To hate fucking "catch up" phone calls

[NotKeenOnSwede]

I hate people phoning me. I'm a texter. Unless I have anything important to say or it's been a long time since I've spoken to someone and there's genuinely things to catch up on I just can't be bothered with all that drivel about the shit we've all been doing today oh I got up at 8am oh I had my nails done. I only really phone my Mum and a couple of immediate relatives who I'm very close to, just to see if they're okay. When I meet up with friends (believe it or not I have friends) I'm engaging and friendly but I just hate phone calls. I have very little to say at the best of times and I'm just almost in pain waiting for it to end. I've told people before I rarely phone anyone and I'm not one for phones and they still call me. Why?! I'm isolating alone and it's really made me realise how little I need to interact with people. Please just take the hint! It's like a game of tennis, you have to keep it going. Can any introverts relate?!

I’m early 30’s. As a teen I loved chatting on the phone. I would spend every evening on the stairs chatting to my best friend from school as soon as 6 o’clock came (free after 6 but you had to hang up every 10 minutes and ring back ) despite having spent the entire day with her. I also had a pen pal who became a phone pal as we would spend so much time on the phone chatting. My mum and I used to fight over the phone because she always wanted it to ring my nana or one of my aunts or her friends. But now a days I avoid phone calls where possible. Except for my best friend. My work is set up so it can all be done via message. I’m self employed. Very few people call me. In fact I rarely have to see people at all in my work. I’m a total introvert and it think it has totally shown itself in the way I’ve set up my work.

I'm 36. Hate phone "chats".

Fine if there's something quick to sort out or discuss, but I hate drawn out meandering calls about what you had for dinner/what Sue next door saw in the post office last week/the village gossip.

How funny, I like it.Must be a generational thing. A voice is the next best thing to human face to face contact.

@chandler Same here, I work in data.

Oh yes I absolutely loath phone calls... even worse at the moment with absolutely nothing new to talk about. So painful.

I also don’t like big whats app groups either and usually mute them so they’re not so intrusive. I’m the first to admit I’m quite unsociable! I am an introvert as well so just find it all exhausting.

@MarinaMarinara I think a lot of introverts can understand why extroverts feel the way they do, but it's really hard for extroverts to get their heads around why introverts are the way they are.

Personally I'm with the OP 100%. I loathe phone calls. They're intrusive because you either have to answer, or have the guilt of not answering and knowing that they know that you're deliberately avoiding them. It comes across as rude, even though, if anything, it's ruder for people to keep ringing those who've made it clear it's not their thing.

I don't enjoy calls at work, but they're easier to deal with because you're in a 'work zone', either physically or mentally - very different from being bothered in your downtime. Also work calls are to say something, rather than generic 'What've you been up to?'/'Not much, what've you been up to?' type conversations. It's so much easier to wrap up a typed conversation - you can make your excuses and just sign off, rather than trying to wind up the conversation after 5 minutes of it being stilted towards the end, with both parties telling each other they've got to go 6 times before anyone actually hangs up! Eurgh, such a waste of life!

I really have to psyche myself up for a phonecall if it's the 'catch up' kind. It feels like a kind of phobia. My anxiety levels shoot up when someone phones me other than my partner. I'd love to know if it was something that could be fixed as I worry about people thinking I'm being cold and aloof when really I'm just afraid of not having anything to say.

This thread is (unlike most) socially interesting because at 64, I have lived through times when the telephone was a message passing machine (1950s), with communication staccato for three minutes which was my late FILs default, via my DM's (1960s) use of the phone when local minutes were free and she would talk to her friends all evening, and they would agree to stop talking and make tea, because placing the call was the cost. In the 1980s I missed my sister and treasured very expensive Transatlantic calls that were infrequent but lasted an hour, and those with now DH in the latter part of the 80s which we an essential part of our courting but cost more than dinner dates in posh restaurants. Now we mostly have unlimited talk time and we don't talk as much because we are so focused on having a perfect life. But the newest revelation is the ability for DH to communicate via FaceTime with his 90 year old mum and for her to see and hear him clearly (for the first time in several years) from her care home thanks to the lovely chap who runs it, while we are 300 miles apart. We can't visit and hold her hand but that link twice weekly is beyond price.

YANBU. I quite like phone calls because the asynchronous nature of texting can make it slow and tedious for things that need a bit of detail. But I've never had anyone tell me what time they got up that day. That sounds really dull and I don't think I'd want calls like that either.

I don't like phone calls much at all. I need to see someone's face. I never know if it's my turn to speak. I'm really struggling with the many weeks of daily chats with my work team. It's the same every day and one of the chaps is a heavy breather and it is horrible to listen to.

Same. I need to be in the mood and I just feel so bloody tired by the end of the day.
It's not personal. If a friend said they needed or wanted me I'd be there for them like a shot. But random chat for the sake of it? Not so much.

@MarinaMarinara

It's not an introvert vs extrovert thing and of course phone calls aren't 'intrusive'. You simply ignore them if it's not convenient.

Some people are just neurotic about interruptions. That's not the same as being introvert.

The only people I call are my mum, my husband and occasionally my sister. Everyone else from my brother's to my friends is always text. I don't mind talking if people phone me but I don't like calling other people. In fact been trying to phone work for 2 days but just hate it so much.

I can chat for England face to face, but I HATE phone calls unless it's with someone I'm close enough to to say "I want to go now" without causing offence. It's as pp said - the onus of HAVING to talk is just ugh. At least at work you can sigh and say "OH well, back to it"!

It’s all about you OP and what you want is it?. Perhaps your friends are feeling bad and are needing the connection of a phone call.... just tell them you don’t want to talk to them and with a bit of luck they’ll give you a giant swerve ( you sound tedious AF)

I should probably add to the above that in the 1960s my mum was a young naval wife with two small children and a husband away at sea for two years in the depths of Cornwall without a car, and 200 miles from her closest relative.

I do wonder if this is a generational thing?

I love a good chat on the phone, and with friends it's a bit like having a coffee together these days when we can't do it in person.
However I did comment to a friend the other day how it's funny that we now schedule phone calls (especially if it's for a long chat/ catch up). In the 'olden days' you would just phone and if the other person was busy they would say so and then call you back!

All the folk on here saying you hate phone calls and prefer texting - let me guess you're under 35?

Exactly yes. If there's a point to the conversation then okay call me or ask me and we can discuss whatever you need me for, like last week a close friend called me for some relationship advice, we were speaking for an hour and it was a productive conversation. If it's just a load of noise about nothing please don't bother me!

Phone calls make me feel nervous. I usually ignore, wait a few minutes and text 'sorry I missed your call, was there anything in particular you wanted to ask?'
Video calls I just ignore full stop, it's like someone ringing your doorbell and barging into your home as soon as you open the door and plonking themselves on your sofa.

I'm late 30s by the way.

"I'm wondering what ages those of you who much prefer a text are?"

Almost 35 so not much younger than you. Even back in the olden days of the 90s/early 00s before mobiles became really common I found being on the phone very awkward so texts were a dream come true.

@XingMing loved reading your post with you reminiscing. How wonderful that your 90yr old MIL gets to see (and hear!) her boy 300 miles away

So those of us in our 30's are a mixed bunch of prefer text/love a phone call then.

I'm wondering what folk in the 18 - 25 age group are like. My nieces are in that category and think phone calls are scary and weird unless an absolute emergency. But they also have anxiety and other MH problems so that must factor into it.

100% relate to this

LettyBriggs Tue 28-Apr-20 20:18:42 I don’t mind people phoning me but it absolutely grates when friends video call me without it being pre planned.

^This!