To hate fucking "catch up" phone calls

[NotKeenOnSwede]

I hate people phoning me. I'm a texter. Unless I have anything important to say or it's been a long time since I've spoken to someone and there's genuinely things to catch up on I just can't be bothered with all that drivel about the shit we've all been doing today oh I got up at 8am oh I had my nails done. I only really phone my Mum and a couple of immediate relatives who I'm very close to, just to see if they're okay. When I meet up with friends (believe it or not I have friends) I'm engaging and friendly but I just hate phone calls. I have very little to say at the best of times and I'm just almost in pain waiting for it to end. I've told people before I rarely phone anyone and I'm not one for phones and they still call me. Why?! I'm isolating alone and it's really made me realise how little I need to interact with people. Please just take the hint! It's like a game of tennis, you have to keep it going. Can any introverts relate?!

Oh no

Actually I am deaf, some family dont have mobile phones or internet connection, so I would love to be able to pick up the phone and talk to them.

@JoysOfString The cognitive dissonance is quite entertaining. So, apparently, these people see preferring to text as the wholesale abandonment of friends and loved ones, which should cause us all to be condemned to life alone. As we are so unkind. Apparently, some people are lonely and a phone call somehow alleviates said loneliness far more than exchanging messages (a concept that I genuinely disagree with) and we are required to adapt to them (they obviously cannot adapt to us, or accept that different people have different communication styles).

Also, the ‘what would you do in a time before texting existed?’ has been asked a few times and I find it hilarious. Humans have been engaging in text based communication for rather a long time - letters and then telegrams. We’d be fine. What would they have done in a time prior to the instant gratification of the telephone? The telephone is a very new invention, it just happens to be one certain people like - so they cling to it - and shun any further advancements in communication. There is apparently a fixed point at which the tools of communication peaked, in their opinion, and there we must stay.

For the record, according to the actual definition (gaining energy from being alone), I am an introvert. I am extremely social, gregarious and have a large group of great friends (introversion is often conflated with poor social skills or an unwillingness to engage socially, and that’s false). I also have a massive family that I love. I do not like speaking on the phone, as I find it stressful and boring. This is not a value judgement, it’s how I feel about it. This does not mean that I do not care about aforementioned family and friends, not does it mean I’m not in regular contact with them, taking an interest in their wellbeing and chatting about what they’re up to. We have other means at our disposal. Some people on here need to stop having such a blinkered world view.

@Petlover9 So JoysOfString may end up alone forever...because she doesn’t like speaking on the phone? That is a sentence that makes sense to you? You thought it, wrote it down, and currently don’t feel at all silly?

100% agree...

@LittleGsmum

‘They might not want to talk now, but if so, why talk at all? If you don’t want to talk to people on lockdown, why talk at all? The pride that people are exhibiting on this thread, and others, to not talking to anyone , not needing anyone apart from themselves, a partner and or children is nothing short of disturbing. I ask the question again...if you are so happy in your own company, why on earth are you reading and posting on here? Go and enjoy knitting your own yoghurt and cooking over a fire pit and everyone ignoring you.’

I’m not following your logic here, at all. I, and many others, prefer to communicate via text. Why does this mean we shouldn’t be posting on a public (text-based) forum? And why does being happy in our own company mean that we either want to or should cut off all our loved ones? Do we love them less because we aren’t people who constantly require other people’s company? Or because our communication preferences differ from yours? And how is this pride?

Based on your posts, the person who actually sounds a bit maladjusted is you. You are apparently so distraught at the idea of people disliking your preferred mode of communication that all rational thought has taken flight. Stop with the hand wringing and knit your own bloody yoghurt.

I could have written this op!
I've told my friends I'm not doing video calls too. We often go long periods without seeing each other but do WhatsApp regularly so I don't know why everyone is video calling all of a sudden. MIL has gone facetime crazy :(((

Thanks Buggrit for tackling the nonsensicalness with a thoroughness I was too jaded to bother with! :o

Not being up for lots of phoning and chatting doesn't mean you can't have meaningful relationships and bonds with people. Actually possibly the opposite - you tend to only communicate and be close to people if and when it is meaningful, and not just because you don't like being alone or not in contact.

I'm with you , I get constant nonsense phone calls from one relative , I just don't answer anymore if I don't feel like it , it's never anything important and they keep me on the phone for over an hour sometimes and I have things to be getting on with other people call when they have something important to talk about or need help these I always answer because I know it's not for aimless chats

@Buggritbuggrit. I was referring to when she wanted to be alone. Before I was widowed I often wanted the house to myself. I don’t feel silly, because it was a reply to her relishing time alone, nothing to do do with the phone

Not as much as I hate ignorant swearing

I can fully relate. I am exactly the same. I really dislike phone calls, although I am very fond of my friends. I would much rather text or send a message via Facebook or Whats App. And I always long for the phone call to end. I seem to have been getting a lot more phone calls recently and although I am happy to hear that people are okay I would rather they contacted me via text.

@Petlover9

She said: buggrit it’s so true isn’t it - the same as happens in RL. Introverts just want to be left alone sometimes and don’t tend to attack people for enjoying chatting and parties. But some non-introverts seem very threatened by the idea that anyone would be happy alone, even just for a while, and accuse us of all sorts - being miserable, anti-social or sad, not liking anyone, having no right to communicate by other means because we won’t do it “properly” etc.

For me this attitude is part of the pressure that makes socialising even more difficult. Even so, I do socialise and have friends, but it makes such a difference to be understood and not judged for not always being up for it.

You then responded:
@JoysOfString - Be careful what you wish for, you might end up entirely on your own, constantly

Soo, a grown woman indicates emotional self sufficiency and takes pleasure in her own company, but also indicates that she enjoys socialising with friends. You feel that this warrants a warning that it may lead to her being permanently alone (and don’t feel silly about it), why, exactly? Has she indicated in any way that she is cutting people off? No. Has she made any anti-social comments? No. She just likes her own company and likes to be (direct quote) ‘left alone sometimes’. If you think this merits a warning, you certainly should feel silly. And if you, yourself, never want to be alone and do not relish your own company, then I genuinely feel sorry for you.

Someone earlier upthread said how long phone calls drain their battery....that is exactly how i feel....i got caught on the phone one evening last week by a friend of mine....1 hour 20 mins later i managed to hang up....we had nothing to talk about as not gone anywhere or done anything....i felt exhausted and drained afterwards....
On previous calls she has put me on speaker phone whilst she gets on with stuff in her house...i spend the whole call asking her to repeat what shes just said....i cant be arsed anymore....im just not going to answer the phone.

Rarely they do me some good, but I generally hate them too. They just drain me - I always end up hyped/up anxious with a banging headache after.

myusername that's a bit like those people who have long phone calls as they walk home from work, so they're walking along having a loud one-sided chat and you think "are they talking to me?"

I always think way to ruin a nice relaxing walk :o

Hahaha, I get you... I 'only' phone my Mum on a daily basis to make sure she is okay apart from any real news etc but she phones me up to a) tell me she has done nothing at all b) what the weather is like c) what time she got up! Arghh - pmsl

One day we will look back and laugh and I hope it is God damn soon!

I'm not sure how this is an issue, phone on silent dont answer. If you feel the need message to see if it was anything urgent. The answer is more often than not No.

@Ginfordinner. - I agree with your comment

@JoysOfString oh gawd... I'm completely with you there! People who phone when they're in the car, navigating traffic, or on their daily commute, and all you get is a stream of "hang on a minute" or inaudible breathlessness. I usually just talk over them and say "sorry, I can't really hear you, and you're clearly busy - why don't you call me later, when you're back at your desk?" and hang up!

I got stuck behind someone in Tesco yesterday having a chat on their phone while stood by the beer. There was a queue forming behind me while this woman was just chatting. In the end I asked her (politely) if I could get to the shelf (because we were all social distancing).

The no. of people I know that regret not taking a phone call from somebody who later committed suicide is shocking.

I hope you never need ever to call anybody. People talk about trivial stuff as cover for other stuff going on.

I agree 100%. I hate phone calls unless as you say, it's been a long time since you've spoken or have something important/lengthy to say. I have a friend who always wants to call and talk for ages about the same shit over and over and I just don't have the time or energy for that so I just don't answer now. Unless it's something urgent and they needed me I'd be there but I haven't got the energy to entertain people. I need very little social interaction too and lockdown has also shown me just how little I need, I have been quite happy not having to go anywhere or see anyone, I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing! But I totally get where you're coming from.

In the 80s, I spent a huge amount of leisure time writing letters to my friends to stay in touch across oceans. I would never have sent the same letter to any two people, and I probably wrote three or four every week; each one probably took 90 minutes. I was mid 20s and lived overseas. Picking up the phone to call (now) DH in a LDC cost £££ per month, I called him because it was cheaper and we split the cost.

Looking back, and at now, I think I understand why instant messaging delivery (via SM) is so frenzied. Nobody gets a moment to consider what they really want to say. It's fine if you are asked a simple straight choice answer low fat or full fat yoghurt? but for most important stuff a little time (a few days) gives time to reflect on the answer and how it should be framed.

Interestingly, most of my regular correspondents have kept the letters. It's an unpopular POV these days when we all have 606 FB friends, but I don't believe it's possible to really connect with people, except superficially, via social media. It says too little to the people I care for deeply, and is far too revealing for casual acquaintances.