To hate fucking "catch up" phone calls

[NotKeenOnSwede]

I hate people phoning me. I'm a texter. Unless I have anything important to say or it's been a long time since I've spoken to someone and there's genuinely things to catch up on I just can't be bothered with all that drivel about the shit we've all been doing today oh I got up at 8am oh I had my nails done. I only really phone my Mum and a couple of immediate relatives who I'm very close to, just to see if they're okay. When I meet up with friends (believe it or not I have friends) I'm engaging and friendly but I just hate phone calls. I have very little to say at the best of times and I'm just almost in pain waiting for it to end. I've told people before I rarely phone anyone and I'm not one for phones and they still call me. Why?! I'm isolating alone and it's really made me realise how little I need to interact with people. Please just take the hint! It's like a game of tennis, you have to keep it going. Can any introverts relate?!

I agree it's loathesome. People who like me daring to want to speak to me. The cheek!

I find a back and forth text/Messenger/WhatsApp conversation far more annoying and time consuming that talking to someone.

Me too, I'm a talker, rather than a texter.

Amazingly enough I’m a lot less miserable than when I felt obliged to pick up and listen to people boring on at me and getting shitty with me if I tried to wind it down.

I think people who don’t get introversion have such a massive misunderstanding that it’s about being a misery-guts, because avoiding social contact sometimes means you’re so sad and lonely and grouchy. No, I avoid social contact because doing so makes me happy! Time alone makes me happy and gives me strength. Makes me a nicer person for when I am with people.

You have never seen someone less miserable than me when I have the prospect of an empty house, some good telly and a creative project to do (and no phone calls)...

Just over 2 hours later I had to tell her I needed to go as I had to go to the bank

So why didn't you say something earlier? If she's lacking in the self awareness to realise that you might not have 2 hours to fill with a long chat, you just have to say 'I'm sorry, I have to do X, Y or Z, I'll call you later' and say goodbye.

I'm far from assertive, but I'm quite capable of speaking up if I need to get on with things.

I hate phone calls. I dislike interacting with people full stop. When I was widowed at 54 my daughter drove me mad by phoning me at all times of the day and night . I was a nurse and was still working shifts. I'd have a day off and wanted a lie in , only at 7.30 she'd be on the phone ! Why ? She was also nagging me to live with her and her family. After 4 years of this I gave in and we bought a bigger house together.
It's been much better. I'm retired and spend approximately 18 hours a day in my bedroom
ALONE and it's great . I don't have to be alone , I have my own living room as well but they come in to chat to me when I'm in there so it's the bedroom for me . I have 2 sons and they know to text me unless it's an emergency.
I once went on holiday to Turkey on my own . In the whole week the only person I spoke to was the barman of an evening when I asked for my vodka and coke

Old gimmer alert! When I was growing up we didn't even have a phone until I was 11 and it seemed so exciting when it finally arrived. To begin with it was treated like fine china and only used for the most important events and then only after much discussion. In my teens it was the most exciting thing to get a phone call from a friend and we would talk for hours about mascara or boys or anything. When I left home I phoned my mum and dad once a week and then when dad died I phoned my mum more often. For me the phone was about chatting, about mundane stuff to catch up on when you couldn't see someone. After mum died and I sold her house I tried dialling the number that I'd know for over 40 years and a recorded message came on the line and told me that the number I wanted no longer existed. I still love receiving and making calls from friends and people that mean something to me or from someone who cares enough to call me. I wonder how I would feel if I were 40 years younger.

Pebbles574

No, I'm in my mid 50's and I'm not mad keen on unscheduled phone calls

@NotKeenOnSwede
Omgoodness, you are me.
I avoid phone calls like the plague and like you there is only 3 people now in my like I can comfortably talk to on the phone.
And yet, I love my friends so much, I am very sociable, chat to anyone, but it's a photo e thing.
I text, whatsapp, messenger hourly to people...really weird.
I do love my own company, but I l also love company, it varies day to day.

In my life

I'm convinced that the world is divided into two types of people: those who enjoy speaking on the phone, and those who don't.

Until I joined Mumsnet I really wasn’t aware how many miserable people there are.

I know. It's astonishing isn't it. How on earth would they have coped in the days before mobiles and the internet?

There are a few people I talk to on the phone because:

a) They are old and lonely and appreciate being able to talk to another human being
b) A couple of them are dyslexic and can't cope with reading and writing messages
c) For something quick that requires an instant yes or no answer it is quicker to ring - usually DH when I am choosing wine at the supermarket
d) When I am driving I can ring home via Bluetooth to say that I am stuck behind an accident, because texting would be illegal and dangerous.

We are not all extrovert chatterboxes, and not liking phone calls does not mean you are miserable or hate people. I like people, I just don't like pointless chit-chat on the phone.

Email and messaging were invented for people like me; unlimited free phone calls and Zoom parties were not.

I'm over 40. I'd defo rather text.

I do have a couple of very close friends that I speak to over the phone and family I speak to once a week or so now (used to be about once a month!) but face to face I'm very sociable. Just don't like phone calls!!!

Exactly with you. Im known for ignoring my phone. I've no idea why anyone bothers to ring me. I'm so easily distracted whilst on the phone too. Guaranteed I won't be listening, or I'm thinking of how to get you off the phone as there's 101 other things I rather be doing (like watching paint dry), YANBU.

I have to ring my mum daily with all this convid situation and quite honestly its driving me mental. 30-60 minutes spent on the phone, just going over the same old rubbish as its not like we are doing anything for any note!

Also, annoyed with the people who have come out the woodwork with the "how are you?" Messages who haven't bothered with me for bloody yonks. Just because you're bored at home doesn't make me a filler friend...

Rant over

When you are with someone in person you can talk naturally and there's no need to fill every silence with bullshit, you can just watch the world go by together. One of you might go to the toilet or out for a fag etc and it's just not as forced. I refer to my game of tennis comment, which is what phone calls are like. Back and forth constantly, which is fine if you are discussing a particular subject or actually having a valid conversation picking away at something interesting but it's not if it's just... small talk.

I'm not referring to old or lonely people by the way, they are not the people phoning me and if they were of course I would have a different attitude but they're not. They're all extroverted people who get their energy the opposite way i get mine.

I'm totally the same OP. We're all different so no one should pull the miserable card just because someone hates phone calls! I think generation has a huge place in all this..remember letter writing anyone? my kids NEVER phone anyone..it's all whatsapp video and text chatting if they're gaming and SMS. Phone calls? You what?!

NotKeenOnSwede How are you deciding who counts as a lonely person and who doesn’t? Extroverts are likely to be lonely people right now whether they live alone or no

TBH only one person rings me for a chat - because she is dyslexic and really can't cope with messaging. I do tend to message friends through Facebook Messenger and WhatsApp ratherthan telephone text. I can't type very well on my phone and much prefer to use the full size keyboard on my laptop for messaging.

Other phone calls that I make tend to be quick ones to DH, who never looks at his phone, when I am out shopping and need a quick answer.

Until I joined Mumsnet I really wasn’t aware how many miserable people there are.

Why does not wanting to talk on the phone make you miserable?

Until I joined Mumsnet I really wasn’t aware how many miserable people there are

I agree it's loathesome. People who like me daring to want to speak to me. The cheek

Nice. Telephone calls are really intrusive and you should email/text to see if it's convenient to speak. Ok at the moment most people are at home but in normal life you could be driving/shopping/at work/watching your child swim - whatever. People are not always available and there should not be an expectation that they are.

Where I work people are pretty good and do usually send a message to arrange a time so you can grab a coffee, go to the loo etc. But in a previous job I had to man a helpline and it was only me, so I had to answer the phone. Yes, I did have to take some calls in the loo and sometimes coming out of the shower draped in a towel!

It's really not hard to message someone and say "is now a good time for a call" or "are you around on Saturday afternoon" etc.

As for accusing people of being miserable - we're back to the "you're rude if you won't speak to someone but not rude if you insist on speaking to someone" trope. Why? Why is it ok for you to hassle someone to speak to them but not ok for that person to tell you to leave them alone because they'd rather read a book?

Oh God and all the work catch up calls to check on well-being everyday on zoom or teams. Actually never been busier at work but the constant having to stop to keep connected with colleagues as not in the office is doing my head in when there's so much work to do. Work-life balance out of control and having another hour to "connect" ain't going to help!

Although I actually thought this thread was about "catch up calls" in the workplace. They are a pointless waste of time in most cases.

I was thinking about letters the other day actually thinking how lovely it would be to write one or have one dropped onto my doormat 😊 maybe I'm just born in the wrong century ✉️❤️

@sunbeams fuck that shit

Good to see misanthropy vibrantly alive in these dark times