Husband says he will leave if I get a tattoo

[Peyton2020]

Hey everyone this is my first time posting here and I’m just looking for a bit of advice.

Me and my husband have been married for 10 years we have a 3 year old together. before we met I already had 3 tattoos on my wrists and ankle

Last night I told him I wanted another tattoo, which he went crazy at saying he would leave if I got another one. He said that they disgust him and that he wouldn’t be able to look at me if I got one.

The tattoo would be on my forearm and it will be roses, a stop clock and my daughters name and birth date.

I really really want the tattoo, but if I get it I risk my marriage. I don’t know what to do

Please help :)

Depends on how much you want it. I doubt many people would leave a spouse solely because s/he got a tattoo, but if I had a strong opinion on something like a proposed tattoo and my husband didn't at least take my feelings into serious consideration, I'd be hurt and think it reflected poorly on the state of our marriage.

I'm not a fan of large tattoos. If DH wanted to get one, especially if it was a design that would likely date then it would affect attractiveness in my opinion because I'm not a fan of the aging ink look.
People are free to find things attractive or unattractive as they wish. I suspect he was using hyperbole to express his dislike rather than it being a literal proposal.

Your body, your choice on getting the tattoo.
His mind, his choice on whether he finds it attractive or not.

It's simple really, which matters most to you? The tattoo or the marriage? Putting aside the fact that it's 'your body' and that your Husband sounds controlling, you have to ask yourself which would you rather live without, the Husband or the Tattoo.

When I met DH I had 0 tattoos. When I married DH I had one large forearm tattoo. I now have large tattoos on both as well as a large tattoo on my back and my entire left foot. I love them so much. DS is 5 months and loves staring at the contrasting patterns which I think is very cute.
If DH had said he would leave me if I got my tattoos I would have let him. What I choose to do with my skin is none of his business. If my tattoos affected my ability to work for example if they were on my face or hands and I worked in a business that wouldn't agree with that then I would understand if they hurt.
DH saves up and buys game consoles and got tickets. I get my tattoos. And no I don't believe I am chavvy or tacky.

@notacooldad
Whilst agree with your body, your choice it is equally his choice to leave if you have that

See, I don't get that attitude!
I got with DH over 20 years ago. Plenty of tattoos.
Never had one myself and never intend to (personal choice)
OP says already had tattoos when she met him.
So what if she got another one?
She's still the person he's with.
You either want to be with them or you don't. What's skin decoration got to do with anything?

@MrsSnitchnose Surprised you haven't been absolutely killed on here yet for that Harry Potter admission there.. i however, think it's great 👍🏻😎

He married you when you already had them, so they obviously didn't disgust him then.
It's your body, and your choice.

Your body , your choice but really ? sounds a little bit naff and would you really want that on your forearm for the rest of your life?

@OneandTwenty

*ViciousJackdaw

funniest comment I've read in a long time, thank you*

What, the comment where she was mocking me? Yeah, hilarious.

I could understand getting tattoos if you were tattoo free when you met.
If you already had them though?!
WTF, they disgust him?!
I'd be like fuck that lol, it's me.

Soontobe60
I am not sure it was mocking you. Just a good point about needing to tattoo the date instead of getting a calendar. I did find it funny 🤷

Your body and you’re entitled to do what you like. The flip side is that most married people are married to someone they fancied when they got hitched; but most of us can’t control our particular likes/dislikes when it comes to attraction. If multiple/prominent tats are a turn off for him, that’s going to affect things, even if he doesn’t want to feel that way.

I get my tattoos. And no I don't believe I am chavvy or tacky.

Do you think that some people get them thinking, “I really want to look chavvy and tacky. I know! I’ll get a tattoo” ?

What's fake?

I think you having discreet existing tattoos before you married is irrelevant. We all have a past and tattoos are often initially got in young adulthood (I realise that is a generalisation). When we marry a person we accept they have a past and that we may not always agree with those things but presumably, in the decade or more your lives have been on the same page, so it might come as a surprise that you now want more inks. It would be like if a partner had a history of weed use as a young adult, perhaps even had police caution for possession. Not something I agree with or find attractive but I might accept if we are on the same page when we get together and move forward. No way would I accept 10 years later 'well you knew I like to smoke cus I did it before we met' as a reason for me to accept a return to drugs. Marriage is a partnership, yes it's your body and you can do as you like but major life changing choices should be made together as a team - it's what you signed up for when you had the big party and said 'I don't.

And no I don't believe I am chavvy or tacky.
to be fair, everyone sincerely believe they have taste and a great sense of humour

@OneandTwenty
Apologies, thought you were referring to the comment about having smooth skin for a 60 yr old.

If the tattoo is more important to you than your marriage then go ahead.
But don't start whining when your a single mum with kids living alone.
But at least you'll have your tattoos to keep you company.

Whilst agree with your body, your choice it is equally his choice to leave if you have that

See, I don't get that attitude!
I got with DH over 20 years ago. Plenty of tattoos
Never had one myself and never intend to (personal choice)
OP says already had tattoos when she met him
So what if she got another one
The op says she had them on her wrist and ankle. Obviously we dont know what they look like but tats there tend to be smaller and more discrete than down your forearm. Theres a huge difference between a, I dont know,a small tat of a bee or a butterfly for example on your ankle and a sketch of a stopwatch and script down your arm. It's not everyones cup of tea. The DH in this case doesn't like the sound of it. He will be one looking at it and seeing it more than the op !

Your body, your choice. Your marriage, your choice.

I would choose the husband and ditch the tattoo.

The issue here Isn’t the tattoo and whether people on Mumsnet like them is irrelevant.
The issue is your husband telling you what to do with your body. Huge red flag.

The issue is your husband telling you what to do with your body. Huge red flag.

Red flag would be forcing the OP to get a tattoo. Not having an opinion on having a new one...

My boyfriend has a very small tattoo which is hidden most of the time, he had it when I met him and I definitely judged him when I saw it, we all judge, all the time, that’s what people do. He’d had it done when he was young and regrets it now.

Anyway if he was to go out and get an obvious tattoo, knowing how much I dislike them, then yes, I would leave him because it would show how little he cared about my feelings/opinions, so I completely understand your husbands perspective and don’t think he’s being unreasonable at all, you are.