CoVid teens, feeling very worried about mine.

[Biscuit0110]

My usually vibrant, positive sociable 15 year old dd started the lockdown full of plans and chatting to her friends every single day, often for a few hours. She worked hard academically, worked out and quite enjoyed the new experience. We are now going into week eight on Friday and I am very worried to see a massive decline at every level.

I am most worried about the lack of conversation that is happening now between all of her friends, everyone seems to have stopped talking.
It seems she has just stopped communicating, and I wonder if anyone else has noticed this? What went from house parties, face timing and laughter seems to have died back to nothing. I asked her why she doesn't want to speak or message her friends anymore, she has some very close and lovely friends - but she said there is literally nothing to say anymore.
No one wants to talk, including her.

The odd photo that has popped up has shown friends shaving their hair, sitting in hoodies with faces hidden etc, often in darkness. This is not normally the case at all. It seems they are all becoming distressed in some levels, you can see it even in the photos. Some of her friends that do have MH issues are understandably struggling very badly. My dd has never ever had any MH worries, and is usually very upbeat.

I can't find any other threads that are covering this issue, so maybe it is just us and our groups of friends that are struggling, but if this is more widespread, then it is a very worrying development.

I didn't expect her to spend hours chatting and laughing as she normally would, I didn't expect her to have the same enthusiasm for her studies, but she seems to have lost all energy. I have never seen her like this. I feel helpless, and don't know how to support her. She just needs to see her friends and have some kind of normal again, and it is the only thing I can't do for her.

Can you tell me how your teens are faring? Are you children still communicating often with friends?

I can't even contemplate how this is going to play out for them if the lockdown is extended. I am actually very concerned now, even more than before about the damage this is doing to our children.

[Supersimkin2]

We're in week 6 of lockdown, not 8.

Don't watch the news or any Covid stuff, it will make you feel worse. No matter how much you want to.

Go for a walk for 20 min with DD daily.

Ask her what she wants to feel better, and do it with - not for - her.

[Drivingdownthe101]

We’re week 8 as we were self isolating due to symptoms before that.

[Biscuit0110]

When we consider coronavirus, we see this huge crisis unfolding across the world, we see the normal routines, the comfort of family and friends evaporate overnight. No more school, friends, family, sports, hobbies. Everything ended overnight, with no end in sight either. This is a lot to take on, to process for anyone, but for a teen when the natural order is to pull away from home it must be an internal struggle, between what they need to do and what they can do.

I don't wish to be negative, but we need to end the lockdown for young people now before the damage worsens. We need to bounce back, and talk about this experience together in schools, they need to laugh and retell their experiences. I am honestly very worried that if they don't open schools in June what will happen to our children over the summer, when the holidays will only reinforce the isolation and damage. Six months out of school is far far too long.

[mumsiedarlingrevolta]

DD (older teen) has said they have group chats and now no one has anything to say so it is the same everywhere. Def went through a bit of a bleak time but seems to be rallying.

They have started doing a weekly themed zoom quiz in fancy dress-for example Shrek-and it does just give DD something to do. She spent ages scrounging around for bits for her costume and they really enjoy it. The previous winner picks theme and writes it and the loser assigns characters for next round. Poor DD is Voldemort!

She is also baking, has started embroidering flowers on her clothes and says we are like a scene out of Little Women in the kitchen but it is getting her by.

It is terribly hard for them but I agree with PPs-it is good to have some contact so encourage her to suggest a group online activity and see if that doesn't help re-engage with friends?

[Daisy12Maisie]

If you have a spare hour a week could you volunteer for something and take her with you even if she waited in the car?
For example in Bristol they have a facebook site where they are delivering food to homeless people. There will be lots and lots of different things you can do near you.
After a bereavement I did volunteer work and it massively helped my mental health and made me realise lots of people have problems and we can all help each other. It definitely helped me more than the people I was helping. I would recommend to anyone if they are not feeling 100%

[QuestionMarkNow]

Same here...

The good side is that having nothing to say means that my TW teens are actually talking to each more than before.... their relationship seems to be blossoming

[Wonderbag]

My year 10 DD is the same and I’m very worried about her. Houseparty has waned, motivation to do anything at all seems to have gone. I’m worried about GCSEs as she was on track to do ok - if she kept at it. I’m worried about her mental well-being.
You can’t ‘make’ a 15 year old do anything and I feel like she blames for it all

[QuestionMarkNow]

What we have done though is to insist is everyone having a snack in the middle of the day together and some time in the evening (watching some YouTube videos that everyone can enjoy).
This is helping my two teens in that they can still talk and communicate (with us parents!! ) and is avoiding a full isolation, cut out from absolutely everyone.

[IamHyouweegobshite]

My ds is 15, and he has had a complete personality change. Was very active, exercising, playing football, rarely on xbox, would socialise with friends, chat with us. Wash daily, study etc.

Since lockdown he's stopped studying, doesn't see the point, his exams are cancelled, I've even tried to suggest study for the a level subjects that he'll be taking in Sept. No, doesn't want to. Stopped exercising, rarely eats, doesn't wash or shower, sleeps until 2pm, grunts at us, refuses to go outside for a walk or in the garden. Is on xbox and is talking to friends on there. Concerned about his mental health as he seems so different.

[Biscuit0110]

daisy She can't volunteer at the moment, as my youngest needs to be shielded (severe asthmatic), so we would put her sister at risk. She worked at the foodbank last summer and enjoyed it, but not at the moment because of this. Many teens resist the idea if they come from parents I have found to my own cost!!

[dingit]

No helpful suggestions. Ds18 just started an apprenticeship and block release to college. Now sitting at home with barely anything to do ( still being paid fortunately). He was just about to take his driving test and do some international travel with work.
Also had our big family holiday cancelled.
He's been just ok, but yesterday broke down, and I hadn't a clue what to say, other than it will be over eventually

[FergusComeLately]

Yes, absolutely the same here - was full of chat and laughter over Houseparty, that’s dwindled to nothing except a bit of messaging with her closest friends. Both mine are a bit glum at the moment.

[Greggers2017]

My 12 year old year 7 daughter is the same. Before lockdown we had issues with bullying which led to panic attacks and anxiety. We were working hard with school to sort it and she was getting there. She had a great group of friends. Now this, we're going to be back to square one. She's stopped talking as much, and I think all her friends are the same.
I Also have dsd who is 11 and she has been the same too. I think some of these children are really going to struggle going back to normality.

[Gwynfluff]

It’s my most stereotypical teen child who has found this most difficult. The one with mental health difficulties has been ok. 12yo has an Xbox so they are straight on to chat at the end of the school day. Older one is quirky so her and her large a-level friendship group are doing zoom quizzes and things. The middle one thinks this is completely nerdy! So she’s been more left to snapchats and I think they like the fuel of the school day ‘she said, so I said’ etc, etc to have something to chat about.

That said, the thing my middle likes to do is board games, so we make sure we have a night of those at the weekend. She also likes baking with her sister so they will spend a couple of hours doing that - the Schtick being how different they are - they actually find it funny and banter

[GladysNarracott]

Mine is still chatting with friends but has become almost nocturnal.

[MrSheenandMe]

DD surviving by cooking, sorting, gardening, watching NetFlix. DS silent and lost, (He struggled anyway). Agree it is really hard for them. DD should be out and about forging her future. DS should be learning how to cope with the world. Both stuck at home.

I think DD will be ok but DS is in trouble and I don't know how to help.

[Springersrock]

I really feel for teens at the moment.

They’re public enemy number 1 round here at the moment as well. All I ever see is posts on FB complaining about teens, dismissing their fears and worries “cos people are dying don’t you know”. My 18 year old was supposed to take her A levels this summer. She’s worked so hard for them, it’s the culmination of 14 years of schooling. She had an unconditional offer which she had accepted and was all good to go just before all this started. However, her unconditional is now on hold as the unis have been asked to pause unconditional offers. She’s spoken to the uni and they’ve reassured that it’s fine, but she is nervous about it

There’s no celebration, no collecting your results, no prom, no camping trip to Cornwall with her mates, no Glastonbury, no Reading. No big nights out before they all go their separate ways to different unis.

She’s 18, she’s supposed to be out clubbing and getting pissed, getting dressed up and going out.

She’s got no school work to do. I remember a post on here from someone concerned about their teen and everyone piled in - how can they be so selfish, have you seen what’s happening in Italy, PEOPLE ARE DYING!!!!!

I’m sad for them.

DD2 has always struggled with her mental health and anxiety has always been an issue. I’m trying to keep a routine going at home as I think part of the problem is missing the routine of school. It’s a bit like pushing water uphill though. Plus, I hit a bit of a lockdown wall last week so it’s all a bit blah all round

[PrimeroseHillAnnie]

It’s a worrying time for many. My two daughters are ITU nurses and my son is a medical student so I haven’t had a full nights sleep since this all started. I try and stay positive but I find myself shaking with fear. My husband picked me up from the kitchen floor yesterday. But there is nothing we can do but keep calm and carry on. I keep reminding myself it’s not for ever. Talk to your kids , tell them you love them and you’re there for them. They are the most precious think in your life. My mum used to say when you’re feeling down but the kettle on, that’s how we beat Hitler. I now know what she meant. Stay safe.

[SinkGirl]

I’m so sorry to read this. It’s so sad. I had several years where I was really ill and rarely left the house - it does get to the point where you don’t want to talk to anyone because there’s nothing to say.

I know it sounds trite but I found creativity saved my mental health - I’d never been a creative person before that, but I learnt cake decorating, knitting, crochet, cross stitch, paper cutting and ended up running a business where I sold my work and taught others. It gave me something constructive to do, it occupied time that was otherwise wasted doing nothing, it gave me something to talk about and feel proud of. I’m not sure if 15 year olds would be at all interested in this sort of thing but these things have become increasingly cool and there’s a lot of really modern designs and patterns now that teenagers might enjoy. Or just drawing, painting, whatever.

I realise that won’t fix the problem but maybe it could help some? Sorry if it’s a stupid suggestion, I only know what helped me :)

[TitianaTitsling]

@Drivingdownthe101 similar age here (sorry op for jumping in) at the start DC kept asking why no school, no friends, I want to go out and PLAY!, now nothing, just a frequently sad, angry little child. Absolutely agree this needs to end and the schools need to restart.

[Fluffybutter]

I do agree with her though in the sense that “there’s nothing left to talk about”
Whenever we talk to anyone we find we are just having the same conversations over and over again .
Nothing new or exciting is happening ,if anything it’s getting worse so who wants to talk about that ?
Even my dd 9 and her friends have started to face time maybe twice a week rather than every day a couple of weeks ago .

[SoupDragon]

My 14 year old is doing fine. She is constantly on some kind of chat thing with friends. Her school is doing a full timetable of virtual teaching though and her dance and singing lessons are via Zoom which I think has retained a sense of "normality". She is even doing internal school exams this week - I have never seen her so upbeat about doing exams before!

I think the way her school and the out of school activities have organised things has gong a long way to maintaining her mental health.

I'm struggling with severe apathy though!

[Daffodil101]

We’ve tried to have loose structure. Take away on Fridays, Disney plus movie planned most evenings. Some art and craft (we’ve let this slip) and some cooking.

[Sleepthief]

My 15yo DS is very up and down. He has flashes of positivity followed by surges of anger or depression. He does still chat to his friends, but via Minecraft on the Xbox, so I guess that keeps the conversation going. Otherwise, yes, what would they have to talk about? I agree that having even the vaguest outline of a plan for the future would help. He feels he's missing out on his last years of childhood and is also, rightly, very worried about the impact on his GCSEs next year. As he says, he can't teach himself GCSE subjects! Not sure how much longer he can keep a handle on it

[Helmetbymidnight]

im gutted for teens too- esp the 16/18 yr olds- v v hard for them, sympathies op.