To starve my toddler

[TiredMama90]

My son is 3. He’s been a fussy eater since the beginning. I’m a single mum (not by choice). Admittedly some days, for an easy life, I’ve given him what he chooses.

It’s his 3rd day of not eating a decent meal and only wanting crap.

Shall I just refuse him the foods he wants (crisps, chocolate & the like) until he gives in and eats proper food.

How long until he will give in??

I used to give mine a plate of bits and pieces and make it into a face or a flower or a car. It worked quite well.

A couple of mine went through a few years of eating a decent breakfast and a balanced picnic style lunch of cheese, cold meat,, cherry tomatoes and cucumber etc, but then basically picking at their dinner. I tried to do a meal they liked a couple of nights a week and their was always yoghurt or fruit or similar for pudding. No one starved. By twelve or so, everyone was eating everything for dinner.

@Tinklylittlelaugh. Great advice and encouraging

Yes, he can't eat crisps, chocolate or biscuits if they're aren't in the house can he? Don't give him juice or fizzy drinks either.
He won't starve, he'll eat what he's given. We give DCs a choice of A or B for dinner and make that for everyone. We avoid the few foods we know they truly don't like. They drink water or milk.
My BF gave her son all sorts of junk as it was the easy option, and declared he wouldn't drink water only fruit shoots and juice. She now has an obese 11 year old with bad teeth to deal with and is seeing GP, school involved etc etc.
All because she and her DH took the path of least resistance.
Do yourself a favour and don't keep any junk food in the house, save sweet treats for when you're out and about.

He won't starve, he'll eat what he's given. How do you know that? If he is one of the children who will starve himself will you be there when they put the tube in to feed him?

So much ignorance on this thread.

He won't starve, he'll eat what he's given. We give DCs a choice of A or B for dinner and make that for everyone
Mine would starve. And difficult eating isn't always about crap food. I'd be THRILLED if DS would drink something other than water cos then we could possibly get him off tube feeds.
Our dietician was thrilled when I told her DS was eating chocolate. He had ASKED for a food item. He had messy fingers and hadn't freaked. Much bigger achievements than whether the acreage kid eats carrots with their broccoli

'How do you know that? If he is one of the children who will starve himself will you be there when they put the tube in to feed him?'

Right, and how many children realistically are there like this versus the kids who just want to eat sweets and crap all day long because their parents give it to them?

If the OP has a child like that then it's professional advice that's needed not common sense advice of how to feed a toddler with no SEN issues.

OP, get rid of the junk and offer decent food in small portions. Cut up cucumber or sweet-ish veg, carrots, grapes, apple, pear, cheese, watermelon, crackers, bits and bobs. I find that most young kids ( NOT the children with SEN issues before any one starts yelling) will eat food that's portioned and cut up for them.

Avoid cereals, particularly sweet ones aimed at kids, offer water and milk as drinks and that will help with tastebuds, not to mention the teeth.

And the Op has already said she is awaiting professional advice.

But even the professionals can’t force a child to eat. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink and all that.

My experience with a lot of professionals is they are very good at giving advice which is blindingly obvious or very good at giving advice which is as shocking and ignorant as a lot on this thread are.

I'd also bear in mind that loads of little kids go through a 'fussy' eating phase - you just have to google it to see the tons of books and articles on it. Just keep offering a variety of fruit, veg and smaller portions of what you eat and you'll get through this.

Alkaloise I'm so glad my GP had actual lived experience of it. He said he felt shame when he thought of the parents he had lectured about, "They won't starve themselves." He had two kids and was a doctor and thought he knew it all, then they had a third and he realised how wrong he was.

My DD has no special needs, she just didn't particularly like eating so would happily do without unless it was something she happened to like.

Just give him meals the same time and same food as you just smaller portions. Praise him for trying some and ignore it when he doesn't eat anything.

Some of the 'advice' on here is short sighted, ridiculous and idiotic.

OP, you mention sensory issues, assessments and delays? Is it suspected ASD? Because bit sounds a lot like my son. He's 3 and recently diagnosed.

His diet is quite limited but also okay when I break it down (cereal, toast/bread, cheese, some fruit, yoghurt, etc). He has the same meals most days.

I always, always offer him veg sticks with his lunch and whatever we eat for dinner. He hasn't touched them in nearly a year. It was fairly gradual but here we are.

Whenever I've spoken to HV, GP, paediatrician, they've basically said 'give him what he will eat'. Always offer safe foods, as well as something he won't eat, don't make a fuss or pressure, cajole, anything.

My son is a VERY active little boy and thankfully has a decent appetite but there are days he barely eats. Even the paediatrician has basically said if it's crisps and chocolate he'll eat one day l, give it to him to make sure he's eating.

Does he want to try anything from your plate ? Will he play with food ? Both of ours were/are fussy. Ds would only eat from my plate for nearly a year as did dd. They played with finger foods and when they regressed a bit, we went back to that. Things like cheese, cherry tomatoes, cucumber and pasta are great especially if he's used to a high sugar, high salt diet. Tuna mayonnaise and boiled eggs with toast soldiers was another winner. Our kids hated certain textures such as potatoes, carrot (especially cooked) and meat, but I remember being like that as a child as did my mil. We did a lot of soups with toast or bread and butter. Frozen fruit mixed with plain yoghurt instead of the high sugar or sweetener flavoured ones. As others have said get rid of the crap. I had a friend who's kid lived mainly on chocolate and jam sandwiches because that's all she seemed to eat. She managed to turn it around and now has a strapping 6ft teenager, baby teeth were rotten from the sugar but adult teeth seem fine. You'll get there .

Ps they did not starve to death! And if they didn't eat to the point they were on the verge of being taken into hospital to be tube fed, what would you do? By the way my DD wasn't eating chocolate, her idea of a filling meal was a lettuce leaf and maybe a bit of celery.

@1forsorrow trust me I only have a deep sadness for any child who is suffering to such an extent that they must find comfort in controlling their lives through food. I really truly hope your child is getting the counselling and support She needs

My son was the same at that age all the way up till about 7 (asd diagnosed at 11). Hes 19 today and he will eat anything and everything so dont stress to much. My son would make himself ill if he saw food touching (to the point i would have to collect him from school daily sometimes) my suggestion is could you offer 1 food type at a time? So no touching, no confusing tastes small amounts so back to weaning basics. It may not work but its worth a shot.

Zootastic she is a high achieving adult with no issues at all and definitely no issues with food thanks to a GP who gave the right advice.

Zootastic you haven't said what you would do with a child who would stave themselves. Would you just let them starve? How far would you go?

I have a friend with a child with severely selective eating, she said what works vest is family meals with food on the table for people to serve themselves, making sure her child has one of the foods they will eat on the table (bread rolls for example) and allowing them to choose what to eat without commenting or making a fuss about it at all. Sometimes they’ll try a new thing. My kids have no food issues apart from one being a fussy eater but eat better and are more willing to try new things that way as well. Maybe it’d work for your ds?

If you want to encourage him to eat then food needs to be a totally non-stress issue. No chats, no over encouragement, no praise or punishment. Just “this is what we have for dinner today”.
You need no in healthy alternatives in the house. Encourage him to be as active as possible if you have space or a garden.
Of course if he will not eat after a few days then you might have to adapt slightly with what you offer him at mealtimes. Though he does need to drink - I would be more flexible with fluids and try various no fuss fluid delivery options eg favourite bottles, straws, frozen juice as a lolly etc.

Disablist? Really? Fuck this shit, I'm out, if mumsnetters cannot engage with an argument and see reality.