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Original poster

Husband says he will leave if I get a tattoo

731 replies

Peyton2020 · 18/04/2020 22:03

Hey everyone this is my first time posting here and I’m just looking for a bit of advice.

Me and my husband have been married for 10 years we have a 3 year old together. before we met I already had 3 tattoos on my wrists and ankle

Last night I told him I wanted another tattoo, which he went crazy at saying he would leave if I got another one. He said that they disgust him and that he wouldn’t be able to look at me if I got one.

The tattoo would be on my forearm and it will be roses, a stop clock and my daughters name and birth date.

I really really want the tattoo, but if I get it I risk my marriage. I don’t know what to do

Please help :)

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
macaroniandpizza · 18/04/2020 22:42

Get the tattoo and lose the "d"h id say, its your body and you have bodily autonomy to do to your body as you please be it dye your hair, shave your hair, get a piercing or as you want a tattoo and theres nothing your dh can do as its your choice

ViciousJackdaw · 18/04/2020 22:43

@FineWordsForAPorcupine I did wonder how the poster had beautifully smooth youthful skin for a woman of 60...

FourDecades · 18/04/2020 22:43

@FineWordsForAPorcupine - there are some absolutely beautiful tattoos on that website.

I'd like a discreet one and they have given me ideas

Foghead · 18/04/2020 22:43

People can have very strong views on these things. It’s up to the both of you to try to work it out. No one here can tell you whether to do it and piss him off, he may come round or it might be worth coming up with other options.

My friends dh got Arsenal in huge letters of tattooed on his forearm and honestly, if my dh did the same thing, I’d be pissed off.
I might even consider divorcing him if I had to look at the thing day in day out.
I don’t even have anything against Arsenal either.

Tootletum · 18/04/2020 22:44

I hate tattoos and forearm seems rash . My husband's first marriage fell apart over same issue (Although he didn't issue any ultimatums and she left him after he lost interest), but it was more a sign of incompatible beliefs.

Kay2theT · 18/04/2020 22:45

You sound a bit blasé about the whole thing to me. So I think some info is missing.
It is a huge decision to quit a marriage after 10 years and I do not believe for an instant that this has never come up before.

I don't mind tattoos personally so it's not that I hate them or anything, but I must confess that your idea sounds really wierd and a bit tacky. Why a stop clock? Unless you meant pocketwatch? Do these things mean anything or do you just want the aesthetic? If you have more kids would you add to it?

I think leaving someone over a tattoo is a bit unreasonable and if this sort of thing is normal, where he threatens to leave over minor things then get out.
If it's an anomaly then is an inked picture on your skin really worth losing your husband and leaving your kid without a dad?

Thymelord · 18/04/2020 22:45

SoonToBe60 your tattoo is beautiful, I really love it.

Not going to lower myself to respond to people who call tattoos chavvy or rough.

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 18/04/2020 22:46

before we met I already had 3 tattoos on my wrists and ankle
Last night I told him I wanted another tattoo, which he went crazy at saying he would leave if I got another one. He said that they disgust him and that he wouldn’t be able to look at me if I got one

He got with you knowing you like tattoos, already had some but then throws a hissy fit when you say you want to get another one?
Confused
What's that all about?
Surely he'd be OK with tattoos as he's with you and knows you have them.
DH tattooed when we started going out. I have no tattoos, will never get one either.
It's part of him to have them.
Why would it be "divorce/marriage risk" if got one? That makes no sense.
He either wants to be with you or doesn't. Regardless of how many tattoos you have,
Oh, and bit of a moot point at minute as tattoo artists aren't essential, and how do you do a 2 metre social distance tattoo anyway lol

Soontobe60 · 18/04/2020 22:46

@WickedlyPetite
@FineWordsForAPorcupine

Haha! Serves me right for looking at pics without my specs on.
Here's the one on my arm, with me looking at this page on my iPad in the background.

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/04/2020 22:47

Soon
I’m not a fan of tattoos but that one is the nicest I’ve ever seen. It is rhs dark colours I don’t like. Whereas yours really is a watercolour. Not a hint of black.

Op
Your body, your choice. I just wonder if you will be happy with your choice in 20 or 30 years time. What you are proposing is far less subtle than your current tattoos.

Soontobe60 · 18/04/2020 22:47

Now now @ViciousJackdaw, be kind!

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/04/2020 22:48

Rhs = the

Toby365 · 18/04/2020 22:49

Me and my husband have been married for 10 years we have a 3 year old together. before we met I already had 3 tattoos on my wrists and ankle.
Doesn’t make sense. You already had 3. Yet they disgust him???
Will having this tattoo change you? Change how you feel?
I say get it done. No one has the right to control you like this!,,

MrsSnitchnose · 18/04/2020 22:49

Load of judgemental, nasty fuckers on this thread.

If I were you, I would change tack and plan a full sleeve, incorporating your initial design too for his stinking attitude

I've got five at the moment, and my favourite one is my Harry Potter dark mark on my left forearm, followed by the Tudor rose on my back

B1rdbra1n · 18/04/2020 22:49

I would go and get a full body suit:o
or maybe tell him that judgmental people disgust you and you can no longer bear to look at him?

LouLouLoo · 18/04/2020 22:49

I don’t like tattoos as I think they often date and look awful after the trend has passed. I have more than one friend/family member that has a now regretted Chinese symbol on them.

My husband wouldn’t tell me I couldn’t have one, but I doubt he’s find it attractive if I did. It wouldn’t stop me if I really wanted one though.

I think tattoos bring out a lot of judgement in people, the first time I heard the phrase tramp stamp I needed it explained to me. Heard it several times since, along with chav most usually.

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 18/04/2020 22:49

@Soontobe60 - fair play, your actual tattoo is lovely!

FabbyChix · 18/04/2020 22:50

Moons ago I’d have done as he asked. Now I realise that if so done loves you it doesn’t come with conditions. Your allowed to be you. Your body is yours.

DdraigGoch · 18/04/2020 22:51

My DH says he would leave me if I had botox. I know he wouldn’t, it’s just a dramatic way of saying “Please don’t do it”. It has made me think hard about the decision.
As in any partnership, you need to consider each other’s point of view.
This.

Odds are it was never intended to be taken literally, it's just hyperbole to express his feelings strongly. Ignore those who are throwing out LTBs like confetti.

It is your body and you have every right to do as you please with it. He likewise has every right to be turned off by changes you make.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 18/04/2020 22:51

@Kay2theT sorry, since when does getting a divorce equal leaving a child without a dad? I'm divorced and my DS's dad is very much in the picture.

Soontobe60 · 18/04/2020 22:53

@FineWordsForAPorcupine

Thanks. I resisted for years, but at 60 thought what the heck!

lashesandflashes · 18/04/2020 22:53

Controlling. Ignore

TSSDNCOP · 18/04/2020 22:53

Aren't tattoos over now?

OneandTwenty · 18/04/2020 22:54

of course, your body your choice.
He is also allowed to have an opinion. He is the one who is supposed to find you attractive and want to sleep with you.

It's also HIS body His choice. If my partner comes home looking like that, I wouldn't stay with him either. And would be mortified about him picking up the kids from school. I am allowed to dislike face tattoos.

Your DH is allowed to dislike tattoo in general, even if they are so common nowadays, he is still allowed.

Controlling would be him forcing you to have a tattoo.

Husband says he will leave if I get a tattoo
AgeLikeWine · 18/04/2020 22:54

Obviously, it’s your body, so it’s your choice.

That said, I am not a fan of tattoos at all. My DP doesn’t have any, so in the highly unlikely event that he changed his mind and decided to get one I would not be best pleased, to put it mildly. Would it be a deal breaker for me? Highly unlikely, but I would certainly think less of him for disregarding my feelings.