CoVid teens, feeling very worried about mine.

[Biscuit0110]

My usually vibrant, positive sociable 15 year old dd started the lockdown full of plans and chatting to her friends every single day, often for a few hours. She worked hard academically, worked out and quite enjoyed the new experience. We are now going into week eight on Friday and I am very worried to see a massive decline at every level.

I am most worried about the lack of conversation that is happening now between all of her friends, everyone seems to have stopped talking.
It seems she has just stopped communicating, and I wonder if anyone else has noticed this? What went from house parties, face timing and laughter seems to have died back to nothing. I asked her why she doesn't want to speak or message her friends anymore, she has some very close and lovely friends - but she said there is literally nothing to say anymore.
No one wants to talk, including her.

The odd photo that has popped up has shown friends shaving their hair, sitting in hoodies with faces hidden etc, often in darkness. This is not normally the case at all. It seems they are all becoming distressed in some levels, you can see it even in the photos. Some of her friends that do have MH issues are understandably struggling very badly. My dd has never ever had any MH worries, and is usually very upbeat.

I can't find any other threads that are covering this issue, so maybe it is just us and our groups of friends that are struggling, but if this is more widespread, then it is a very worrying development.

I didn't expect her to spend hours chatting and laughing as she normally would, I didn't expect her to have the same enthusiasm for her studies, but she seems to have lost all energy. I have never seen her like this. I feel helpless, and don't know how to support her. She just needs to see her friends and have some kind of normal again, and it is the only thing I can't do for her.

Can you tell me how your teens are faring? Are you children still communicating often with friends?

I can't even contemplate how this is going to play out for them if the lockdown is extended. I am actually very concerned now, even more than before about the damage this is doing to our children.

[thereplycamefromanchorage]

Totally agree, op. My normally upbeat, sociable dd has been quite down for the last week or so, and has also got some anxiety symptoms. Yesterday we played some board games and I realised it was the first time I had seen her properly laugh in ages. So I have resolved to do more with her, and to try to stop being so wrapped up in my own worries - she really seems to need the distraction.

[YouokHun]

Yes, monitoring my 17 and 15 year old here. I’m really feeling for those in Y13 who have had a rite of passage taken from them; exams (a whole other thread) but also a summer of parties and gatherings, 18th birthdays, driving tests and then the freedom that gives: it’s been very tough. On the other hand it feels like my daughter who is 18 in 5 weeks time has a very buoyant online life and I’m now grateful for that rather than critical of it! She’s not as physically active as my DS and day to day is OK but bored, but not depressed.

My DS who is rising 15; yes, definitely more tailing off of communications online. No one is doing much so there is less to say. He’s getting harder to contain and needs to see friends. He’s on a bit of a hair trigger temper wise and is lethargic. He is missing his team sports. I am not sure I can contain him for too much longer tbh.

The hardest thing is not being able to give them any timeline for things getting back to normal.

[Nearlyalmost50]

Thanks for posting this, I have noticed exactly this with one of mine who is 16, she started out very upbeat and lots of chats/non-stop interaction, she is now avoiding those saying it's boring and she doesn't want to engage nearly as much. Isn't very productive (and has some school work to do), just watching You Tube videos. Life is boring, there's no goal to it and the endless chatter on apps is not appealing any more. This is unusual for her and I'm hoping it doesn't slip into something more like depression.

[Biscuit0110]

lemon I am not sure we can keep children out of school for six whole months under any circumstances, I guess if we can't reopen in June they may look to reopen schools over the summer holidays instead?
As all holidays seem to be off the agenda now anyway, so we may as well. There is some evidence now (in the Times this morning) that Covid is seasonal, so it would make sense to make the most of the warmer months if this is the case.
Schools are reopening across Europe, so I guess we will be next at some point....

[Punxsutawney]

In April alone Ds was meant to be having his brace fitted and also doing some work experience organised by the National Autistic Society. In the grand scheme of things very minor to most but they were two big things for him. The brace I guess will be done at some point but I can't see the work experience happening at all now. It was an amazing opportunity for a very isolated teenager and he would have struggled to organise something like that on his own.

[RufustheLanglovingreindeer]

My 16 year old ds2 is as happy as larry!!

He spends Virtually all day in his room only communicating with his dad, me, sister and 5 minute weekly whatsapp video chat with his granddad

This is his idea of heaven

[Biscuit0110]

you Yes we need a timeline, I could not agree more. It is really overdue. We all need to see an end to the uncertainty.

I don't blame anyone, I know the PM had CoVid is probably still recovering to some degree, I just hope his experience doesn't colour his judgement. There is so much at stake.

[Biscuit0110]

I am glad I am not PM put it that way!

[Biscuit0110]

rufus You post made me laugh every cloud and all that!!

[Wheresthebeach]

DD’s school is still holding on line classes for yr 11 so she has structure. I think it has nothing to do with work for gcse marks and much more to do with keeping the girls active. Zoom meetings with the teachers in smallish groups and then a bit of work. Its been really helpful for mental health I think.

She isn’t talking much to friends anymore, as she says nobody has much to say. Frankly I’m the same, days are morphing into one and its hard to keep cheerful and chatty.

[SRS29]

OP thank you so much for this thread, some great advice and reassuring posts on here. I've also been worried about my DD2 aged 15, very sociable with a wide group of friends both inside and outside of school, similarly group calls seems to have reduced. Luckily she has a great relationship with her sister aged 18, the odd argument but overall ok. They both have good and bad day, and I've reassured them this is ok, encourage outside exercise every day, about 80% successful! We play board games most evenings or try and watch something together for at least an hour. Thank you for everyone giving good advice here, it really helps

[RufustheLanglovingreindeer]

biscuit

[Greenpop21]

My 19 & 16 DC started in quite good spirits but are hitting a wall now as am I. Perfectly normal in my opinion. 8 weeks though? Only been 5 for us but I think we’ve been ok as we’ve had such great weather for April, a garden and a dog.

[ShinyRuby]

It's such a sad situation for all of them.
My dd16 was devastated to leave school, the photos of her in her signed shirt with red puffy eyes are so sad. Suddenly there were no GCSES (which really mattered to most of them), no last day, no prom, no celebrations with friends, no NCS, no days out, nothing.
There's no real incentive to work as their grades will be decided on past work, she's done a bit of A level study but her heart's not in it. Even if schools go back in June, her secondary school life is finished.
Like a pp said, we can try as many activities as possible but we can't make up for them missing their friends. Her daily chats have gone a bit quiet too but she says she DOES feel better once she has talked to someone. Same with exercise, once she goes out, she's glad she went but usually doesn't feel like it. I'm so glad she has her sister as they can be together for a bit of teen talk, without which I'd be really concerned.
Dd18 is coping better, she won't be able to do her A levels & highly unlikely to find a good apprenticeship for a while but did have a PT job she enjoyed & should be able to return to eventually.
Age 14, 15, 16 are really tough ages to get through anyway. I would've hated lockdown with my family at that age!
We're all doing what we can, thankyou for this thread OP, it's good to get it out there. We all know Covid & protection of the NHS is so important but it's good to remember our teens too. to everyone & maybe a too.

[Hollyhead]

I think they need to try and find some home based hobbies - part of a challenge, and even better if they can rope friends in because then they'll have something to chat about. So drawing tutorials on youtube, reading books (maybe choose top ten of last year or something), films - every film that's won best picture at the Oscars. Those sort of 'list' type things. Restart previously put down musical instruments? Puzzles, games etc. Immersive things which use up lots of time but with an end result which is satisfying.

[Greenpop21]

Luckily my DD19 has uni work online and remote exams soon. DD16 has nothing as she’s gcse year. I’ve ordered some A level subject books for her to dip into, she bakes a lot, works out daily, watches lots of YouTube etc, walks our dog but is starting to be really fed up. I’m still working some days(school) and studying on home days and DH working as normal so I think she has been hit the hardest. She keeps trying her prom dress on and I really don’t think it will happen.

[LimitIsUp]

I have a 16 year old and a 17 year old. Both report the same - little point in talking to friends anymore as there is nothing to report. I think they are okay (I keep asking them and we have the sort of relationship where they do confide in me if there is a problem) but I worry that they won't be if this drags on and on

[DollysDrawers]

I am most worried about the lack of conversation that is happening now between all of her friends, everyone seems to have stopped talking.

I know what you mean - I think it's because they haven't actually done anything or seen anyone. They have no experiences to share.

I feel lik this myself too. I (against my better judgement) joined a Zoom call with friends at the weekend and hated every second of it. We normally talk constantly and none of us had much to say at all, it was depressing.

[NewYearNewTwatName]

2 teens here all ok.

DS1 sometimes grumbles about all his plans being messed up, starting driving lesson, going aboard with work, big events cancelled, and missing college.

But in general is fine, he spends time with friends watching Netflix, playing online games, a big group of them(boys and girls) were convinced by one of them to play D&D so now they spend hours hatching plans and strategies and playing. (I have no idea about D&D) all this has given them plenty to chat about.

DS2 is similar, they play online together, text each other random stuff of the internet. he's yet to watch a film with them though, but he never sits through a full film anyway.

Maybe you could encourage teens to do stuff together on line? it's a shared experience they can talk about together too. watching a film, playing a multi player game, or like PP get a real life game going like darts, or if they have the same board game etc.....

[BearSoFair]

18yo still talks to his girlfriend every day but says even they're struggling to find conversation at the moment as neither of them have anything to say! They both know how their day has been...mostly at home, maybe a walk, who knows when they'll next meet?

12yo DD is struggling the most, she's always a bit temperamental but this is a whole new level! I don't think it helps that one of her best friends parents think it's all an overreaction and are still letting kids out to meet up and play, popping to Sainsbury's every day, so she thinks DH and I are being mean not letting her do the same. I asked her why didn't she give some of her other friends a call but she said what's the point, you've got us all locked in so everyone is bored to death.

10yo DS2 seems fine. Maybe because he's always been more happy to be on his own and isn't particularly outgoing, he's very much an introvert! He calls a friend once or twice a week if we remind him but he's perfectly content doing his own thing at home. So far at least but still keeping an eye on him in case that changes.

[AndwhenyougetthereFoffsomemore]

@Punxsutawney - a bit worried about the going back being a horrible shock yes, although I'm hoping that as he's Y11, he'll be going back to sixth form in Sept, which will be quieter, smaller classes and mostly in a separate block, and I think he'll find easier than coping with 'main school'.
However I'm really feeling for some of his mates who were/are planning to head to nearby colleges, and are looking likely to miss their settling in days; their chance to practice their journeys, and will find going straight into new environments really challenging - I worry they could get quite a lost. A few of ds's mates have decided to stay at school rather than move due to all the uncertainty: which is great for ds at least - but not all of them have that option (reasonably academic state sixth form although I suspect entry grades may be wonky this year...)

[bumblingbovine49]

Well my ds has not spoken to a single friend since January. But he was excluded from school at that time (he has ASD and ADHD and overreacted after some continual bullying and the school not doing anything) so his situation is a bit different .

However, he is comparatively cheerful and less anxious nowadays compared to before lockdown but he has started taking melatonin in the last 3 weeks and some antidepressents and the change in his mood is quite remarkable. I have no idea what will happen to him though when schools go back he I doubt he will be going and even if he did, he has not done a stroke of work for nearly 3 months now.

He is incredibly bright as well so is losing so much of his potential. I am am seriously worried about what his life is going to be like , corona virus or not really. so I do empathise with watching a previously bright engaged teen descend into anxiety and depression, even if our situation is a bit different.

[namechangenumber2]

DS1 (16) is doing ok, interacting with friends over his PS4 during the day and going on video calls with other friends at night. He is definitely missing just being with them though. He says his female friends are finding it the hardest, none have games consoles and are finding the days long and boring.

DS2 (11) isn't bothered at all, but he's very introverted and likes his own company

[fuckinghellthisshit]

I am an ed psych working with looked after children and I am sick with anxiety, they are in a dreadful state.

[Punxsutawney]

Andwhen ds hasn't decided about sixth form yet. He's applied to his present school and one other. We want him to move schools because he's had the most awful five years at his, lack of support, bullying etc. I'm wondering though if his anxiety about going back after so much time off will be so high that the transition to another school would just be too much.

bumbling that's a difficult situation for you. Hope your Ds is able to get back into education again when things return to normal.