Should he delete it?

[emlizcor]

Our daughter is 18 and has been driving for about 6 months, she has a black box and and app with her insurance that rates her driving. As we pay for the insurance and obviously want her to be safe and also see the cost come down, my husband, her dad has the app on his phone as well as her. She is not happy at this because alongside rating her speed etc it shows where she has driven. We don’t even look at that as it’s really not that interesting we just check her ratings but she’s kicking off hugely insisting he should delete the app. She says it’s weird and controlling and won’t accept we’re not checking up on her all the time.
Our view is pay your own insurance and we’ll delete it. What do you think?

@CaptSkippy but once you got your benefits, they weren't trawling through your supermarket receipts to check that you weren't buying chocolate instead of Tesco value pasta. Which is the level of intrusion that this app gives the OP's DH.

If she wants control of it/privacy then she pays for it. Simple

There's also a basic lesson on consent here.

"But I bought you dinner and champagne at an expensive restaurant - whatever do you mean now that you won't sleep with me?!"

It’s always fascinating with these threads watching the opinions get more and more batshit extreme as people try to outdo each other (I guess it’s more “exciting” that way).

Starts off quite nuanced - this is just one feature of the app, it’s not actually being used to track the car and even the possibility of being able to see where a car is has little impact on someone who wants to maintain their privacy (if they were really worried then other transport could be used, the car doesnt need to be parked exactly where they are going etc). Also it’s not like it is hidden, it is a known possibility that comes with using a car which was paid for and insured by the parents - an incredibly generous offer which could have been rejected if she didn’t like the terms. All that results in lots of “I can see both sides” type responses, which is fair enough.

Leave it long enough though and you eventually get people talking about it like she has a go-pro locked to her forehead transmitting a live feed of her every interaction back to a dad who watches it all in between reading her diary and checking out her underwear drawer.

I’m not entirely surprised the OP appears to have checked out long ago!

With the help of one of these apps, we were able to prove my ds had not been speeding. They found their database was wrong and removed the sanction.

My DD has this and had the app on her phone, we were paying the insurance but I wouldn't have invaded her privacy and had the app on my phone. It's for her to see how she is driving not me.

@Rosspoldarkssaddle the daughter has the app, so would still be able to use it in that way. It's the fact that her DF has it too, which is a) a breach of her privacy and b) entirely unnecessary

@saraclara No, but neighbors might report you and some people had detectives sitting outside their house. And I get it. Some people commit fraud, but because it has resulted in an additude that everyone who applies for benefits is suspect by default.

Where's she driving to anyway?

Well I'd say pay for your own insurance then .. !

Omg at no point would I tell my parents to delete this when they are paying for my insurance to help me out. If she has nothing to hide what's the problem. Anything she does could cause her dad to pay more. Tbh it just seems ungrateful, to call.it weird as well sounds disrespectful.

It shouldn't matter whether you're paying for it. At 18 she's an adult, and presumably you didn't stipulate that you'll pay the insurance only on the proviso that you get access to the black box data?
I really see no reason why you need access to the black box anyway. If anything happens and the insurance goes up as a result, then you and your husband can review her driving after the fact. You don't need day to day access of her driving habits.

Delete it. Shes a adult. She will learn from any mistakes

Yet another spoilt teenager! If she can’t afford the insurance she can’t afford a car either.

This bizarre world where teenagers have to have a car whether they can afford it or not is totally lost on me. Maybe as the lockdown, loss of income, etc starts to hit people might stop indulging these pampered kids.

We never subsidised our sons because we couldn’t afford to. My youngest son didn’t even bother learning to drive until he was in his mid twenties. As he said, I can’t afford a car so why bother. He does drive now when he needs to and he has a car but uses his bike and public transport as much as he can. He says the roads are too clogged up and the atmosphere is too polluted anyway- and no he’s not a loony lefty, he’s a high flying barrister, Now married with a family of his own who thankfully learned to stand on his own two feet at an early age.

What's she got to hide? Going to friends?

and no he’s not a loony lefty, he’s a high flying barrister

She seems to have two clear choices.

1. dry her eyes and get on with her parents paying for her insurance ( very kind of them)

2. pay for her own insurance.

Simple. Your DH is doing nothing wrong by having the app. If your DD objects- cancel their insurance and let her pay herself. I suspect she’ll wind her neck in as soon as she finds out the cost of the premiums.

We never subsidised our sons because we couldn’t afford to.

Lincolnfield So because you didn’t make enough money to support your kids nobody else should either?

I’m laughing at the idea of “loony left” and a “high flying barrister” being diametrically opposed.

MN never disappoints in the ridiculousness of what one can read!

I think it’s a massive intrusion of privacy- she’s an adult. Delete it - if you want to know her ratings ask her.

Mum says she isn't particularly looking at where kid is going. Kid is still defensive. She obs has something to hide. kid has already had a bump so mum has a right to keep Trac of driving theoughn the app. If the 18 year old adult wants tofully be an adult and do their own thing they shd move out and pay their way in life. Most kids dont understand how gd they have it until they do go. Until then it all seems reasonable to me what the OP is doing.

It’s a matter of consent. She does not consent for you to track her.
This is financial control.
Can you imagine a man coming on here justifying doing this to his young, financially dependent wife?

I'm on her side. She's 18, so delete it. If you're paying for something because you want to, it shouldn't come with conditions.

We don't check on it ... It's not that interesting anyway! ... So you do check where she's been!

I do actually agree on this one. While youre paying the insurance, you should keep the app. You're responsible for any claims that may or may not be made.

While normally I'm against parents spying on their kids, I do think that while it's your money and reputation, you should keep the app on your.phone.

My parents would not allow me to have my own flat when I was attending university until I was 20.

Since they were paying for everything I couldn’t argue.

He who pays makes the rules. In my case, it was take it or leave it - I chose to take it.

Mum says she isn't particularly looking at where kid is going. Kid is still defensive. She obs has something to hide.

Or maybe parents have a history of snooping so she knows they won't stick to their word?

If the 18 year old adult wants to fully be an adult and do their own thing they shd move out and pay their way in life

So dependent children, of any age, do not deserve any privacy? I said in a previous post and I'll say it again, you could use that kind of argument to justify putting a CCTV camera in her room - because parents are financially supporting her while she attends college, so they have every right to check that she's doing her college work while she's in there.