To ask if anyone else lives with an adult that makes noises ALL OF THE TIME?

[onceandneveragain]

My sister and her partner have moved in with me and my dp temporarily during lockdown for reasons too complicated to go into in detail. Initially we were a bit wary of this as both me and dp like our own space and dsis and her bf are huge extroverts but tbf we are all trying hard and it's been going ok.

The only problem is her bf just.cannot.be.quiet EVER. A lot of this is just general talking but when you don't really respond to him, I.e
If im reading a book, he just sort of monologues at you. When he's not talking, either to a person or to himself, he just makes random noises....I.e. rummaging in the cupboard "do we have more coke? I thought we had another bottle of coke...yes! YES! YES! We've got two bottles. Fucking sorted" when nobody else has expressed any interest or is even in the same room at him.

Or if he's wandering around he just makes random noises like "do be do be do do dah" not to any sort of tune just saying the words, a bit like a toddler sort of burbles.

He just seems physically incapable of sitting for more than a few seconds without making some sort of noise and it's driving me (and dp) mad!!!

we have asked politely a few times if he could be a bit quieter and in fairness he's agreed but there has been no difference. I don't think he actually realised he is doing it. So yesterday dp finally snapped when we were all sitting in the garden reading or chilling and he was doing his "la la de dah" and said "can't you fucking shut up for two seconds is there something mentally wrong with you?" And now dsis and her boyfriend are annoyed at us and talking about moving out (except they are not really in any position to do so immediately)

So...Aibu to expect a grown man to just sit in fucking silence for a few minutes? Fwiw I think dp was in the wrong to suggest there was something mentally wrong with him but I can't help but sympathise as I was seconds away from cracking and screaming at him myself!

I had an aunt like this. She once phoned us - in those days we had an answerphone with a tape in it - and used the whole tape up in a single long rambling message and hadn’t stopped when the tape ran out so was cut off mid sentence.

Oh, performance sneezers need a baseball bat to the head.

It's not hard. Breathe. Do not engage the vocal chords. There will still be a sound and we will know you have sneezed. Nobody needs to have you wandering around gaining attention before saying AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

and then HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! and blowing your nose like a poorly taught trombonist.

Nobody sneezes like that in horror films. Or war films. Or real life times of extreme danger. Because they know that if they do, they're fucking dead. And not necessarily from the enemy, either.

@Mitzik

Your post has really made me laugh👍👏😂

The fact is that your BIL probably does have something "mentally wrong with him" at least in the sense that this sounds like a tic he can't control. Nothing wrong with finding it annoying. I think you need to calmly and non-blamingly ask him to try to rein it in. If he can't then he can't -- you need to decide if you can live with it.

@SerenDippitty

My mum also just ruins every film or book with spoilers. She went to see Last Christmas I said ‘oh I haven’t seen it yet’ and she told me the bloody ending so no need to go and see it. She’ll give me x book to read abc tell me what happens so I usually hand it back as what’s the point I know who is dead and who did it, where and how! Even if you are watching something ‘oh I’ve seen this he’s doing x behind her back and the x finds out and then..,’

We don't live together, but I can always tell if toyboy is happy when we are together because he makes noises and sings all the time. It doesn't bother me at all.

I do this a bit - more fidgeting than Moises but sometimes I just need to blurt something out! I have ADHD so put it down to that. I’m not especially extrovert. Some part of me is constantly in motion though whether that be a body part, my mouth or most often just my brain.

I’m sure some people who are like this are just attention seekers or loud, but if it’s because of a neurodiverse condition you can’t just turn it off! It can be managed though - eg if I’m in a meeting and I get the urge to say something I don’t need to, I write it down and that takes the urge away. I do know I fidget, I do know I sometimes talk or him when I shouldn’t, and I do do my best to control it but it can be exhausting to do so.

Moises?! Who’s he? I mean noises

Thought id update because something fairly amusing happened dsis and I were having a chat at one of the garden while her boyfriend was having a very loud video call the other end - he was originally sitting by us but we told him to move away because we couldnt hear one another over the sound of him! He finally hang up and sat back down by us when we heard our neighbour who was obviously sitting at the side of the fence "thank goodness he's finally shut up does he realise it's a phone not a megaphone."

bf looked a bit abashed.

For those who said dp should have said something politely and not snapped, as I pointed out in my op we HAD asked several times already -both politely and in a jokey manner but he just doesn't seem to get what he's doing "wrong".

And I'm sorry but the poster suggesting we should just get noise cancelling headphones 🤣 great idea for a noisnoisneighboury neighbour but surely you can't suggest we all sit in our own house with headphones in all day?!?!? Apart from anything else, how are we supposed to have conversations with each other, hear the door going, or dogs barking/children crying or whatever!

Luckily nobody in my family like this, if they were like it they wouldn’t be around for long.

I do have a neighbour who SHOUTS instead of talks. We are in a terraced house with a shop/flat one side and a house divided into two flats the other side, and this one neighbour is the only one we can ever hear.

I also clearly remember being in the cinema next to a woman who narrated the whole movie and her thoughts to her poor long suffering husband who was the other side of her. “Oooh, look what he’s done now, I wasn’t expecting him to do that!” I was murderous. The movie was mother! and the more I watched, the more I was having fantasies about losing the plot and sacrificing this woman.

Also had an ex who whistled constantly to the point I’d grind my teeth with the effort of not shouting and swearing at him. He would also get home from work every day, walk in through the front door, and immediately let out a loud belch. Every day. I’d have my hands balled into fists and be all tense just waiting for it. I don’t know why I stuck it out for so long. I recently watched the Daniel Sloss show on Netflix, “Jigsaw” and I so related everything he said to this relationship.

God, your dp was incredibly rude. Absolutely horrible.

Sister's bf probably does have something wrong with him - sounds like ADHD which is very difficult to control.

my dh grunts when sits down. He grunts when he gets up. He grunts when he turns on the kettle, and he grunts when he makes a sandwich.
Plus, he has to be asked to shut up sometimes, as he loses the filter to only say things of interest, not just everything that comes into his head (like Lucy Mangan said of her mum - 'never an unexpressed thought'.
But he is usually cheerful. Which makes up for everything. I can put up with all the above, but couldn't stand being married to someone who was gloomy.

I can't stand it. My stbexh, needs constant stimulation, so the TV and his phone need to be always on. There is never a silent moment. He does't do the talking thing, but the constant noise of the TV and or his phone at the same time drive me insane!

My son is noisy always taking, whistling or making some sort of noise. He is very intelligent, so not sure if its a constant stimulation thing or if he is just annoying, he's 9!

" And now dsis and her boyfriend are annoyed at us and talking about moving out (except they are not really in any position to do so immediately)"
And presumably ensuring you hear them talking about moving out? Personally, I'd be encouraging them to do so, even if I knew it wasn't possible. Because the reason they've made sure you hear them talking about moving out, is to guilt you into shutting the fuck up about how you'd like hime to shut the fuck up. They are fine with you being made uncomfortable in your own home, they much prefer it to him putting on his big boy pants and making an effort to not be annoying. It's manipulative, and I tend to kick against anyone trying to manipulate me.

"I spoke to my sister about it but as picklemewalnuts described she says he doesn't realise he's doing it so it's unfair shouting at him."
Well shouting at him will make him realise he's doing it, so I disagree with her. Maybe she's fine with his behaviour; but that does not give her the right to impose it on other people.

"thank goodness he's finally shut up does he realise it's a phone not a megaphone."
love that!

I live with a throat clearer and you have my full sympathy.

Cambionome - well that's what dp meant and if he'd epxressed hinaelf better "look mate the way you make these noises all the time is really unusual are you sure you don't have adhd or something" it would of course have been nicer. But in fairness he's been working very long days in an upsetting job at a stressful time and is unable to sit in his own house in peace for a half an hour due to someone he's doing a favour for continuing to do something he's repeatedly been asked to stop doing. So I can't really blame him for snapping.

Bf says he doesn't have adhd or anything similar btw, but I don't think he's ever been tested. He either doesn't realise what he's doing or agrees that perhaps he is a bit loud (but blames this on having to shout as a pe teacher) and just being a bit of a laddy type, and thinks we are over sensitive. Dsis doesn't really get bothered by his loudness, but she is a reception teacher so used to people burbling incessantly at her! Although she has said that now I've pointed them out she is noticing them more

Anyway they are moving out the end of this week (into an empty flat so fine within covid guidelines)
They did offer to move out earlier but can't get fridge etc. In before then so I said it was fine as feeling guilty (and knowing dp will be out of the house working this week).

My DM is guilty of this. Wafflewafflewaffle... Tangenttangenttangent... THEN she'll say...

"Anyway, long story short"

THAT PHRASE DOESNT WORK IF YOUVE ALREADY TOLD THE LONG STORY!!

DH does this. It's definitely attention-seeking.

He doesn't like silence and has to fill it. Constantly. Luckily he's still working while I'm off at the moment so I haven't had to kill him yet

Snapped at him? I’d have launched a slab/brick/chair at him.
Annoying twat, shut up or ship out!!

No answers I'm afraid. This would give me the rage. I like my peace and quiet.

However lockdown has increased my tolerance threshold for noise somewhat due to DS1's guitar playing for hours most days which comprises of very repetitive bits of tunes (he's obviously teaching himself new things so I see the need for repetition but for FFS 🤣).

My DP makes almost CONSTANT noise, which I do have to remind him I can also hear most days.

However, your partner was sensationally rude and casually ableist so I can’t say I blame them for not being happy about how he worded it. There are polite ways to say things, especially if it’s the first time you’re saying them.

DH can be the same.
Right now he had nothing to do so was just sat there huffing and puffing. Just go and find something to bloody do.

My brother, who has ADHD, will constantly tap out a rhythm. My dad gives a verbal running commentary over programs and when driving. It's worse since he retired.
Poor DM is in lockdown with both of them!

Why have you got a damp cloth? Is that chlorof-"
@GlummyMcGlummerson
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
How are these ppl in relationships? Why would you live with someone this unaware?