrong with your plan if everyone is happy to do so, take all the support you need

Bridecilla · 30/04/2020 12:54

I absolutely would.

Mumsnet attitudes to grandparents are weird.

Both sets are really involved with ds and we've all missed each other terribly. If I could I'd combine all 3 of our households as it would be fun and supportive all round.

LayTheTableMabel · 30/04/2020 12:56

I can't imagine my mum not holding and loving my newborn. My toddler asks for his nana every day which is heart breaking. If I could I would be at my mums (and my oj would have a whale if a time because they are good friends). Sometimes the best support is for you (reminiscing, chatting, cups of tea) not "free childcare". If people can go chill out at another house for a weekend after an argument then of course you can.

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