CoVid teens, feeling very worried about mine.

[Biscuit0110]

My usually vibrant, positive sociable 15 year old dd started the lockdown full of plans and chatting to her friends every single day, often for a few hours. She worked hard academically, worked out and quite enjoyed the new experience. We are now going into week eight on Friday and I am very worried to see a massive decline at every level.

I am most worried about the lack of conversation that is happening now between all of her friends, everyone seems to have stopped talking.
It seems she has just stopped communicating, and I wonder if anyone else has noticed this? What went from house parties, face timing and laughter seems to have died back to nothing. I asked her why she doesn't want to speak or message her friends anymore, she has some very close and lovely friends - but she said there is literally nothing to say anymore.
No one wants to talk, including her.

The odd photo that has popped up has shown friends shaving their hair, sitting in hoodies with faces hidden etc, often in darkness. This is not normally the case at all. It seems they are all becoming distressed in some levels, you can see it even in the photos. Some of her friends that do have MH issues are understandably struggling very badly. My dd has never ever had any MH worries, and is usually very upbeat.

I can't find any other threads that are covering this issue, so maybe it is just us and our groups of friends that are struggling, but if this is more widespread, then it is a very worrying development.

I didn't expect her to spend hours chatting and laughing as she normally would, I didn't expect her to have the same enthusiasm for her studies, but she seems to have lost all energy. I have never seen her like this. I feel helpless, and don't know how to support her. She just needs to see her friends and have some kind of normal again, and it is the only thing I can't do for her.

Can you tell me how your teens are faring? Are you children still communicating often with friends?

I can't even contemplate how this is going to play out for them if the lockdown is extended. I am actually very concerned now, even more than before about the damage this is doing to our children.

[Daffodil101]

I took mine for a drive. Ostensibly to collect pebbles to paint, however mainly to expose her to the world beyond the house and our local walks.

She hadn’t been in a car for two months, it made her feel physically wobbly. I think it did her good though. We drove around town looking down streets we’d never seen before.

[ISawATiger]

I haven't read the whole thread, and you must be worried op, but I do understand what your daughter means with "there's nothing to say anymore". I usually speak to my mum or see her daily/every other day. Haven't spoken to her on the phone in over a week now, as there is literally nothing to chat about. We text everyday still, but the last few phone conversations when we were still calling daily, we had nothing of any value to say. So now we're talking once a week (even then, not much to tell!) and just texting in-between. It's great your so mindful of your DD's mental health, 8 weeks is a huge amount of time for anyone, and I think for highly socialble teens, they're going to struggle the most out of any age group. "Life" for the average teen is being anywhere, with their friends, away from at home, so this is a huge challenge for them. How are you for money? Any chance you could "take her shopping"... set her an online shopping budget and let her fill her basket, while you give your input, might raise her spirits slightly, and the excitement of an online order arriving is always nice.

[FiveEyes]

I think my twin teens (year12) are doing ok. Probably because they enjoy each other's company, who knows! - They went for a long walk yesterday with the dog, passed by one of their friend's houses with a cake they made the day before - had a distanced chat.
They both do Couch to 5K (not together though)
We often have friends who drop by whilst exercising, post some chocolate though the letterbox and they have quick chats from their bedroom window.
They often cook dinner and we all eat together every evening (that's my only rule - eating together once a day).
I don't monitor their screen time - they have work given to them by the school but I don't get involved - they know they have to do it and if they don't it will be bad news for their Uni application next year.
I am very aware of how quickly mental health can deteriorate in teens - I check in with them frequently. We've had a few emotional moments but no more than normal times and nothing that a cuddle and some chocolate couldn't solve.

[girlofthenorth]

Yeah feeling worried about my teens . One is petrified ( underlying illness ) and happy to chat to friends on the phone for the next year if she has to but one has ASD and relies on her small group of friends for comfort and support so finding it very hard. She's been drinking ( friends dropping wine round!) this really worries me - she's really going into herself. Has good days though , dyes her hair , has got really into cooking . She's yr11 so everything's just gone. I find the more upbeat I am the better she is.

[Biscuit0110]

the of course, everyone welcome on the thread. I am so sorry to hear your dd is also struggling, she really is not alone. The teens of today have so much to contend with, they are going to be a resilient bunch once they have all come through this.

Can your tutor offer even a zoom lesson? Or even an appointment to check in with your dd? She may be shielding but she can still stay in touch. I would contact her.

My youngest dd is beginning to resist walks too, and this is a whole new level of stress. Can you start with posting a letter to a friend/relative? Sit with to write it if you is dyslexic and then walk to the post box as a starting point. Do you live near anyone that can drop in and visit? Obviously not coming in, but just to talk from a distance? That may also help the fear factor of 'other people'.

Increasing the walks every day and finish with a treat, I would be keen to start getting her out even if she doesn't want to, otherwise you have a battle on your hands when they do eventually have to go back to school,

Its really hard to watch the impact of CoVid on teens. Younger children seem to be faring much better on the whole.

[Biscuit0110]

A drive is a really good idea daff, we are doing one today. We have some sandwiches and will take a walk, of course they are complaining non stop about it, but we are going anyway!

[Daffodil101]

That’s it, Biscuit, you have to jolly well force them.

My DH is working all day today (ITU consultant, has worked every bank holiday so far 🙄🙄) so it’s just me and the kids.

The street round the corner all have bunting up and there’s some kind of street party. Not in my street though, that’s made me feel even more isolated. Their school is actually also full of bunting despite few kids in attendance. So sad.

[kittensinspace]

Not a teen but early 20s, I was okay at first but now I've really dipped. I have OCD anyway but really slipping into a depressed state, can't even be bothered to eat anymore and sleeping most of the time to make time pass faster. :(

[Daffodil101]

Aww kitten. ❤️

[Biscuit0110]

Its tough kitten but it will come to an end soon, try to eat and get some fresh air once a day. At times like this you need to look after yourself more than usual.

[StealthPolarBear]

So relieved to read this. My usually happy and easygoing ten year old is teary and grumpy a lot of the time and the endless calls with her friends seem to have dried up. So has the enthusiasm for exercise, unless I drag them out. Her brother is 13 and seems OK but I'm worried. Luckily they get on with each other quite well most of the time and so do have some 'normal' interaction.

[StealthPolarBear]

And I've noticed myself as others say that I have very little to say to parents and in laws. Calling them is a chore as keeping up the conversation is tricky.

[WeAllHaveWings]

Ds(16) is ok, when lockdown started we had a chat about it possibly lasting until after school holidays and how it would be tough and the importance of keeping his mind occupied, finding ways to exercise and new ways to keep in touch with friends. We talked about wallowing/allowing yourself to just be bored during this would make it worse and he had control, within the rules, to decide how the lockdown would be for him.

He was due to sit exams so has had very little work from school for weeks. He does some studying/past papers for a couple of hours a day to keep his mind active and consolidate last year's work before he starts next year , the school has said they will start online learning next year's work on the 18th so that will give him new stuff to do.

He walks the dog with me or dh at least once a day. His gym classes have now switched to live online which is great and he does that twice a week to keep in touch with his trainer who has been great at keeping them motivated and he exercises indoors another couple of times a week. Means we have a weights bench and bars in the middle of the living room but he can now do a few pull ups without the aid of a resistance band which he is immensely proud of himself for! He is thinking about starting running for his outdoor exercise and has looked online to find what is the best way to start/progress.

He is looking for things to do during the day, helping more around the house, making us lunch, baked a cake with me, even washed the car yesterday.

At night ds and I play board games once or twice a week. Other than that he keeps on touch with friends at night over his PS4 and laptop we got him for schoolwork. They tried a zoom party but we're bored within 20 mins and are also bored with the usual fifa (that's a first!) so they are now playing football manager on the laptop or monopoly on the ps4 together. It gives them something to do/talk about.

He wouldn't choose this, desperately wants to be out the house and with friends and has the occasional down day but has accepted this might go on for a while yet and is trying to make the most of it. Dh on the other hand is having bigger problems. I don't think struggling/coping with lockdown is exclusive to any age group.

[FiveEyes]

And I've noticed myself as others say that I have very little to say to parents and in laws. Calling them is a chore as keeping up the conversation is tricky. Definitely noticed this - only 2 topics, their health and the virus - it's not very uplifting. We end up talking about the antics of the dog who behaves more like a cat - who has been a real source of joy and amusement for the teens (us too). With Mil, dh and I will make the call together, sometimes the teen even join in - the dynamics seem to work better.

[dontlikebeards]

Thank you for posting this, my very level headed DD13 broke down last night saying she can't cope with it anymore. I have encouraged her to actually ring her friends rather then message and write notes to them. I haven't read the full thread and will catch up on it all later but it is good to know she is not alone in how she feels.

[Daffodil101]

I’ve taken my almost 15 year old to a big branch of Boots that was pretty deserted today. She was really struggling this morning. A gave her a basket and she wandered about choosing things like bubble bath and nail stuff.

It helped a bit.

[Auntlouisa]

We've just bought a table tennis table (small size, not expensive), and it's making a real difference! We have a small garden, so can't do much in it otherwise.

[LimitIsUp]

All time low for mine yesterday. I have been tolerating them not getting up until 2/3 and not saying much, but yesterday I had to drag them out of bed at 5.40pm. Both said there was no point in getting up. Neither has online school or college work (year 11 & year 13). Live rurally and little opportunity for socially distanced interaction with friends.

[LimitIsUp]

I might try that (Boots trip) Daffodil

[Daffodil101]

Do!

It was quite a normal experience. Used all my Boots points up, though!

[Daffodil101]

Oh...and I’m working my way through some classic films in the evening. Pretty woman, Notting hill, that sort of thing.

I’m going to get her into Cold Feet.

[SoupDragon]

DD (14) is having movie nights with her friends. I'm not entirely sure of the technical side but they all watch the same film and chat via houseparty at the same time

[LaneBoy]

Thought I’d update. I emailed the head of year and our family support worker emailed too, copying in the Senco.

They said yes - she’s going on Thursday. Off Friday because we have an assessment with an autism support charity she needs to take part in, then full time from Monday.

Head spinning a bit but I think it’s for the best overall.

[tinkywinkyshandbag]

My teens are up and down as well, can't blame them, year 11 and 13 so they both had their exams cancelled so literally in a vacuum. Younger DD is being saved by going out to the stables most days to groom/exercise her horse. Stables are being very strict about social distancing and hygiene so I'm happy with that, it's good exercise and fresh air. When not there she mostly is in her room with occasional visits downstairs for food. Older DD also says the same about chatting with friends, they've run out of things to say. She spends a lot of time in her room too. We do games/film/curry nights to break things up and she is currently out for a walk with DH so it's not all bad but some days she just doesn't want to get out of bed. I do wish they were doing more with their time but at the same time I empathise with them especially older DD who is 18, when I think how much I was doing at her age, so excited about going to uni, going travelling, having fun and she's literally in her room watching Ted talks, its very sad.

[Auntlouisa]

Apparently 1/6 French children back at school this week. Very empty classes. Lunch is eaten on their desks.