Irritated, irritable and irritating. AIBU to be tolerant in RL and tell them to get fucked on this thread.

[fuckinghellthisshit]

IABU. Unreasonable and I know it.

I am just so fucking irritated at the moment. Everything is grinding my gears. DD's constant fucking exercising, DS leaving his shit everywhere, DH's following me around and just fucking breathing everywhere.
I am being a model of kindness and tolerance but I do wish every bastard one of them would fuck off.

And face timing my DGM97 every day at exactly 6pm to watch her slowly lose her shit (she's been in lockdown for 6 weeks already) and become unkempt is horrendous. Arguing with her for hours about politics (she lives for these debates and asks for robust challenging - good for her mh she says) is exhausting. I just want to lie down, I don't care what Mark fucking Steel is saying today - he can get fucked too.

My mean GD97 who has been living in isolation for 40 years and never wanted a visit or call but suddenly needs the warmth and kindness of his family - well the women in his family, and I am especially sought after as the busiest person. Fuck you mean old man, you are alone for a reason! you made your miserable lonely bed now lie in it!

My normally sane DM is in full lunatic mode, needing constant love and reassurance, leave me alone! I am your child! What about me! Why not rind one of my many bastarding twat brothers. And stop cooking for 12-18 people - there are only 2 of you there - that's why you're getting so fat - not stress hormones.

My tribe of idiot brothers who all refused to accept there was any problem and spouted full Trump rhetoric until my DGM's neighbour died and then had massive mantrums demanding I send them all food. Get fucked!
.
I love these people so very much. I also loved my small business and working, and being on my own a bit. I care so much, but I want a break and a vent. So here, in the safety of MN, I will tell them all to get fucked.

Thank you, I feel so much better now.

No kids here as one is still in utero and 4yo DD has been isolating with my DM but feel I need to share my irrational anger.

I get very irrationally irritated by the fact that every single morning without fail, no matter what time, whenever I go to the bathroom my neighbours are stirring their morning drink like they’re trying to make their mug take off. It’s all I can hear and it makes me fucking crazy🤣 Their kitchen is below my bathroom on their side of the house if that makes sense so the sound travels easy. Why are they making their drinks every time I go to the damn toilet

@SchadenfreudePersonified

I've only got a spade. Will have to make do.

YES to husbands taking their sweet bastard time over cooking.

He thinks he's the master of chopping, because he once worked in a pizza shop. How he survived that I have no arsing idea, because he wastes half a pepper even though it takes him forty minutes to chop a single one.

First time poster on here but I read them a lot,I love this OP and all the others and have been laughing out loud.My dh is also driving me mad breathing yes and every time I move where are I going and as someone else said there are only a couple if places to go.I work 3 days a week only 5 hours a day normally I dont want to go but now I can't wait. I work at a supermarket and the fucking twats queue outside for hours every day why ??? and then fill huge trolleys and get up really close to you.I have asked work for a 7 foot barge pole but they won't give me one.I love everyone's rants on here cos that's how I feel. I feel so emotional about everything major Tom with his fantastic money raising the Thursday clapping I feel I am crying all the time.Very strange times we are living through but keep the posts going I love them.

Christ, I am so thankful for this thread.

If I have to hear OH sigh and make a sarcastic comment about ‘how much I do around here’ one more fucking time about getting out of bed to make the coffee I will scream. It’s the least you can do you fat bastard.
You don’t hear me sigh when I make your lunch and bring it outside whilst you’re sunning yourself —like a beached whale—, nor do I sigh when I’m making you whatever you requested for dinner, you twatting manchild.

I’m hiding in bed today, fuck him.

I can’t wait to savour this thread but in the meantime...

DH - get fucked with belittling my very real sensitivities to light, noise and smell. I am not “annoyed by everything” nor am I “making a drama out of nothing” you belittling peace of shit.

My ONLY respite is to get up at 6.30 - 7am so I can have a couple of hours of peace and to gather my thoughts.

DSC are here half the week so every time I hear the front door open I mutter “fuck OFF” to myself.

And the breathing. And the chewing. OMG.

My DH is work from home and I am going to work.
He gets lonely and wants in depth conversation when I get home.
I get it, but there are 2 other adults in this house you could talk to.
I saw 20 patients today, I did my don and doff competency and my glitter gel.
I have spoken enough!
Also, why is it my job to walk the dog when I get home, when the three of you have been home all day?
I already did my 15000 steps!

Also, why ask me ‘what’s for dinner?’
We have a roster, that you drew up and lives on the door in the kitchen, that clearly states DD2 cooks tonight.
she has done this for at least the last 12 years.

@SchadenfreudePersonified: I'm afraid I have to disagree.

A shovel is a blunt instrument and it could take several blows to inflict sufficient cranial damage to guarantee a fatal injury. A well-maintained spade has a nice sharp edge that is far more likely to result in an instant death.

After all, we wouldn't want the fuckers getting up again, would we?

Oh, @SchadenfreudePersonified, could we actually introduce them so they could be cyberbuddies and share their views as to why the Carver Cascade water heater is so commonly installed when it's manifestly fucking useless and the merits v. flaws of a Gasflow system?

It would be doing us both a favour ...

Bloody hell @SchadenfreudePersonified, this is getting spooky now. What else are we going to have in common?

I have Menieres disease, which causes tinnitus and vertigo. I have betahistine on prescription, and adjust the dose according to need. It works a treat.

When it's bad, I find that sleeping with my head raised helps. It definitely seems to worsen when stressed and is at its worst thing in the morning. When I first get up, I stagger around like a drunk if I'm having a bad attack, but it soon wears off after I've taken the meds.

@Pineapple1
It's the LAW that you have to RTFT before you comment.
I would make it the LAW that keyboards jammed and became unusable if the poster has not RTFT.
Thanks op this thread has been really uplifting and has kept me laughing for a few days.
My personal favourite was very early on in the thread. Your crunching is going to make me hurt you!

I'm getting fed up with the constant texts, phone calls and FaceTime requests all day every day.

I am still working from home 9-5 and trying to work on my masters dissertation so am actually busier than I would be usually. Everyone knows this!!!! but people are so fucking needy and bored they need to bother me.

Can I have a copy of your recording? I'll pretend it's the people who are irritating me until lockdown finishes and I can get close enough to torture them to death

I'll release it as a podcast, not only as a public service (contributions to the gin fund welcome) but as a warning to anyone else thinking of annoying me. Neighbour who commented on my leaving the house, I'm looking at you. Your card is marked.

As an aside, I am hugely relieved I live alone

The neighbours were out with KNOBDOG bright and early trying to make the poor animal shit to the command "pop KNOBDOG pop here" the whole fucking family in their pyjamas, in stupid high pitched sing song voices.

WIBU to wake my lazy pair of dogs up, open the back door and say in quite a loud voice "go take a shit doggos" my husband thinks I was and now isn't speaking to me.

Why do I want to give KNOBDOG a sausage laced with senna?

Miss Hoskins@Pineapple1
It's the LAW that you have to RTFT before you comment.
I would make it the LAW that keyboards jammed and became unusable if the poster has not RTFT.
Thanks op this thread has been really uplifting and has kept me laughing for a few days.
My personal favourite was very early on in the thread. Your crunching is going to make me hurt you!

I think Pineapple is one of those DC that just about everyone has written about.

He/ She must’ve slipped through the net ..lol

How does one get rid of Bastard Tinitus? Mine's driving me potty too. Since this is a

whoops!
...say it if you can't thread. Fuck off tinitus. You're ruining the rare moments of genuine quite I get.

And no DS, I don't want to learn how to play Minecraft with you. It's boring and your and DH's weekend marathons are my one excuse to stay in bed.

‘If anyone needs to dispose of bodies, I have an allotment.
Just saying...’

Welcome to Mumsnet Shady Acres.
Please form an orderly queue, the wait may be long but we’re doing the best we can to offer you a discreet quality service.
Please observe social distance of two metres apart - roughly the length of slumpy lumpy rolled up baggage you have in tow.

Just saying...

I've only got a spade. Will have to make do.

In that case thecats, use the edge and not the flat.

UniversalAunt

Can I reserve allot under some thick bushes, please?

LakieLady

- all your posts

@fuckinghellthisshit I bloody love you - I actually think you just jumped out of my head and spat all my thoughts onto the laptop ... I have literally just wet myself laughing and fortunately I am not wearing make up as tears are streaming down my face!! I had to summon DH from the comfort of his child-free office to read it aloud to him - in between laughing out loud and deep breaths, particularly as I totally concur - his incessant breathing is quite frankly the biggest pain in my tidy fucking arse!

I actually accused my husband of pinching one of our teenage son's, possibly our 11 year old daughter's, T-shirts this morning - it is literally that fucking skin tight ... turns out no it is in fact his XXL one - it's just that he was the one who has eaten all the fucking sweet treats and nice food that I bought at great expense and cost to my own health (albeit prior to isolation) that I expected would in fact last the whole family for a good couple of months or more but no the greedy selfish git ate it IN ONE LATE NIGHT FUCKING SITTING when no one could see him or share it!! Pissed off a little bit - who me .... she says sat constantly clock-watching until I dare pour the next glass of wine (yeah a bottle a day keeps the sanity at bay)!! Oh and don't get me started on the constant bloody well-meaning friends (who I hasten to add I barely bloody see normally) who now want to 'check in' on an almost bloody daily basis with their annoying fucking pictures of the perfect family life - and make me feel like I have to put on a full fucking face of make up and ball gown on just to 'accept' their video call request ... if this was my fucking 'house party' with my chosen friends - they take me as I am - as I do them, and, thus far, that means in the same joggers that I've worn almost constantly for the past month, in a top that shows I'm almost certainly bra-less, make up free and guzzling on wine so damn fast that it's sloshing down my chin - and we regularly laugh and swear so damn hard that we wet ourselves, then so bloody be it! Damn I miss my friends and our gin sessions ... if just to discuss how much our DS's DD's and especially DH's piss us off constantly!! SIGH Thanks for listening .... I really needed that - goes off to pursue next 'mother/wife' sized job that no other fucker wants to do!!

DH's following me around and just fucking breathing everywhere

THIS...WHY????

DP managed to astounded even me this morning. We're in a hostel (long story) with a large shared kitchen. We were the only people using it last night. I made us a meal and put in on the plates leaving the pots and ingredients out while we ate - DP spontaneously had to make three calls so I ate mine and eventually got bored and wandered off and left him to have his when he was finished. We have a long standing rule that the cook (always me) doesn't wash up so I didn't think to go back and clear. He came into the bedroom and more proudly than warrented chirped "Kitchen's all clean!" before bed last night. This morning I go into the kitchen and see DP sitting down obliviously eating breakfast cereal.
Baffled, me: DP, why are the beans and Passata and rice etc. from yesterday dinner still out?
DP, trailing off: Oh... I didn't think to put them away.
Me, exasperated: But they're standing bang in the middle of the counter. With the lids off. I'll have to throw them away now the ants will have been on them.
DP, proudly: I did put something away.

Upon investigating, he had, in fact, managed to put the half empty tomato tin in the fridge. All the other half used ingredients were apparently a bridge too far. I just don't understand.

AND ANOTHER THING.

The bastard ants in this effing country can fucking fuck off. You leave ONE microscopic fleck of peanut butter on the washing up sponge and in the morning it's like picadilly cocking circus. Oooh look at us, were ants, there are cunting millions of us and we're not social distancing one bit. They were all in the toaster this morning the little shits.

UniversalAunt Mumsnet Shady Acres 😆
Reminds me of Monster Joe’s car salvage yard in Pulp Fiction (where they dispose of vehicles with a body in the boot).