To ask if anyone else lives with an adult that makes noises ALL OF THE TIME?

[onceandneveragain]

My sister and her partner have moved in with me and my dp temporarily during lockdown for reasons too complicated to go into in detail. Initially we were a bit wary of this as both me and dp like our own space and dsis and her bf are huge extroverts but tbf we are all trying hard and it's been going ok.

The only problem is her bf just.cannot.be.quiet EVER. A lot of this is just general talking but when you don't really respond to him, I.e
If im reading a book, he just sort of monologues at you. When he's not talking, either to a person or to himself, he just makes random noises....I.e. rummaging in the cupboard "do we have more coke? I thought we had another bottle of coke...yes! YES! YES! We've got two bottles. Fucking sorted" when nobody else has expressed any interest or is even in the same room at him.

Or if he's wandering around he just makes random noises like "do be do be do do dah" not to any sort of tune just saying the words, a bit like a toddler sort of burbles.

He just seems physically incapable of sitting for more than a few seconds without making some sort of noise and it's driving me (and dp) mad!!!

we have asked politely a few times if he could be a bit quieter and in fairness he's agreed but there has been no difference. I don't think he actually realised he is doing it. So yesterday dp finally snapped when we were all sitting in the garden reading or chilling and he was doing his "la la de dah" and said "can't you fucking shut up for two seconds is there something mentally wrong with you?" And now dsis and her boyfriend are annoyed at us and talking about moving out (except they are not really in any position to do so immediately)

So...Aibu to expect a grown man to just sit in fucking silence for a few minutes? Fwiw I think dp was in the wrong to suggest there was something mentally wrong with him but I can't help but sympathise as I was seconds away from cracking and screaming at him myself!

@BlessYourCottonSocks oh my god I’d have patio’d him by now. Whistling is the one sound I cannot ducking stand. I once had a whistler behind me on the boarding queue for a flight. After 20 minutes of the timeless shote I whipped round and said ‘can you please please stop whistling it is the most annoying noise on earth!’ He looked shocked but shut up.

God I had a colleague like this who narrated everything eg answering her emails "ok Best regards, witterer, ok now click whee away we go ok what's next oh here's an email from Sharon oh ok Sharon I'll do that....yes..good, sent that...now where's that file I need oh here it is over here so I'll just pop this print-out in then back on the shelf we go tum te tum"

all. fucking. day AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

When you asked him to be quieter, did he understand that you meant STFU entirely for a while? Or did he think you meant 'turn down the volume?'

I had a colleague like this - ended up calling her The Irksome Mutterer 😆 god she drove me crazy, she'd witter at just a low enough volume for you to miss what she said, and when you said, "Sorry, what?" she'd say, "Oh, I was just talking to myself." Well, maybe DON'T!

My BiL sings. Constantly. I can’t spend more than a couple of hours in his company 😆 DH tends to sing a bit but much less intrusively than his bro…

SociallyDistant
Oh my god, that's bloody hilarious! 🤣

my partner mumbles his thoughts and his actions

so if he decides to do something hes talking about it

if hes thinking about it hes saying it at the same time

if hes doing a task hes talking about what hes doing so you can imaging when hes in the toilet or bathing

i then have a 15 y old(6ft 2 btw)with physical tourettes so his body and head is jerking constantly(why i mentioned his height)

i then have a 9 y old(5ft3 so not child size) with spd and adhd so he cant physically keep still and is on the go or climbing things

as you can guess my living room is a burst of activity and noise,we dont get one quiet calm hour as both boys need 24/7 care and cant be left alone

Obviously that was rude of your partner OP, but that type of twittering on would stress some people terribly and could drive you mad.

I couldn't be around that fulltime.

OP, he needs to tone it down or move out.

This coukd go on for weeks more, maybe months.

His problem is not your problem.

Your partner should not be driven mad while he twitters on endlessly.

My brother can't stand silence at all. He says it makes him anxious. So if he's not "on," some electronic is. My least favorite "silence killer" of his is his imitation of the whiny Skeksis from the original Dark Crystal movie.

My grandmother would never stop talking or nattering to herself. Drove my parents mad.

You have my sympathy. I could have written this OP. DH is INCAPABLE of sitting quietly or even remaining in one position for more than a few seconds. He also plays the radio non stop all day, ( I effing Hate Talksport with a vengeance!) and in the evening, unless watching TV just has to play music. There is never any peace or quiet if he is around and I'm ready to kill him after five weeks of lockdown! If we share the sofa ( not often now!) he's forever bouncing around or getting up. When he gets up he chucks his blanket ( he just has to have one over him at all times) over me so his space his clear to sit down again!! It's like living with a hyperactive toddler with mental issues.

This must be annoying but whoa, your DH was rude.

I don't agree with PP saying people like this are being passive aggressive - I think people are either like this or they're not, and the noise makers can't stop completely any more than the quiet ones can start making noise 24/7.

They can of course make a conscious effort to give it a rest for certain periods though, and in normal circumstances they should be expected to do this or move out.

These are not normal circumstances though, and if they can't move out, I think noise cancelling headphones are your friend.

This is the usual conversation I have with my mum.

You know Janet? Jim’s cousin’s wife?

No.

You do know Janet. Jim’s. Cousin’s. Wife! Owned the shoe shop!

No. I know neither Janet nor Jim.

Yes you do, I went to school with Janet’s best friend, Dot!

I don’t know Dot either.

Dot who lived next to Rose! Rose who went out with Dave!

No. I still don’t know Janet, Jim, Dot, Rose or Dave.

SIGH.

Well. Janet’s dog walker told me last week that Margaret passed away in her sleep.

I’m sorry to hear that....but who the fuck is Margaret?!

The other thing she does that drives me INSANE is ringing up to say you know Betty? You’ll never guess what.....

DEAD.

She’s a cheery bastard, my mum.

My Mum is like this, she cannot be quiet.

She will be whistling if she’s in a room doing something on her own, or have the radio on. In the car she has to have the radio on, singing if there’s music. Can’t watch tv without talking through it. Otherwise, it’ll be “oh where is this”, etc and the running commentary you describe.

I quite like quiet!

artistformerlyknownas I think it’s sometimes passive aggressive, sometimes not.

My youngest son does. Its exhausting. He has ASD so its usually a repetitive monologue. I love him but its very trying.

@Vedaisawesome my OH is exactly the same, it's like he's adverse to being in a quiet room. He'll be in the kitchen and put the radio on, move to the dining room and put the radio on, then onto the lounge until there's something playing in every room!

Clicking his fingers, tapping, whistling, random noises, talking to himself... I do wonder if he does it so much when I'm not there. Sometimes I'll be upstairs and hear him downstairs so I suspect he does.

The only reason he's bearable is because I love him but sometimes I have to tell him very directly to shut up!

Sorry OP no advice for you but YANBU it can be very stressful.
I think people who are like this just aren't conscious of their behaviour and don't realise it can be annoying. Once you point it out it may improve :)

Wasn't it Douglas Adam's in Hitchikers that said if people stop talking, their brains then have to start working, so they keep talking so they don't have to think...

I'd agree with them that they should move. I'd have told him to stfu ages ago. He'd drive me batshit.

Whistling makes me murderous. My friends husband does it and it's awful. He also narrates everything. I'm just putting the kettle on, ooh better get the milk out , ooh one sugar for me. Mmm that's a great cuppa ooh a biscuit too . To himself ffs.

F

I had an ex who was like that - used to make irritating stupid noises constantly! That’s why he’s an ex...

My brother in law is a bit like this. He also talks over you in conversation. He's also an extrovert, loves being centre of attention, laughs at his own shit jokes and is a complete pain in the arse. I can hardly bear five minutes in his company.

My so shours even when you are next to him. He talks absolute shite all day and likes real life stories. These are ; the poor dog that fell over, the ambulance that broke down at the petrol station, the drunk man outside the swimming baths and van that knocked off the wing mirror. There consequences if a detail is missed. He loves a catastrophe story with a happy ending he is only 3.

Sorry "my son shouts "

My husband and someone at work. I just say every time they're annoying me. Can you stop that please. Can you talk quieter please. Sorry I'm reading you're distracting me. I just need some down time at the moment can we talk later. Csn you stop singing please. DH is getting good at sometimes recognising it himself, been living together about 6 years. Have fun. It feels a lot better saying it though than letting it build up.

I travelled for 3 weeks with a friend like this. More than the talking, it was the incessant fidgeting that got to me. It made me feel so unsettled. I finally mentioned it to her, which made it worse, now that I look back on it. I think I would have more compassion today, but back then I wanted to strangle her.