To have told my SIL to fuck off?

[Ablemaybel]

A little background.
There was a major falling out between myself, DH with his parents and two sisters some years back. It happened after our DD was involved in a road accident. We are still in touch with DHs brother and his uncle on mums side.
After several months DH resumed contact with them, and visited regularly taking both of our 2 DC.
I was never invited back, (both SI live with their parents, one being divorced, the other never moving out) which has never really bothered me. They both said some really nasty things to me, and about me at the time.

Fast forward years and I'm still answering our land line to hear either one of my SILs say is DH there? I have repeatedly asked DH to ask them to call him on his mobile, and after what seemed forever he told me he had told them. We've had no contact for years, there was never any apology, and I was just fed up being their switch board.
A few days later they called the home phone again, before handing him the phone, I asked him again if from now on could they please call his mobile.
A few days later I pick up to, is DH there?
I was really fed up and without much thought answered oh fuck off, and hung up.

DH thinks I behaved unreasonably, and I think most of you may also think that. I'm just interested to see what people unrelated to this think.

Why is your husband continuing to have contact with people who have zero respect for his wife?

Very much this.

You're a legend OP 👊

Well done, you’ve made their day.

it’s his phone too!

And?

Given the history, surely it would be best to keep the confrontation (or opportunity for confrontation) to an absolute minimum. So a fair compromise would be to have his sisters call him on his mobile.

If the OP’s husband wishes to be as petty as you, perhaps the OP should just get rid of the landline altogether.

Well done, you’ve made their day

^^This!

OP, I think you either need to change the number or get rid of the landline phone.

I would see their continued use of the landline their pathetic attempt to not listen to your Dh at all and try to wind you up.

Complete respect for the fuck off. I bet it felt amazing.

I would be incredibly hurt that my Dh has maintained a relationship with his parents and sisters after upsetting you so much. Where is his loyalty? Does he feel they were in the wrong? Why has he done this?

For future, I would download a song ready to play and if they ring the landline again I would just put your mobile playing the song next to the landline and not get your Dh. Obviously the song is your choice, I am sure you could find one to convey how you feel.

I've no idea whether or not you are unreasonable, what I will say is that how you feel is understandable because they sound awful. However, doesn't there come a time when people forgive each other and reconcile? You're all grown up people after all. You don't have to become bosom buddies, just civil.

My mother didn't speak to her eldest sister (20 years older than her), and the sister's daughter, her niece, for eleven years because of some argument over a suitcase. It wasn't until eldest sister was dying of cancer in hospital that they reconciled and after that, she became reasonably friendly with my cousin who came to my wedding. I grew up with the feud, they all lived near each other and would see when out shopping or whatever. My mum would walk with eyes focussed straight ahead. Aunt would visit my grandmother who lived with another aunt,
on a Wednesday so my mum would not go there on a Wednesday under any circumstances even though she regularly popped in and out of that house, as did I.

Life is short but it takes two to 'make up'. If one offers an olive branch, the other or others may take it. If they don't the situations remains in status quo (no pun intended but surely better than being in dire straits) but at least somebody would have tried.

It sounds as though your husband has reconciled. I don't think telling anyone to eff off is particularly helpful, frankly. No offence meant to you by anything I've said, I'm not in your situation but do understand rows when children are ill are particularly fraught and remain seared in the memory.

Take care.

You weren't being unreasonable at all and I bet it felt great to finally say it. I'd have hung up every time she called. DH needs to support you and stop allowing his family to treat you like that.

Good for you. In future just put the phone down or as others have previously said get caller ID or an answerphone.

My mum lets her answerphone kick in and hears who it is first before answering

Loving your work OP

Pretty sure they're doing it just to annoy you, so no, YANBU.

Can you put a block on their numbers? do you have caller display so you can ignore the phone? Or maybe disable the landline forever anyway, as many people have done these days.

But in the interim, fuck off sounds like a perfectly reasonable solution. Next time, however (if there is one) just hang up without saying anything at all.

I'm waiting for the next thread:

"SIL driving wedge between brother and rest of family."
I tried to call my brother a couple of times a few days apart and SIL told me to Fuck Off. AIBU to think that she is deliberately being offensive?

Perfectly acceptable response :)

Haven't RTFT but I assume your husband has never asked them to ring his mobile because let's face it he's a spineless person who is willing to have a relationship with people who are horrible to and about his spouse rather than resolve the conflict.

YABU

I must be the odd one out here but I don’t think I could be bothered to get worked up about handing over the phone to someone. Even if it was to someone I detest (and I loathe my SIL), I think it’s all rather pointless and petty. You can hate each other, not speak but answering the phone being “too much” I find childish. In you DH’s shoes I’d be a little irritated by it all too.

That said, it’s your phone and if you don’t want to answer it to them, then don’t do it. Simply don’t answer if it’s one of for SIL’s/PIL- or if you notice it is them simply say to DH he needs to answer the phone. Telling people to fuck off isn’t massively clever IMHO.

Erm. No idea if yabu or not because of the limited back story. However, the 1980's called and they want their landline back.
Yabu if the accident which injured your daughter was entirely your drunken fault.
Yanbu if the accident was sil fault.

You're completely NC. In that situation someone has to be pretty inventive in order to get a rise out of you.

This is a pathetic, mean-souled, immature gesture. IMO it received the response it deserved (even if unfortunately it's probably exactly what she wanted). As nothing annoys people like this more than silence, you must have really been getting up her hooter for several years.

I hope you are permanetly rid. Block the lot. Life is too short for this BS. YANBU.

Can you block their number, I'm sure you should be able to although I have no idea how you do it.

Sorry, OP, but I think that's class. And I'm not one for confrontation. Sometimes it's just too much to pussyfoot around with this type of shit, though.

I wouldn't have responded that way. I'd either note their numbers using caller ID and not pick up, or I would have told them to call his mobile and put the phone down.

Are you sure he actually told them to call his mobile?

Switch the ringer off on your landline for a few days.

Just answer with “no. Bye” in future. They’ll soon get the message and stop ringing the land line.

You have a husband problem not an sister-in-law problem. Why is your
husband allowing his family to treat you like this?

Frankly, I don't blame you for telling her to fuck off though.

Well if they didn’t like it they know what they can do and that will solve everyone’s issue.

I think they’re being quite intrusive to continue to call your landline.

OP you are my hero! You rock