Cosleeping am i going to kill my baby?

[Whatthelockdown]

I keep being told im lazy, a shit parent, i will kill my child all because i co sleep.

I BF and follow the safe sleep seven, my DD will not settle anywhere else, wakes in minutes, but, in bed with me sleeps hours.

I always make sure it is safe, do not smoke, drink, have covers over her. But i feel absolutely awful.

I've tried sleeping apart but when i get up to feed i nearly fall asleep on the sofa or sitting up in bed and im too anxious to fall asleep so go on little to no sleep otherwise which makes me awfully cranky to my partner, baby and just generally awful.

Am i being an awful parent. Is this actually so dangerous? Also keep being told feeing her to sleep is an awful, lazy and down right crap thing for her. But otherwise she cries and works herself up and up til i give in and seconds later shes asleep.

I know deep down i am just lazy and a crap parent but i just need some clarity. Please.

@YesThatIsMyRealName

Please, do provide me with some facts and evidence to support your totally wrong claim?

Another co-sleeper here with both my DC. Loved it. Everyone told me I was wrong, especially MIL, but they also told me BF was wrong too.
It took me years to realise I am not a crap mum and I have now amazing, well-adjusted young people.
You do what is right for you and your family.

Another cosleeper here too! Never intended to, had the next to me crib which she hated and as a BF baby she just ended up in with us. She’s 10month now and loves it, we have such a close bond and she’s the most secure happy baby. She slept through from four months too. Do what’s best for you both, ignore the idiots!

It's the most natural thing in the world.

Cosleeping reduces the risk of SIDS too if that helps you relax. Follow the safe sleep 7, don't drink, don't smoke, don't sleep on the sofa etc

Enjoy your baby ♥️

I had to Co sleep for my sanity. Both of my children would not settle anywhere else apart from in bed with me.
My husband slept in another room and I was in a king size bed with the baby.

My 1st child was the worst, I tried for a whole year to get him to sleep in his cot, during that year u probably survived on 10% sleep. It aged me tremendously and had terrible effects on my body and mind. I eventually gave in and Co slept until he was 3. When we co slept he would sleep all night by that point. It was amazing for us.

When my second child was born I'd only just got my elsldeat sleeping independently. Each time the baby cried it would wake him. So we co slept from the start. And she slept amazingly. Again did it until she was 3. Then she went in her own room no problem.
I can't say I enjoyed co sleeping, and I would have much rather they have slept in their own cot, but it was just something that I had to do to keep my sanity.

My kids are 6 and 9 now and we still sometimes Co sleep as they love the close ness. We always co sleep on holidays too

Thank you so much for all your positive comments! Seems its a very natural and normal thing to co sleep! One person has stated its not a great thing and dangerous but cant back up their claims so far.

I really appreciate all your lovely comments. Definitely makes me feel a bit better.

I wasn't trying to call anyone a crap parent for co sleeping, just keeo gettjng called it so got it drummed in to me that it makes me one! We are all amazing parents, only tryjng to do best by our babies!

We sleep with a cot up against my side of the bed and she always sleeps on the outside so not in the middle of me and DP so its like one big bed for her.

Always follow safe 7 and never smoke nor drink and co sleep. She sleeps much better did 6:30-7:45 with just dream feeds.

Its also great to hear some of yoj co slept and your little ones now eventually sleep in a cot alone!

Personally i love the snuggles and we both sleep much better together!

@YesThatIsMyRealName Where on earth are you getting this information?! Seems to me, you are making up completely false claims to scare this poor lady! I've personally never read an instance where when all safe 7 were followed but, of course it does happen, but its VERY rare. Please state all these websites where you have read this from?

Because it semestyou have come here, scared this poor woman given zero facts and buggered off when you realised there was indeed none!

I've co slept with my daughter since she was born, a midwife in hospital showed me how to safely. She's 16 months now and it's lovely being cuddled up, she likes her own side of the bed now and sleeps 12 hours a night.

We co-sleep, my DD would not settle at all in her Next To Me. We'd be awake pretty much all of the night, it was day 4 of being home, she was 11 days old, I was exhausted from a long stay in hospital and I desperately needed some sleep. It was never the plan to bedshare but I was always open to the idea, and that day I just decided to go ahead with it and we haven't looked back. I can feed her lying down, she sleeps soundly for a block of time, so I also do, she settles so easily, the difference is life changing. You're not a bad mum for doing what's right for you and your baby! I've had some raised eyebrows from a few people when people ask about it but she's not their baby and it works for us. No one has openly criticised though (about this at least, we've had opinions about breastfeeding, using a wrap type sling, allowing her to nap on me, but not on sleeping) and I'm sad for you if people are making you feel bad. You're doing amazingly.

@YesThatIsMyRealName clearly have no link then? Just spiteful for no apparent reason?

Enjoy your snuggles!

I voted yabu because you are being unreasonable saying you're a crap parent. Co-sleeping is totally fine if yiure not drinking, smoking, drugs taking (recreational or precribed). Stop beating yourself up, seriously.

I’ve co-slept from birth with all four of mine and they’re absolutely fine. It’s very commonplace in parts of Asia. If you follow the guidelines it’s perfectly safe.

Very interesting reading this thread. I don't know of anyone who co cleeps.
I have a 2 week old baby boy who enjoys sleeping most the day in his moses basket or on me but as soon as its midnight his eyes open and he stays awake! I know it's early days. He has his bottle every 3-4 hours.
I did want to breastfeed but had to be induced early and my boobs just weren't ready. I don't mind using formula, was open minded.
I'd be interested in co sleeping but think I'd worry too much and concerned about my weight as I'm 18 stone!
Hopefully he can learn it's night time soon and try and sleep a bit more at night.

I co slept with it both of mine. It allowed me to breastfeed them for much longer than I would have done otherwise. OP you are doing a great thing.

@chickennuggets86 they say in the early stages (before 4 months) not to co sleep if you arent breastfeeding as baby as no connection to thebl breast (BF babies always stay close to it and therefore dont shuffle away and a bottle fed baby doeant have this connection and breastfeedig mothers are apparently more in tune of a small baby at this point) although, as long the the sleep space is safe and you follow the safe sleep 7 its not the worst thing to do and plenty of people do, do it.

Can I ask all of you co sleepers a possibly daft question? How do you sleep without a duvet and not get cold? Do you have lots of layers on? Are you allowed pillows?

We never coslept so spent a lot of time bolt upright on the sofa drinking Diet Coke and trying to stay awake. Would consider it for the next one though.

Not exactly TJ.
The studies (Ball) say that it was found bf babies tend to sleep in a different position to FF babies when co-sleeping, not that FF babies who co-sleep are more at risk. FF babies in general are, by some studies, thought to be more at risk of SIDS than bf babies but that's nothing to do with co-sleeping.

@TheCanterburyWhales ive read a few things plus it said in my new starter pack from hospital if co sleeping to ensure you are breastfeeding, it states that it reduces risk of SIDS further. Also states about the positions of baby and mum but not really sure! I just know it is safer initially to BF and co sleep x

www.calmfamily.org/blog/july-20th-2015

Co slept with all 4 of mine and they all thrived, I loved it and it felt more natural to me.

@TheCanterburyWhales

evolutionaryparenting.com/bedsharing-and-formula-feeding/

www.basisonline.org.uk/hcp-bed-sharing-and-non-breastfeeders/

Stop being so hard on yourself, you are not lazy nor a shit parent.
Lots of people co- sleep, like lots of people have already said, it’s very normal in other cultures . There’s obvs safety guidelines which you are already following , alot of it is common sense.
I co- sleep every night with my 8 month old, she starts off in her crib but ends up with us for at least 4 hours during the early hours. It’s lovely, I love having her close. I’m still bf in the night and she settles much better next to me, we all get a better nights sleep from it, although I must say, I’m always more aware and sleep very lightly when she’s near me ,every movement or noise, I wake up.

You're not unreasonable at all. Loads of people co-sleep, always have and as long as you obey a few guidelines, all will be well. I co-slept and discovered many others doing the same who didn't want to admit it!

I breastfed but did not cosleep. However I fell asleep one time and woke up in the morning with her right next to me. I swear I had not moved a mm in my sleep and I was drenched in sweat. There must be something in your brain that knows. I think cosleepinh and doing it safely had got to be safer than falling asleep when you are so tired which is inevitable. I think if I had another I might choose to do it next time.

DD is 14mo and co-sleeping She sleeps 12 hours with no wake-ups, and I get woken up by her giving me a cuddle. I love it! She sleeps like a log too so I can come to bed whenever I want and watch TV etc without her waking!