To cut off a friend for drunk nasty text?

[judemom]

I have a friend who consumes a lot of alcohol, but very sweet, sometimes shuts down, at times angry at her situation.

Out of nowhere, last night she started a nice text to me, then went into accusations that I am awful, that she thinks 'alcoholism has been around forever', etc.

We have never had a nasty exchange. I had a feeling she had been drinking, due to her erratic texts and odd emojis, then out of the blue 'you're either the best or the worst person I know'.

I understand the lockdown is causing a lot of people to behave erratic and feel anxiety.

My issue is that she has always been a alcoholic - a functioning one but nonetheless an alcoholic.

AIBU to slowly cut ties? I am baffled at her texts, so I didn't bother even responding except with nice words.

Cut ties. I cut ties with a friend who was lovely sober and a really nasty drunk. We were very close but her drinking got out of hand and she became too much while i was trying to raise young children, one of whom was ill. I don't regret it.

In vino veritas and all that. Lots of people are capable of getting drunk without being mean.

I think if she’s a very close friend I would see if she attempts to apologise and take responsibility for her horrible actions, but if she’s more of a casual friend I would cut ties. But at the same time she was very hurtful, so I can understand if you’re not keen to make amends.

The strangest part is that NOTHING happened or transpired between us to ignite such nasty messages.

Now she wants to face time with me today? I'm quite frankly unsure what is going on with her.

I think I know her! Keep your distance.

I would be honest with her and say you're annoyed and explain why her behaviour annoyed you.

I don't actually believe in 'in vino veritas'. Alcohol is a drug and can turn people very different to their true personality and say things they really don't mean.

I think it depends on how much of a friend she is sober and how sorry she is by it. She might be mortified. Then it's your choice if you want to give her a chance.

The thing that really bothers me is that during the lockdown, I've realised that I only want to be around kind and well meaning people in my life.

At the same time, I wonder if she's going through something I am not privy to.

Don't want to make a big deal or whatever, but I'm already stressed from this corona stuff. Don't want to add to the stress. Sounds selfish a bit I realise.

Tough one. I'd probably hear her out, alcoholism is an illness, however, I understand if you decide not to.

Rhubarb, I completely believe in vino veritas, angry people generally get angry, happy people generally get happy.

Do you think she’s realised she was out of order and wants the FaceTime to apologise?

No her wanting to FaceTime was after her nasty messages. For today. To think she's not even self aware?

I don't believe in vino veritas, beyond a certain point.
When people are just pissed, inhibitions gone, censor quietened, then maybe, yes.
Beyond that phase of drunkenness, the depressant, heading towards oblivion stage, no. The id/animal/base element emerges. It isn't the real personality, in my view.

She’s an alcoholic. I guess you either accept that she is ill and does this kind of stuff, or cut ties.
Does she have much support around her ?
Perhaps you could sign post her towards some help.

Delete, block and move on. Life is too damn short to have people around you that bring grief

I’d ask her to read back her texts from last night and to confirm she still wants to talk to you?

Cut her off. I had a good friend who is a functioning alcoholic. I gave her many chances. I made an effort to maintain the friendship, even when others walked away. Eventually the nastiness increased and 2 years ago I told her I couldn’t be part of it anymore.

To be honest, although it wasn’t easy and I understand she is ill, it was a relief.

I'd hear her out first, probably

I think I’d do the first part of @TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead suggestion and get her to read the texts but then say that you won’t be treated like that again and if she repeats the behaviour you will not be contacting her.

Look after yourself OP. Personally I’d block her and get on with life. Keep a record of what she said and if you do end up being asked she can read what she said to you in the cold light of day. There’s no point putting up with this sort of behaviour as whatever her problems her main problem is now alcohol and it’s the one she’ll have to sort first. Don’t let her take you down with her on her journey to the bottom (hopefully when she gets there she’ll decide to sort herself out).

Projection!! Her drinking is an excuse. "Alcoholism" has been around for a long, that doesn't give her the permission to act like an asshole. Alcoholics are known for passing the bucket (in a sense) meaning they dont have to take the blame for their shitty behaviour. YANBU for wanting to cut ties but be prepared for shitty behaviour.

Cut ties all ties an block because this is the beginning of a very nasty story.

I think it's the perfect time in our lives to let go of all those things and people that hurt us....

I'd listen to her too. Seems horrible to not. At least be honest with her.

I cut my alcoholic friend out of my life and found out a few years later that she'd died at the age of 52, leaving her 11 year old daughter. I've never forgiven myself, it is an illness, I should have been a better friend and encouraged her to get help.

For me it would depend on how long I'd known someone. A person I've known since school for example and who has been there for me in the past, as opposed to someone I worked with and kept in touch with afterwards for occasional drinks - I would cut both some slack in the current weird times, but wouldn't ever want to cut off someone I've known for a long time and where there is a shared history I value. I'd hear her out, but be prepared to say 'sorry, that's enough, I'm going now,' if it all gets really stupid. Some friends are worth a bit of stress now and again if the fundamentals are all there, but be kind if you can. Sorry, reading that back it sounds really sloppy and sort of weak, but I don't mean it like that at all. Friends are vitally important and sometimes over the years it all balances out if they really are friends. I would guess this one isn't a real friend but just wants someone to sound off to while she feels a bit shit. You could be anyone.