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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbours trampoline AIBU?

520 replies

Hidinginshameofthememory · 23/04/2020 16:39

Our neighbours have put up a trampoline this week, no issue with kids playing in the garden as I think it's nice to hear and my own child and family children are out in our garden most days weather permitting (just mine now!). They are the last house on the row so share a fence with us but the other side of their garden is onto woodland. The trampoline is right up against the shared fence. When it went up I didn't think too much of it to be honest but then on Monday we were sat in the conservatory having breakfast and noticed their older child (early teens maybe?) was stood on the trampoline looking into our house. I felt a bit uncomfortable as we were all in our pjs (not indecent but still I felt a bit 😳). Anyway this has happened a few times since, she can also see into our living room so when I'm sat playing with my baby on the floor/ watching tv etc I've looked up a few times to see her peering in. I know she's not really doing any harm per se but im finding it very intrusive. Dh usually does a workout in the garden every morning in just his shorts, the last two mornings he has come inside as the girl was there at the fence and he didn't feel comfortable.

Because of all this I went round to next door and knocked (then stood at the gate before I get flamed!). I've always got on fine with these neighbours but we haven't really had much interaction. I asked politely if there was any chance they could move the trampoline as their daughter could see into our house/garden and we were finding it a bit intrusive. I think I kept it quite friendly, wasn't rude or anything. Long story short neighbour said she would speak to her daughter but she won't move the trampoline as they like the garden setup as it is now. Their garden is huge, they could easily move it to the other side and it would affect no one. But I thought okay she will speak to her daughter and issue will be over.

Unfortunately either she hasn't spoken to her or the daughter has ignored her completely. It's happened a few times since and I've just been sat expressing and looked up to see a pair of eyes at the fence again. I've had to get up and come upstairs. AIBU ?? I know it's their garden but I just would like to be able to walk round and use my own house without having to watch what I'm doing or feel like I'm being watched.

OP posts:
LilacTree1 · 23/04/2020 17:25

Dev “ I'm a bit confused as to why you can't easily sort this.”

Well, the neighbours are clearly wankers.

FurryDogMother · 23/04/2020 17:26

Could you get a couple of stepladders, put them up on your side of the fence, and you and your DH stand atop each one, staring into your neighbour's house, silently? Maybe a couple of evenings doing that would send a message...

mbosnz · 23/04/2020 17:26

How about saying, 'given my conversation with your Mum, I'm surprised she still hasn't told you that it's rude to stare. Now you have been told. Stop bloody staring at us. Go knit a uterus or start a fricking public library, go play in traffic, go do anything, but for the love of God, FUCK OFF DEAR!'

Eddielzzard · 23/04/2020 17:26

She's being very intrusive, why should you have to close your curtains? I'd go round again, say she's watching you express and your husband doing his exercises and it's making you uncomfortable. Please can they move the trampoline? I wouldn't ask to attach a trellis because you'll have to pay for it, and she can look through the holes and be able to hide behind it, so you won't necessarily know if she's staring.

Awful.

Other option is to embarrass her so she stops.

Original poster
Hidinginshameofthememory · 23/04/2020 17:27

I feel like I've missed the joke with 'trunky want a bun?' ??

@Devlesko admittedly I'm not good with confrontation but I've been round and spoken to the mother who was bordering on aggressive and have now tried speak to the child (will try more forcefully next time). I'm not sure why you think we are so socially inept !

OP posts:
NikeDeLaSwoosh · 23/04/2020 17:27

Problem solved

SuperFurryDoggy · 23/04/2020 17:27

Some brilliantly funny suggestions here!

She’s obviously bored rigid poor child, but she does need to learn not to do this. Also, as a parent to a very tall 9 year old that often gets mistaken for a teenager, she could be a lot younger than she appears.

I also hate confrontation so would probably write her a really nice postcard saying that she is probably really bored and you’d love to have her round to play with the dog and meet the baby as soon as it is safe to do so. In the meantime would she mind respecting your privacy and not looking over the fence?

Toilenstripes · 23/04/2020 17:28

I would flat out ask her why she keeps staring at you. Tell her you think it’s rude and you’ve spoken to her mother. Cheeky kid.

Herpesfreesince03 · 23/04/2020 17:28

Well I’m definitely in the minority here as I think you’re being a bit daft. I can see how you’d feel in was intrusive if you’re not used to it. But my back garden is overlooked by 2 houses and a block of 16 flats, all of which can see directly into my garden and through my house. There’s no one to report them to as being able to look over a garden fence isn’t illegal. Have you heard of net curtains or blinds?

Original poster
Hidinginshameofthememory · 23/04/2020 17:29

She's gone for now but next time I am going to say something along the lines of pp who suggested mentioning how it's rude to stare and that I've spoken to mum etc. Hopefully she will stop, if not I'll have to go round again 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
blue25 · 23/04/2020 17:29

That’s really creepy. They should just move the trampoline.

I’d go round and be more direct telling them to stop their child staring in your house.

Cocobean30 · 23/04/2020 17:30

You could get a planter with a trellis on the back and out in front of the fence blocking her view, grow some
Lovely jasmine or clematis :)

Or give her something to stare at Grin is she an only child?

daffodil1224 · 23/04/2020 17:30

Say to the girl "oh have you lost your ball or something? I see you keep looking in our garden, whereabouts did it go?" And then she will say no and no doubt continue boinging up and down. Then you Say "oh I keep seeing you looking around so I assumed you had..."

Original poster
Hidinginshameofthememory · 23/04/2020 17:31

@Herpesfreesince03 it's not being overlooked though is it (although ironically due to the street design our garden wasn't overlooked until now). I could cope with someone potentially being able to glance in, it's more the staring ! She is literally there for 20-25 mins just watching us.

OP posts:
Slave2love · 23/04/2020 17:31

This would infuriate me, especially as you have politely explained the issue to the mother. I'm very hot on my privacy so I would be fuming that someone was making a point of looking in to my house all the time. Not that you should have to but have you thought about that mirror film that you can get for windows? You will still be able to see out but they wont be able to see in. I know that doesnt solve the problem of it spoiling your time in the garden but its a start.

Ifeelinclined · 23/04/2020 17:31

I would take her picture every time you caught her, so you can show the mother. It doesn't matter if she's just bored. Everyone has the right to privacy in their own home. I would also just tell the girl politely to please stop staring. I think you are going to have to be more blunt here with mom and the girl. Asking her if she needs something hasn't worked.

Annamaria14 · 23/04/2020 17:34

Speak to them. But also get some very tall plants, or potted trees, that you can move where needed

Idontbelieveit12 · 23/04/2020 17:35

I think this is really bizarre behaviour from a young teenager, I have a 12 yo and a 13 yo and they would never act like that 😳 tell her to piss off.

crispysausagerolls · 23/04/2020 17:36

What an awkward situation for you - embarrassing enough for you to go round the first time (well done).

I would be handing over to DH because he doesn’t embarrass as easily.

Strawberrypancakes · 23/04/2020 17:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Annamaria14 · 23/04/2020 17:36

Make sure you say to the mother tjat she is standing there staring at you for 30minutes

Annamaria14 · 23/04/2020 17:37

And do speak directly to the child. If you tell her once that it is not okay to stare at you, she won't do it again

HandfulOfFlowers · 23/04/2020 17:37

Whilst of course in theory they are allowed to put the trampoline where they like, neighbourly spirit would suggest they should move it. We have a football goal in our garden which our neighbour asked us to move a bit further down so it wasn't as close to their greenhouse, which we happily did. Yeah it wasn't perfect for us but still fine, and it maintained cordial relations!

HopeYouStepOnALego · 23/04/2020 17:37

Get something reflective and position it so that it reflects the sun right to the position where she stands and stares so that standing there looking would dazzle her.

Or...get a Nerf gun and fire it at her every time she stares.

Seriously though, I'd get a bit of trellis attached to the top of the fence. Sod the fact it's their fence. You've asked them nicely to do something about it and they haven't, so it's up to you to find a solution.

SephrinaX · 23/04/2020 17:38

Get your own trampoline and stare back at them!