To starve my toddler

[TiredMama90]

My son is 3. He’s been a fussy eater since the beginning. I’m a single mum (not by choice). Admittedly some days, for an easy life, I’ve given him what he chooses.

It’s his 3rd day of not eating a decent meal and only wanting crap.

Shall I just refuse him the foods he wants (crisps, chocolate & the like) until he gives in and eats proper food.

How long until he will give in??

He's only just 3. How has he managed to get his hands on chocolates and crisps and biscuits etc. Were his nursery feeding him that stuff? A 2/3 year old shouldnt have been having those yet.

If you start kids off with processed, enhanced flavours like that then they develop a taste for them. They are designed to be addictive; that's why children that young simply shouldnt know what they taste like. It's all they will want.

You're going to have to try cold Turkey. He isnt going to waste away or starve. Just do not give in. If you do, then he will keep holding out because it works. If you start seeing tantrums which are way way beyond normal then perhaps additional needs might need looking into, but you cant use that ad an excuse or crutch right now because you dont know. It sounds like you may just want to hide behind that label in order to get an easy life by feeding him crap.

If your DS has sensory issues he may not like different food textures. My dd has a lot of problems with this and finding textures she likes was painful she still likes to have different items on different plates and has quite a limited and repetitive diet .

Don’t starve him

Is there ANY food he eats that isn’t junk? Toast with butter? Dry cereal? Scrambled egg? Plain pasta?

Get rid off the junk, but don’t make a battle out of dinner time

My son was like this, sensory issues, so each deal, Sen, and keeping dinner a no-stress time was the wise decision.

So all his meals included 1 or 2 safe foods, and one adventurous one. No pressure

Over time he branched out (no comment or “well done!” from us, no fuss about food, positive or negative)

He’s 17 now and eats everything

Join mealtime hostage on Facebook.

What will he eat that isn't dreadful? I was very picky growing up and my parents would cook me a meal but I was allowed to have cereal or toast if I didn't want what was on offer. I did grow out of it in the end.

If your child is autistic then you'll find a lot of the usual rules don't apply and they will quite happily go without food rather than eat something they can't face.

Read the other thread linked to above.

Real eating issues are not something you can fix overnight by being strict! You need to avoid making it into a battle.

He'll eat when he is hungry - don't pander to him!

Watching with interest! I have the same issue with my nearly 3 hear old. He wants crisps all the time! If I tell him we haven't got any he says 'mommy go shopping' 😂 I think for my DS is that he doesn't like texture. He will taste things and say yum, but as soon as he starts to chew it he spits it out. 🤷‍♀️

He is strong willed and to be honest has been spoiled! I'm choosing to start putting my foot down and taking back some control.

You'll get there in the end (I hope I do too)

Xx

When ds2 was refusing to eat at that age, we tok it easy.
His thing wasnt crips etc... (didnt have any) but mainly cucumber . The problem is, you cant grow on cucumber.

So we had things that we knew he ate and all the rest he didnt. We nsisted he ate one mouthful on whatever we have to eat and then he could eat something else. And then two mouthfuls etc....
It was a very long road.

Fwiw, if he has sensory issues, he might well not be able to cope with those foods atm. And it will take a long time to insist for him to get used to them again. I have a friend whose ds is on the spectrum. She has sent years really fighting with him and being very forceful for him to eat a balanced enough diet.

Please don't starve him. If he has sensory issues then he won't just miraculously start eating the good food because you remove the bad.

I would reduce the 'bad' food he is eating but still allow him some and on the same plate add things you know he does like, such as a few grapes, along with some new foods that you are eating. Sit with him, make no judgement and just eat your food and let him get on with his.

It may take some time but he will watch you and perhaps in time try some new foods.

What does he eat?

My son is two and asks for choc,crispies and biscuits. But he also loves fruit. I can chop up grapes and orange or give him apples and bananas. He will also chomp through a raw carrot. His big sister taught him to love fruit.

He won't often eat bread unless it's chocolate spread or tuna.. So I've learned now to give him things like, cheese or cheese strings, ham, cucumber on his plate. Then he can have a yoghurt. I've found he likes seeded bread though and we are making progress. He won't eat beans, sausages, spaghetti hoops etc. But he loves spag bolognese or mash veg and a Yorkshire pudding.

I think you just need to be creative and cut back on crap.

Will he eat yoghurt? Any fruits?
Jacket potatoes? Does he have favourite meals? Have you tried things like wraps and crumpets etc?

Fruit bread toasted with butter is another winner with mine. Cheese on toast etc? Then he can have some pombears or cheddars etc.

Or tell him he can have some chocolate buttons after his lunch.

Many toddlers do this. My eldest now w hates butter and cheese. She loved them two years ago.

I've also given mine dry cereal for a snack or cereal and milk for dinner. Warm Weetabix with a tiny bit of sugar or porridge and honey. Etc.

I used to watch the super nanny videos about this on YouTube nonstop, her advice and demonstrating really helped.

He can’t live on crisis and chocolate so yes you need to stop somehow.

My DS1 was about 2 and a half when we did something similar. To be fair he is still fussy (he's 19!) but definitely not as bad. We found ourselves tricking him into being fed as a baby (got him distracted and shovelled it in) Anyway we decided enough was enough. He still had his milk and his cereal and cheese snack and fruit but if he didn't want his lunch or dinner then we just left him and gave him whatever his next meal/drink or snack was.

Day 2 lunchtime he'd left his lunch but I was on the phone with DH who was a stay at home dad and I was at work and he was chatting away and then he said "oh hold on..." DH had made himself beans, all spiced up with tabasco and soy sauce and loads of pepper, he had them in a bowl to have with toast. DS1 went and got himself a spoon and got up to the table and started tucking in. We then realised he likes spicy food, not the blander stuff we'd been giving him.

So he was perfectly happy to have peppered mackerel with spicy rice or a chicken curry but wouldn't eat rice pudding or macaroni cheese. Still doesn't eat vegetables, he did try some to be fair but invariably threw them up back onto his plate or gagged. He eats any fruit going though and will eat beans and tomato type pasta with blended veg and onions.

It has probably got worse since lockdown as we are all in heightened emotions and his life must feel out of control. Food is one of the very few things he can control. My younger one was quite fussy before this and now will only eat toast with marmite or peanut butter, cheese, beans and carrots as savoury food. Sometimes pasta, but picks out of the sauce. Keep offering anything he will eat that's not junk, even if it is repetitive. I often give the kids wheetabix for dinner if they don't want anything else. Has fibre and calcium and no sugar.

I wouldn't force him to eat every meal you cook but I'd definitely not just give crisps and chocolate. If he doesn't want dinner he can have something boring like toast but if there's a treat available as an alternative he'll never bother with the healthy food.

Oh mama how stressful for you.

I wouldn't starve him no. I'd start by giving him the things he likes on a plate served up at meal times. Just for today. Then tomorrow I'd give him a healthy breakfast and include one or two safe foods on the plate so he knows he had something he likes and can eat. Even if he picks the other food up and throws it on the floor, or spits it out - that is all positive as it's exposure to that food.

It can take 100s of exposures for children to get comfortable with food, it's biological programmed for toddlers to become suspicious of food.

The best thing you can do is to take all the pressure out of meal times. Eat at the same time as him, with the same food and let him see you enjoying the healthy stuff too. Include a safe food on his plate so that he won't go hungry, and gradually you'll get a longer list of safe foods.

Don't try and encourage him to eat things. Don't call some food good and some bad.

You decide when food is served and what food is served and the rest is up to him. But you can't expect him to change overnight, and you do need to make sure he has the option of some safe food, especially if you suspect sensory issues.

Do you follow sr nutrition on Instagram? She has lots of good ideas.

Hi OP. Your son sounds a lot like mine at that age. It’s a really difficult situation to be in because so many people will just say “give him his dinner, if he doesn’t eat it then tough, he’ll go hungry” My DS is 10 now and they are still assessing him because they think he has some SEN. Nothing major but a lot of it was/is based around food/drink. He would eat anything I made him when he was weaning and up to the age of 3, then it was like one morning he just woke up and thought...nope! He wouldn’t drink milk, wouldn’t eat ANY fruit/veg, didn’t like sauces on anything, wouldn’t eat eggs or fish...the list was endless. He would literally gag watching other people eat a banana/lollipop/ice cream/sandwich.
It was a long hard slog...but he’ll eat pretty much anything now. Annoyingly his favourite is prawns in ciabatta with a rocket and feta side salad there are still things he turns his nose up at but generally he’ll give most things a try.
I found letting him help me cook worked really well. In some cases it was like he was almost scared of the food, so getting him to touch it and help me prepare it worked well.
He loved spaghetti bolognese, so I used to blend countless veggies and sneak them in.
He’ll still only drink water...he hasn’t touched another drink since he was 3 but I’m thankful if he’ll only drink one thing that at least it’s water!
Do you sit with him to eat at mealtimes? I found that helped, if I ate with him.
Good luck OP, I know just how you feel!

I used to do the”feast plate” thing for my dd all the time. I used to call it a picnic. If it will help your ds, you could do it as an actual picnic on the floor or outside and make out it is a big treat. I did this because dds diet was very limited as well. The only proper meal she would eat was spag Bol. I offered her a selection of the following: a small sausage roll or 2, chunks of cheese, grapes, a few mini cheddars or crisps, bits of ham, strawberries, chunks of mango, mini cocktail sausages. She wouldn’t eat veg sticks at this age but did when older.

@Katypyee
He used to eat the healthy food, until someone started feeding him crap and he liked it more so that is all he wants. That's the story of every kid who is allowed to eat nothing but processed junk; it's all they will want. She needs to cut it out.

@TiredMama90 my son is 2 years and 3 months and we have been in the bd habit of feeding him and distracting him to get him to eat food. I'm now 'starving' him and he's slowly giving in and he's come a long way in terms of feeding himself. But he has missed several meals.

My son is nearly 2.
If he ever asks for chocolate or biscuits, which is rare, I say no and that's it. End of.

Unless there are any sensory issues etc, just parent properly.

If you think he has sensory issues with food then do not assume that he will eventually eat. He may not.

You may have to be very strategic working out what works and what doesn't and you may not be able to just cut the things he likes out completely.

Is there anything that he will happily eat other than chocolate and crisps?

Have you tried not putting his meal on the plate, but letting him serve himself from bowls/dishes on the table? I spent months arguing over food with my DS before someone on here suggested this. Within three days I realised his issue was he didn't like food touching and just couldn't explain it.

Please keep in mind that if he does have issues with sensory things and an easily upset stomach that is not the same as being fussy. The whole "they won't starve themselves" isn't actually true for some children with genuine food issues.

My son used to be so fussy but luckily he's not keen on chocolate or crisps. Here's some tips I have that might help

Putting 6 slices of cucumber into a cheese or cheese spread sandwich. He might not notice the first 2 slices when he bites into then pick the rest out

A pear cut into stick like shapes, easy on the palate and sweet

Carrot waffles from asda, sneaky veg!

Crushing an age suitable vitamin into his milk

Low sugar cereal bars and breakfast biscuits along with a cup of milk if he won't eat a bowl of cereal

50/50 bread or wholemeal

Cutting up 6-8 cherry tomatoes really small into pasta sauce

Making meals a picnic to start with. Crackers, chunks of cheese, bits of cold meat, carrot and cucumber sticks, cut up fruit

Teaching him that the sweet thing comes after the main thing. An ice lolly after his lunch, a pudding after dinner

Leave him to eat and spy through the door. If he isn't being watched or getting attention and learns what is there is it basically, he may well tuck in

Investigate if it's textures he has an issue with and only offer small amounts of food with the textures he doesn't like

Makes sweets a weekly thing

Swap crisps for lentil or root veg crisps. You can't taste the difference with some of them these days

If he's a chicken nugget and chips type kid, that's ok. Just as long as he eats a varied diet this meal

I had that all sorted into paragraphs but it didn't seem to work!