To be annoyed at IVF comments

[Strawberryshortcake28]

My IVF was cancelled due to CV which although was devestating I completely agree and understand money and resources need to be better spent elsewhere

What I am annoyed about is the comments I have been hearing about how it shouldn't be available in the first place on the NHS and it is a waste of money

Infertility is a disease! Caused by all different health issues imagine not being able to have your own DC
Imagine trying every month and getting your hopes up for years and years to be disappointed month on month

Imagine watching all your friends have their dc and think you'll never get the chance and feeling like you have nothing in common anymore
Imagine waking up every Xmas or mother's day with no DC to spend it with

Infertility has been the hardest experience of my life and made me severely depressed IVF gives me hope .

Yes you can go private and pay for it yourself but not everyone is in the financial position a lot of couples spend thousands on treatment with no DC at the end the NHS could be their last hope give them one more shot
Yes adoption may be an option but not everyone can be approved or is it an easy process

Aibu to be angry ?

Ivf can save a life. Infertility can cause severe depression and anxiety. It can most definitely save a future parents’ life.

I should say, no one knows the pain of infertility other than those that walked the road. It's so easy to say IVF shouldn't be funded when your kids came along after 5 minutes of fun.

I've silently played infertility bingo many a time, each time realising people don't have a clue. Each failed IVF, miscarriage, Ectopic is a painful grief. You live life on a monthly grief cycle, month after month, year after year. Life is very empty. It's why we work hard, to buy the nice house, to have the money for holidays, to give our children a bright future. When they don't come you wonder what the point is.

Ask those people if they would give their children back and live their lives without them?

@celerysam - I agree with you. I spent 10 years ttc and 5 of them trying a range of IVF treatments. Felt so bitter than while the NHS didn’t take my medical conditions seriously (PCOS, thyroid antibodies, rare clotting disorder) the private sector did and does. If I had, had Bupa from my twenties while the damage could still be reversed I would have gotten my baby within months without the need for IVF. Our health system only really works for the rich (as seen by the celebrities who have paid for Covid-19 tests or got them for free) and until that changes IVF definitely needs to be funded by the NHS.

Iv stated my personal opinion as that’s how i think and feel, I will not be getting into a debate about what should of shouldn’t be funded on the nhs as it’s never ending.

I don’t have to justify why I think that way.

I've silently played infertility bingo many a time, each time realising people don't have a clue. Each failed IVF, miscarriage, Ectopic is a painful grief. You live life on a monthly grief cycle, month after month, year after year. Life is very empty. It's why we work hard, to buy the nice house, to have the money for holidays, to give our children a bright future. When they don't come you wonder what the point is.

All of this.

Yanbu. My inability to conceive caused all sorts of issues. We didn't qualify for IVF only IUI. Thankfully it wasn't required but I absolutely believe up to 2 attempts should be funded.

@GrumpyHoonMain your figures are misleading. Private IVF in nearby European countries is much cheaper than that (in normal times at least) and the NHS has no effect on what other countries charge.

There is certainly profiteering which is why I argued earlier that the NHS should provide unbiased information.

I've already posted that I agree with the NHS providing IVF treatment.

However I would be interested to know how many patients need NHS IVF for a decline in fertility due to age rather than a medical condition.

It does seem 30 is the new 20 when it comes to having babies to make time for promotions, travelling etc. Which is fine but you lose that safety buffer of time if you do encounter problems.

Out of 100 girls in my school year, only 5 or 6 of us have had babies and we are in our late 20s now. Lots of my friends (that have said they want children) are in a position to start a family now but seem to think of themselves as being far too young, and say it's years away yet

Btw I am absolutely not talking about people that have not found the right person etc, or any other circumstances out of their control. I just wonder whether a more realistic approach to fertility would result in less NHS IVF patients, therefore more resources for genuinely infertile couples to have more rounds of treatment.

Luckily never had to have ivf and have had children but totally think it should be allowed on the nhs ( certain amount of goes )
Good luck with your ivf when hopefully it can resume

@wolfgirrl It’s not just women who have issues. I was fine, in my 30s and was successful on first cycle. DH had a low sperm count because of another issue. Age isn’t always the factor.

The irony of people harking about nastiness, whilst simultaneously judging everybody who isn't in favour of funded IVF as being completely naive and ignorant to the difficulties of not being able to conceive is staggering.

I've been there. I don't think there's an option we didn't explore. But here we are now, we're both happy and fulfilled.

@Starlight1243 The NHS is a valuable asset we are lucky to have we are the only country to have this everyone else pays through insurance.

No. Most other European countries have a national health service paid for by the government with funds raised by taxes. The NHS is neither unique nor the best health service.

I've not rtft but my heart does break for op. Obviously ivf can't go ahead atm, hell I've had a colposcopy cancelled with no appointment in sight but I don't agree with the nhs has no money stance. I may be being very naive but my experience of the nhs has been absolutely outstanding but I've seen huge amounts of money being wasted. I think there's a problem with management in the extreme. As I said, my care and the care of my family has been fantastic but something is wrong somewhere. Post code lottery? More than that I imagine.

@WotnoPasta

Of course not but surely the increase in the age of first time mothers has something to do with it?

I really feel for you OP. I’m quite sure that a number of people who have told you it’s not a right have made lifestyle choices (smoking/overeating) who rely on the NHS, is rather see their funding head to you.

I don’t have to justify why I think that way.

No, but this is the type of thing people with no logical justification for their position say.

@Wolfgirrl age wasn't a factor for me. I was 27 when I had ivf and 28 when dc was born. I feel very lucky that I did get it funded on the nhs. Would've had 3 cycles but luckily it worked first time.

Op I understand what it feels like and I hope you can proceed post COVID 💐

@Mummyshark2018

I didnt say it was a factor for everyone! The essence of my post was that I wonder if the culture of having babies later has contributed to the number of people needing IVF. Thus depriving people that need it for established medical conditions of resources.

I certainly wasnt saying that everyone that has IVF has left it too late

It is so shit, and my heart breaks for you all suffering infertility.

I had my own dalliance with it, 3yrs ttc mmc d&c hsg rpoc hyscopy clomid hsg again before a natural bfp.
I acutely remember the pain of the monthly bfn, the watching and hoping of signs since ovulation day, I love keeping up with the kardashians but couldn’t watch the series when khloe was pregnant as it was too painful for me!

People who have never experienced infertility won’t know this pain, but I worry people who make decisions about NHS funding haven’t either and that will lead to withdrawal of treatment.

I am in the same boat as you, although not started the IVF process yet. People who have never struggled with fertility just don’t realise how lucky they are. Thinking of you

Yanbu to feel very very sad

YABU however to berate people and start a thread that I dare say will upset you , when you really don’t need any
More grief right now

The OP has not berated any one. This thread has shown there are some bloody heartless people out there.

@Wolfgirrl - healthy women have always been able to have babies from their teens right up to their forties (and in India / Asia to their fifties) naturally throughout history. It came out of fashion in the 50s as unseemly / something the poor did but it definitely did happen. There is not a cliff top decline in fertility with age with healthy women - the women having problems in their 30s / 40s (even unexplained) would have had them in their twenties too. The difference is that if they ttc in their 20s then they have 10-20 years to sort the issues out.

This whole thread is shameful. You can agree or disagree with NHS funding for IVF but to be deliberately heartless and cruel in the way you phrase your response is absolutely revolting. Some of us have lived a cycle of grief over our period turning up each month, miscarriages, invasive testing, diagnoses (and often lack of), waiting lists for IVF, failed rounds etc for years. I started trying at 28. I am now almost 40. That's 12 years of living in limbo. 12 years of sadness. 12 years of putting on a brave face every time you see a pregnancy announcement, 12 years of all your savings going towards fertility treatments (in our case), 12 years of listening to inane, judgemental comments from people who choose not to understand. How any person can be so utterly cruel to someone going through the hell of infertility and to repeatedly kick them when they're down like so many of you have done on here is fucking shameful. And in years to come when your own children suffer infertility, because let's face it, it's becoming more and more common, I hope you remember the absolutely vile comments you posted on here, and I hope you never repeat those comments to your child who is crying in your arms because they can't have children of their own.

@Phineyj - the NHS giving IVF for free for 3 cycles (and basically subsidising UK private cycles) allows Eastern European / Spanish / Indian providers to be cheap. The HFEA advice is provided because it’s provided by the NHS and is followed around the world. The research funded by NHS cycles is used by other countries. The minute the NHS stops, the price of IVF (including testing) will go up worldwide.