To starve my toddler

[TiredMama90]

My son is 3. He’s been a fussy eater since the beginning. I’m a single mum (not by choice). Admittedly some days, for an easy life, I’ve given him what he chooses.

It’s his 3rd day of not eating a decent meal and only wanting crap.

Shall I just refuse him the foods he wants (crisps, chocolate & the like) until he gives in and eats proper food.

How long until he will give in??

My daughter has been extremely fussy with foods since she turned two. She’s now five and it is slowly getting easier so there is hope! She asked for and ate a carrot the other day which I never thought would happen.

Things that have helped us have been to offer a picnic style lunch/dinner. For lunch I would do half a slice of bread, one cocktail sausage, a couple of slices of cut up cucumber, a handful of grapes etc. I found this would make her less overwhelmed and more likely to try things.

Another tip is making sure they are hungry. So no snacks!! She is so much more likely to eat well and try things when she is starving compared to if she has been snacking between meals.

@differentnameforthis

I did read the thread?

At the point at which I commented, OP had stated her child was "fussy" she was making "excuses" and had given him what he wanted for an easier life.

I also stated that obviously it's not as simple if there are sensory issues.

So I'm not sure at which point you decided I didn't read the thread?

@Cookieblue lovely helpful and encouraging post x x

differentnameforthis do you really think that in 1970 children were 'seen and not heard', whipped if they didn't eat their food and the women were too scared not to cook what the men wanted? We're talking 1970 here not 1870! (I am talking about the majority here as I am well aware that, tragically, some women and children still are in fear of abusers).

I would suggest getting him to help chop up a few things with you to put on a plate small morsels of cheese apple, whatever.
The prep then washing veggies what boy doesn't like chopping and water, which should hopefully lead to a interest in food and taste. Banana or other fruit tipped in chocolate.
Try the after your dinner? If you eat it you can pick chocolate because we need to eat healthy.
I know nothing of sensory issues but stubborn toddler habits.
Mine without a doubt in any mood will clean up a yoghurt or creamy rice, jelly.
I like the suggestions from BashfulBanana.

@differentnameforthis wow, which history books do you read (or not read!!)

Reading through this thread I think people may be jumping to conclusions thinking he has sensory disorders. As @CookieBlue suggests, make sure he eats nothing between meals. Junk food tends to be very filling and he won't need many in between snacks to fill him up.

@Pentium85 - Thu 23-Apr-20 19:00:55 - Unless there are any sensory issues etc, just parent properly

@TiredMama90 Thu 23-Apr-20 18:26:35 - "He’s got a very weak stomach and can throw up at the smallest of things.

He has most likely got sensory issues but it’s not been dealt with as we’ve been waiting on an assessment since April 2019"

Op posted 30 minutes before you did to say he had sensory issues, so you line abut sensory issues and parenting "properly" was not needed.

@differentnameforthis

She said he most likely had it, but no diagnosis.

She also said she had made excuses, given him what he wanted because it was easier etc. That is poor parenting.

Some parents, obviously sensory issues etc not included, do make poor decisions when it comes to feeding their child.

Reading through this thread I think people may be jumping to conclusions thinking he has sensory disorders.

And you’d know better than the Op who states she’s been waiting on an assessment for him for probable sensory issues and that he has a sensitive stomach if he eats too much fruit and veg?

All questions answered if we just change the title of this thread to “AIBU to starve my child of crap foods” simple answer no you are not BU.

Zootastic you are showing yourself to be spectacularly ignorant and unable to see any other point of view other than your own, which is pretty offensive considering what children with ARFID and their families have to go through.

My son went through a phase of eating nothing but tortilla wraps and honey. He still has his bad days - if he is stressed, he will revert back to 'safe' foods, but his food range is slowly growing.

When they can't communicate, it is very hard to know what the problem is. Maybe it's worth looking at possible issues - some children don't like their food to touch, or don't like 'wet' food, or only want specific plates. There could be some reason that he is rejecting food, that he is unable to explain to you. Maybe try other crisp-like things - crackers, rice cakes etc. I wouldn't starve him though - the notion that "they will eat if they are hungry enough" is bollocks. My son would starve himself rather than eat something he doesn't like.

Oh, and I had similar issues with food, and was forced to eat. I remember choking once, as I had learned I could swallow pieces whole with water. I had a terrible relationship with food for years, and it caused me so much anxiety.

So @booboostwo. I’m curious what you are feeding your child?

Our nearly 3 year old is a terrible eater and has been for a long time and nothing we try is helping. She doesn't eat "proper" meals other than pasta, the rest is snack stuff like cereal, toast, crumpets. She will eat carrot and cucumber and strawberries, raspberries and apple.

Some children are just like this, they will grow out of it eventually. I tried forcing the issue and it made things much worse. I do allow her to have chocolate or crisps occasionally but as a treat, I don't think cutting them out completely will help the situation right now!!

Zootastic you want a list of what my DS eats? I am not too sure why you are interested in that but after two years of Division of Responsibility he will eat almost all shapes of pasta, rice, noodles, mashed potatoes, one kind of salami, one kind of sausage, nuggets only at MacDonalds, tomatoes, cucumbers, almost all fruit but no veggies, one kind of ice cream, biscuits only at school, one kind of cake, 3-4 types of Haribo kind candy.

I forgot the bread, one kind of bread from the supermarket.

@booboostwo so you do feed your children some balanced foods (assuming the sugary fatty foods etc are not every day, can’t understand why your bashing me for advocating providing foods with nutritional value

• @Alkaloise nice to hear from a parent who has put the time in with their children and gets the results - love your post, very inspiring for others!*

Ignorance at its best!

You have no idea how much time anyone puts into their child.

Do you think any parent wants to have their 10 year old tube fed because their diet is so restrictive they can’t get enough calories?

Or to have a panic because the one biscuit they will eat is currently having supply issues?

Or to get excited because at 10 they ask for a glass of milk for the first time in 8 years?

Parenting a child with ARFID or any other food issues of bloody hard work. Made all the harder by the judgemental fools who think they know all the answers because it worked for their great Aunty Ednas great niece!

Of course we should be trying out best to get children to eat healthily but jumping on to say someone who has asked for advice is "poor parenting" is not very nice and a bit smug.

Because you don’t understand. These are not the foods I feed him, these are the foods he eats, his safe foods. Fuck knows why he eats these foods but not others. I feed him these foods plus whatever else we are eating which he normally won’t even touch. Please stop lecturing people on something you blatantly nothing about. Would you do the same about other disabilities? Would you go to a person whose child has sound and sight sensibilities and tell them with perseverance they can get their child over it? That if only they exposed their child to the right sights and sounds, the child would get over their difficulties?

Apologies my post above is in response to Zootastic but I didn’t say so.

Feed him what you eat (without cooking with salt) . Don't ever make different meals or your be doing that forever. Growing up my mum bought all 4 of us up on her own, we had what she cooked in the evening and nothing more. I treated my 3 the same , and hardly had crisps or treats as couldn't afford it at the time. They now are doing the same with their children. Don't buy rubbish and don't give in to sulks or screams. Your being a good parent then by feeding a good healthy diet and not setting them up for heart attacks or diabetes.

Zootastic I have reported your disablist drivel.