Should he delete it?

[emlizcor]

Our daughter is 18 and has been driving for about 6 months, she has a black box and and app with her insurance that rates her driving. As we pay for the insurance and obviously want her to be safe and also see the cost come down, my husband, her dad has the app on his phone as well as her. She is not happy at this because alongside rating her speed etc it shows where she has driven. We don’t even look at that as it’s really not that interesting we just check her ratings but she’s kicking off hugely insisting he should delete the app. She says it’s weird and controlling and won’t accept we’re not checking up on her all the time.
Our view is pay your own insurance and we’ll delete it. What do you think?

As a compromise, I'd delete the App but ask her to share her ratings with you regularly.

She's 18 and she deserves some privacy and to be treated like an adult.

Gotta admit, these types of responses are cracking me up!

Adults don’t usually have mummy and daddy paying their bills.

If you want to be treated like an adult, then act like one.

This is controlling

When she goes and lives with a 45 year old, will you shriek or understand that she swapped one form of control for another?

My son is 17 and pays for his own insurance with his Saturday job money. I don’t monitor where he drives.

I'd delete it. You are being controlling OP by saying you'll only delete it if she pays. Realistically, how on earth is she going to do that? Privacy is everything when you're starting to gain your independence and you really do need to respect that.

Those saying she's being over-sensitive can't have much experience of living with teenagers.

Controlling. I don’t like the idea that financial assistance comes with strings.

If she doesn't like it then she shouldn't have gone with it. My younger daughter (who has always paid her own insurance) chose to suck up the extra costs of a standard type policy rather than have Big Brother monitoring her every move.

I'd be suspicious too as to why she's kicking off. Maybe she needs to sort out and pay for her own insurance.

I don't think you should delete it. It's a safety feature more than anything and I'm reminded of the couple who died in Scotland after their car left the road and wasn't found, despite being reported at the time.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-tayside-central-33438667

An extreme example perhaps but one that can easily be avoided.
I also assume that if the OPs daughter can't afford the premiums she's unlikely to be able to afford the excess.
The OP may be liable for a £300-£500+ payment should anything happen and imo has a right to see if their daughter is driving irresponsibly.

There seem to be a lot of people on this thread who don’t really like their own children – or at least don’t want to help and respect them as they make the lengthy transition from teenager to standing on their own feet. If you’re in a position to help them adjust through their first few years of adulthood, why wouldn’t you?

Does this extend to SAHMs as well, for that matter – your husband expects you to tell him about every penny you spend on yourself and every time you buy yourself a coffee or a book – because “I only pay for the children's needs, but if you want any personal treats, you can go and earn the money yourself” ?

Does nobody just want to live as a family and support each other in whatever ways they can without obsessing about who's in charge or keeping accounts simply because they love them any more?

She needs to remember she would not be driving if you hadn’t bought her a car and paid for the insurance.

She also needs to remember that she’d have starved to death if her parents hadn’t fed her as a child and she’d have been shivering permanently if they hadn’t provided a warm house for her to live in. Does it work the other way too, when she is middle-aged and parents are elderly? Frail old Mum and Dad ask her to give them a lift and accompany them to a hospital appointment and she says “No, you need to remember that I wouldn’t have learned to drive and gained experience in the first place if I hadn’t paid for it all myself – if you want access to a car like an adult, you need to get a taxi”. Elderly parents could really use some mobility assistance such as a stair-lift or downstairs bathroom to be fitted, but they can’t afford it on their pensions. Upper-middle-aged daughter is now a successful professional and has tens of thousands in savings, but they are independent adults, so it’s not her problem or concern, right?

Obviously at 18 she is legally an adult but practically still very much your dependent child. You knew this when buying her a car/insurance. I don't think it's fair to suddenly take it away because she won't dance to your tune. It's like you are asking for respect from her but you're not showing her any in return.

This.

Controlling. I don’t like the idea that financial assistance comes with strings

Agreed. It's buying a day in someone's life, buying control. Very petty and controlling. It won't end well.

Could she screen shot and send u the ratings once a week as a compromise?

If the black box means a discount on her premium then a reasonable compromise might be to calculate the difference between the black box and a standard premium, to switch her to the latter, and for her to pay the difference.

Just trying to imagine my reaction if I knew my parents had a tracker on me.
I'd have hated it!
(In my 40s now so wasn't a "thing" then" to keep trackers on people, and still find it weird that people do know and think nothing of it.)
I'd have hated it not because "got something to hide" as a pp said as I was the most boring person ever but because it's just weird and controlling.

She's an adult, she should be paying for the insurance herself. Otherwise, it's entirely up to you how you use it.

I’m of the adults pay their own bills camp. If she’s not happy with your rules, she pays for herself.

Agreed. It's buying a day in someone's life, buying control. Very petty and controlling. It won't end well.

The replies would have been so different if it was the MIL offering to pay for the insurance. Then it would be all about how money should either be given or not. Never acceptable to give with strings

I would delete it and then every Sunday for instance, demand she allows you to check the rating on her phone in front of her??

Either trust her or don’t, tracking someone over 18 is wrong IMO.

@DollyDoDo How do you know she's not still working???

I would delete the app. It's down to her to check her ratings and make sure she is driving in a manner that will not harm her score.

I don't really understand why the app needs to include the journey details... it's just fodder for controlling parents.

If it's to see the ratings, why cant you just ask to see it on her app when the insurance company posts them? Are you living miles apart?

I helped my DS buy his first car and paid his 1st years insurance as a gift which came with the black box. I just asked what his rating was for that period and he showed me.

Ds1 didn’t mind us seeing the rating

I thought it was dreadfully unfair as it only gave him 70ish% even when he was driving beautifully, dh took it for a drive in the best possible conditions And only got 79/80%

We were a bit naughty...we didnt tell him the black box had been removed after the first year

Dd doesn’t have a black box at all

I also think that, from the insurance company's pov, she's very young with an unproven driving record, so they need to err on the side of caution.

You, however, are her parents and know her very well indeed, yet it seems to be a way of assuming her guilt/recklessness until proven otherwise.

If she goes to university and you financially support her there, will you expect her to take a breathalyser test every weekend 'just to prove' that she isn't spending all of the money on booze - or to photograph every meal she eats and send you all her shopping receipts, just so you can check that she's eating healthily and not living off pot noodles? Track when she goes to bed and gets up every day just to make sure she isn't partying all night or missing lectures?

This could easily backfire. If children are not given respect and freedom as they learn to become independent, and allowed to fail, they often simply don't learn to become independent. They get to 40, have a minor crisis and are straight on the phone crying to Mum, because they've never fully become independent and they know that she can sort it.

She's kicking off because she either wants to have her own way and go out and about without her parents knowing and also, she may have something to hide. I would want to know where my children are at all times right up until their late teens. To make sure they're safe and whatnot.

I would want to know where my children are at all times right up until their late teens. To make sure they're safe and whatnot.

There's a difference between wanting to know and wanting to have the ability to track them.