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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't think my request was unreasonable (bbq related)

160 replies

OhNoNoNoNotThatOne · 19/04/2020 19:50

So gorgeous weather where I live today.

I did all my washing this morning and put it out preempting mid afternoon bbqs planning to bring it in after lunch, fairly windy here, perfect drying weather.

Around 1pm I started to smell smoke, so I popped outside and bought all my washing in (now needs washing again as it stinks of smoke as do my livingroom curtains) I guess my mid afternoon preempt may have been a bit late.

I really have no issues whatsoever with bbqs, they're one of my favourite things about the summer, but considering there is wind and neighbours will clearly have washing out, was I really unreasonable for posting on the local Facebook page asking people please being a bit more considerate and checking if any of their neighbours have washing out before lighting their bbqs?

I got totally piled on saying that what people do in their gardens is their choice (I don't deny that) people aren't allowed to see family why can't they have a bbq and have fun (I only asked them to be considerate and check their surroundings/give fair warning first) I was also told that someone is a keyworker it's their first Sunday off and they can spend it how they want (again I'm not telling them not to have a bbq, just asking them to be considerate) someone else said its a bbq, they'd understand if it was a bonfire (that's fine, but my washing and curtains stink of smoke) others just took the general piss and said they don't care about anyone else...

Again all I asked was that people be considerate of other people.

So wise people of mumsnet, I put it to you, was I unreasonable to ask people to be considerate or should I have just grumbled about it to dh and not said anything?

OP posts:
Juanmorebeer · 19/04/2020 20:34

You were very unreasonable. I agree that people can do what they want in their gardens really. If you preempted it you should have put a note through to say pls text me before you light your bbq so I can grab my washing in.

PepePig · 19/04/2020 20:36

You're being utterly ridiculous.

The weather is nice. A lot of us are stuck at home. It's a nice change/treat to have a BBQ. It's also the weekend. It isn't a bonfire. They usually last a few hours, maximum. So you have plenty of hours of non BBQing air to utilise.

I really don't see what's hard about doing your washing in the early morning then bringing it in before a BBQ would be lit. Or just keeping an eye out and bringing it in. Or, drying your clothes indoors on a clothes horse. Or even using a tumble dryer.

What do you expect? Say I wanted to have a BBQ but one of my neighbours had a wash out- I couldn't have one? What if both neighbours always had a wash out? Or, how many neighbours is far enough away with their washes that would allow me to have a BBQ? The third neighbour to my left? The 7th to my right?

I genuinely don't know how some people on here exist in a world where we have to work around different people and just can't get your own way all the time. When I lived in the country, half the time I had washing out then someone put slurry out. So all the clothes smelt of cow shit. Annoying? Yes. But come on- it's a risk when you live in the country and it's a dry day. I brought it in, did the quick wash cycle and fired it out again when the smell was gone outside.

I think people need to start realising that when you live beside neighbours, there will be times when their behaviour affects you. That's part of having neighbours. If you want to be able to do exactly what you want, as you please, then you simply need to live in a remote area and purchase land to surround your home to act as a buffer to all smells, noises and anything else that is bothersome.

Obviously, if I was having very smokey BBQs every single day of the week, that's a dick move and I'd fully expect a complaint from the neighbours about their washing. But once a week? Once a month?

Grow up.

SomewhereInbetween1 · 19/04/2020 20:36

Haha yes, properly unreasonable.

Deadheadstickeronacadillac · 19/04/2020 20:38

@smileeachday are you feeling 🤢 about washing being left out all night and then being DARKED ON?

DollyDoDo · 19/04/2020 20:39

,Button I am sure if your neighbour's knew about your DD they would have ket you know they were having a bbq.
They are not mind readers so I think it's unfair to blame them.
Hope your DD recovers quickly Flowers

saraclara · 19/04/2020 20:40

It has never occurred to me to ask my neighbours if they have washing out, if I'm having a barbecue (I can't see into anyone's gardens). Nor has anyone ever asked me. Nor have I ever noticed my washing smelling because my neighbours have had a barbecue.

Seriously, is there a parallel universe somewhere where these things happen?

BreatheAndFocus · 19/04/2020 20:41

YANBU. It’s common courtesy to let people nearby know if you’re having a barbecue during the day. Everyone I know waits till the evening when any washing is in anyway.

It's not inconsiderate to have a BBQ at any time. Why should any of your neighbours care about your washing?

Uh huh. Same goes for playing loud music in your garden, burning tyres in your garden. I mean why think about anyone else, eh?

OhClover · 19/04/2020 20:43

I was always brought up to do a quick check of my nearest neighbours and pop round to warn them if I was going to light a bbq if I saw washing out. It’s just being polite and considerate, surely

I would think my neighbours mad if they notified me of a BBQ. Have a bbq whenever you like in your garden.

If a neighbour told me they had someone recovering from covid in their house and it would affect them obviously I wouldn’t but to suggest people shouldn’t have them because of Washing is bizarre.

livefornaps · 19/04/2020 20:43

Wow, you could actually be arsed to write on the fb group? And...how is anyone even meant to check when their neighbours have their washing out? They don't all necessarily spy like you do .......

Cherrysoup · 19/04/2020 20:43

YABU. HTH.

livefornaps · 19/04/2020 20:44

@Cherrysoup gets it Grin

pussycatinboots · 19/04/2020 20:44

YANBU, this is why I tumbled my laundry today and almost all of summer too pointless washing it twice.

sonjadog · 19/04/2020 20:45

I really don't think you can ask people to put your washing in front of their own personal enjoyment. One thing to be considerate of your neighbours when they are in their garden themselves, but to have to put yourself out for their clothing? Nah, I don't think so. Sunny weekend days are prime barbecue time. If you are worried about clothes smelling like barbecue, don't hang them out at the weekend, or do it early in the morning and bring in before lunch.

ButtonMoonLoon · 19/04/2020 20:45

DollyDoDo, they do know, that’s the most upsetting thing about it :(

Ordinarily, BBQ’s don’t bother me, but given how many people are unwell in our communities at the moment I am astonished that anybody thinks it’s okay.

Samtsirch · 19/04/2020 20:46

I think your basic tactical error was posting on Facebook.
Facebook folk do not like being told what they can or cannot do.
Many people perhaps were undecided about whether to have a bbq today and your post clinched the decision for them.

Poppinjay · 19/04/2020 20:47

I've had BBQs with my own washing out and it's never stunk of smoke afterwards.

If it happens again, just leave it out and it will freshen up again once the BBQ is over.

I'm sure your curtains will be fine once the air has changed around them.

raspberryk · 19/04/2020 20:48

YABVVVU as is @Someonesayroadtrip - wtf, you struggle to have a bbq because your neighbours leave the washing out?... they sound like me, put washing out and get it in when you remember, probably when the next load needs drying. They give no fucks about your bbq smoke, dark, rain, or spiders willies.

TrainspottingWelsh · 19/04/2020 20:48

Yabu, if you have a problem with your washing being out when neighbours are having a bbq, the responsibility to keep an eye out and bring it in lies with you.

Also yabu to post on Facebook about it. My dc weren't allowed social media until they were mature enough to understand it isn't for sly digs at people. Perhaps you should have a break from it until you can use it sensibly.

ButtonMoonLoon · 19/04/2020 20:48

And no, I don’t ‘put washing ahead of personal enjoyment’ but if one persons joy causes another pain/hassle/extra work then that’s not okay.
So yes, I put breathing ahead of personal enjoyment.

It’s courteous to let those nearest to you know if you’re lighting a BBQ or fire. If our neighbour had told us I would have shut our windows, but the lack of communication coupled with such thoughtlessness is hard to comprehend tbh.
Mind you, fires are banned where we live at the moment anyway.

DollyDoDo · 19/04/2020 20:51

Your DD is inside I doubt they thought a BBQ outside would be an issue. I doubt they did it because they dont care and wish to cause her harm.

Honestly I just find MN unbelievable at times. Everyone is stuck in their houses but it seems nobody is allowed to enjoy their gardens unless they make no noise at all and dont enjoy themselves. Gardens are for drying laundry only.

MN is the most intolerant place while at the same time it demands everyone be tolerant Confused

I am so pleased it's not rl.

thisislovelyme · 19/04/2020 20:51

Expecting people to delay their BBQ for your washing is ridiculous.

ARoseInHarlem · 19/04/2020 20:52

Champagne lifestyle on a beer budget.

You live close enough to other people for your curtains to smell if they light a bbq. You can’t expect them to show you “consideration” commensurate to your enjoying life in a detached house with enough distance to not be bothered by bbq smoke. It’s just not possible.

When you love cheek by jowl with people, you have to learn to get on with them. That means having a conversation, not making passive aggressive posts on bloody Facebook.

SmileEachDay · 19/04/2020 20:53

Deadheadstickeronacadillac

YES

Starlightstarbright1 · 19/04/2020 20:54

My neighbour text me the other day so I could get my washing in.

Klonda · 19/04/2020 20:55

God I'd get pissed off if neighbors started knocking on our door to tell us every time they were going to have a barbecue. I dont need a running commentary on what you plan to do in your garden.