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Original poster

Husband says he will leave if I get a tattoo

731 replies

Peyton2020 · 18/04/2020 22:03

Hey everyone this is my first time posting here and I’m just looking for a bit of advice.

Me and my husband have been married for 10 years we have a 3 year old together. before we met I already had 3 tattoos on my wrists and ankle

Last night I told him I wanted another tattoo, which he went crazy at saying he would leave if I got another one. He said that they disgust him and that he wouldn’t be able to look at me if I got one.

The tattoo would be on my forearm and it will be roses, a stop clock and my daughters name and birth date.

I really really want the tattoo, but if I get it I risk my marriage. I don’t know what to do

Please help :)

OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
VentureCommunist · 23/04/2020 15:07

This is always such an incendiary topic because some posters feel that if somebody doesn't like tattoos, that's an indictment of them and nobody should feel that way

Has that actually happened in this thread though? I skimmed most of it and seems what people are taking umbrage to is people saying tattoos make you chavvy/lower class/etc. Which is quite different to saying "I don't like tattoos".

Tiffanysetting · 23/04/2020 15:30

I have one, but it's hidden, i wouldn't employ someone with visible tatts.

Now I'm older i just think they look unkempt, glad my girlfriend doesn't have one, it's refreshing to see someone that doesn't follow current trends for doodling all over oneself. Whether we like it or not appearance matters, people are judged on appearance, garish body adornments send a message.
Basically the the sleeve, neck, arm, leg tatts, look shit on men or women.

rayoflightboy · 23/04/2020 19:16

www.comicsands.com/husband-threatens-leave-tattoo-mumsnet-2645813632.html?fbclid=IwAR1dIkoNmNBHQ3W3nJOPVwEfgpmJ26pjOOE_q8FYYyAebO-HN0wkK7aNdik

Its made it over to an American publication and a tattoo group on FB.

LadyInParis · 24/04/2020 11:23

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

Thank you! That's very kind. I think you summed it up better haha! You said what it took me too many words to say and you're very right!! For me I don't personally feel that I need to "defend" my tattoos. That's not why I got them. Noone should feel that way about any choices that don't hurt others.

LadyInParis · 24/04/2020 11:25

@rayoflightboy
Thanks. Very kind!

Oliversmumsarmy · 24/04/2020 11:44

I dislike tattoos, I don’t see the point of them. Some of my friends have had tattoos since they were much younger

Unfortunately age and the sun mean they have faded so much that you cannot see what they are meant to be. They are just blurred smudges.

If you want to get a tattoo then get one it is your choice.
Equally if your dh hates them and doesn’t want to be with you after then that is his choice.

CHIRIBAYA · 24/04/2020 11:58

I would be stepping back and trying to understand what is underneath this obvious overreaction. His response was way out of parameter for the issue. Is he very stressed now? (understandable) Anything going on for him that he's not telling you? There's something more to this than a tattoo, I think it's a front for something else. Sounds like you've been on the receiving end of some sort of projection and I would be wanting to know what. Good luck

Oliversmumsarmy · 24/04/2020 12:52

Or it could be that it took a lot to accept the fact you had tattoos but getting another one is a step too far for him to get his mind around

Waxonwaxoff0 · 24/04/2020 13:37

@Oliversmumsarmy you're making it sound like he did her a massive favour by "accepting" her tattoos. As a tattooed woman, if a man "took a lot to accept that I had tattoos" then I wouldn't want to be with that man. If it's SUCH a big deal to them I'd rather they date someone without tattoos.

Iwalkinmyclothing · 24/04/2020 13:54

it took a lot to accept the fact you had tattoos but getting another one is a step too far for him

Bloody hell, imagine life with someone like that. I'd cover myself in tattoos just to get away from him.

Oliversmumsarmy · 24/04/2020 14:06

If he doesn’t like tattoos but liked her he might not have verbalised it but thought in his head that she wouldn’t get any more and he could get passed the ones she had.

It is a personal preference.

Like finding a certain look attractive. Or not wanting someone who smokes.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 24/04/2020 14:15

If he didn't want her to get any more tattoos then he should have said to her at the start - look, I'm not keen on tattoos, are you planning on any more because I'm not sure I could get past that? Instead of just staying quiet and assuming, then giving her an ultimatum AFTER she said she wanted another.

As I said, I have tattoos and if I married a man who made no mention of the fact that he didn't like them, then suddenly told me AFTER we got married that he doesn't want me to get any more or he'd leave, I'd be mightily pissed off.

phoenixrosehere · 24/04/2020 15:42

If he didn't want her to get any more tattoos then he should have said to her at the start - look, I'm not keen on tattoos, are you planning on any more because I'm not sure I could get past that? Instead of just staying quiet and assuming, then giving her an ultimatum AFTER she said she wanted another.

Absolutely agree with this! He had plenty of time to mention this and ask her about this if it was that much of an icebreaker to him. It was ridiculous to decide now how much he dislikes them when they’re married and have a child.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 24/04/2020 15:55

phoenix exactly. Surely if something is THAT much of a deal breaker it's pretty important to discuss it before marriage.

I don't like smoking. I wouldn't marry a smoker without ever mentioning that I hate it, then turning around after we got married and saying right, I find smoking disgusting so you need to quit or I'll leave you. It's unfair. He should have been honest from the start.

SandyY2K · 24/04/2020 16:17

There's a big difference in not liking something/finding it unattractive vs being judgemental.

Not liking something, doesn't automatically make you judgemental.

There are occasions where judgements are made based on the type of tattoo you have....because if you permanently put a design on your skin, that's usually indicative of who you are.

As an example I used to work for a certain police force. We asked if police applicants had tattoos...if they did, we asked for a coloured photo of them....and as part of my role, some applicants were rejected based on the nature of the tattoo and it's location.

So many people absolutely regretted getting those tattoos, because it precluded them from going any further in the recruitment process.

They're a part of my identity, they've given me more self confidence.

A pp made this comment and I do agree that a tattoo is part of your identity...hence we rejected ppl because of it.

Finding confidence in a tattoo....well...that's a deeper issue.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 24/04/2020 16:28

It's fine not to like tattoos. I wouldn't want to work for a company that rejected people on the basis of tattoos. Nor would I want to be friends with people who don't like tattoos. Luckily, my company doesn't care about my tattoos, and nor do my friends.

Oliversmumsarmy · 24/04/2020 19:48

Waxonwaxoff0

Your example isn’t quite right

I would say it is like marrying an ex smoker who after 10 years together decides to take up smoking again.

If someone isn’t doing something you don’t automatically ask them about not doing it in the future.

Thee1nonly · 06/04/2021 04:43

OR get him drunk, get a tattoo on him with his kids names & d.o.b. & then get ur tattoo. The next day when he says something about ur tattoo, just say "well u've gotten one urself so I thought u were fine with it!" 😂🤷🏼‍♀️

Ineedcoffee2021 · 06/04/2021 05:51

your body
your choice

sounds like a great idea for a tattoo
he being a controlling sook, especially since you went into the relationship with tatts

georgarina · 06/04/2021 07:00

It's your choice. If my DH wanted to make a choice like that that I wasn't happy with I would express my opinion, try to change his mind...but not threaten to leave. That's pathetic and seems like he's just trying to control what you do.

Rosehip10 · 06/04/2021 07:07

Tattoos are tacky and common.

beginningoftheend · 06/04/2021 07:07

He told me he doesn’t think he would be able to stick around if I ever got another tattoo. He said he hates them and finds them disgusting to look at and if I decide to get another he would leave as he wouldn’t be able to look at me.

Wow! I would be glad to have this info because that is extreme and very unpleasant given you already have tattoos.

Sorry he has been such an arse, that is a really horrible thing to say. Wonder why he was OK with the three you already have?

Wobblesandchickuns · 06/04/2021 07:10

@Rosehip10

Tattoos are tacky and common.
Would love to know a bit about you so we could gauge whether you're tacky and common.
elsaesmeralda · 06/04/2021 07:11

Did you get the tattoo in the end op?

beginningoftheend · 06/04/2021 07:13

oh, this is a zombie thread...