CoVid teens, feeling very worried about mine.

[Biscuit0110]

My usually vibrant, positive sociable 15 year old dd started the lockdown full of plans and chatting to her friends every single day, often for a few hours. She worked hard academically, worked out and quite enjoyed the new experience. We are now going into week eight on Friday and I am very worried to see a massive decline at every level.

I am most worried about the lack of conversation that is happening now between all of her friends, everyone seems to have stopped talking.
It seems she has just stopped communicating, and I wonder if anyone else has noticed this? What went from house parties, face timing and laughter seems to have died back to nothing. I asked her why she doesn't want to speak or message her friends anymore, she has some very close and lovely friends - but she said there is literally nothing to say anymore.
No one wants to talk, including her.

The odd photo that has popped up has shown friends shaving their hair, sitting in hoodies with faces hidden etc, often in darkness. This is not normally the case at all. It seems they are all becoming distressed in some levels, you can see it even in the photos. Some of her friends that do have MH issues are understandably struggling very badly. My dd has never ever had any MH worries, and is usually very upbeat.

I can't find any other threads that are covering this issue, so maybe it is just us and our groups of friends that are struggling, but if this is more widespread, then it is a very worrying development.

I didn't expect her to spend hours chatting and laughing as she normally would, I didn't expect her to have the same enthusiasm for her studies, but she seems to have lost all energy. I have never seen her like this. I feel helpless, and don't know how to support her. She just needs to see her friends and have some kind of normal again, and it is the only thing I can't do for her.

Can you tell me how your teens are faring? Are you children still communicating often with friends?

I can't even contemplate how this is going to play out for them if the lockdown is extended. I am actually very concerned now, even more than before about the damage this is doing to our children.

Similar here. Dd aged 16 (lower sixth form) has just stopped talking to everyone. None of them really chatting online at all. She says they have nothing to say to each other as none of them are going out or doing anything. She sleeps until 12, has lunch and then sits on her phone all day (watching you tube videos) and then goes to bed. And that’s it. She doesn’t seem depressed it’s just a very boring time for her. She does sometimes come out for a walk with me and her younger brother (aged 7 who has autism and is loving lockdown as he hates people and busy places!)

There have been a lot of threads on here about young children missing out but I have always been more worried about teens. This is an age where there hormones etc are making them independent from their parents. Socialising with peers is even more complex and incredibly important.
Mix in that they can't see a future. Academically, job and life experiences. Little ones don't see or think about the future.
My son made the decision with his house mates to stay put. He is in uni. This is keeping them just mentally healthy. If he was home i would be extremely worried about the state of his mental health.
Why do some teens sneakily meet up. Some because they don't care. Some because their mental health needs it. There's more to this than stay home. There is going to be a massive fallout if this carries on for too long.
There is no answer. It's just all so sad and frightening.

I’m not a teen nor do I have teenagers (yet) but I feel this way tbh. I think I’m on week six now and it’s getting really tough, feels like Groundhog Day except not as funny. I think I have cabin fever tbh, feeling incredibly low at times and I get frustrated easily. I’m also avoiding conversations with many people because there’s definitely not much to say.

lemon I find you can do all of that though, but I can't provide conversation with people outside, I can't magic up conversation when none exists.
I can meal plan, keep a good routine, play games, go out for a run with them, make them laugh but I can't give them back their real lives. I can't replace the sports she loves to do in teams, nor the lively banter in her classrooms. I can't replace the hugs she has with her lovely friends every day, or the sitting on the grass at lunchtimes chatting. I can give her almost everything else, but not the one thing she needs most if that makes sense...

My dd is doing ok. She’s nearly 12, yr7 and doing all of her school work plus playing on the trampoline.

She’s just discovered roadblocks having pretty much refused to play any kind of video game until now. I’m letting her do / have things she wouldn’t normally have. Instagram / snapchat, staying up late every night and let her watch one 15 horror film she said she wanted to watch. It really wasn’t scary. She isn’t posting on Instagram / snapchat. Just wants it to have it.

She’s FaceTiming her friends and has started playing and FaceTiming her friend’s little sister in yr1 to play together.

She also started her period a couple of weeks ago during lockdown so full on hormones.

Idk if any of this information is helpful. My dd is thinking outside the box. Maybe that isn’t possible for older teens and going through this stage in lockdown is perhaps exacerbating the monumental shift we go through at that sort of age.

It sounds as if she could do with getting a bit of sunlight and exercise. Does she have something, which she loves doing or that she would really like? Maybe some tlc and self care?

So pleased to find this thread!
My 12 yr old boy being very strange he whizzes thru school work to go on a screen and pretty much refuses to do anything else. Screens make him moody. no not so bad when playing with chums, but when he’s on his own in his room on phone for HOURS. Dragging him anywhere is a real effort. Won’t play or do anything any more. Thought I’d stop nagging him, but he’ll be on it from 1-6 every day, easily. Like you, am losing the will to cajole and persuede.
Dh struggling and I think I am too. Anxiety back to when I had chemo levels. Dd only one who seems ludicrously happy - she’s learning Korean ( thanks to bts, , sigh) and is dreaming of going to Korea...when I want her to get her blooming maths exam! Am proud of her really 😀

fuzzy So true. I am deeply worried about the fallout, I am really hoping for a proper announcement this week about the future plans. If we knew what was going to happen we could discuss it together, plan a little, feel excited that something soon will change. It may be enough to lift the spirits slightly. This is not a criticism of the gov in any way, but we all need to feel hope, light at the end of the tunnel.

I feel the same as an adult, I've run out of things to say and don't want to chat and feel quite down.
BUT, it might be worth recommending something like this to your daughter and her friends: last night I had a zoom chat with some colleagues who have started a book club. Now granted we only talked about books for a bit, then chatted about other stuff too, but it was really nice for a change.
Would it be worth suggesting to DD that she and all her friends start a book club or a Netflix club or something? They all watch the same film then have a group chat about it?
It was a nice catalyst for me to get back to being a bit more sociable and it's nice that I've now got that in my schedule for Tuesday nights.
Hope she feels more like herself soon

My 18 year old is doing ok. Her friends are still FaceTiming/Housepartying but they’ve found activities to do rather than just chatting. They’ve found pub quizzes online to do together, Netflix Party. They all ordered dart boards so we had an online darts match going on the other day

They all just got their student finance stuff, so they’re all chatting about uni places and stuff.

My 15 year old is not doing so well. She’s just stopped communicating with everyone except her boyfriend. She says there’s nothing happening so nothing to talk about so what’s the point

She struggles massively with anxiety and her mental health is not good at the moment. I’m quite worried we’re heading for a full on breakdown or agoraphobia. She has horses which have always been a bit of a safe haven for her and she’s struggling to leave the house to even go and see them at the moment.

DS14 is coping ok, but that's because he spent too long on his devices before this happened anyway. But it's really unhealthy and he says he doesn't want to go back to school because what's the point of seeing people in person.

Should this current form of lockdown go in much longer past the current 3 weeks, I will be tempted to break it by getting him to meet up with a pal at a distance. The longer this goes on, the less likely he is to go back to normal, and then when they will be able to meet up no football or rugby for the foreseeable. It's rubbish, sorry.

My situation is slightly different. Ds is 15 and recently diagnosed with autism. He has been terribly isolated for years and it has had a significant impact on his mental health (not that we can get support, camhs rejected his referral at the start of the year).

Lockdown is his normal, so we have actually seen a reduction in his anxiety as he is not attending school. The really sad thing for me though is when things finally go back to normality he will still be isolated and alone.

mummy I think younger children do find the gaming a great source of contact, and it is easy really at that age, but most older teenage girls are not interested in gaming. Certainly my dd would not dream of playing them, and hasn't for years. She does get lots of fresh air, and is outside a lot with me, but she isn't chatting to friends anymore. Nothing more to say to them, and I have noticed none of the girls are any longer in her social groups. I am worried, because it is important to share feelings and experiences.

My DS is 14 (y9) and seems ok at the moment but his schooling is quite full on and lessons set every period and half of them on zoom. However I do think for Y10s it is really hard for them, they are the year group most affected IMO.

I am not sure there are any answers really but maybe try to encourage her to book in video chats with friends a couple of times a week.

On the video chats as an adult I have given up on them unless it's one to one. I find them very stilted and I hate having to look at my fat old ugly mug for the entire thing ( Obviously young people will be more attractive than me but still anxious about their appearance). I'm normally really sociable, but I just couldn't be bothered as it seems like a poor imitation of a proper chat , so I'd rather have nothing.

Springer I hope your dd quickly recovers her love of horses, perhaps going back to school will help this. I am worried about the idea of how they will all adjust to being back in school full stop. As a parent it is not fun being in unchartered territory to this degree.

I fear for our children's future. The coming great depression is going to affect them throughout their lives. Unfortunately this is just the start. Easier for the young who haven't yet formed expectations of life. My poor teens still talk about their sports, holidays, university, future careers. It's just awful. I can't believe we are burning the world for something that doesn't affect them.

I don’t have teens, mine are younger but I kind of feel the same! Nothing to say to anyone and I almost can’t see the point.
Also mine (year 1 and reception) spent a lot of time chatting about their friends, saying they missed them, talking about what they’d do when they saw them, making them cards etc and that has stopped. My 4 year old said the other day ‘remember when we used to go to school?’ which was sad! They’re close in age and very close generally but they’ve both become quite insular with each other and I’m worried about how they’ll socialise with others again!

It is extraordinarily hard for teens and unlike most teenage crises there is no good advice because no one really knows how they respond to this. It isn’t just that they are isolated but that the world has become a very frightening place at the same time. So yes, we lived through the end of the Cold War, 9/11, whatever it was but our lives fundamentally carried on as normal whereas for them this defines everything.

I have a 15 year old and am very concerned about her. She’s been very resilient so far but she had only recently become much more independent and reliant on her friends and now that has all been taken away. For adults, one year is much like another, but you only get to be 15 once and she’s mourning the fact that it isn’t what she planned. I worry about all of this cohort very much.

pun I hope things improve for your child, and if nothing else at the least his school life is now largely behind him, and he can plan for a better future. My friend's son (similar position) has really thrived since leaving school, and has really blossomed, I hope that will be the case for your child too.

Very similar here OP, my 16DD was preparing and revising for GCSE's, we had bought her prom dress and she was planning her summer (music concerts etc) , she had just started to see a boy she really liked, it was all ripped away from her in a matter of days (hours it felt like)

I'm the beginning of lockdown they FaceTimed with friends regularly etc. Went on house party a lot.

Now they barely talk, there's nothing to say, no gossip or plans or even a rant about schoolwork of teachers. The year 11's have been left in limbo with no school work being set, no homework or exams to prepare for.

I try to walk with her, go for bike rides, bake and paint and I've bought a mosaic kit we're going to attempt. If left to her own devices she'd just sleep or sit in a dark room. I'm also struggling and feeling very low so I'm not the best company either.

As bad as it gets we have our health, we haven't lost any loved ones to this and sadly that's more than many can say.

I really feel for teens - I'd have absolutely hated to be locked up at home with my family at age 15. Plus, there is no end to this fucking situation - even if/when we are allowed to do things again - it will be 'socially distanced' so no sitting with a group of friends chatting and laughing, which is the lifeblood of teenagers. How are you supposed to have meaningful chats with people 2m apart?

I'm concerned too about the government's suggestions to allow 'bubbles of 10 people' too as the first stage of post-lockdown socialising. How the fuck will that work when DS1's best mates are A, B and C all from different families and DS2's mates are D, E and F from three other families? My boys are friends with two brothers - great - except they're a family of six so if they agree to socialise with us we then can only pick one other family of four and the three families then can't see anyone else. It's a nightmare. And what about all our DC's other friends? For many people, they'll use up their 10 just for immediate family living in other households, so what about their DC's friends?

Not to the same extent OP but I can see what you're saying.
My 18 year old is hopefully off to Uni in Sep. I've had to keep setting him work to do just so he keeps his hand in, otherwise he'd spend the entire time on the X-Box (I am also one of his teachers).
I am probably the most unfit person on the planet but he and I now go for a long walk/run every day, and this has made a real difference to his mood. He's engaging with people more, is offering to help out more in the house, I am sure it's got something to do with the exercise.

Actually, scratch that, a 'bubble of ten people' would be us and that one other family and that's it. For how long?

My preteen is using zoom to chat to her friends while doing homework together, which is via school and does seem to be keeping them in touch. But the long, pointless phone calls and zooms of the early days have gone.

My primary aged dd has one collaborative task per day, so I’ve been booking in video calls with a friend (via their mums) for her to do it with. Which seems to work better than just randomly calling and expecting them to chat.

I think this is a risk. My dp (not a teen!) has really really struggled this week. I’ve got him a bit back on track by doing the following:

1. Made him take a “holiday” day and do little stuff he loves eg long bath etc

1. Kind of forced him to set up a “night out” with friends on zoom

1. Made him do online yoga sesh with me

1. Watched some crappy but funny telly

Maybe worth staging an intervention and trying something similar?