To ask if anyone else lives with an adult that makes noises ALL OF THE TIME?

[onceandneveragain]

My sister and her partner have moved in with me and my dp temporarily during lockdown for reasons too complicated to go into in detail. Initially we were a bit wary of this as both me and dp like our own space and dsis and her bf are huge extroverts but tbf we are all trying hard and it's been going ok.

The only problem is her bf just.cannot.be.quiet EVER. A lot of this is just general talking but when you don't really respond to him, I.e
If im reading a book, he just sort of monologues at you. When he's not talking, either to a person or to himself, he just makes random noises....I.e. rummaging in the cupboard "do we have more coke? I thought we had another bottle of coke...yes! YES! YES! We've got two bottles. Fucking sorted" when nobody else has expressed any interest or is even in the same room at him.

Or if he's wandering around he just makes random noises like "do be do be do do dah" not to any sort of tune just saying the words, a bit like a toddler sort of burbles.

He just seems physically incapable of sitting for more than a few seconds without making some sort of noise and it's driving me (and dp) mad!!!

we have asked politely a few times if he could be a bit quieter and in fairness he's agreed but there has been no difference. I don't think he actually realised he is doing it. So yesterday dp finally snapped when we were all sitting in the garden reading or chilling and he was doing his "la la de dah" and said "can't you fucking shut up for two seconds is there something mentally wrong with you?" And now dsis and her boyfriend are annoyed at us and talking about moving out (except they are not really in any position to do so immediately)

So...Aibu to expect a grown man to just sit in fucking silence for a few minutes? Fwiw I think dp was in the wrong to suggest there was something mentally wrong with him but I can't help but sympathise as I was seconds away from cracking and screaming at him myself!

Op you are a saint for allowing 2 extra people into your house.

I had my brother and his girlfriend live here before christmas and both are like this, my brother will huff, do a loud gulp and swallow and then on other occasions cough and click his fingers. She will click her mouth in little rhymes.

Christmas was the most stressful experience in my house and im so grateful that there house sale went through before all this because id have killed them both if I had it 24/7. it was bad enough for 6 months when we were allowed out.

and in fairness to your dp - i'd have done the same as him, some people just push you to that edge.

My aunt does this. She lives alone and has for 50 years or more so I put it down to that. She lives abroad and we often stay with her for a week or so, couldn’t do more! Then she’ll visit and stay with us for a few weeks and we’re demented by the end of it. She’s lovely and wonderful in every other way, but seriously the noises are non stop. It’s not even the chattering, it’s the constant throat clearing, random bursting into song, sighing and moaning in feigned delight over every mouthful of food - exclaiming that it’s ‘divine’ and then repeating the word divine and other synonyms in a range of languages, ‘ahem’ ing, clapping her hands for no reason, ridiculously over dramatic sneezes - all from the minute she wakes up before 6 until she eventually goes to bed. It feels like she needs you to be aware of exactly where she is in the house at all times, whether you might have been asleep at the time or reading or on the phone or working or whatever else.

Like I say she’s a lovely, kind woman so I swallow my irritation, but I think I’d struggle if it was any longer than a few weeks!

I agree with the pp, I think it's attention seeking. My ex boyfriend used to do it. Tapping his hands muttering, talking out loud, tapping his feet, drumming with a pencil .
It was like he was worried I'd forget he was there.

@Dogman2020 “clicking her mouth in little rhymes“ made me flinch, god bless you for not murdering her.

My mother talks too much, never stops, going from one random subject to the next making my head spin. Look up thought verbaliser.

My bil is like this; he has adhd and another disability....

Yeah, my DH can't ever sit still, he tends to make a lot of 'background' noise as well. When he's not at work or doing stuff around the house he will sit in the room and play guitar and will tap his fingers like he's playing the drums. If I'm honest the guitar noise doesn't bother me too much as he plays REALLY well, but there are times when I have to ask him to go and play it in another room or I will move to another room.

After DD2 was born I developed misophonia as DD2 is just the same, lots and lots of repetitive noises. The repetitiveness of the noises bother me the most, it makes me feel physically sick and I have on occasion thrown up because of some noises.

It's one reason that I like being hard of hearing, I can take my hearing aids out when it gets too much and will use ear plugs to block off the remaining sounds I can hear.

TBH I don't blame your DP for losing it, people who make noise all the time, even after being asked not to are fucking rude.

Sorry op I didn't mean I was laughing at your situation. I meant some of the responses on here that I'm finding funny 😁

Oh yes, DS1 is like this. Luckily for him he's old enough to have left home... I love him dearly, but he's so LOUD. The rest of us need a lie down in a quiet room after one of his visits

My dh can be like this. He’s been furloughed and keeps telling me facts about ladybirds and ants. I now know that male ladybirds can mate with a dead female ladybird for up to 4 hours before they realise something is wrong.

You’re welcome.

I've known people like this. It's been ADHD, severe anxiety or just generally un boundaried people.
I exploded with my ex Sil who did non stop ( anxiety) coughing and this clicky thing while rotating her ankles around from 7am until v late when she stayed with me. I can report that just screaming 'For fucks sake just fucking shut up and keep still' worked

Bloody hell.

How do you cope in normal circumstances, let alone in lockdown when you’re more or less stuck with these people?????

Yep, my lodger. Moved in a few weeks or so before lock down. I’m going insane!! I need my space. Every fucking weekend he’s in the garden.

He can go to his room to get time alone. Me in my own fucking house is now sitting in my bedroom to get some space. I want to sit in my garden, in the sunshine, and my book in peace whilst my child is playing online with his mates and I can’t! Or I could but I’d have to put up with the constant attention seeking behaviour grrrrrr

I have a child with adhd and tourette's. He is never still and never quiet!

Thank you so much for these replies! I was thinking perhaps I hadn't explained it very well but as much as I feel for the other posters experiencing the same thing you have described it so well it's made me realise it is a thing and he's not the sole person who does it

To those who asked:he's a p.e teacher. Used to be a semi pro sports player. And yes i think he would do it if home alone, at least he does it when he's in a room completely alone....although that doesn't tend to last long as he will trail around to try and find someone if he is left alone for more than a few minutes....

I spoke to my sister about it but as picklemewalnuts described she says he doesn't realise he's doing it so it's unfair shouting at him. She thinks it's like telling someone off for something they can't help, like heavy breathing, rather than soemthing they could try to stop, like swearing. I disagree but hopefully they will be gone fairly soon so am trying my best to hold my tongue!

Yes my DH is like this. He rarely has a thought in his head that he doesn't verbalise. While driving he will say "Oh, lady with a dog" or "People outside the shop". I laugh and say in my best Catchphrase style "say what you see". I have to get away from him in the house for at least a couple of hours in the day. I'm currently doing yoga (not) with strict instructions not to be disturbed.

My teenage son is a lovely boy, but he never stops making talking, making noise, fidgeting, tapping or sometimes all at once. He has ADHD and love to monologue at me about his latest gaming or anime obsession. He doesn't seem able to hold it in, he feels physically uncomfortable if I ask him to stop for a bit and gets upset about it. It is improving slowly but christ, it is wearing at times, however much I love him. I do get a breather to recharge in silence when he's at his dad's though.

Haha this thread makes me laugh!! I am very introverted and think I probably also suffer with misophonia - people like this actually give me stabby rage.

I think it’s attention seeking. They are Usually not very bright people but also extroverts - so they want to be centre of attention but have nothing useful / interesting / intelligent to say so are constantly making non-verbal noise ..... the emptiest tins rattle the most.

I don’t know how you put up with it. But at least you and your DH are united! My DH rolls his eyes and says I’m intolerant and precious (he throat scratches and his feet / toes click, drives me mad. His mum - who I’m very fond of - talks shit constantly and has every fucking telly on in the house at loud volume and it sometimes drives me to tears / outbursts).

I thankfully live alone but I work with someone like this, there’s never a moments silence and it drives me bananas. There’s constant narration and it’s often hard to work out which bits are just them talking to themselves and which bits are actual questions that they expect a response to.

People in general who make “thinking noises” (not even actual words) while on the phone irritate me as well.

I’m generally quite intolerant of others random noise, and fear that being on my own for weeks or months on end is just going to make it harder to adjust back to life in a noisy open plan office when we eventually go back.

Tbf I'm surprised a ladybird(man?) has the stamina for a 4 hour shag whether the recipient is dead or alive.

Omg YES! DH Never. Fucking. Shuts. Up. He'll either be whistling, singing, humming, talking or have some shite TV show playing on a screen in the background. Has definitely got worse over the years. And now we've got DC it's even worse, when he plays with DD he BELLOWS at her - I'm not sure whether it's performance parenting and I must hear that they're interacting; whether he thinks she's slightly deaf or has no idea that he's talking loud enough for the whole street to hear.

Drives me fucking ballistic. Coping in lockdown because he's a hospital worker, but on his days off it's either earplugs or me losing my shit and telling him to STFU.

I work with someone who if she isn't talking is fucking singing out loud. All. The. Time.

My mother was like this. She could never understand the concept of amicable quiet. She always felt that she had to talk all the time, otherwise, "You could the silence with a knife." What she didn't seem to appreciate that her constant talking killed any chance of a decent conversation stone dead.

My dp is fucking loud. Slams kitchen doors instead of closing them, talks at the volume others shout. It's very waring
.

Sounds like he has adhd