CoVid teens, feeling very worried about mine.

[Biscuit0110]

My usually vibrant, positive sociable 15 year old dd started the lockdown full of plans and chatting to her friends every single day, often for a few hours. She worked hard academically, worked out and quite enjoyed the new experience. We are now going into week eight on Friday and I am very worried to see a massive decline at every level.

I am most worried about the lack of conversation that is happening now between all of her friends, everyone seems to have stopped talking.
It seems she has just stopped communicating, and I wonder if anyone else has noticed this? What went from house parties, face timing and laughter seems to have died back to nothing. I asked her why she doesn't want to speak or message her friends anymore, she has some very close and lovely friends - but she said there is literally nothing to say anymore.
No one wants to talk, including her.

The odd photo that has popped up has shown friends shaving their hair, sitting in hoodies with faces hidden etc, often in darkness. This is not normally the case at all. It seems they are all becoming distressed in some levels, you can see it even in the photos. Some of her friends that do have MH issues are understandably struggling very badly. My dd has never ever had any MH worries, and is usually very upbeat.

I can't find any other threads that are covering this issue, so maybe it is just us and our groups of friends that are struggling, but if this is more widespread, then it is a very worrying development.

I didn't expect her to spend hours chatting and laughing as she normally would, I didn't expect her to have the same enthusiasm for her studies, but she seems to have lost all energy. I have never seen her like this. I feel helpless, and don't know how to support her. She just needs to see her friends and have some kind of normal again, and it is the only thing I can't do for her.

Can you tell me how your teens are faring? Are you children still communicating often with friends?

I can't even contemplate how this is going to play out for them if the lockdown is extended. I am actually very concerned now, even more than before about the damage this is doing to our children.

@Punxsutawney if it makes you feel any less alone, dd was diagnosed with ASD in December (Y12) after years of anxiety, self harm and struggling with school. We’d already pulled her out of her mainstream school at the end of Y11 and since September she’s been doing online school for A-levels which suits her perfectly. She was supposed to be having CAMHS tier 3 intervention but we’ve heard nothing and she’s now getting anxious about getting anything out of CAMHS before she turns 18 in October. Her saving grace is her horse so she goes to see him every day and has a little bit of social interaction with the other people at the stables (obviously very limited at the moment).

My night worry is my 20 year old who was diagnosed with ASD when he was 4 and had a statement followed by an EHPC neither of which helped keep him in education and he dropped out of school halfway through sixth form. Since then he’s effectively been in self imposed lockdown (3.5 years now), barely leaving the house and getting more and more isolated. Last week our beloved cat died and he’s been utterly distraught since then. I’m feeling very bleak about the future for both of them at the moment

We have this exact issue with DSD14 (yr 10). She's been brilliant, but we had a solid weekend of tears and a full on hysterical breakdown yesterday. Got an interim school report which was brilliant, home learning grades are way above normal, but she completely broke down yesterday, after being wobbly for a while.

Rightly or wrongly, we put all the school work away and spent the day digging the garden. It took a while and a few cups of tea, but eventually she was back to relative normality, and even had a couple of laughs.

I emailed her form tutor this morning and said were taking the week off. It pains me to do it, especially with so much disruption already in such an important year, but I'm not having her in that state - I'd rather have her happy and play catch up with her when she's calmer.

Such a difficult juggling act, she's doing so well, so am willing to cut her some slack.

Yes another worried mum here, my DS is 16. He is hoping after Sunday he may be able to see his girlfriend. I have tried to casually mention the lockdown might be increased.

Please 💐. It's so very hard when isolation is such a long term thing and lasts for months and years. It's difficult for everyone at the moment but things will get better and back to normal for most.

I think the general lack of support out there for autistic young people and their families is just awful. As a parent of a child with ASD I have never felt so alone as I do now. It's so sad because neurodiverse yp have so much to offer and yet they are often isolated at home and forgotten about. I hope that things improve for both your Dd and Ds soon.

OP - I wonder if the easing up of communication in your DD's social circle might be a good thing as it sounded like it was excessive and relentless. That's not to criticise your DD or you but how much talking can people do before it becomes inane and energy sapping.

I have a DD the same age and disagree that this is the age when they start pulling away from their family and their friends become more important. You are still the most important person in her life and she is locked down with you, a roof over her head, good food to eat and plenty of things to choose to do. Don't know how old you are but imagine being locked down in the 70s!

You're not helping by thinking you've got to entertain her, let her find her way through this and she will build resilience and know she can rely on herself. My DD struggles at times too - lockdown is difficult- but I don't worry about her mental health because she has her dad and me and she will return to school and friends and sport one day soon.

long Ah your dd sounds like she has hit a wall with the lockdown (haven't we all!) and they are almost adults, so they understand what 30,000 deaths mean, they can see the hideous ICU footage on their phones, and they are fully aware that this pandemic is bad, really bad for all of us. It is not surprising they feel overwhelmed and upset by it. We all do. for your dd. I hope she is feeling much better today.

Stopping schooling for now is a really good idea and the responsible thing to do, and it will make no difference at all in the long term. Once things have settled down a little, you can spend some time with her over the long summer holidays. It is pointless trying to get anything done when they are so upset.

Gardening, fresh air and time with you sounds like the best thing for her right nnow.
We have had tears this week too, and it has just been so long. 8 weeks it will be on Friday for us, and it feels like a lifetime.

The weather will be good for the next ten days. Lets hope this will help everyone's mood. Praying Boris delivers some hope on Sunday!

Laure I grew up in the 70s and at 15 I just can not imagine being locked down. I would have escaped for sure. The idea of being stuck in a house for two months or more at that age, with my father who used to lose his temper all of the time, and hit us, so I am not sure how that would have panned out...

So I appreciate my dd's are far more sensible and would never run away or anything. DD has had a few chats this week, but she is bored with it, and desperate to get off the phone. They are not a generation that enjoy phone calls really. Mostly she does have to get on with it and entertain herself, as I have so much of my own work, housework to do but I make time for them every day without fail - a good few hours - because after a long day of managing your own school work, homework, boredom etc it is nice to do something with a parent, even if it is just cooking dinner, going out for a walk or making icecream.

Feel so bad for my DD - her best friend is apparently back to school tomorrow. Turns out her mum is a key worker so not sure why she wasn’t before (it’s better that she does, her home life is not a secure or happy one)

But my DD, struggling so much with processing information and being quite naive due to her SN, was absolutely convinced that it meant she could go back too - matter how much I told her that if she’d been allowed to keep going she would have done, but she has no EHCP and neither of us are keyworkers. She asked us to check but instead I suggested she email her tutor/HOY. She’s been doing a lot better the last week or so, but I think the reply will send her backwards a bit.

lane have you asked the school if she can return? If she has SN this may help her case. My little niece is still attending school with SN. Some schools are very open to the idea. Give them a ring and see if she can go in.

It would be better if it came from you direct to a senior member of school. They are unlikely to agree otherwise.

:(

Thank you biscuit her form tutor actually rang me yesterday to see how she is, not sure if that was because of the message or a general thing. I’m not sure if the HOY has replied to her yet but I can ask her too as I’d give more details. According to her tutor there are virtually no kids or staff there even compared to other big schools, so it would be very strange but if she got the opportunity to try it would help. I’m not sure how well they understand her needs yet - she only started in December after being HE for a few years and is very much one to keep quiet etc, would never get an EHCP despite a lot of learning difficulties because she’s “getting by”. Some of her teachers hadn’t been told she’s dyslexic and autistic let alone the more specific things! (Sorry that wasn’t really relevant)

Thankfully she’s not been quite as distressed as I thought but that may also be because she has found something that helps - she’s sitting in the garden until very late. Sometimes talking to the neighbour out of his window (same year at school, they weren’t particularly friends before but it’s face to face contact!) but otherwise I think it’s just giving her space.

That’s so sad apples :(

lane The school are great for keeping in contact with you, and calling. She sounds like she is in a good place! It must be a relief for you.
By Sunday we should have a better idea at least, of the way forward that you can share with her. We are over the peak, at the very least it should all improve for most of us from here.

Yet another worried Mum. DS1 is 15 and in Year 10. He started off so positively, went running everyday and house party calls with his friends. He literally just broke down yesterday cause he is so throughly fed up of it all. He is missing his friends and is really worried about the school he is missing.
DS2 is 9. Until lockdown he was playing football 5 times a week (totally his choice btw). He does his school work with no fuss but doesn’t want to even go outside and play football anymore cause there is no point.
I honestly think enough is enough now and things need to start getting back to normal...

I really hope so. She’s been so good about it but the not knowing is really hard isn’t it! Even if it’s not for several weeks still and/or it’ll only be part time, having a set date would really help.

I'm 31 and feel the same way to be honest. I rang my mum yesterday and it was like pulling teeth thinking of things to say, which we both laughed at. I'm miserable that I don't have my own space anymore too. Talking to friends has definitely tailed off as well, there's only so much effort you can put in when you're not doing anything to create things to talk about.

Could she cycle or walk and sit in a friends driveway for 20 mins , sat 2 m away- send her with a can of coke ? Might just brighten her up. Also non negotiable walks in the sunshine x

My Y10 DD is similar. So are many of her friends. They all started out with a sense of excitement. It all felt like a bonus holiday I think, House Party all night, quizzes, multiple FaceTimes. That's died off now.
I asked her about it and she said everyone is just bored, There's only so much trivial crap you can talk about.
She still WhatsApp's her closest friends regularly fit deeper chats. She also FaceTimes with an old close friend who is not at her school and is older. I think this is because it's out of her normal circle and a bit different.

On the whole she's working on school work, going out for the occasional walk and watching box sets.

I was a bit worried but recently I've begun to see similar Sm posts from friends with dcs from her year doing similar. Very apathetic.

I'm not too worried. She's still talking to me and seems on a fairly even keel. Sometimes even having a laugh with us.

My ds (Y8) was very reclusive for a while. He's not done nearly as much socialising online with his friends. He's happy amusing himself with sketching, drawing, writing and YouTube. It's been harder to get him to do schoolwork. He's also shunned his normal Scout troop who have been doing loads of Zoom meetings and virtual challenges online. I'm a bit disappointed by this but I haven't pushed it.

On the whole, I had a fantasy that my children would take themselves off on a self learning journey and be creative and engage with all manner of online get togethers and opportunities. None of this has happened. Who was I kidding? 😂

I think the it's very very normal though. I know there's super teens seen on TV doing all manner of amazing things......but hey ho. Good for them. My teens just aren't doing that.

Whatever gets them through.

My Y10 is predicted grades 8/9 next year.

She’s lost all motivation. It’s heartbreaking actually.

Dithering I felt similar the other week when a friend dropped some shopping off and we had a brief 2 metre doorstep chat. One of my best mates, normally when we see each other at the pub or taking our boys out we can chat for ages and there’s never any silence but although it wasn’t actually awkward, I really did struggle. It’s like I’ve forgotten how to interact with actual people! Our group chats are quieter too.

I’ve had phone conversations with a couple of people in the last few weeks and those have gone really quickly but that is because they are new acquaintances - one is specifically aimed at supporting me and the other we just randomly clicked earlier this year and now she’s working from home and we have lots of time for chat - but as we are new to each other there is a lot to talk about. It’s not like that with my older friends and it’s difficult.

Daffodil I am sure she will get her spark back once she is back in school.

peg Even I am finding that I actually don't want to speak to anyone now! I am known to be a massive chatterbox. Maybe it has just hit me at a later stage than everyone else.
A friend has picked some flowers and wants to drop them in to the garden and have a conversation from afar from the gate. I feel mean but I don't want her to come, I actually don't want to talk to anyone. I have nothing to say, it feels strange and awkward. I'd rather she didn't I want to be left alone. Weird, as she is one of my closest friends usually I would love to see her. I have zero interest now in the world outside.

Never thought I would feel like this. Perhaps this is what hermits feel like after a while

Could she cycle or walk and sit in a friends driveway for 20 mins friends are mostly in town, we are in the country. It is a half an hour drive sadly, otherwise yes that could work, although I am not sure how they will do the SD part, as adults can't even seem to manage it in the supermarket!

Thanks Biscuit x

My usually studious dd has lost all motivation too, it is really awful to watch the slow decline. Certainly on line learning is not substitute for real teaching. Once they are back in class, with their teachers and friends they will be raring to go again. It is groundhog every day for them, as well as us, I think she is totally sick of it all and just wants her life back. They have coped so much better than I could have imagined, and a loss of motivation is to be expected under the circumstances.

Lets pray they can go back asap daffodil. I am worried about their exams next year, and finishing the syllabus on time.

Can i join? I am worried about my DD Too. She is communicating but only thro ugh x-box, about the game they are playing. She does a weekly zoom session of d&d which is good but again it is about the game - fine.

She is a loner anyway so i knew this would be an issue. She is not communicating with us though. We have Xbox in our living room and this is the only time she is animated.

Normally enthusiastic student (y10) doing well and contientious about school work but now is struggling without her teachers . She is dyslexic and also struggling without her lovely tutor who is shielding. She has had help from this lady since year 5.

The main problem and worry is she refuses to leave the house. At all. She is scared scared. Managed to drag her out the other day, we live by the sea but she hated it and moaned the whole time and was visibly scared When people came close.

It's so sad to watch

Three teens here. Not really missing friends so they say but they are becoming really bored and constantly argue and bicker. The trampoline broke so once that's fixed that makes a huge difference.