To hate fucking "catch up" phone calls

[NotKeenOnSwede]

I hate people phoning me. I'm a texter. Unless I have anything important to say or it's been a long time since I've spoken to someone and there's genuinely things to catch up on I just can't be bothered with all that drivel about the shit we've all been doing today oh I got up at 8am oh I had my nails done. I only really phone my Mum and a couple of immediate relatives who I'm very close to, just to see if they're okay. When I meet up with friends (believe it or not I have friends) I'm engaging and friendly but I just hate phone calls. I have very little to say at the best of times and I'm just almost in pain waiting for it to end. I've told people before I rarely phone anyone and I'm not one for phones and they still call me. Why?! I'm isolating alone and it's really made me realise how little I need to interact with people. Please just take the hint! It's like a game of tennis, you have to keep it going. Can any introverts relate?!

Yes, I hate it. So many people wanting a chat at the moment. Just because they have nothing better to do.
I have an incessantly chatty 3 yr old and a irritating as fuck DH going on and on at me all bloody day, it's as much as I can do to find the emotional energy to check in with elderly relatives who need me to call. Everyone else can bugger off and leave me alone.

You are not alone, OP. Fortunately, most people have taken my hints over the years and rarely communicate with phone calls.

If it's quick, that's fine. Sometimes talking is faster and smoother than texting, but small talk doesn't always come easily to me. My mind just goes blank, and I can't think of anything "interesting" to talk about! Also, some people don't understand when the conversation has run its course. They refuse to let it die a natural merciful death!

It's a bit sad that in a time like this where we are forced to be away from our family (that we don't live with) and our friends that so many people have zero interest in keeping in contact via a more personal way than texts. Phone calls are a nice way to chat and catch up in a time like this, video calls even more when it is months before seeing these people. I respect this is a "to each their own" thing but I find it very disheartening that so many of you care so little about keeping in touch with people in your lives. Friendship and family relationships are a 2 way street

@terrelontane - YES!

Video calls I just ignore full stop, it's like someone ringing your doorbell and barging into your home as soon as you open the door and plonking themselves on your sofa.

. This

I am an introverted Gen Z-er. I don't have phone calls very often, and I do find them somewhat awkward at times, but I do value the opportunity for social interaction that they give that I just don't feel can be gotten through text messages as easily. Texting is a convenient form of communication, but it can be a bit annoying for holding conversations sometimes. The other day, a friend of mine phoned me and honestly it made my day that she would care enough to call, even though during the call I sometimes felt a bit awkward.

If it happened more often, I might find it a little bothersome, though it would probably depend on the person. In general, I'm a lonely individual, so I think I'd take what I get as far as social interaction and try not to be picky. I will admit that I really don't think I would like video calls out of the blue.

I'm 38 and have always hated phone calls, so I don't think it's always generational.

Also, I think the comment about how 'Oh it's all about what YOU want, isn't it?' is a little off, as it's not always so easy as just putting on a face. Through the course of my life I have tried at various times (usually with my mother or sister) to feign enthusiasm and act interested in whatever is being discussed, only to have them get really pissy and accuse me of not caring. I don't seem to fake it very well and people just get confused when my words don't match my face, so now I tend not to try as hard as I otherwise might. Ironically I'm more likely to make an effort with friends though, as they are nicer than my family and don't call me out for my shit acting skills so fear of making the situation even worse is a bit of a factor sometimes.

Why not just turn your phone off and pick it up later when you are in the mood to do so and see what missed phone calls / texts you have and reply to them in your own time? Or definitely if someone phones for a chat you don't want to have just tell them you have something else to do and maybe later

I've just realised the face factor isn't so much of an issue on the phone! Maybe fewer video calls for me then...

I have a mobile with no signal and shoddy internet. WiFi texting is about the only thing that allows me to communicate reliably. It's a great excuse 😆

In one job I had in the 1980s, a large part of being good at it was about being brazenly happy to phone random people I didn't know personally and get them to talk, quite openly, about their special subject. Given that I am virtually autistic socially, even at 64, I don't know how I did it, except that I had to put myself in the mood.

I don't think I have been quoted so much in a thread before, in spite of my spelling mistake

sixthtimelucky how on earth do you have so many friends if you are an introvert who hates talking to people?

OP yes 100 million percent. Love talking to people in person, on the phone or video call I just find cringe and super awkward. I’m just too out of practise and I can’t be bothered to change!

I prefer phone conversations; it feels more natural to me, and I am a very slow texter. If phoning (or Skyping) isn't possible, or is very expensive or inconvenient, e.g. when people live in different countries and time-zones, I prefer an e-mail conversation to texting. To me texting is more for sending quick messages; e.g. to arrange a meeting or - more common right now! - a delivery service, than for a longer chat. Perhaps it's just that I was brought up when the phone was the main means of 'remote' contact!

And do your friends' needs come into this or do you just expect to pick them back up for nights out at the end of this?

Oh yes, I could have written your post op. I solved my phone issue years ago.. Answerphone. I never answer my phone unless its extremely important. And my mobile is always on silent. My close friends and family know not to bother so they text instead.

To my friends...
(Maybe the OP is one of them)

I don't mind if you phone, or text but please contact me.

I miss you.
I miss the random chat.
I miss finding out your take on life.
I want to check you're ok.
I want to check your family is ok.
I love spending time with you.

I thought you liked doing these things with me.

I contacted you. You replied to say how much you loved lockdown, being alone and how much of an introvert you are really.

So I left you alone and didn't contact you again for 2 weeks.
When I tried again you just gave a quick message reply.
I probably won't try contact to you again.
I'll wait for you to contact me.

But I miss you. And i miss my other friends like you.

I'm making new friends in lockdown. People who like me enough to want to spend time with me and have a catch-up.

But I do miss you, obviously you don't miss me.

Ha ha I'm exactly the same, and also this lockdown has too made me realize even more how much I don't need to be around people.

9/10 I don't answer the phone if it rings (unless it's a call from my DS school) which is very rare. My sons the same as me personality wise so this lockdown is great for us.

I hate the whole random going absolutely no where chit chat, I hate it even more when someone calls (and if I do answer it) I'm on loud speaker or there's a thousand people in the background ....in this case I usually put the phone down.

Oh and actually answering the door to someone who wants to knock uninvited, well that also doesn't go down very well.

I'm an introvert and I'm happy being an introvert.

I'm under 30, and I do find many people my age also prefer to text as opposed to call. This is also what I'm naturally most inclined to do as an introvert. However, I do think there is a deeper problem here, and I see it often on threads here, that people expect social relationships to only be conducted at both a time and through a medium they choose. I think this is symptomatic of an age where everything is at our convenience and at the click of a button. But that's not how human interactions work. To be a good friend/family member involves giving as well as taking, and that means sometimes picking up the phone when you don't feel like it, or replying to a text message when you'd rather be watching Netflix. Not every human interaction can be scheduled, nor should it - sometimes the best conversations are the spontaneous ones. Sometimes we need to be there for people when they need us, not just when it's convenient for us.

At least, this is what I tell myself every time someone calls me out of the blue, just grit my teeth and answer

@marinamarinara I hate calls at work but make myself do them because I'm paid.

@wombatchocolate I don't know anyone who lives alone. I have no elderly family left, older gen are all married and my friends all coupled up or live in houseshares

@Nearlyalmost50 my friends and I have a WhatsApp, we chat all day every day while we're getting on with other things. We don't call, ever. None of us like it. Never have. I very definitely give a shit about them.

DS just gave me a new word hyperlexic which completely defines me. I read faster than I talk, and hoist in information faster from print/the written word than from other sources. If 30 years younger, I'd not talk either, and I would type much better too.

@xingming it is a specific skill I learned I had while working as a barmaid in a bad part of town. Text the security down the road from under the counter while talking to the trouble maker.

Very useful

I am also hyperlexic - I could read aged two and work as a writer. So maybe that's why I prefer texts.

I prefer messenger as you can type away and send photos which are usually worth more than lots of words. It doesn't put anyone on the spot to answer straight away if they are doing something else.

I hate video chats, can understand it if you have grandies or the like, but not for adults.

isittheholidaysyet sending virtual hug. It's tough.

Finally! This is me! Fucking hate it. I'm a really bad friend as In that I hate intensity and constant texts and especially phone calls (thankfully I have a dear friend who's the same as me) our calls are like this 'do you want to come round at 3?"" yup. Gotta go kids are screaming. See you then " hang up. Perfect. On the other hand I have a very high maintenance dear friend who needs constant input. Calls me constantly (bad friend I admit it - I often don't answer or lie that I was busy) as she'll call and spend 45 minutes talking about herself. I have to brave myself for it. I'm fine meeting up with her and texting but the phone calls. And if she can't get hold of me I get a 'I can't get hold of you ever' message. I wish I had the balls to explain I don't like the intensity but I haven't.