To hate fucking "catch up" phone calls

[NotKeenOnSwede]

I hate people phoning me. I'm a texter. Unless I have anything important to say or it's been a long time since I've spoken to someone and there's genuinely things to catch up on I just can't be bothered with all that drivel about the shit we've all been doing today oh I got up at 8am oh I had my nails done. I only really phone my Mum and a couple of immediate relatives who I'm very close to, just to see if they're okay. When I meet up with friends (believe it or not I have friends) I'm engaging and friendly but I just hate phone calls. I have very little to say at the best of times and I'm just almost in pain waiting for it to end. I've told people before I rarely phone anyone and I'm not one for phones and they still call me. Why?! I'm isolating alone and it's really made me realise how little I need to interact with people. Please just take the hint! It's like a game of tennis, you have to keep it going. Can any introverts relate?!

"Oh I've told everyone politely I won't accept any further video or zoom calls planned or not so don't invite me to any more. I know what they look like. Man I'm a miserable bastard. I don't even care anymore it's just the way I feel!"

It's the only thing available now though isn't it and you're opting out totally. It's your right, but I don't think you should be surprised if your friendships suffer.

I’m the same as you OP. I’m terrible on the phone. There is really only one person I enjoy a phone conversation with and it’s my best friend.

Yes, this is me too. Anyone else I have to psych myself up to pick up the phone.

It's ironic that we started off with phones as amazing devices that enabled us to hear another persons voice and have gradually adopted the least sociable aspect of them in terms of communication i.e. texting.

I would far far rather a phone call. You can say so much more in a shorter space of time with a call.

You can hear their voice, their expression and tone. You can be sympathetic in a way that can never be expressed with a emoji.

I'm wondering what ages those of you who much prefer a text are? I'm almost 40 and was explaining to my 9yo there is an art to conversation on the phone. It's not easy for everyone. He's learning because of lockdown and wanting to speak to his best friend.

My 19yo step son would definitely be in the texter/hates phone call camp.

Wondering if its generational thing (I loved spending hours on the phone to my friends when I was a young teen, despite having spent all day with them!) and that perhaps a positive to come out of COVID-19 is that this younger generation know how to make a phone call to cheer someone up (fingers crossed).

I find a back and forth text/Messenger/WhatsApp conversation far more annoying and time consuming that talking to someone

^^This, a thousand times over. Just pick up the bloody phone if you want to have a conversation. I really CBA making sure everything I am saying conveys the correct meaning when I am putting it in writing to avoid any misunderstandings.

I'm mid 30s

Impromptu video calls? People do that?!?

@msmith501 exactly.

I'm also wondering if those who freeze when their phone rings are afraid of/hate calls because they're not used to them? Maybe if they made a few phone calls they'd get used to them and relax and enjoy them in time.

So what about the people in your life who like phone calls? Are all your relationships focused only on what you want?

I find a back and forth text/Messenger/WhatsApp conversation far more annoying and time consuming that talking to someone.

Same. You talk for a while on the phone, and that's it. No waiting around and getting random disruptive text beeps over a longer period of time.

@whatsyournumber - you obviously didn’t read the recent thread where people posted that it was rude not to reply with in nano-seconds of receiving the text!

I do a bit of both.

I think it’s an introvert/extrovert dichotomy

I'm the complete opposite - I love chatting on the phone, hate texting. I'm the person who doesn't reply to a text for ages because it just seems like another chore - one more bloody thing I've got to do. A phone call - I'll drop whatever and talk quite happily. Is it an age thing? I'm comparatively old - I didn't grow up with mobile phones, let alone instant messaging. We called each other or there was nothing.

@porcupineinwaiting they all have plenty of other people they can phone for mindless chatter

it is threads like this that are a real eye opener for me. I am an extrovert (strongly - I really need to have people around me) but am at least aware enough to realise some others are different but I have absolutely genuinely never considered that a phone call might be seen as “intrusive”!! I mean, you can decline it if you really want? If you hate phone calls isn’t that an issue for work? Or is specifically personal calls you hate? Sorry - tons of questions but am genuinely perplexed by this - and also happy to try to lean and understand.

FWIW I also impromptu video call people (but only people I know really really well). I thought that was nice...

I'm young-ish but I hate texting. It's harder to express yourself, just plain annoying when it takes longer to discuss something than over the phone.

TBH I hate texting...too much effort. I prefer talking and covering a lot of ground in 10 mins with good friends every couple of weeks.

I think it's a generation thing, definitely... I'm the opposite, I start to text a reply to someone and then give up and just ring. I find it quicker and easier than bouncing texts back and forth. Done and dusted. I've spent whole afternoons replying to ongoing texts, now that really is irritating!

Gah!! So. Many. Typos. Sorry...

I’m not sure it is an age thing. I’m early 30s and would always pick the phone up rather than text or email.

Î hate talking on the phone too. and I think it’s because there are no visual clues to how the other person is thinking and feeling. Funnily enough I used to be a Samaritan and I think I was good at that because the whole call was about the caller’s feelings and I wasn’t having to be Nocalories the individual but an anonymous voice

I love phone calls. Send them all to meeee

This isn't an introvert thing. I'm an introvert and I enjoy phone calls. They're an opportunity to have a meaningful one on one conversation rather than a mess of noisy small talk.

But this is mumsnet where any social interaction needs a prior appointment so you'll find supporters here. Just tell everyone they need to phone you to arrange a time to phone you.

@marinamarinara if someone drops you a text you can just reply when you like no pressure no need for awkward pauses or to drum up energy to talk to someone. If you have a mobile phone shaking and vibrating away with fury you know someone wants your attention RIGHT NOW and it's really uncomfortable for introverts. Yes you can ignore but you know it's around your neck then and you have to phone them back eventually. To be fair it's not every single person who phones me because I know some people who just want to say a quick hello and a laugh then it's over and done with in 5 minutes. It's the ones who just go on and on about absolute bullshit for ages. You end up saying "mmmm yeah, oh I don't know, yeah right mmm" and you're just desperate for them to take the hint!!!

Yep I'm the same OP. I think mine stems from working in a call centre about 20 years ago - I spent all day answering calls so the last thing I wanted to do when I got home was speak to more people on the phone 😒
I did the zoom calls thing for a couple of weeks but I've now started ignoring them saying I was at the loo, or busy cooking, or asleep.....😬