DH communication with teacher

[lockdownfab]

Changed username for this because worried it's outing.

This year we have had quite a lot of problems with DS at school, his behaviour has not been good.
He has formed quite a good relationship with one of the teachers at school and she supports him a lot. My work is quite demanding at the moment but DH works from home so he has been much more in contact with this teacher than I am. She is one of the staff who supports behaviour - sorry not sure what that job role is.

However I am worried about the extent DH is now messaging this teacher. It seems to no longer be about DS and more them just chatting about stuff, they have been emailing over easter and there is clearly nothing to say about DS due to schools being shut and it being holidays.

DH says its important to maintain a relationship with these staff due to them supporting DS and it's nothing out of the ordinary. He doesn't actually know i've accessed his emails and looked at the more recent messages.

Basicallly, AIBU to tell DH to quit it and not email unless it's something specific to do with DS?

In case it matters, DS loves this teacher

Gosh, that’s... tough, I guess. If he’s not emailing about his son, it’s no good. She may feel obligated to reply out of professional courtesy, but is there a chance he’s just being friendly? Depends on actual content of the emails.

Yes it should just be about your son. Sure she doesn’t really want to be your DHs mate but is too polite to ignore him.

You need to tell him to stop. She'll be reporting him to her HT if she hasn't already.

She should be maintaining a professional distance. Conversations out of context of the student shouldn’t be happening.

The thing is she seems to be engaging in this chat as much as DH and even starting some of it! I definitely don't think it's a case of him bothering her, I'm just a bit worried they have become too friendly?
But then think maybe I am overreacting? is there anything wrong with DH and this teacher being friendly? I just do not know any more!

It's a weird one. If I was the teacher, I would probably cut things short and kept communication on track, I don't really know anyone who owuld like to message parents about personal stuff just for the sake of it. It would be very much out of the ordinary in wchools I worked.
Is this teacher young/inexperienced?

Very inappropriate I’d be going to the head over this (I’m a teacher).

If communication isn't about your DC then she's being MASSIVELY unprofessional. If be speaking to the head of I were you. And I'd be having strong words with your DH also!

As a teacher I would try to only respond to queries about the son, and definitely keep things professional. If this is not happening, I’d think about asking for a quiet word with her (or her line manager).

Is this person actually a teacher or another role in school such as a learning mentor? You could look on the school website to find out? Do you get the impression that they haven’t been in the job for very long? This does sound like the actions of an inexperienced member of staff.
Personally I do not answer emails in the holidays. It keeps boundaries in place and I’m also not paid to respond to them in this time. Also it sets an expectation that all staff should be answering emails at all times which isn’t fair. School would usually have a policy around this.

If you think it's inappropriate from her then email the headteacher. And tell your husband you don't like it. We

As a teacher, I’d find this odd. Communication with parents should always be about the child. Chatting casually is not a good use of the teacher’s time: I’m surprised she’s responding. We do make safeguarding calls where the conversation might encompass a wider range of topics.

I don't know what the teacher's exact role is, sorry. She is young (I have met her briefly) but she's definitely not new to the job. She seems good at her job (apart from this communication with DH which I just find a bit strange?!) I'm not sure I want to report her though, she hasn't particularly done anything wrong as such, I just think the emailing is weird. I basically want DH to appreciate that and stop it!

Can you share some snippets? Might help with understanding how inappropriate contact is. Understand if not.

It's unprofessional. I am a teacher. I have a few parents with whom I would happily go to the pub with, have as friends, etc but don't. It should all be based on the child.

I wouldn't go to the HT at this point. Is she using her school email? I don't think.it's professional, she should know it's not the norm by a long shot and I'd be querying your dh's motive also I'm afraid as it's just a bit odd.

Do you have an example of the content

She’s not being very professional.

DH says its important to maintain a relationship with these staff due to them supporting DS and it's nothing out of the ordinary.

Yeah that’s just an excuse to carry on.

Teachers can be friends with parents. You need to discuss it with your husband first

Important to maintain a relationship with the staff not a good enough excuse unfortunately dh

Yes you can be friends but for some reason I see a difference between friends and email buds..

He's making excuses to keep in touch with her. Has he ever done anything untrustworthy or dodgy before with other women?

Sounds very inappropriate to be regularly texting a member of school staff. It’s not allowed at my school.

I would let it continue and keep going back to check- get screen shots etc.

Can we ask what the emails are about? Are they about any subjects or interests of your DC but maybe gets side tracked to a conversation about maybe something similar ... if there’s nothing alarming I wouldn’t be reporting yet especially if she is good at her job and supporting your child and he’s improving. If you see alarming messages or her starting conversations about something that’s nothing to do with topics about DC/or related to then maybe have a word yourself