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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Some people enjoy patronising and depressing others

999 replies

Esprohuy · 25/04/2020 13:11

Clearly everyone is having a different experience of the current situation. It seems to me from the posts here and elsewhere that MN is full of people searching for threads from people either asking genuinely when others think the restrictions may be reduced, or people expressing mental or emotional.distress due to being locked away, sometimes alone. The pattern is the OP posts, there are a couple of sympathetic/in the case of lockdown speculation dovish opinions then the Depressor swoops, usually with a formulation along the lines of:
If you think these restrictions will be lifted anytime soon you are a naïve fool. Christmas will be cancelled and things will never fully return to normal

In the threads expressing mental distress their standard formulation is a variety of:
FFS pull yourselves together. It's been (insert number) weeks, how the F do you think people coped in the war the. All you are being asked to do is stay in and watch Netflix

There seems to be a remarkably large number of people among this cohort who claim grandparental involvement in WW1/2 and have a partner/sibling serving as a front line NHS worker. These depressors seem to scour MN looking to pounce on people expressing povs like the above.

OP posts:
Orangeblossom78 · 01/05/2020 11:59

Also, some of the replies to those abusive husband posts are something else!

"Your husband isn’t imposing the lockdown - this is a global crisis! And it’s to stop you or any of the family getting this horrible illness. Life with small kids is never easy but you just need to get through this. He shouldn’t quit his job - the chances of getting another at present are very uncertain. Is he working from home or going out? You need a better routine if at all possible. Explain how you feel about cleaning up after him etc and try to get him to help more when not working. It isn’t just you struggling in lockdown - it’s global."

Yes, blaming the mother and telling her to suck it up, that's MN atm and it isn;t pretty

TeacupDrama · 01/05/2020 12:02

Dementors seem to believe it's a punishment for Brexit so naturally regardless of which way you voted whether we lockdown hard or soft it is better in Europe
the fact that people were lying in hospital corridors on blankets in Italy and they are not enough PPE even by UK standards, they sang on balconies so it was better, it is better in Sweden because they are left wing and pay lots of tax and have a good social system ( i'm not arguing against that) Belgium being a small country has fewer deaths so it must be right ( even though it's death rate per million is very high)
For dementors it has to be worst in UK "I've made up my mind so please don't confuse me with facts" and if it isn't according to figures, it still is because of Bojo or some hidden facts that they are keeping from us or hiding deaths or something
also for dementors it is better that only 30,000 die of covid and 60,000 die of cancer untreated strokes etc that it would be for 40,000 to die of each because more die of covid its worse even though the total deaths is 10,000 less but Maths like that will send them running for the hills ( sorry several trips up and down their indoor staircase)

please I need to know how to get dementor icon I can't find it

Springersrock · 01/05/2020 12:07

@TeacupDrama - if you’ve got an iPhone, it’s in the activity section of the emoji keyboard

Or type ‘chess’ and it pops up as a suggestion

Some people enjoy patronising and depressing others
TeacupDrama · 01/05/2020 12:09

i'm on a PC, I don't have an iphone ( and although I don't really want one as have a perfectly good smartphone of another brand)
I could wind dementors up by enquiring when apple shops will open again as I need one now or get one delivered mmm or both !!!!

everythingisginandroses · 01/05/2020 12:17

We bought our son a Macbook during lockdown, Apple are stll delivering. Take that, Dementors! Grin

Teateaandmoretea · 01/05/2020 12:17

They've had lots of riots and violence in Paris I understand.

Yes but that’s just the frustrated underclasses who don’t understand. It has nothing to do with most French people. It’s different, they can disown their idiotic thugs whereas we are all responsible for ours.

trappedsincesundaymorn · 01/05/2020 12:24

Ooooh there's a new thread that looks promising...about the 2 metre social distancing...it's only 1 page in (well it was when I last looked), but they've started already. Apparently our urge for a MaccyD is going to kill us all.

Springersrock · 01/05/2020 12:29

I’m desperate for a McDonalds

I’m also desperate to go to the pub. I spent an hour at our livery yard last night twatting about making TikTok videos with my daughter. How did I sink so low?

trappedsincesundaymorn · 01/05/2020 12:36

"Dementor" has made the list of MN catchphrases "you dislike"...take a collective bow people we have the recognition we deserve. Grin

Tappering · 01/05/2020 12:39

@Orangeblossom78 yes I saw that response on the H imposing lockdown thread. Felt really sorry for the OP; last thing she needs is a fucking dementor slapping her round the chops online when it sounds like she lives with one already. (Tis Fallon BTW, I regularly NC!)

Waxonwaxoff0 · 01/05/2020 12:47

I'm on the thread about wanting to travel after lockdown. Predictably lots of Dementors on there insinuating that we're awful for wanting to travel, the terrible impact on the environment, life will never be the same again.

BirdieFriendReturns · 01/05/2020 12:57

Oh yes, travel will never be the same, you’re never going on holiday EVER AGAIN.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 01/05/2020 13:02

Somebody described cruise ships as "floating infection hubs."

Drivingdownthe101 · 01/05/2020 13:18

There’s a thread running with someone asking if she’s BU to want her child to go back to nursery.
Cue someone telling her that she is being very unreasonable, people are dying and if her kid is happier at nursery than at home she needs to look at why that is.

Havartitomeetyou · 01/05/2020 13:36

Going back to the OP post:

There seems to be a remarkably large number of people among this cohort who claim grandparental involvement in WW1/2

Ha! My nan, by all accounts, spent most of WWII chasing after (not that they were exactly running away) and having “dalliances” with a wide variety of increasingly unsuitable young men, having herself a fine old time.

I bloody wish...

FilthyforFirth · 01/05/2020 13:38

I just came on to comment about that thread @drivingdownthe101. I think the tide is turning on that one! One dementor and everyone else has pourned scorn on them. Perhaps there is hope!

Drivingdownthe101 · 01/05/2020 13:38

Haha. My grandad was active in world war 2. He’s dead now but if he wasn’t I can bet he’d be moaning about being stuck at home and not being able to go out for his paper and for his lunchtime pint Grin.

Havartitomeetyou · 01/05/2020 13:45

I had a coughing fit in the middle of the pavement during the clap for NHS thing yesterday because I was walking home from the Chinese takeaway and a bit of prawn cracker went down the wrong way.

Where do I hand myself in for ritual flagellation?

MinesaPinot · 01/05/2020 13:45

Waxonwaxoff0 I'm on the same thread. They really are out in force on that aren't they, and I saw the cruise ship description. There's also a post on a separate thread that wanted the cruise industry to go bust and described cruise ships as "floating council estates".

I am so fed up with the smug "you'll be mad if you think you're travelling anywhere in the foreseeable" posts. They don't want to - fine - I'll be glad if they stay miserable under a rock.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 01/05/2020 13:48

MinesaPinot honestly! "I don't want to travel anywhere ever again, I want to stay at home forever" fine, there will be more availability for the rest of us then. As soon as we're able to, I'm out of here.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 01/05/2020 13:51

I spoke to my Uncle today as it's his 85th birthday. He's been out twice for a drive this week and is planning on going to M&S to do his shopping next week. He'd been pretty much housebound for weeks before lockdown as he'd had a hip replacement and I think boredom really has set in. I didn't try and talk him out of if as I don't blame him!

IcedPurple · 01/05/2020 13:58

Waxonwaxoff0 I'm on the same thread. They really are out in force on that aren't they, and I saw the cruise ship description. There's also a post on a separate thread that wanted the cruise industry to go bust and described cruise ships as "floating council estates".

There's a lot of nasty sneering snobbery on that thread. It will be great if Wayne and Sharon from Sunderland don't can no longer have their annual 2 weeks on the Costa, but of course those who can afford 'eco-friendly' trips to the Dordogne will be fine.

Alsohuman · 01/05/2020 14:01

For the last year or so of his life my dad was pretty much housebound. His friend used to pick him up and take him out an afternoon a week for a few holes of golf or just a drink in the clubhouse. It saved his sanity. I’m so glad he didn’t have to endure this, I can’t imagine how miserable he’d have been.

OldQueen1969 · 01/05/2020 14:06

Another here to say thank you for this thread - it's taken me a few days to read the whole thing, but some of the fabulous wit on here has made me laugh out loud even though my Mum died of her cancer at home with us on Monday and I have been riding the rollercoaster of grief - in other words drinking too much and railing at the world in general.

So thank you for the "light" relief.

To the subject at hand, I have been more scared of being accused of rule breaking by curtain twitchers and SM Stasi than the damn virus itself...... my approach from the start has been follow the rules sensibly and hope everyone else does the same, but if they're not it's not down to me to police it, and anyhow, how can I possibly know?

I didn't even post on FB about my Mum coming to live with us four weeks ago for safeguarding because the Macmillan Unit balked at it as being against the rules - the GP and hospital OTs were very much in favour however and felt our shielding was up to scratch. Macmillan have since sort of said it was a misunderstanding and I know they are under pressure and have had to cut staff and relocate so I can easily forgive their knee jerk response now - but it did upset my Mum which rankled a bit.

Today I had to go into town to sort out some bank stuff relating to Mum and my crap admin skills - out town centre was quite busy but there are about three, maybe four banks in the same vicinity only open between 10 and 2 - all customers were orderly, queuing outside 2m apart, no bad atmosphere just resigned patience, so it makes sense that there would be more people in the area. And I have to say the bank staff were absolutely lovely, sympathetic, patient and sorted everything in record time which was amazing as I am very used to bureaucratic fubars - not this time though hurrah.

There is a saying that misery loves company which I think is true for some - I'm more of the slink away to lick my wounds quietly type due to intense conditioning from family and some dickish partners that one does not impose one's own suffering on others. Which makes it hard for people around me at the moment because I don't know what to do with sympathy other than thank them nicely and over-compensate with coping and apologies for disruption..... think I may need to work on a few things emptionally because otherwise vodka might end up being more than my friend......

The wonderfully named "Dementors" remind me of another personality type - those who are volunteers at events etc and are issued a Hi-Viz and a walkie talkie - and I speak from experience because years ago I was a marshall at the Bulldog Bash on the disabled campsite and was probably guilty of somewhat enjoying the little surge of power I was given while guarding campsite and its occupants from those who should not be there. I hope I was as polite as I was officious, but very drunk bikers can be tricky to wrangle lol - good times, though, good times.

I think there is a clear correlation between people who feel powerless to a degree in their own lives and when given a cause to get behind use it as a substitute in some way. I feel they need to demonstrate their worthiness and this is a great outlet:

"I have not left the house since before time began and never will again unless I am vaccinated and everyone else should be the same because otherwise we will all be murderers and die!"

I have read some really bizarre things on MN - I think freezing milk in ice cube trays is my favourite though.......

Fun times eh, fun times?

Owlbear · 01/05/2020 14:10

I think what I'm finding most tiresome about these types of people is their complete lack of empathy and understanding of different people's circumstances, on both sides. It's always the absolute stance of "You must do exactly the same as me Or People Will Die (because of transmitting the virus/economic collapse, delete as applicable)."

There's no understanding that different people will have different risks and choices to make in their own lives, and can state their own outlook without being shouted down as if they've said everyone should do exactly the same as them!

A person who has weighed up the odds and chooses to stay self-isolated after the official restrictions start to be lifted is not single-handedly destroying the economy. And a person who has weighed up the odds and needs to leave the house to go back to work is not single-handedly killing everyone they encounter. There are many good financial and medical factors which could affect everyone's choice differently and I think that nuance gets lost in the shouting.

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