Multiple children

[UnaCorda]

I'll probably be accused of being goady for asking this, but I would genuinely like to hear people's thoughts and explanations.

What causes people to decide to have a large family? I mean, assuming it was planned, what did you expect to get out of having four, five or six children - or more - that you didn't get from the first one, two or three? Did it turn out how you imagined?

Obviously this will vary between couples, but do people dispassionately consider the impact on their finances, the available space in their home, demands on their time, the effect on existing children, the toll it takes on your body, and the ramifications for the planet?

Or is it simply a question of procreation being an instinctual drive which, for a lot of people, is too strong to ignore and overrides all practicalities?

Also, if you would have liked to have had a large family but decided against it, what influenced your decision?

Thanks for your thoughts.

The idea of more than 2 is too much for me; I don't think I have the capacity for any more time / effort than 2 DC's take (much as I love them!) Still, I did get a little broody for a third DC, but just forced my rational brain to take over Re: serious implications for finances, career, relationships, body, etc.

I do not agree with counting a child’s carbon footprint as part of the mother and/or fathers footprint. Surely each human gets their own footprint. Otherwise, what is next? Cursing our ancestors for having the biggest carbon footprints ever once you count their thousands of descendants?

Children can’t bring themselves into the world!

High carbon emissions have arisen from the increase in fossil fuel consumption when the industrial revolution began. Until then for thousands of years the carbon footprint never got high enough to have to consider reducing carbon emissions.

@mrsraab thats ok ☺️

I just slowly read the thread eating a huge bag of cheese puffs pregnant with my second, 10 years after being pregnant with my first and realising why it's taken me so long 😂

If we had more money, and a much bigger house, I would definitely have a few more kids. We have two now.

Lots of people say they love having a busy house and the children always have someone for company etc. and how much fun it is, but when people are planning later children do they take into consideration if the child were to be disabled and the impact that might have on the lives of the children they already have?
I think a lot of people are just glad they've had 2 or 3 healthy children and stop there.

Love babies, love children. I had 3 and would have had more if I could. SAHM, I tried nursery and working but it's just seemed such a faff for no gain so I jumped off the band wagon and looked after my own children all by myself Best decision I ever made and loved every minute of it. I don't see how many children I choose to have is anybody's business but my own.

I have 4 and would love 2 more. My DH won’t because of the environment...

I like the dynamic of a bigger family: the chaos, business, mix of different personalities. That there isn’t too much focus or pressure on one child.

I wish I could have another!

Artie my 3rd DC is disabled (cerebral palsy) if I’m honest had she been my first it’s likely she would be ‘more disabled’ as I wouldn’t have realised so early on that her development wasn’t as expected and the early intervention she had as a result has made a huge difference. Her brothers push her as well to keep up with them, it’s like free physio

Gulyan,
But it is still fundamentally wrong to alot multiple humans the same carbon footprint as one human. It makes children a lifestyle choice and they are not.
I realise children do not bring themselves into the world, but some children must be born to continue the species. They are a necessity for continued life.
Counting children in the parent’s carbon footprint also discourages parents from making lifestyle choices to reduce their footprint. It’s almost impossible to fit 5 humans into the average or goal footprint for 1 human. So why bother with recycling? Consuming less meat? Less travel? Etc
The carbon footprint calculators are simple programs with the assumptions built in by humans who are pushing an ideology. They had a choice whether to have it include having a child or not, and chose to have it include children specifically because their ideology is that humans are a burden on Earth and the planet would be better off if we all just died out.

Let's face it, this is all pointless, unless way down the track we get to interview the offspring, as teenagers and adults.

Only then might we see the true impact.

'I loved being one of 6!'

'I hated how each baby got relegated as the next came along', etc.

I had never encountered big families til I ended up in Australia in the 90s. I grew up in CofE England where all but none of us had more than two siblings, max. My bestie was one of 4, and were considered 'charity cases' ( imagine all those mouths to feed!)

But in 1 in 4 Catholic Australia, I met many from families of 6,7,10.

They all hated it. Families where the eldest was 18 whilst mum was pushing out another. All at orthodox Catholic schools, as it was free after number three.

Nope. Mum's loving it, but are the kids?

@ArtieFufkinPolymerRecords numbers 5 and 7 of my siblings are disabled, it doesn't stop them being fun and great company. Do people stop and worry about if child number 2 is going to be disabled and the impact that might have on their first born?

For all those who say they have big families because they like it - are you absolutely sure that your kids like it?

I know people from big families who now swear they want no/few kids. I personally hated the extra noise and chaos just from 1 younger sibling, let alone if there were more.

My mother said she had five because she wanted two but abortions weren't legal.

Have as many DC as you want if you're paying for private ante-natal care, delivery and subsequent healthcare for them. Otherwise you're just helping to bleed the NHS dry.

I just don't think you can tar all 'multiple families' with the same brush. What counts as large? 3?4?5? Then you get the ones with 23 or however many which is just ridiculous but where is the cut off point between normal or acceptable and crazy?

I have one child and will not have any more because there is a shitty gene in my family that makes all the mothers despise their children and abuse/neglect them. I noted over time that this was more likely if there were multiple births so I’m not risking being any worse than I already am.

@SunshineCake - thank you for your honesty, and I'm sorry to hear about your losses.

@ViciousJackdaw uh so what should be the limit for NHS maternity care? 1? 2? 3?

Many families are dysfunctional regardless of size.
Just like anecdotally posters know people from big families who hated it, I know people who were only children and also hated it.

I will say that only a generation ago catholic women did not have much reproductive choice because contraception was not accepted. So while large families were the norm, many mothers and fathers were NOT loving it and that would have been reflected in their parenting.

We have 4DC and I love it. Both DH and I come from very small families and had hard childhoods so we’ve created a big living family ourselves. The DC are very close (just under 6 years between them). They all have their own bedroom, we go on holidays, they have tutors and extra-curricular activities. I was a SAHM for 12 years then went back to uni to retrain.

Haven't rtft because these things irritate me immensely. I have 5dc age 5-13, 3 sdc 14-18. 1 of my sdc was planned. 1 of my dc was planned. They're all loved, welcome and provided for

Don't understand why anyone would have more than 2 unless you have a big house and plenty of money and time, otherwise just making life very stressful.

No idea what the limit should be but a bog standard pregnancy and birth costs the NHS around £3,282.

So if someone had, for example, 22 children, that would have cost the NHS over £72,000 and that's not including the subsequent healthcare these children will need.

I like the idea of lots of children but would HATE to be pregnant for that long and definitely wouldn't be prepared to give birth multiple times either.

Maybe people with lots of children are better at pregnancy and birth than I am.

“Have as many DC as you want if you're paying for private ante-natal care, delivery and subsequent healthcare for them. Otherwise you're just helping to bleed the NHS dry.”

Ok, maternity costs are less than 2% of the NHS budget. Smoking, obesity and diabetes each cost far far more than maternity.