To hate fucking "catch up" phone calls

[NotKeenOnSwede]

I hate people phoning me. I'm a texter. Unless I have anything important to say or it's been a long time since I've spoken to someone and there's genuinely things to catch up on I just can't be bothered with all that drivel about the shit we've all been doing today oh I got up at 8am oh I had my nails done. I only really phone my Mum and a couple of immediate relatives who I'm very close to, just to see if they're okay. When I meet up with friends (believe it or not I have friends) I'm engaging and friendly but I just hate phone calls. I have very little to say at the best of times and I'm just almost in pain waiting for it to end. I've told people before I rarely phone anyone and I'm not one for phones and they still call me. Why?! I'm isolating alone and it's really made me realise how little I need to interact with people. Please just take the hint! It's like a game of tennis, you have to keep it going. Can any introverts relate?!

I absolutely do want to keep in touch with my friends and family. I speak to several of them every day. On WhatsApp.

Ps I'm pretty shit at texts too. I'm just not 'intense' I like contact free and easy. Iike having friends but I feel easily bombarded. I'm an introvert these days and tbh I don'tike 'meeting up for a coffee' much either. I do enjoy it when I do eventually do it but I don't want to be harassed. There's a friend of mine who'll be like 'come round fjr a coffee' literally every morning after school drop off and I'm such a wimp that I make lies up. The truth is I just want to zone down chill out not speak to anyone and Potter about doing the housework and maybe read a book. I don't mind doing it the odd morning but hate the way you have to keep it up or ramp up the intensity. I just thank God I've got a best mate who's exactly the same.

I could have written this. OP are you me?! I hate phone calls and video chats. Just sod off and stick to texts, I have ab on online group chat with my friends yet they still try and phone. I'm very open about the fact I'm antisocial and don't want to chat!

If this is a genuine problem then why do people answer the phone. Just ignore the call and text a response when you are ready. It is literally your own fault.

Also, a lot of people on Mumsnet complain that they don't have friends - could it be because you aren't available except at a time/through a medium you choose? There has to be a level of compromise, otherwise no one would ever talk to anyone! Unless your family and friends all like to communicate in exactly the same way as you, there has to be a middle ground. E.g. one of my best friends doesn't like texting and I don't really like talking on the phone, but I do take her calls most of the time because I know it's what she prefers.

I wonder why posters are happy to read and chat on here but find contact with friends from real life intrusive? I am older tnan most on here. I find texting and WattsApp best for a quick exchange of information as it's less intrusive but I would rather speak on the phone than have a long back and forth texting session because I am too slow at texting. I will do it if the other person doesn't like speaking I would never just phone without texting "Are you free for a chat?" first. There are some real miserable fuckers on here though Best all round to grant their wishes and leave them alone completely.

I have one friend who still hasn’t mastered talking in to a phone properly, every call its like she’s talking through a balled up sock and 80% of it is me saying “say that again I can’t hear you” I hate phone calls anyway but I literally get the feeling of utter doom when I see her call popping up on the screen 😫

isittheolidaysyet GreytExpectations

I completely agree with your outlook on wanting more from friends. I posted a thread from the opposite perspective of OP and people called me needy selfish and annoying. This was pretty hard and made me feel very low, however I have text my closet friend to say a big apology for asking too much. I do feel there is a big imbalance between the expectation of thought and respect given to introverts that seemingly don’t want to connect anymore vs extroverts who are achingly lonely. I took this as something I should just suck up, it’s only been a day since I posted the thread and not sure if these feelings will last or whether I might feel resentful again. Is this just the feeling on mumsnet (potentially more introverts that wider world?) or reflected in real life too? Do we extroverts deserve some consideration?

I agree with rodehere that friendship requires a bit of effort and taking into account other people's preferences.

I run an international online business so I dont want people from other time zones ringing me at 3 am. I block international calls and customers can always email to arrange a time to discuss an important purchase.

I much prefer email because then I have a record of what clients and I have agreed with no misunderstandings. With text or email you can respond at a convenient time and consider your response.

I dont like unscheduled calls or visitors so I normally use a phone blocker. That way if I miss a call for a number I dont know I can Google it and decide if I want to call back. Close family and friends are on my white list and can get right through with strict instructions to do so only for emergencies.

I have long been used to working at home even before I began my company (I was an academic) and have always used online delivery so lockdown has had little effect upon me,

What an excellent post @Rodehereonthebus. I agree with everything you have said.

I think people are losing communication skills because so much is done electronically at thier own convenience. DH has had a lot of medical intervention over recent years, plus we are trying to sell late MIL's house , so ignoring the phone is simply not an option.

How do the non answerers deal with situations like these? NHS numbers always show as "number withheld".

This is not to mock ASD but I consider my communication style autistic. Call me if you need me/want me/have a point to the conversation. Drop the pleasantries. No 'how are youuuuu?' I'm totally cool if you ring up and say 'can I come round and borrow your carpet cleaner?' me: 'yeh ill leave door open. See you in 5' that'll do me lovely. I do however chat inanely to my84yr old aunt on the phone and can do so for ages. But we tend to reminisce and put the world to rights! I enjoy it and so does she. Perhaps it's small talk I hate. I do bloody hate small talk. Deep and meaningful or objective.

I don't like impromptu video calls but ok with phone calls. Depends who it is really, some people I could chat to for ages, others I really struggle with - I'm not great with small talk!

I am the opposite. I love phone calls, can't stand texting, for me it's the worst form of communication. I feel like people can't really be arsed with me when they text, especially when I've said I far prefer a phone call.

I much prefer a phone call ... and I am well over 35 but usually one of my closest friends (we met at primary school, now over 60!) and I will arrange a mutually convenient time to call via text and then have a good chat ... works great! But I have another old school friend who hates chatting on the phone, so we exchange lengthy emails.

Good point Rhodes ... compromise is always important in any relationship.

seekigperspectives I don't think opinion on mumsnet is typical. A proportion of people on here are avoiding real life and living in a virtual world for various reasons.

Paintedmaypole Interesting.. I’ve only just joined to try and understand my friends better (most seem to be retreating inwards) they have seemed to love video calls when we’ve done them, and they actually don’t want to get off them.. I am first to leave usually after hours.. but they are rubbish at committing to a time/ arranging them and I have wondered why there is a reluctance to reach out. I was really shot down on here when seeking perspectives on this as being selfish and self righteous.. I felt it was pretty unfair but have decided to not contact friends anymore unless responding... I will suffer but seems we extroverts are expected to suck it up?

Also just to add in early twenties along with friends who all have no kids or live in partners

Mumsnet posters seem to dislike extroverts, people who answer the phone, people who answer the door, women who keep their bra on all day, furloughed posters who don't stay in their pyjamas all day, weddings and anyone who doesn't like chocolate

I hate texting personally, I definitely prefer phone calls.

I usually prefer texting with most people. But thats because you can arrange to meet up with your friends and have fun out and about. Now I'm really glad for calls and zoom. Even when I'm cooking dinner or doing chores - but with very good friends.

Abso fucking lutely HATE them.

Pointless.

'so what have you been doing today'

EXACTLY THE SAME FUCKING THING I DONE IN THE OFFICE, BUT IN MY DINING ROOM.

We didn't do this in work as my line manager works in a different office.

And the video calls. The fucking video calls.

Exactly the same as the phone calls but with added fucking stress cos you have to do your hair and put 'real' clothes on.

And on the video calls - 'what have you been doing', but with a team of secretaries from far flung offices, that I've never met. THE SAME FUCKING WORK I DONE IN THE OFFICE BUT IN MY HOUSE. WHAT ARE YOU NOT GETTING HERE!!!!!

Why the FUCK do I care what Janice up in Oswaldwistle is fucking doing.

I hate it so much. It all stresses me out. Plus I have to fucking send an email every day to say I am sat at my computer ready for work.

It was always assumed when in the office, but now I have to do this.

I hate it in case you can't tell.

I'm with you OP I have never liked the phone. I love a FaceTime with my immediate family but otherwise I'm much happier to WhatsApp. I also love seeing my friends in person and we have had some Group FaceTime / Zoom chats since lockdown.

I would much prefer people to phone me, unless it is just a quick text that doesn't require back and forth texting. I don't like having full conversations over text. It's much quicker to do it over the phone.

Well I'm 57 and hate phone calls. Always have, but it's getting worse as I get older. I hate the ring of a phone, it unnerves me for some reason.
A quick text is so much better, then a face-to-face meeting, which I love. 😊