To hate fucking "catch up" phone calls

[NotKeenOnSwede]

I hate people phoning me. I'm a texter. Unless I have anything important to say or it's been a long time since I've spoken to someone and there's genuinely things to catch up on I just can't be bothered with all that drivel about the shit we've all been doing today oh I got up at 8am oh I had my nails done. I only really phone my Mum and a couple of immediate relatives who I'm very close to, just to see if they're okay. When I meet up with friends (believe it or not I have friends) I'm engaging and friendly but I just hate phone calls. I have very little to say at the best of times and I'm just almost in pain waiting for it to end. I've told people before I rarely phone anyone and I'm not one for phones and they still call me. Why?! I'm isolating alone and it's really made me realise how little I need to interact with people. Please just take the hint! It's like a game of tennis, you have to keep it going. Can any introverts relate?!

YANBU.

I'm a tester not a phoner. Drives me mad.

Hate it lately. My mam will ring delay me ages and then am watching work time as I cover lunch hours. Just easier for me to text now.. find friends same just the wrong time and I havent spare time

I’m exactly the same. Totally draining. I’m a tester too. But my god I wish my mum was still around for those annoying calls. 😢

*texter (bloody autocorrect)

I’m more of a texter if I’m honest.

I speak to my mom and OH on the phone but other than that I prefer texts. I’m not introverted though, quite the opposite, it’s mainly because my job involves being on the phone all the time, so outside of work I like to have a break from being on the phone.

Plus my friends are chatterboxes like me, so actually trying to get off the phonecall would be nigh on impossible .

@NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite - my sibling is like that; would talk non-stop for an hour or more if allowed. If I tried to get a word in, didn't listen, just talks over me. Loves the sound of their own voice pontificating. I don't answer the phone to them any more, ever ever ever. All comms done by text.

And we are both extroverts.

I have never been a phone caller. Apart from mum and sister. I talk to friends maybe 3 times in a year. I'm a letter writer by nature, its great to get and send nice post. And usually plenty to tell if there's been a gap of a few weeks/months. I also like cafe meetings and seeing people face to face.

However, have to say I am getting over my dislike of the phone during this time. I can't see people so I arrange a good time by text or FB message and then we both know we are having a phone date. I rarely ring people out of the blue.

I put off a dear friend who rang today. Had a huge headache and just in no fit state to string a conversation together.

I'm an introvert by nature so I guess I have an uneasy relationship with the phone. When it rings my heart tends to sink as its going to interrupt whatever I am doing/thinking.

I hate phone calls too. I’m in my 40s so I’m not convinced it’s a generational thing. I phone my mum once a week and that’s it for phone calls (excluding work calls). I find the phone intrusive as we don’t have much spare time and I think it’s rude to ring and just expect someone to chat for an hour or whatever. We do get elderly neighbours ringing at the moment if they want some shopping doing, which is fine and understandable.
I much prefer WhatsApp/texting/messenging. I can respond when I have time and it fits in well with everything else (eg ten minutes doing a few messages whilst tea is in the oven is easy as you can pick it up and put down again easily).

Meanwhile my mum won’t not answer her phone and spent ages complaining last week about having dinner FOUR HOURS later than she’d planned because people kept ringing her!

Just pretend text doesn’t exist like the old days.....stop hiding behind your phone and interact like people should.....miserable fucka’s

Or try writing a letter instead.....it’s not just about you, it’s about the people on the other end as well

The funny thing for me is that, when I was a young person, there wasn't such a thing as texting. As a student, there was a pay phone for my hall of residence. There was also often a queue for it. I used to call my DM/my DSis/ friend and then they'd call me back if they could. There would sometimes be someone waiting, meaning that I had to end the call quickly.

The only way to stay in touch with friends and family was via pay phone of letter. Occasionally, there would be the chance to have a long chat on the phone, which was a rare privilege. Lol, I feel old!! 🤣

Having said all that, I now much prefer texting.

I’m a very sociable person but hate phone calls, partly because I have hearing loss and it makes it very hard work. I can text, WhatsApp etc all evening but please don’t phone me!

I always thought it was just me, so I’m pleased to have found you all.

I'm the same, I hate talking on the phone so only phone anyone at all if I absolutely have to. I'm a texter too!! I don't know why this is though. The only person I like to talk to on the phone is dh. I

I had a massive catch up Whatsapp session with a mate yesterday. I’d far rather that than a call, which would’ve been inconvenient and stopped me doing what I was doing.

Zoom, I have no choice, but I’ve decided, fuck it, I won’t put video on, I’ll just leave my screen blank.

I can’t understand these people who phone someone like their mum every day. A friend told me she phones her mum for 40 minutes a day, I was like ‘What the hell do you talk about?!’

I used to love letter-writing and had loads of overseas penfriends (a few of which I still keep in touch with via email and Facebook these days!)

I still have boxes of letters but they all finish in the mid 90s, after which we had email and everyone stopped writing letters.

I think there are people I wouldn't have kept in touch with if I'd had to have relied on letter-writing (their letter writing that is), fortunately they would email or now, message on Whatsapp!

YANBU - I hate phonecalls too. The phone ringing (the sound) is intrusive to me, especially if it's a withheld number or 'private' number. I try to call people because i feel guilty but i do have to work myself up to it.

However, if I'm having a barney with someone which starts off by text then i will actually call the person up to have the row properly can't stand getting into rows with people by text.

The other person knows you are ignoring the call

Not really. My mobile could be anywhere and is often in another room if it's on charge, for example and I only have it on vibrate.

And even with the landline, I could be out shopping or getting my daily exercise. And a lot of people are still working outside the home.

I also hate using the phone and I'm 56, so I wouldn't say it was generational.

I have one friend I could (and have) spend hours talking to on the phone and it feels natural but nobody else. My DM has taken to calling more often because she's on her own, but only during work time. She knows I'm WFH and it's so frustrating that if she rings when I'm on a conference call (and they are happening several times a day ) she'll ring and ring on the house phone and then try my mobile.

In fact she did it the other way around last week. I was stuck on a call with DS (who also calls all the time) on my mobile. It started beeping, then the next thing the house phone is ringing. Surely she'd realise that if the mobile is engaged then there is no point trying to call me on the house phone. Nobody else answers the house phone.

Then she's calling urgently to tell me nothing...

Oh, I'm in my 50's, it's definitely not generational. But when I was young we didn't have a house phone and later, when I lived in homes with house phones (foster homes and children's homes) I wasn't allowed to use the phone to chat to friends. I am outgoing despite all that!

Same, I find phone calls a bit...trying!!

I've found my people!

I'll happily chat to my parents on the phone for 10 mins each. Not that there's much to say at the moment.

But if anyone else calls, I don't answer. They know better than to video call! Eurgh! I'd never answer. I'll happily text all evening but it just takes too much energy to chat. Some people I know chat all day on the phone to various people but I DH ind it exhausting. I'm definitely an introvert.

Interestingly my kids hate video calls too. They are both introverts like me and like to be left alone!

The other person knows you are ignoring the call

Not at all. There have been answerphones for a very long time, so all they have to do is leave a message. It's called maintaining good boundaries.

My mother rings about nothing to her it is urgent. Have started to ignore calls or ring her hours later its beyond exhausting. !!

I've RTFT and have found the attitudes and views on communicating really interesting. As I said upthread yesterday, I communicate badly face to face (and feel awkward doing so) but I love chatting to my mum, who's at home alone on lockdown, and I really enjoy my Zoom catch up cocktail hour chats with people I'd hoped to be going away with for the weekend, and with family. I seem to spend a large part of my day on Zoom or online, for exercise classes in the morning and aperitifs early evening, before we settle back to pirvate space to eat and watch TY or MN. But, and it's a big but, I also have a young dog needing plenty of exercise, so every other day I am out with her for 60-90 minutes and we come across people. I greet them all politely but will often chat for 20-30 minutes (about not much more than news) before moving on. I have met people face to face that I didn't know before. And I have been writing proper long letters to DMIL who has been in a care home since the end of February. Interestingly she loves FaceTime with her son who is my DP. It turns out that handed a communication device with sound and vision, and an operator to make it work, she is still quite on the ball, despite her frailties.

Although she couldn't tell us what she ate at lunch 20 minutes earlier.