To be annoyed at IVF comments

[Strawberryshortcake28]

My IVF was cancelled due to CV which although was devestating I completely agree and understand money and resources need to be better spent elsewhere

What I am annoyed about is the comments I have been hearing about how it shouldn't be available in the first place on the NHS and it is a waste of money

Infertility is a disease! Caused by all different health issues imagine not being able to have your own DC
Imagine trying every month and getting your hopes up for years and years to be disappointed month on month

Imagine watching all your friends have their dc and think you'll never get the chance and feeling like you have nothing in common anymore
Imagine waking up every Xmas or mother's day with no DC to spend it with

Infertility has been the hardest experience of my life and made me severely depressed IVF gives me hope .

Yes you can go private and pay for it yourself but not everyone is in the financial position a lot of couples spend thousands on treatment with no DC at the end the NHS could be their last hope give them one more shot
Yes adoption may be an option but not everyone can be approved or is it an easy process

Aibu to be angry ?

I'm sorry your IVF has been delayed.

I agree with a PP, the only reason people object to NHS funded IVF is because they fucking hate women and by association can't bear any "freebies" they get. Even if the "freebies" mean years of pain, invasive procedures and heartache

I think it's great our NHS provide IVF services and I know 5 amazing children who are here because of it.

I thought the NHS would pay for breast reduction where the size of the breasts is causing muscular/skeletal problems.

I thought the NHS would pay for breast reduction where the size of the breasts is causing muscular/skeletal problems

Again it would appear a post code lottery. I know two people who have had breast reduction, both had to go private (in two different PCTs)

An aspiring glamour modelwho had her breasts enlarged on the NHShas thanked Britain’s taxpayers, claiming: “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

Josie Cunningham went from a size 32A to a 36DD following the operation in January.

www.google.com/amp/s/www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/amp/entry/josie-cunningham-thanks-taxpayer-4800-nhs-boob-job-poses-topless-_n_2969352/

I thought the criteria was (or certainly used to be) that you needed to convince them that you were suffering significant psychological distress as a result.

YANBU but I think everyone should be entitled to one round nationally like some trusts are doing already.

Or maybe 2 nationally that way it would bc even things out.

@TigerQueenie I made the gastric band comment and I stand by it 100%! A person can lose weight through 3 means 1) what they eat 2) how much they eat 3) exercise. An infertile woman CANNOT DO ANYTHING THEMSELVES TO BECOME FERTILE!!! So no, in my opinion gastric surgery should be paid for by the individual.

@SimonJT adoption is amazing and rewarding for the person adopting and the child being adopted. However, without upsetting you, biologically you couldn't have a child with your partner without some intervention. Therefore, you have made peace with that fact at more than likely an early age. I'm also guessing you are a man? From the name and mention of a surrogate. Again, I'm sure you are an amazing father, but the call of being a mother cannot be described as the same as that of a father. Similar, yes. The same, no - there is a difference. A man will never feel a baby growing in their womb or kicking, it is biologically and physically different and that causes an emotional difference. I think you know this deep down, which is probably why you wouldn't comment on this topic to someone undergoing ivf.

I assume those who object to NHS IVF used private maternity hospitals themselves? Surely you didn’t burden NHS maternity services with your ‘lifestyle choice’ to have a child?

I think gastric bands save the NHS more money by not having to treat these people for decades of obesity-related illnesses; usually people that got obese enough for a gastric band are very unlikely to be able to lose that weight on their own. The fact that people who lost 10 stone of their own volition end up in the news at all, shows how rare it is.

Bit sexist to say that as a man it’s different. Considering a previous posters dh killed them selves due to infertility. And yet those saying it shouldn’t be nhs are bad. Check yourself.

@ivfgottostaypositive yes unfortunately whilst Scotland follows the NICE guidelines other areas don’t- really unfair postcode lottery is the real issue with ivf funding. But yes I do agree it should be limited by age, I was meaning to respond to PPs blaming the infertile for being too old- most who are infertile due to age wont qualify for ivf on the NHS.

@OneForMeToo yes I agree, found the previous comment a bit precious..

Male infertility raises different issues - shame, stigma because society (wrongly) conflates fertility with virility, feeling you've let your partner down. With respect to SimonJT I think there is a difference between accepting you won't have a biological child because you're a gay man as in SimonJT's case and actually getting a diagnosis of infertility.

Personally I view IVF as very low down on healthcare priorities. If the NHS is ever scaled back in the future (not impossible based on how this country likes to vote) I think it should be things such as IVF that should be first to go, to keep crucial services still functioning. The priority should be to keep people alive and well.

If people are saying this to your face knowing what you are dealing with then it is at best completely insensitive. At worst they are trying to make you feel even worse.

I feel for you immensely and any feelings of disappointment etc that you are having right now are completely valid.

To say that IVF is a waste of public money is a bit of a sweeping statement. There could be a debate around it yes but just to make that comment in a general way shows ignorance. Ignorance to what couples go through ttc. But mainly ignorance as to how the NHS is funded, how that funding is divided up and what proportion goes on fertility treatments.

Personally I don’t think any money spent trying to better someone’s life physically or emotionally is ‘wasted money’ Yes the NHS probably has to look at how things can be streamlined to make savings but cutting entire departments/treatments isn’t the way to do that.

@ariana1, not necessarily. It's a postcode lottery. I was only entitled to 1, my SIL, who lives in a different city, got 3.

There are many areas that the NHS waste money:
Management and bureaucracy
Time wasters
Missed appointments
People who take no care of themselves and expect the NHS to ‘just sort it’ (there are several member of DHs family who have that attitude. I had a boss who was morbidly obese, was told if he lost weight it would sort it, he didn’t want to, just wants a magic pill.

I think in the scheme of things IVF is low down in the costs.

I’m nearly 50. IVF is the only medical treatment I have ever had. Without it I probably would have needed more. I think it was good value.

Those saying infertility is not a disease, yes it is, categorically. Here's a definition of disease:

"a disorder of structure or function in a human, animal, or plant, especially one that produces specific symptoms or that affects a specific location and is not simply a direct result of physical injury."

Is a function (producing sperm or eggs that can be naturally fertilised) disordered? Yes it is.
Does it produce specific symptoms (yes - the inability to achieve pregnancy) in a specific location (yes, the ovaries or scrotum) which aren't a direct result of physical injury? Yes.

There's so much casual ignorance over infertility. It certainly is the worst disease out there, imo. The most natural human function is to reproduce. That's what all living things are designed to do. Not to fulfill that primary function is the ultimate disease.

I might be wrong, but I wonder if some people are so against IVF being funded on the NHS because it is statistically more likely to be unsuccessful than it is to lead to a baby being born? Even with 10 cycles (which I’m aware is not available on the NHS) some couples may still not get the outcome they want.

I hope you get your chance when things are running again OP, I really do. Good luck.

Having a child is not a right but I understand the yearning. People can lose weight, stop smoking or drinking but they can't usually improve their fertility on their own, so I think it is perfectly acceptable to get help from the NHS in this regard. I hope once it starts up again it all works out well for you.

It isn't sexist it is the truth. It is different, I am not saying it isn't valid. Read my comment properly, little keyboard warrior. My DH has fertility issues, so I 100% know from experience how disheartening and sad it is for him. A gay man adopting is different to a woman in a heterosexual relationship finding out she is infertile. A gay man cannot naturally conceive with a partner it is impossible, however, a gay man may not be infertile so will not know that feeling. Male infertility is 100% entitled to IVF as is Female infertility. I am saying he knew from an early age he would not biologically be able to father a child, so has had many years to come to terms with this (understandably due to cost does not want to go down the surrogate route) it is different being a mum and growing a baby inside you and delivering that baby in to the world, just like if a woman miscarried. It feels different because they are in us not in our DH's. Doesn't mean they don't want them and love them. I don't need to check myself thanks 🙄 @OneForMeToo

@ivfgottostaypositive

Out of curiosity, what was your reason for needing to do IVF?

In the same week I was advised I was not eligible for NHS funding for IVF ( absolutely fine ... I went private and it was successful first cycle )...
My SIL was informed she qualified for a free breast reduction. Same hospital.
She readily admitted herself and to the consultant that it was cosmetic .. ie no pain etc ..
To be fair she was flabbergasted they approved it ...but there you go ..
Different budgets apparently.

Good luck OP