To hate fucking "catch up" phone calls

[NotKeenOnSwede]

I hate people phoning me. I'm a texter. Unless I have anything important to say or it's been a long time since I've spoken to someone and there's genuinely things to catch up on I just can't be bothered with all that drivel about the shit we've all been doing today oh I got up at 8am oh I had my nails done. I only really phone my Mum and a couple of immediate relatives who I'm very close to, just to see if they're okay. When I meet up with friends (believe it or not I have friends) I'm engaging and friendly but I just hate phone calls. I have very little to say at the best of times and I'm just almost in pain waiting for it to end. I've told people before I rarely phone anyone and I'm not one for phones and they still call me. Why?! I'm isolating alone and it's really made me realise how little I need to interact with people. Please just take the hint! It's like a game of tennis, you have to keep it going. Can any introverts relate?!

Completely agree with you OP. I much prefer to communicate in the written form! I find phone calls an annoyance and a waste of time.

It's probably generational. DH, who has a small, busy engineering business, prefers to pick up the phone, talk to the person, agree what's needed and hang up. It's short sharp and to the point, but not personal, but questions can be asked and answered much faster than by sequential texts. How big? Litres per minute? Pressure test?

There are old and dear friends in my life I can hardly bear to contact because their (very successful) life is so pressured compared to mine that I feel awkward (not quite unworthy) intruding. I am not offering them anything except friendship but we have no friends in common anymore, and I struggle to judge the depth of our current relationship, except that I think we'd move heaven and earth to help in a crisis.

@NotKeenOnSwede You are being unreasonable, it's the extroverts bless them, they're definitely struggling with social distancing!

I'm with you, I preferred text and I have absolutely no need to 'chat' with friends and family unless there is a need 😂

I'm not miserable at all, it might seem surprising but I have several friends and close family but I am verrrrrrry happy in my own company.

I'm actually quite tired out at the moment because I have been making a concerted effort to actually answer the phone as I know it helps the 'sociable ones' get through this

I'm an introvert but I do speak to a couple of people on the phone, maybe once a month. However I text them first, to make sure it's convenient.

I’m 50 and I hate phone calls and video calls. It’s not because I don’t love my friends and family - I have a huge amount of both which is lovely and I feel lucky about that. But I’m an introvert and unless you’re an introvert too it’s hard to get how it feels. Every phone call sucks the life out of you however much you like that person. I just don’t want to book phone calls and zoom chats and WhatsApp videos every day as it’s stressful! I don’t expect sympathy or or understanding, just explaining.

OP, maybe say you ''just have to go''...?
DS isn't a great one for phone calls, but I can always tell when he has had enough. like when all that has been said has been talked about} However the first video call on ''what's app'' was when my boiler needed re-filling with water, and I'd forgotten how to do it... so a video call showing boiler underneath really helped. {lockdown}

@sixthtimelucky I hear you

er… don't pick the phone up when it rings?? If you have a remotely modern phone it will tell you before you pick up who is phoning?

I find a back and forth text/Messenger/WhatsApp conversation far more annoying and time consuming that talking to someone.

This. My sister is awful for this. Organises things by text and it takes all day of back and forth. If she'd have called we could get things over and done with in 5 minutes.

I'm introvert, but would rather a phone call. I turn off all notifications on apps and stuff as I find them annoying and intrusive. I don't have facebook on my phone, and only a silent banner for twitter. So people are like "I've been trying to get hold of you all day". and I'm like "fucking phone me next time".

HATE all phone/video calls tbh. have had about 2 with each of the grandparents in this situation but ordinarily if my mum phones me it's because someone's life is in peril. if they are already dead she texts.

I’m absolutely the same. I talk to my mum and one friend on the phone and that’s it. And only her because she insisted on phoning me repeatedly because she knew I hated it and she found it funny. I’ve got used to it now and often speak to her daily. Besides those 2, text only thank you.

Same I hate them but live far away from my home town so it's endless. Literally about 9 different calls a week.

If I don't answer it's lots of 'are you ok' texts. Yes, I am fine, I'm always fine. I'm sure DP will call you if I'm not fine. We've been in lockdown 6 weeks what do you want me to say? I am still at home... I've read some books and worked. That's it.

I live in-person interaction, not calls.

It takes me no effort to have an easy text conversation. I can type without even looking at my phone.

@tomovemykids, thanks for enjoying my reminiscences... seriously, but that makes me feel older than any conversation I've had, ever. That was only my experience of how life and technology has changed! I still love new technology. Tech keeps life fresh, even for old folk. (And I would like to add that I'm not old, just grey.)

@XingMing - love your analysis and history of the phone. FaceTime is perfect in the situation you describe.

Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe's husband was recently interviewed and said their daughter engages so much more with mum when it's a video call, rather than a phone call.

I'm an extrovert and I've still grown to dislike phone calls. Got a couple of my close friends I like talking to, but we have known each other so long ( love them to bits) that sometimes I just can't be arsed as I know what they're going to say, and I'm sure they feel the same about me.

I am so impressed by anyone who can type a message without looking at the keyboard. Trite, but true.

Those of you who hate the calls/video messages - do you still hate them if they are frommsomeonenwho lives alone at the moment?

I think if it's from someone who lives alone it's pretty mean and miserable to be so resentful. Some people are literally desperate for conversation. I think we have to be willing to do it with a bit of good grace in the circumstances.

If it's people who have families and a wide social circle to zoom, again, I'd be willing to join in once, recognising some people are extroverts and have a need for interaction at this time - but think it's okay not to join in lots.

It's fine to have personal preferences about these things, but actually, isn't it also good to be aware of what other people might like sometimes and indulge them and especially when so many people are living alone, to actively force ourselves to engage with them too.

Sometimes (and now is one of them) we just have to do some things we don't really want to and not just think about ourselves - and social contact in some form beyond a text is probably one of those things.

I think some of you sound pretty selfish if you refuse to engage with people who are alone.

Impromptu video calls are the work of beezlebub

Me too. I feel a sense of obligation to call my parents, it hangs heavily on me. I feel bad saying that, but I would much rather text.

I hate it too. I had a thread about it recently (v short one!)

I'm big introvert but have to do phone and video all day for work. I can just about do that.

I hate hate phoning people cold for work but will do it if needed.

Outside of that calls make me panic a lot. Video is torment. I just hate and try and stay out of shot if I am with my kids. I'm worried I'll lose my friends over this during LD

I absolutely love phone calls, much better than texting, you can literally not give a shit about the other person and just text. It must be my age (nearly 50)

And to people saying your friendships will suffer - that's not how all friendships work.

My friends know that if I stop talking it's because I need to and vice versus.

I've had a phone since I was 9. I've never had a year of adult life without constant communication and information overload. Sometimes I need to power down.

@tomovemykids - there's an art to texting too, and it's not all emojis. From the grammar to the phrasing to gifs... I am rarely, if ever, misunderstood by my friends.

It's definitely generational though. And I'm an extrovert, just not on the phone.

Couldn’t agree more and it’s so much worse since lockdown.

I’m a self-proclaimed introvert but all my extrovert friends keep ringing, zooming, and skyping me, much more than they did before. It’s exhausting! Im still working but nobody else seems to be.

I wouldnt mind if the conversation was witty or scandalous but I really cant be arsed to listen to tales of Sophie’s bad back, Jayne’s cat’s fleas and the entire contents of Ruth’s kitchen cupboards!

Same. Luckily no one really calls me anyway 😂

absolutely grates when friends video call me without it being pre planned

People do this?!

It's worse at the moment becuase people can't really go anywhere so generally nobody has much new to say.