To starve my toddler

[TiredMama90]

My son is 3. He’s been a fussy eater since the beginning. I’m a single mum (not by choice). Admittedly some days, for an easy life, I’ve given him what he chooses.

It’s his 3rd day of not eating a decent meal and only wanting crap.

Shall I just refuse him the foods he wants (crisps, chocolate & the like) until he gives in and eats proper food.

How long until he will give in??

No need for all of this sneaking healthy food in by making it look like/ taste like the crap he eats.

I have two children, both with sensory issues (one ASD, one just a normal, fussy toddler, who'd live on pasta and sauce with sausages if I let him).

I have always had a routine for them, which has helped greatly in the variety of foods they both eat:

I involve them both in cooking. Toddler hates cheese, but if we make pizza together, he will eat every last bite with quite copious amounts.

They keep getting offered food they don't like in different ways - Usually, I find it's just in certain formats that they don't like them. For example, I put spinach into risottos, as salad leaves, on pizza, in lasagne, into stuffed chicken etc. One day it just clicked for my ASD (now) teen that spinach is actually quite nice. It takes something between 11 and 20-odd tries of the same food for people to get used to the taste and appreciate it, so don't give up.

If they want pudding - and unlike a PP I don't think there is anything wrong with chocolate and crisps as part of a balanced toddler diet - they have to eat a certain amount of food and they have to have tried at least a decent mouthful of something new.

We all eat together and we all eat exactly the same food for cooked meals - only breakfast is usually different as they all like different cereals and that doesn't cause me extra work. I really don't see the point in baby/ toddler food. The only thing I changed when they were just starting out was that I left adding salt, extra chillies etc. until I had portioned some off for them. My toddler would now eat a vindaloo if I let him (but I don't want to have to deal with the toilet mess the next day just yet).

They see everything. Going back to cheese, I insist that the toddler has a small amount of cheese topping where we'd usually have more. He stirs it in, because then it's "gone", but trusts all my food at the same time as he knows I won't hide ingredients from him.

Unless there is severe autism, physical or severe mental health difficulties, raising children to eat a good variety of food is not difficult. It just takes patience and a certain resilience from the parents.

Unless there is severe autism physical or severe mental health difficulties raising children to eat a good variety of food is not difficult

Great to hear AFRID doesn’t exist and my child’s specialist pediatrician and dietician are deluded. Please tell my child because we could do with a magic cure.

@Alkaloise nice to hear from a parent who has put the time in with their children and gets the results - love your post, very inspiring for others!

Please don’t listen to if they are hungry they will eat. If he has sensory/sen it won’t work and he will starve himself. Both my boys have told me they would rather starve than eat food that they can’t stomach Even without any sensory/sen some children just won't eat, my DD had no issues except she didn't want to eat, she was never hungry so had no problem going without if she didn't fancy what was offered.

Thinking about it, it has never occurred to me before, I never feel thirsty and drink very little, far too little in fact. I have to make a point of drinking as I need to, it isn't something I want to do other than having a cuppa with a biscuit/cake or whatever.

I wonder if it is connected, my lack of thirst her lack of hunger? Maybe it is genetic. My sister was a problem eater as a child as well, we grew up in the 50s so very little crap to distract us, still had the sugar ration for part of our childhood and fast food hadn't been invented.

Unless there is severe autism, physical or severe mental health difficulties, raising children to eat a good variety of food is not difficult. It just takes patience and a certain resilience from the parents. In your experience. You haven't tried this with a large number of children, you haven't got peer reviewed evidence so this is just your opinion, your experience and it is dangerous to spout that all it takes is patience and resilience.

Great to hear AFRID doesn’t exist and my child’s specialist pediatrician and dietician are deluded. Please tell my child because we could do with a magic cure. You have my sympathy, is it ignorance or arrogance that makes people so convinced they have all the answers.

My son has autism and a gentic disorder as is quite fussy with his food. Things which have helped him include:

1. Reviewing what he is eating in relation to texture and flavour. If for example he likes crisps swap them for a heathier crunchy alterative e.g corn cakes or plain popcorn.

1. Introducing new foods when he is distracted. I try to introduce new foods at snack time and let him have the ipad when he eats them. After he has eaten them a few times I incorporate them at mealtimes when he is used to them.

1. Cutting up new foods very tiny and getting him to have a very small piece the first few times
2. Rewarding new tastes - when we eat my son has his dinner plate and on the table I keep other food he really likes as a reward, e.g he has to eat a bit of broccoli before he has a bit of garlic bread which is kept out of reach.

1. Never put him under pressure to eat something. Use distraction and reward instead. If my son is put under pressure he will just gag on his food or disengage completely.

Of course there is a tiny tiny percentage of the population that have a random neurological eating condition that means they can only eat baked beans or mars bars, I have sympathy with any parent that has a child who is born with disabilities. There is also a huge percentage of parents do not put the massive thought and effort into feeding their children. Only 50 years ago the task was a lot easier - kids were hungry and they ate what limited food was available. Job done. Now we see children who are sometimes not even hungry (watching television doesn’t build a big appetite) and are tempted by the sweet treats they are exposed to. so now a days feeding children a balanced diet is a challenge and very time consuming, but it’s worth every second to produce a child who has a healthy relation ship with food x x

Unless there is severe autism, physical or severe mental health difficulties, raising children to eat a good variety of food is not difficult. It just takes patience and a certain resilience from the parents.
It's great your kids eat well, but it isn't as simple as telling parents their children's issues don't exist and they should just try harder.
DS developed oral aversion at 4 months, he stopped taking liquids after a bout of bronchiolitis. Weaning on solids went OK at 6 months but still no drinks. Shit ton of bowel operations from 10-14 months screwed us altogether. He learnt food made you sick. Food bad. He would retch and vomit at the look of the milky froth on my drink (no idea why, but seething in his tiny brain clicked it as bad) even though it used to be one of his favourite foods. We have done all the play with your food, take the pressure of, feed him what he wants that the proffesionals advise. He was 2 1/2 before he had a drink and at nearly 5 he will still only touch water. His diet is improving slowly but he won't touch things like ice cream and yoghurt still, has it set in his mind that he doesn't like certain foods because they look bad. Glad to know it's just cos we haven't tried hard enough

@sleepingstandingup. If your child has a rare disability why do you think someone is pointing the finger at you? This is about going back to basics.

Only 50 years ago the task was a lot easier - kids were hungry and they ate what limited food was available. If my mother was still alive I think she would be fascinated to know this was so easy 50 years ago, I wonder why it was so hard with my sister 60 years ago, I wonder what happened to make it an issue in the 50 but no the 60s? Or perhaps these problems did happen in the 60s? Actually I know they did as my aunt had the same problem with my cousin. In both families there were 2 children were normal healthy appetites and a varied diet and one with real difficulties with food. The idea that there was a golden past where these problems didn't exist is insulting to the parents then and now who struggle with this.

@1forsorrow, always someone who had it harder than the rest of us!!

@forsorrow. I agree with this
'The idea that there was a golden past where these problems didn't exist is insulting to the parents then and now who struggle with this'

50 years ago, due to the level of my sons disabilities, he would have been sent away to live in an institution.

Oh my god I give up with you lot. It was easier before the supermarkets stocked half their shelves with rubbish - but to acknowledge you all “YES feeding children has never been a fun task” happy now? Oh my god

@Pentium85 Unless there are any sensory issues etc, just parent properly

perhaps read the thread, or at a minimum, the op's posts...

@iamapixie He really won't let himself starve!

Hahahahahahahaha ... rofl ... hahahahahahahaha

Classic

That's gold....won't starve themselves... hahahahahahahaha

Sorry., as you were

Oh my god I give up with you lot. It was easier before the supermarkets stocked half their shelves with rubbish - but to acknowledge you all “YES feeding children has never been a fun task” happy now? Oh my god

There have always been children with eating issues in my lifetime, nearly 70 years. That is a fact. It isn't all about supermarkets, it isn't all about poor parenting. Some of it might be but it is dangerous to say, "they won't starve themselves" because some of them will.

@Alkaloise Unless there is severe autism, physical or severe mental health difficulties, raising children to eat a good variety of food is not difficult. It just takes patience and a certain resilience from the parents.

From someone who has experience of children with autism, I feel this is very short sighted of you. My dd is what you would class as HF (shudder) and has eating issues. She is currently eating 8 different foods on a rotation. "Luckily" one of those is her favorite fruit.

As her anxiety lessens she will introduce a few more items, but with all that is happening she is climbing the walls with anxiety so much so her sleeping meds aren't working.

There is a reason lots of ASD girls (in particular) end up with eating disorders, and posts like your don't help, because you fail to acknowledge any except "severe" autism.

Agree. I have children on both sides of my family where children just didn't eat. Both had sn. I also met a lady at Cineworld whose son would literally eat their popcorn and 2 other foods. It's not poor parenting. It's coping with real issues.

@Zootastic

Actually I remember all too well sitting at the dinner table eating food I hated, and swallowing the vomit that came into my mouth because to protest would mean that meal would be served to me cold the next day, or having to miss a meal due to "waste"

I had no say in what went on my plate, just that I had to eat it all, no waste.

I also remember my brother being made to fish his half eaten sandwich out of a bin and eat it.

No wonder I ended up overweight with very a unhealthy relationship to food...but hey...those days were easier, no??

@Zootastic u didn't say anyone was pointing the finger at me, but the "you just say no, you let them go hungry, you parent better, you try harder" just didn't work for LOTS of parents. It isn't about a e date disability, it's about trains and sensory issues

Haven’t read the full thread sorry but things I did when my son was a fussy toddler:
*had a paw patrol plate which had all the pups spaced out - used to put a different food over each pups face and he had to eat it to see which pup it was. After a while he knew which one was where but still kept him entertained. Asked him questions such as ‘where’s Marshall then’ and he would pop the food in not really concentrating so he could show me he knew where he was!
*making food into faces - ‘ohh can you eat his eyes?!!’ ‘He can’t see now!’ Type comments made him laugh and again distracted him a little!
*buffet type food on the table and help themselves, liked putting it on his own plate and having a bit of control.

• wouldn’t eat sandwiches (which was a nightmare) and so took him swimming for hours so he was starving and then produced some magic ‘jam squares’ (just jam sandwiches!) and he wolfed them - did the same next time with cheese etc... to reassure you he is 7 now and a relatively good eater. To point out though he had no sensory issues, he was just fussy and so may not work with your son. Good luck!

@crazydiamond222 mint would have been dead, so corner one who wouldn't have been a difficult eater 50 years ago. Pesky kids messing up the difficult water stats with their lives

Zootastic my DM nearly died as a toddler in post war Greece because she refused to eat the few foods her parents could find for her. It has nothing to do with the availability of other foods or the temptation of 'unhealthy' foods. ARFID is a complex disorder with a variety of sometimes interrelated causes, sometimes physical, sometimes sensory, sometimes emotional. It is not well understood at all, but dismissing it is naive and prejudiced by your own, very limited, experiences.

@Zootastic Oh my god I give up with you lot. It was easier before the supermarkets stocked half their shelves with rubbish - but to acknowledge you all “YES feeding children has never been a fun task” happy now? Oh my god

Can you not just admit you got it wrong, instead of getting defensive? It may have seemed easier 50 odd yrs ago, but that was also the time of children should be seen and not heard, and getting a whipping if you so much as looked like you didn't like your dinner.

The days where even the women of the house was too scared not to cook what dad wanted/liked!

I have raised 2 kids, one is a great eater, keen to try anything, huge variety of foods etc. She is NT, her sister is autistic has severe sensory issues involving all her senses, and finds eating very difficult, to the point she often cannot eat in front of anyone other than me, her sister and father.

50 years ago "society" would have whipped her arse into eating, and she would have eaten to avoid a whipping.

Thankfully, most of us no longer raise our kids like that!