To hate fucking "catch up" phone calls

[NotKeenOnSwede]

I hate people phoning me. I'm a texter. Unless I have anything important to say or it's been a long time since I've spoken to someone and there's genuinely things to catch up on I just can't be bothered with all that drivel about the shit we've all been doing today oh I got up at 8am oh I had my nails done. I only really phone my Mum and a couple of immediate relatives who I'm very close to, just to see if they're okay. When I meet up with friends (believe it or not I have friends) I'm engaging and friendly but I just hate phone calls. I have very little to say at the best of times and I'm just almost in pain waiting for it to end. I've told people before I rarely phone anyone and I'm not one for phones and they still call me. Why?! I'm isolating alone and it's really made me realise how little I need to interact with people. Please just take the hint! It's like a game of tennis, you have to keep it going. Can any introverts relate?!

Oh my god I thought it was just me. Probably years now since I spoke on the phone.

I get you OP, This is definitely an introvert thing!. I used to be quite extrovert when I was young But now I’m older I’m such an introvert! Not only can I not be ased to talk on the phone, I can’t be ased to talk much at all. My heart sinks if anyone wants to talk to me in any form. I can’t bare shallow meaningless drivel. I have a couple of friends from Uni plus my Mum who enjoy deep meaningful conversations so I don’t mind talking to them regularly but that’s it!. I know I’m very boring to most people but I’m ok with that!

Well, I guess I at least have learned something from this thread. I genuinely had no idea this bothered anyone, it didn’t occur to me that it could I guess. And I am now wondering just how many people I must have (cheerfully and totally inadvertently) pissed off over the years!

So with you OP! We’ve invented emails and texts so now I don’t have to talk to people on the phone, so don’t fecking phone me!

My friends mostly understand and know I don’t want phone chats, but I used to have to chat to my sister and mum at least once a week for up to an hour each - it was expected and I got into a rut of always doing it rather than daring to say no (both of them are quite difficult and needy...) God I HATED IT and it was the same every time, listening to them bore on about the same complaints and then trying to think of something to say. When I had dc I used it as an excuse saying I was too busy and tired to do it any more. bliss :o

I’m ok on the phone with people I don’t know, sorting out practical stuff but I hate it with people I know. Urghhhh.

The worst I ever had was a chap from Uni I knew who used to ring every Sunday afternoon and then not say much so I'd have to do most of the talking. He'd get a bit offended if you tried to ring off anything under 40 minutes. I started not answering the phone, but I was living with my mum so she used to answer it and refused to say I wasn't in. I used to have to go out... every week... for hours... Excruciating.

Texting is a godsend, I hate the phone for chatting.

Oh and you know what else, since bloody lockdown started, people who have always been happy with email are now badgering to phone or even worse, FaceTime/Skype .... noooooooo! This is mostly colleagues - I work from home normally and do it all by email, but now my clients are also stuck at home, they’re all “ooh shall we have a zoom meeting?” Bugger off!

I can relate. I hate talking on the phone. Just send a message thanks and if it's urgent call.

@Anoise - your mum sounds like mine. I have to talk to her every single day and sometimes I just don't have anything to talk about. Am entertaining it during the lockdown but once we are out will limit it. I actually feel guilt tripped to call.

Texting all the way, I started waiting till the call ended and then texted them what's up afterwards. They soon got the hint. I just like to sit and think about my reply mainly as i get a bit fumbled on the phone or feel like I'm not coming across right or i can reread and change my text of it does not sound right.

Me too. My brother always insists on phoning and I hate it. I text and he phones in reply. If I wanted to speak I would have phoned myself!

I speak to mum everyday on the phone but she's about it. I must admit I don't really like texting either, I always respond but I'm not much into long text conversations. I much prefer face to face.

I totally agree. The worst are conference calls at work. I find I just zone out and have no idea what's being said.

Some of you seem to work for some rather unreasonable bosses.
Our HOD only has Teams meetings with all of us when she actually has something to say. We never have meetings just because.

Same. A message you can do over time, in silence when I'm busy with ds. Hard to explain that to extroverts though. Always a sigh of relief when I'm done.

For those wondering why we don't just ignore the call, problem solved.

That's rude. The other person knows you are ignoring the call. And you'd have to call them back later anyway, because that is how they want to communicate. It stresses me out because I feel obligated to answer the phone, or call back, because whoever is calling is a friend, or family, and I don't want to upset them. And then I am trapped in the call.

Even with a thirty minute whatsapp back-and-forth (also irritating) you have time between texts to do stuff.

The other person knows you are ignoring the call

Not necessarily. Not all of us are welded to our mobiles. For example my phone might be in the house while I am mowing the lawn, or I might be in the shower. And if someone rang the landline we might just be out of the house.

If keeping in touch is such an onerous thing for so many of you why don't you just switch your phones off or go out without them. We never used to be contactable 24/7 and managed perfectly well. We don't have to be slaves to our phones.

Now that DD is home from university I don't need to have my phone with me all the time. It is very freeing.

I'm the opposite, I hate texts and ignore them. If you can't be arsed to speak to me then don't bother. Texting is having your cake and eating it, you want the contact but you don't want to contact them personally so you cop out.

Sorry to disagree but other than occasionally I only do have 'proper' conversation.

I'm introverted to, but stil can't stand the idea that someone can't be bothered to speak to me.

I really dislike the way people use being introverted to be rude to people. I am married to an introvert, but he does actually like the few people he talks to and will happily talk on the phone to his nearest and dearest.

Some of you give introverts a bad name.

I don't answer my phone if it rings. It's permanently on silent. I'll text or WhatsApp no problem but just hate answering calls! I feel unprepared! I have kids and need to be there and not distracted by long conversations. Funnily enough if I'm out and about I'm sociable!

I hate phoning too. If someone calls and it’s not a great time then I just ignore it. The only exception is a friend who is going through a hard time with bereavement right now. Some people expect you to be welded to your phone at all times and I’m just not, in fact it is usually set to silent because I hate the sound of a phone ringing.

Plus, in lockdown, there’s fuck all to tell anybody. My mum calls me and tells me what she is thinking about for dinner, and what the neighbour had, and did I know that random person from school who I don’t remember has had a tooth out etc etc AAARGH.

A friend called me yesterday. Just over 2 hours later I had to tell her I needed to go as I had to go to the bank. I managed to get off the phone about 10 minutes later after being questioned about why I would go out to the bank. She'd phoned me to get some advice for a friend she wants to help. She talks fast and continuously and my contribution was "hmm", "hm-mm", and "oh yes" and "really?" until I told her I needed to go. I was mentally worn out and wished she'd never called.

Most friends text but I have 3 friends that do phone who have lots going on and, although I like them and don't mind them off-loading from time to time, they seem to have no awareness that 2 or 3 hour conversations are draining.

I ignore phone calls and don’t pick up. I know some people think it’s rude, but IMO it’s rude to think that just because you phone someone, they are obliged to drop what they’re doing and talk to you for as long as you require, and have no choice in the matter. The existence of the phone doesn’t mean I have to be a slave to it.

People who like chatting on the phone find it hard to understand, but for me it’s agonising. Think of something that’s agonising for you, and imagine other people could just make you do it, for up to an hour, at random. I used to feel like I had to answer, because I was brought up by my mum who is the queen of guilt-tripping and neediness. Then I realised that actually my feelings matter too, and I can make my own choices.

FWIW I have friends - friends who understand I’d prefer to chat by email or text. Yes I may have lost some friends who demand long phone calls and instant responses. I’m ok with that!

Until I joined Mumsnet I really wasn’t aware how many miserable people there are.