CoVid teens, feeling very worried about mine.

[Biscuit0110]

My usually vibrant, positive sociable 15 year old dd started the lockdown full of plans and chatting to her friends every single day, often for a few hours. She worked hard academically, worked out and quite enjoyed the new experience. We are now going into week eight on Friday and I am very worried to see a massive decline at every level.

I am most worried about the lack of conversation that is happening now between all of her friends, everyone seems to have stopped talking.
It seems she has just stopped communicating, and I wonder if anyone else has noticed this? What went from house parties, face timing and laughter seems to have died back to nothing. I asked her why she doesn't want to speak or message her friends anymore, she has some very close and lovely friends - but she said there is literally nothing to say anymore.
No one wants to talk, including her.

The odd photo that has popped up has shown friends shaving their hair, sitting in hoodies with faces hidden etc, often in darkness. This is not normally the case at all. It seems they are all becoming distressed in some levels, you can see it even in the photos. Some of her friends that do have MH issues are understandably struggling very badly. My dd has never ever had any MH worries, and is usually very upbeat.

I can't find any other threads that are covering this issue, so maybe it is just us and our groups of friends that are struggling, but if this is more widespread, then it is a very worrying development.

I didn't expect her to spend hours chatting and laughing as she normally would, I didn't expect her to have the same enthusiasm for her studies, but she seems to have lost all energy. I have never seen her like this. I feel helpless, and don't know how to support her. She just needs to see her friends and have some kind of normal again, and it is the only thing I can't do for her.

Can you tell me how your teens are faring? Are you children still communicating often with friends?

I can't even contemplate how this is going to play out for them if the lockdown is extended. I am actually very concerned now, even more than before about the damage this is doing to our children.

[AndwhenyougetthereFoffsomemore]

Really interesting to read this as I've noticed this with my super-sociable Y9: at first we were struggling to get her off her group chats and calls, but they've really died off this few weeks. She says she's still in touch on text but I just think they are struggling for stuff to say. Luckily school work is pretty full on and we've got a strong family routine, but I feel for her.

Perhaps not surprisingly, my autistic ds (Y11) is doing much better: his preferred social interaction is online anway and his mates are pretty much as active as ever on their gaming chats etc. From talking to his mates mums, though it's the most sociable who are struggling most: all his autistic friends are mostly coping pretty well (with some wobbles) and finding not having to cope with the social pressure of school a real release: it makes us all realise how much school/peer interactions take out of them on a daily basis....

[worldsworststepfordwife]

15 and 17 year old dds upstairs will probably get up about 11am can relate to everything that’s been said which is why I started a thread this morning but really this thread is better

Those of you with around 15 year olds should get we’re im coming from that the 6 weeks holiday are a pointless nightmare as only things that cost money entertains them at this age

The thought of going through this and realisation that the next stage will be the bloody six weeks holiday when there’s not even school work as a distraction

Waking up this morning to that thought has done me in

[Punxsutawney]

Andwhen sounds like your year 11 Ds is similar to my autistic year 11 Ds, a few wobbles but less anxiety. Are you concerned about getting him back to education in September? That's my main worry with Ds, he's decided that he would like to live in lockdown forever.

[cantory]

My teens are actually okay and more settled than at the beginning.
I wonder if it is the super sociable teens that are suffering most?

[user68901]

I think with teens as well as adults that facetime / zoom needs more structure - like playing a game or doing a quiz or as someone mentioned earlier Netflix film with the side chat app.
But mostly they need to get back to school soon !

[enjoyingSun]

My teens don't seem partiularly bad - they have similar level of contact now as at start though it has tailled off for my youngest 11.

I'm worried about GCSE for eldest - she's more stoic and as long as she can get in local college seems happy. The low level of school work and quality set and it's noticable decline is starting to worry us both though. I supect the level of engagement across year group may be very low but not for DD and her immediate friends who are very keen to get work done - they are hating the sneaking amount of busy work though.

[Bouledeneige]

I'm on a teens thread where we have talked about this and it's something I have chatted to friends about. My two are 19 and 17. Both go to bed at 1am or later and get up at 1pm or even later if I let them.

The 19 yr old DD is more busy. Texts a lot of friends and FaceTimes regularly with a couple of friends and her boyfriend. They watch movies or TV series together. She also comes for a walk with me most days. And she has been doing some painting (she's an Art student). She has also been up cycling clothes. Occasionally a friend comes and chats with her at the gate and DD at the door and we have seen a couple whilst out for walks.

However my DS17 does nothing but sit with his laptop or gaming. He has no schooling as he was supposed to be doing A levels do effectively has 6 months off till uni. Even his gaming seems less sociable than it was and he's mostly in his bedroom. Less chatty. No exercise or going outside unless I sent him to the shops (once). No chats on the phone. At the beginning he went for a run a couple of times and said he was going to work out - nothing now.

They help to wash and clear up, empty the dishwasher or empty the bins but mostly only when asked. As I'm working full time it can be quite annoying to be the only one making an effort, cooking all the meals etc.

My friends report the same with their teens. No one is doing anything. They are bored.

[KoalasandRabbit]

I have one sociable 14 year old DD and 1 ASD 13 year old DS.

ASD DS is doing usual hours of 7.30am to 10pmish, he only noticed yesterday that things had changed when he went out for first time and said before he thought it was an endless weekend with little bits of schoolwork in. Fairly happy with his 3 silkie chickens and indoor rabbit, no contact with people other than us but that's normal for him and he's happy like that. Will only do schoolwork 1 to 1 with me, was keeping up with me adjusting though last couple of days has gone downhill as I was ill but hopefully back soon.

DD is doing schoolwork quickly and extra on seneca and grades have gone up, the few that have been marked. She says she doesn't want to return to school. Social contact has reduced but still on several group chats. I let her sleep / wake as she wants and leave her to do work when she wants. She can be nocturnal some days and lots of time in room. She's just made everyone a cooked breakfast and made pizza the other day, has tidied and painted her room and says she's laying a floor. Much calmer than normal, missing friends. Spends time cuddling cat, with rabbit etc. Relatively happy. Has not done that much exercise but been for a few walks including to our zoo to drop off veg for animals. Normally more active. She's currently mix of on phone and chatting to me.

[noonewantsanorangecar]

OP I am really sorry to hear that. Can you take the focus off their social life and instead do things together, do activities, have fun, read together, play cards, board games, sort of make it fun? And also, can you drag them off to run in remote areas every couple of days? We have actually become fitter than we have ever been as we have been running (if you can call it that in my case) every two days just for 20 mins. It floods the body with feel good hormones and I think without it we would have gone mad ages ago.

[Maryann1975]

I’ve got a 14 year old and Completely recognise what you are saying about your dd. She can’t see the point in getting up. No point in getting dressed. What’s the point in doing school work. At the start she spent a lot of time talking to friends. They tried to do a group chat, maybe it was Friday and all ended up arguing, so she has no inclination to do that again. She’s lost interest in exercising. She is still enjoying cooking and baking, which is great, but only os much of that needs doing.
I’m hoping that when they go back to school, they all snap back, but I wonder if they are going to have to relearn how to be sociable with others. Do you think we forget how to interact with groups of people or will it just be the same as it was?

[RufustheLanglovingreindeer]

I am concerned about my 18 year old dd

She’s had a shitty time for the last few years, with mental and physical health issues. She was really looking forward to being 18, going to clubs, seeing friends, getting a boyfriend, passing her A levels, girls holiday, getting a part time job, auditioning, getting an agent Etc etc

And now nothing

[Ohffs66]

No children here but I have definitely noticed a drop off in communication from friends - the first few weeks were all Zoom parties and Insta posts on 'look at my banana bread / flowers / crafting / indoor gym' etc. I was regularly receiving silly memes about staying indoors, lockdown, corona news snippets etc. All of that has pretty much stopped.

The whole staying indoors novelty has really worn off I think, and people are starting to struggle mentally, worry more about the long term effects of all this in terms of the economy, life never being the same etc - your daughter is old enough to have picked up on all the negative news, but perhaps without really understanding some of what it all means. It must be pretty scary for teenagers, they can't be protected like younger children as they are too aware, but they don't have the full range of adult reasoning / understanding to process it all.

[Mordred]

DS (13) is still chatting/online gaming a lot with his close friends.

He gets 4 lessons a day from his school, gets those done (often in collaboration with a group). As soon as those are done he games and watches videos, or reads or comes to us and we all watch a film together. He seems fine and happy. Keeping an eye on him, though as I'm worried that things might change.

[YetAnotherSpartacus]

I do feel for the young people. The issue of schooling/results is one issue, but the boredom, stopping conversations, etc. is entirely another. Maybe this is about choice? If not, then it is an opportunity to foster resilience, to be content being alone and to find things to do that don't involve being social and or relying on others for entertainment or possibly validation. They are fantastic skills to have, and, I suspect probably skills that many teens who are excluded from social groups or the 'unpopular kids' have to develop anyway.

[cantory]

I wonder if teens fall into those adult groups as well of accepters and sufferers?

[hiredandsqueak]

My own dd 17 was very low over Easter at the prospect of weeks of lockdown but her school (independent specialist) re opened after Easter and she has been attending two days a week ever since so only did one week in excess of the Easter holidays with no school. They send home lots of resources for the other three days and she's been baking and needle felting to keep her busy besides.

[Xenia]

It is very difficult for young people.

(I might be wrong but I have this week down as week six. not 7 of lock down. The lock down regulations started on 26 March. First week was 23 - 29 March so I am pretty sure next week will be week 7 not week 8)

[KATE3003]

Also super concerned about my 11 and 13 year old. I agree with someone up thread who suggested that this age group has it the worse and has been left high and dry. Little things they say break my heart, like my 11DD was worried about getting her planner signed and was asking when she can do netball again. It is so sad for them and we need to get them back to school as a massive priority. ( I say that as a secondary teacher.) I am also worried about the 'bubble' thing; sort of think it is more important that they see their friends again rather than extended family but not sure grandparents will agree. I

[Happymum12345]

My 15 ds spends 99% of his time in his dark bedroom playing on his play station with friends and watching tv. At 11pm he starts exercising in his room. I think these crazy times are testing for everyone.

[Lemonblast]

It’s worrying that so much focus us being placed on schools being reopened.
I don’t believe that they will be anytime soon so what do we need to do in the meantime to increase resilience in teenagers?

[Biscuit0110]

sinkgirl your suggestions are lovely, and thank you for posting them. No reply here is ever considered silly or useless, and your experience of isolation as a teenager will give others (and me) inspiration for our teens. It made me think about my own experience.

I too spent an entire year in hospital at age 14 to 15. It is not quite the same as lockdown, as I saw nurses and doctors coming and going every day and life continued outside as normal. However I saw almost no one but my parents and only when they had time to come and visit me, and I had numerous operations one after the other, so was in pain most of the time as well. I would listen night after night to the babies and toddlers scream alone, and would feel very very scared even as a teenager. I would almost say it was the making of me, it taught me to cope on my own, that I could manage without others, that in the end independence and resilience. I stopped hoping for someone to come, and got on with making it better for myself.

It is this one experience that gives me hope, when I finally returned to school after 14 months away I was a new person. I so pleased to be back, so relieved to be a normal girl again, I kind of forgot my usual shy persona and threw myself into my teenage years like never before (I always had another operation looming on the horizon) so the feeling was to make the most of the time I had. I wonder if this will be the case for our teens, another lockdown is also possible, so we only have today to enjoy. There was no transition going back to school for me, no one asked if I was okay. I was just thrown back into it all, mid GCSEs. I didn't even keep up with my work, but still did well when it came to the results by some miracle.
I am not saying this is going to work out well for all of our kids, or any of our kids, but I am hopeful that humans do have an innate ability to recover from stress and trauma. I hope the schools will take the time to talk this out with the children, and it will come to be seen as a badge of honour (as my operations became for me) something to be very proud of in the future, a yardstick for when future troubles arise, it may be easier for them to take it in their stride maybe?

[MrsJBaptiste]

This is interesting and reassuring that it isn't just me who's worried about their teens during this rubbish time

I have two boys (13 and 16) who weren't the type to be out after school every night and weekend but they do have a good circle of friends and were often arranging meet ups, bike rides, sleepovers, etc. As far as I can see, they're still chatting to friends either online (DS1 gaming) or on their phones (DS2 snapchatting) but not as much as I expected.

However although I constantly WhatsApp my different groups of friends and regularly phone my parents, that's it for me. There's nothing to plan as we don't know when we'll be allowed out again and TBH, very little to talk about as everyone is having a dull time of it at the moment!

When I've asked the kids how they feel about things at the moment, DS1 actually says he's ok about it and his friends say the same. He was gutted not to have his GCSEs and losing this work is probably the root of the problems for a lot of them as there just isn't the focus they had before. Yes, they were going to have a few months off before college but 6 months? It's just too long.

DS2 is more keen to get out and about but says he's ok just chatting on his phone for the time being. I worry more about him as he can be shy and I'd hate for friendships to go as the kids haven't seen each other for months. The only good thing is that they're all in this situation, it's not like most kids are out meeting up but mine are stuck in out of the loop with it all.

On the plus side, we do things as a family - board games, cards, darts, and things in the garden when it's been nice weather - and that has been really nice. Not what we expected we'd be doing with two teenage sons of this age that's for sure! Just trying to find the positives in this situation as there aren't many...

[Biscuit0110]

xenia We are go into our 8th week on Friday, due to doctor's advice to shield a child in our family.

[Drivingdownthe101]

Well essentially Lemonblast they (and we) won’t have any choice but to be resilient. They’re still allowed to find it tough, and to struggle.
People compare it to wartime spirit but even in wartime young people were able to see their friends, and leave the house, and socialise in the way that young people should.
Young people will cope, they’ll have to. It’s hard for them though and there’s no harm in acknowledging that.

[Biscuit0110]

noone At 15 my dd does not want to be seen dead running with her mother! We did in once, as a favour to me, but she was worried that someone will see her - I try not to take offence but I am the last person she wants to hang out with! Thats the truth of it, I can get her to come on a dog walk now and then at a push, when she can be reasonably sure it will be of a time where we will see no one else.