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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who should pay?!

288 replies

Boatymcboatofftheboat · 25/04/2020 21:17

The specifics of this are incredibly outing so changing a few of the details (hopefully it still makes sense! Please bear with me):

My friend has a boat she can no longer afford. I am interested in her boat, but not 100% sure I need one at this time. We had an agreement before lockdown that I would have 100% ownership of the boat for a trial period of 2 months (all of April and May). I would pay costs totalling 350£ a month for this period. In exchange I would have 100% use of the boat and my friend would not use it at all. Because of lockdown I am not able to use the boat, but I agreed to pay before this and a deal is a deal/I value my friendship so have paid for April and planned to pay for May. However my friend has mentioned several times that she has been using the boat during April.

DH thinks I would be crazy to pay for May as agreed since I have not used it and actually friend is using it which breaks our agreement/essentially means I am paying for her to use her own boat.

I am in two minds as I value her a friend and don’t want to be petty, and lockdown is not her fault obviously - but equally I’ve paid one month and I am rankled she has been using it.

YABU - pay for May as agreed
YANBU - you paid for one month already and that’s enough/don’t be a mug

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
donquixotedelamancha · 25/04/2020 22:24

It looks more like a racoon to me.

Don't be silly. Whoever heard of a racoon selling ice cream?

Original poster
Boatymcboatofftheboat · 25/04/2020 22:24

@LochJessMonster

Please, please do not introduce trains into this

OP posts:
BeesandGees · 25/04/2020 22:25

You can’t properly try out a horse at the moment, yard would rather you are not there and even if they were ok with it you would be silly to try out all those potentially risky things you should really try out before buying a horse ( does it hack out alone / in company, is it ok in traffic, open fields, to jump, go for a gallop without bucking you off etc etc etc) so effectively the current situation has meant a proper trial is not possible therefore your friend should not expect any financial contribution from you until situation changes.... not much of a friend if she can’t understand that!
The horse is hers so it’s her responsibility to pay for its livery bill whether she is riding or not - your agreement was for a trial period to see if the horse is suitable for you, riding is essential for that and clearly can’t take place at the moment. I would ask her to postpone the agreement /payment for a more suitable time (if she decides she is selling - would a share with her work?) whatever way you go, get a horse at some point!

HollowTalk · 25/04/2020 22:25

Did anyone else burst out laughing when the OP admitted it was a horse?

Fruitsaladjelly · 25/04/2020 22:26

I think you will have to write off the first month, really bad timing. However I think it’s fair to speak to friend and say you are still really keen to have the horse on trial but you actually want to have the chance to have it on trial ( a month should be more that enough to know if it a good fit ) and can you change the month to another month as she is able to ride and you aren’t, if she says no I think it’s fair not to pay any more money. If you had bought the horse already you’d need to ride it corona or no corona, I’m sure you realise you can’t just turn a horse away and expect it to keep condition, it certainly isn’t fair to expect to do this to someone else’s horse particularly if they are thinking of selling it soon, if this drags on and you continue not to buy it but also not ride she could end up having to try and bring the horse back to fitness and sell it going into the winter which will be a lot more work for her.

Lemonblast · 25/04/2020 22:26

It’s not ice cream.
It’s that swanky gelato stuff.

Original poster
Boatymcboatofftheboat · 25/04/2020 22:26

@beesandgees

Wonderful - thank you I will steal what you have written and reword it (without any huge fuck ups i hope) as a very sensible reason why we should postpone! Thank you

OP posts:
Colouringaddict · 25/04/2020 22:27

You know if you decide to keep the panda/tiger and you go all Joe Exotic and keep it in a cage in the back garden, then try to breed it with another panda/tiger, you have to supply panda/tiger porn? That might double your cost of £350 and you will have to sell the boat!

Original poster
Boatymcboatofftheboat · 25/04/2020 22:27

@HollowTalk

I’m pleased you laughed - I had concerns people would think it was a wind up 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
bettybattenburg · 25/04/2020 22:27

How can you possibly think it's a racoon when it's the height of a zebra. I think it's a panda/zebra cross.

lljkk · 25/04/2020 22:28

Given your friend didn't think she'd have these expenses, and so she didn't give herself other ways of getting rid of the Speckled Flying Dragon (I mean boats are so boring, why say boat when you could have said it was a Griffin or Niffle, Hungarian Horntail or somesuch?) -- splitting the costs is reasonable. You pay for April & she has May to call the deal quits. You both reset a different deal in future if seems like the right opportunity.

Original poster
Boatymcboatofftheboat · 25/04/2020 22:28

@Colouringaddict

Yes but I will make It all back from the Netflix documentary.

Unless that meddling Carol Baskin gets involved.

OP posts:
cz123 · 25/04/2020 22:30

Firstly, you should have posted in the tackRoom topics!

But basically you agreed to take the horse on loan.

It’s really different from a car and boat because riding it isn’t putting miles on the clock and isn’t causing depreciation; in fact not riding a horse may cause depreciation as it would become unfit or perhaps undo training.

When you loan a horse it’s basically yours. So the way I see it is that she is doing you a favour handling/ exercising the horse. On the other hand if the your friend was asking you to to contribute to the horses upkeep while you ride and get to know the horse, that’s a bit different.

PlanDeRaccordement · 25/04/2020 22:30

If it’s a horse it needs to be taken out and exercised. It’s not like a boat you can dock and forget about fir two months.

Just apply what you’ve paid to a later month when lockdown is over.

Original poster
Boatymcboatofftheboat · 25/04/2020 22:31

@cz123

How did you want me to post in tack room
Whilst pretending it was a boat?! 😂

OP posts:
beebeedandelion · 25/04/2020 22:32

You can go tacking on a sailing boat Grin

SunshineCake · 25/04/2020 22:32

YANBU

You paid for one month and didn't get to use the boat.
She got to use the boat for one month when she wasn't meant too.

Equal.

You don't pay anymore.

Then I read on and see it is a HorsePandaGrin. I'm still in shock that I guessed horse.

She doesn't sound very nice or maybe she's just not very bright but either way do not pay anything else.

Original poster
Boatymcboatofftheboat · 25/04/2020 22:32

Everyone saying the horse needs to be ridden:

Please RTFT! The yard banned this for several weeks. And the horse being ridden isn’t really the issue. Of course I am happy that the horse is being ridden! This is just an exceptional set of circumstances wherein I think it’s fair for us to each handle a month of payment as it has not been possible for the agreement to be fulfilled as discussed.

OP posts:
glitterbiscuits · 25/04/2020 22:32

Can a horse travel by boat?

ponchek · 25/04/2020 22:33

Um, how bonkers is this?!

You were taking over paying the livery for two months and the horse was effectively yours for that time. Lockdown happens (prior to you taking over) but you pay for April out of decency. A proper friend would have said no don't pay if you can't trial.

Anyhow now we come to May. The whole point was you visiting and riding to see if you want to buy the horse. You haven't even seen him/her fur 5 weeks and can't for the foreseeable future. There IS NO TRIAL. So of course you don't pay for May!! Especially since now the horse most likely isn't even for sale!!!

burritofan · 25/04/2020 22:33

It’s really different from a car and boat
Finally some sense on this weird thread! A horse IS really different from a car and boat. It shits and neighs and stuff.

Original poster
Boatymcboatofftheboat · 25/04/2020 22:33

@SunshineCake

It’s amazing how many people
Rumbled me from
The OP

I’d be interested to hear other suggestions people would have substituted for horse...

OP posts:
Original poster
Boatymcboatofftheboat · 25/04/2020 22:34

It shits and neighs and stuff

This has really, truly tickled me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Boatymcboatofftheboat · 25/04/2020 22:36

Maybe MN should edit one of the cars back in so as not to confuse any newcomers

OP posts:
Lemonblast · 25/04/2020 22:36

I can’t believe no one has ever heard a car neigh.