Husband says he will leave if I get a tattoo

[Peyton2020]

Hey everyone this is my first time posting here and I’m just looking for a bit of advice.

Me and my husband have been married for 10 years we have a 3 year old together. before we met I already had 3 tattoos on my wrists and ankle

Last night I told him I wanted another tattoo, which he went crazy at saying he would leave if I got another one. He said that they disgust him and that he wouldn’t be able to look at me if I got one.

The tattoo would be on my forearm and it will be roses, a stop clock and my daughters name and birth date.

I really really want the tattoo, but if I get it I risk my marriage. I don’t know what to do

Please help :)

Why would he start a relationship, marry and have a family with you if your tattoos disgusted him? Did you know his opinions on them before? Personally, I’d have a bigger problem with him telling me that something about me disgusted him. He’s told you he won’t be attracted to you anymore if you do it so, ultimately, it comes down to how willing you are to test that.

Please, please have a think about the design though. So many people have got the clocks with roses now. It’s not dating very well and if you’re going to have one on your forearm (which really hurts!) you want it to be individual to you and worth the pain, rather than a replica of what thousands of other people already have. A good studio will do something custom for you, which will be completely original and something to be proud of.

The tattoo sounds absolutely awful (sorry)

Ultimately you can do what you want but he doesnt have to like it and is within his rights to leave you.

On one hand...
Would you really want to break up your family unit for an (ugly and expensive) tattoo?

On the other I'd suggest if it could end your relationshop it's not that strong if it can't survive a disagreement over a tattoo.

Reading this thread, it's not surprising the divorce rate is as high as it is.
Whatever happened to mutual respect?
My husband does not control me in the slightest, but why on earth would I go out and get a tattoo (or piercing or extreme hairstyle or whatever it may be) that I knew he hated? And vice versa?

Naf sounding tattoos. Don't blame him

The OP already having tattoos is a red herring.

There's a big difference between small tattoos somewhere discrete that can be ignored and a bloody big mega one on the arm.

Are you Lauren from the Real Housewives of Cheshire? We saw her arguing with her now ex-husband over the (admittedly hideous: looked like a trifurcated triffid and apparently represented her and her two children) tattoo she had on her back.

But seriously, I’m wondering why you are so set on the tattoo if you know that your husband dislikes them? Your choice, but feels like you are trying to force a confrontation. Are you?

Would you truthfully be ok with him making drastic changes to his appearance without discussing them with you, if he knew that you wouldn’t like his new look?

@Waxonwaxoff0

MNers love to pretend they're really liberal

What's the pretence?
You do realise we're all individuals with our own opinions don't you.

MN is not a cult where all posters must have one unique set of thoughts on every aspect of life.

Being liberal also applies to a number of areas in life.

My sister is a primary teacher and she always says there is a direct correlation between the parent having a large, visible tattoo of theIr child’s name and not doing reading or homework with them.

I have two very prominent half sleeve tattoos. I also have two University degrees, am a Member of two Professional Associations (one business related, one technology related) and have an MBA. My DD is reading history at Glasgow University. She didn't get THERE because I was too "chavvy" to do reading or homework with her.

I read this as the sister saying the children who are not doing their home work often have parents with large, visible name tattoos. Not that everyone with tattoos have children who don’t do homework. You are exempt from her scrutiny.

Whilst agree with your body, your choice it is equally his choice to leave if you have that.
Personally I'm always a bit bewildered why people need to put their kids names and date of birth on them. You usually cant see them yourself, you k ow what they are called and anyone outside your family doesnt give a shit what time they were born so it seems pointless.

The amount of people who jump into tattoo posts to tell everyone how revolting they are. Yawn.

I am conflicted.

Your body, your choice but also that tattoo sounds hideous and off-putting. I wouldn't do it if my husband found it repulsive and vice versa.

Him threatening to leave if you get a tattoo, and you knowing his feelings but considering risking your marriage because you 'really want the tattoo' sound as bad as each other. it's your kid who is 3, not the pair of you.

I'm really just urgh at the posters who agree with the OPs husband. Naff, don't blame him, ugly etc. It's her choice. That's the top and bottom of it. Anyone's opinion of the tattoo doesn't matter. I think it sounds like a fairly standard tattoo and I can't see a problem with it especially if you already have them. Just get it done OP. It really is up to you. I think it sounds nice, And I don't have any tattoos although I am thinking of getting one for my 50th.

Its your body and your choice.
My dh was not happy when I got mine, he accepted it and drove me to the tattooist and picked me up. He does not like it but accepts it. I toy with getting another but not sure what so I wait.
As others have asked is he controling in other ways.? Which means most? Only you can answer.

Please help?

ViciousJackdaw

funniest comment I've read in a long time, thank you.

Difficult one...

DH had a few tattoos before I met him. I despise tattoos, so would be upset if he got another one now that we're together and he knows how I feel about them. That said, if he really wanted to it'd be his choice and I suppose I'd get over it 🤷🏼‍♀️ You have to accept your DH might not, which is his prerogative

Whilst I get the ‘ your body , your choice,’ message, if it would rile your husband so much, to alter your appearance, permanently, from what he first encountered, why would you? You’ve already got tattoos, why do you need more?

If my husband wanted to get a tattoo, I’d be bloody furious, but if he had a discreet one , I’d accept it, albeit grudgingly.
If you want another one and he doesn’t, then try the word ‘compromise’
It helps , in a marriage.
Bloody hate tattoos.

The amount of people who jump into tattoo posts to tell everyone how revolting they are. Yawn.
Its AIBU post, some people love tattoos, some people hate them, it's a discussion that evolves like every other one on MN.
🙄🤷‍♀️

As for the tattoo itself it sounds a bit naff and unoriginal to be honest. The roses, the stopwatch, child's name/birthday. It's all a bit overdone. It's all information that no one else (outside of your friends and family) really cares about, but you're going to be parading it as a massive forearm tattoo?

This is just my opinion as someone who has a full sleeve. But, it's your choice of course.

I’m sorry but I think your marriage is over regardless. If he’s is prepared to end things over a bloody tattoo. He obviously isn’t happen in your marriage to begin with

Doesn’t make sense. You already had 3. Yet they disgust him???

Exactly, I mean why would you get someone with tattoos if they disgusted you
I say this as someone with no tattoos!

@notacooldad They never really answer the question though. They are just itching to say how gross tattoos are and contribute literally nothing else 🤷🏾‍♀️

@waxonwaxoff0 it's not the same as having your mom and dad together in the same house. It's a difficult situation for all involved. You sound like you're doing good but loads of people do not.

@Soontobe60 Love it!!