Cosleeping am i going to kill my baby?

[Whatthelockdown]

I keep being told im lazy, a shit parent, i will kill my child all because i co sleep.

I BF and follow the safe sleep seven, my DD will not settle anywhere else, wakes in minutes, but, in bed with me sleeps hours.

I always make sure it is safe, do not smoke, drink, have covers over her. But i feel absolutely awful.

I've tried sleeping apart but when i get up to feed i nearly fall asleep on the sofa or sitting up in bed and im too anxious to fall asleep so go on little to no sleep otherwise which makes me awfully cranky to my partner, baby and just generally awful.

Am i being an awful parent. Is this actually so dangerous? Also keep being told feeing her to sleep is an awful, lazy and down right crap thing for her. But otherwise she cries and works herself up and up til i give in and seconds later shes asleep.

I know deep down i am just lazy and a crap parent but i just need some clarity. Please.

Of corse you're not crap! You're brilliant!
I've co-slept with all 4 of mine to around 2 years. My midwife loves attachment parenting and thought it was great!
Keep it up, you're doing brilliantly.

Of course you aren't. We co-slept until DD was 6. More cultures co-sleep than don't around the world.
I'm in Italy and everyone I know co-slept at least some of the time.

I think it is safe if you follow the guidelines. I did it with 3 of my 4, wish I had done it with the first, the other 3 were happier more relaxed babies.

Ignore ignore ignore. You’re following the guidelines and millennia of mums have slept with their babies. In fact in tribes where cosleeping is the norm there is NO word for SIDS, just doesn’t happen.
Why would meeting your babies needs responsively be crap or lazy? 🤷🏻‍♀️

If you're BFing and co-sleeping I found you just become very aware of the baby and you don't move a lot.
You're not a shit parent at all.

Nah not if you're following guidelines. People love to make others feel bad for making different choices than they did.

If it works for you and your family then run with it

I am sure cosleeping must have been the norm at one point in human history and probably still is in some places. I don't think it makes you bad or lazy. Who's telling you this stuff?

TBH if I had my time again think I would invest in a side cot that goes next to the bed. But I didn,t with my two. I got a cot side to on my bed so baby won,t fall out. I coslept , it was saver then the other options. If you don,t smoke ot take medication which effects your sleep or drink then go ahead.(my hv knew and never seemed to moan either.)

Of course you are not a rubbish orvlazy parent. As long as you follow safe sleeping guidelines Co sleeping is perfectly fine. And it makes sense if you are breast feeding. It also means you can get some sleep.it's good for you and your baby.

Go for it and enjoy it whilst it lasts! I used to get up every couple of hours with DD then discovered co-sleeping with DS & didn’t ever need to get up in the night it was bliss!!

No you won't, if you get too close, you'll probably panic and jolt up. Breastfeeding in bed is convenient. If you're still worried get a next-to-me cot.

I’ve co slept with all of mine and I’ve had 4 all still here, I didn’t even own a cot at any point. I’m a light sleeper and feel perfectly confident doing it.

You’re doing everything that a safe co-sleeper does apart from actually allowing yourself to be okay with it. You’re missing out on the best bit.

If the baby won’t sleep in a cot the side cots might not help either. Didn’t work with either of mine.
If you follow the guidelines you are almost certainly going to be fine.
There’s a tiny amount of risk, and because of that I would rather have put them in the cot. But their instincts are telling them that you are the only safe place, and your instincts are telling you that they belong next to you.
And it’s so nice sleeping with them!
We had the little one in a cot but since lockdown he’s been back with us and even though he’s kicked me in the face a few times I like having him there.

Who’s telling you this? I cosleep, have done since the 4 month regression hit and can’t see it changing anytime soon as it works for us. Couldn’t give a shit what anyone else thinks. You crack on OP.

Just buy a cosleeper crib if you are worried about the risks.

@KindnessCrusader Thank you 🥰 just keeo hearing how bad it is made me anxious i was putting DD in danger.

@TheCanterburyWhales That's what i saw when i did my research, so was amazed to be stlll hearing it. Thank you 😊

@1forsorrow yes she's definitely completely different when we co sleep and she gets a good night but so am i lol

@Isadora2007 no idea i guess it must be an easier route to some people?

@icclemunchy yes i always follow safw guidelines!

@bluebooby my HV and DP's parents

@PicaK yes that's what i read, baby stays close to breasts also so is less likely to stray away, i always sleep in the recommend position also and alwahs keep it safe.

@june2007 yes, we have a cot uo next to my side, but, eben placing her in that she wakes in an 30 minutes maximum, reaching out searching for me but, if next to me sleeps soundly and just dream feeds

After nearly falling asleep in the chair while doing a feed, I was so greatful to the midwife who showed me how to co-sleep safely. She absolutely saved my sanity and also prevented any accidents from falling asleep unsafely wether in a chair or in bed.
I don't see how feeding baby to sleep and making things easier for both of you is being lazy. Do what's best for you.

Please change your perception of yourself and ignore those horrible people.

I know deep down i am just lazy and a crap parent but i just need some clarity. Please.

You are NOT a bad parent, you are DOING the best you can. You said it yourself you are following the guidelines, you're being safe.

You are unreasonable to feel that way about yourself.

Also feeding to sleep wise, I still let ds fall asleep in my arms at night before I put him in his cot at 9 months, I love the bedtime snuggles.

You're not lazy, you're doing what you feel is best for your baby and for you to get some sleep. Whoever is making you feel bad about your parenting needs to shush, they are being extremely unfair to you.

Be kind to yourself, as long as you are following the guidelines which you clearly are then you carry on :)

Hopefully the previous posters have reassured you OP. We co-slept in the early weeks too. I was always quite scared, but my husband loved it. Feeding to sleep is also perfectly normal. The "Dream Feed" can actually be administered whilst the baby is asleep (hence the name).

There are some parents who love to pick fault in other parenting techniques. There was a group of women who constantly criticised me for following baby-led rather than Gina Ford.

There is a lovely book called 'three in a bed' which is all about the benefits of co-sleeping

I think if you're breastfeeding and follow all the 'rules', then the risk is extremely low.

And what's the alternative if your baby is a rubbish sleeper on their own? You're only human and bound to fall asleep on the nth feed otherwise.

I didnt want to co sleep and ended up doing it out of desperation. I don't think either of us got any more sleep but it did mean that I could make sure it was safe before I fell asleep, which ended up being inevitable.

You're doing what a LOT of other people do. I think you need to find some better friends / family etc or whoever is giving this advice - it's no one elses business and calling any new parent lazy and saying they're going to kill their child is very unhelpful and nasty

I co slept my now 26 year old from birth till he was nearly 3

Cosleeping with my newborn here, having coslept with his older brother for 2.5 years. There is nothing wrong with it, done safely, which you are. It's the most natural thing in the world to do. Keep following the safe sleep guidelines and relax and enjoy the increased sleep!