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Original poster

Found husbands secret phone

616 replies

Sandpaperkisses357 · 17/04/2020 19:09

I have, a few days ago, found a phone I never knew my husband had..(I never usually would go through his phone but I just got a horrible feeling)and on it are texts from one of his female friends, one of which was asking him to send her money, 100 or 150 if possible as things are hard for her and family can't help.. next msg, her asking again and saying she will pay back the 1000?! He already sent last month When she gets bk on her feet WTF?! Another msg, burn after u read this ..
I am fuming to say the least .. how do I approach this ..
That money could have gone on the family, maybe for a holiday, which we've had one of in our 10 yrs together or get me my driving lessons he keeps putting off as " we can't afford it" but not just on some other woman.
Now I'm questioning our whole lives together and wondering is he having an affair?
We have 5 kids together, and can't just leave so easily..feeling so depressed about it all .. and even harder in the current circumstances too.
Totally heartbroken Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Sandpaperkisses357 · 20/04/2020 08:22

Not a lot of texts from him, guess he deleted them. . But calls to her just a couple of days ago.
Yes I feel like holding off wont do any good as its eating me up.. hes not awake yet and I've been up since just before 6 this morning with all the kids .. why,just why?! I feel like waking him up with the phone and to just confront him now, but I don't want to get upset and in turn upset the kids.
If I can keep my cool I will .. feeding baby now so will get him to sleep 1st ...

OP posts:
lmcneil003 · 20/04/2020 08:24

Speak to him.
He sounds llike he has cheated, but you need to give yourself time to digest, and see what he says.
Your children's future should be a chief consideration. Try and think with you're head, not with your heart (which must be hurting so much Flowers ). Don't make any decisions today

Raindancer411 · 20/04/2020 08:25

Good luck OP. You need to say something as we don't know how long this will go on for, and like you say it will eat you up. What have you done with the fone now? Taken more photos?

Original poster
Sandpaperkisses357 · 20/04/2020 08:28

Ah my heart is aching.. I just can't believe it but yes we don't know how long this lockdown will go on for and I after reading what I have I don't think I can just pretend like everything is ok . I have taken more pics yes, and still have the phone..

OP posts:
MotherofTerriers · 20/04/2020 08:29

Is there a deleted messages folder on the phone you can check? He might not have emptied it
Take a note of her number and photo the messages
Turn the volume off and hide the phone while you decide what to do next

Pippa12 · 20/04/2020 08:30

You’ve done so well for holding it together this long! I’d of been a bull in a china shop with this on my mind in lockdown! Where was the phone?

BMW6 · 20/04/2020 08:31

I think I would keep hold of the phone and enjoy watching him try to find it surreptitiously....you may as well get some grim pleasure from this shite situation.

summerfruitssquash · 20/04/2020 08:38

What an absolute twat. Never ceases to amaze me how much of a bellend someone can be. I’d definitely keep the phone for a while and let him sweat

CalleighDoodle · 20/04/2020 08:40

Definitely keep gold of the phone. You know absolutely nothing about it.

Where did you find it?

Zoflorabore · 20/04/2020 08:40

And op- don’t forget to write down the number of the secret phone. What an absolute twat bag he is Angry

feathermucker · 20/04/2020 08:42

Oh my goodness, I can't even imagine how this must feel for you.

Do you have access to money should you need it? Do you own your house?

StoneofDestiny · 20/04/2020 08:46

I'd keep the phone. I imagine he won't dare ask for it back - and if he does just point to his own 'regular phone' saying "there it is".
Make sure it's on silent etc. Get the number.

sparklecritters · 20/04/2020 08:46

I'm angry for you op!

Buggedandconfused · 20/04/2020 08:49

Hide the phone and act normal. See what he does. I would probably call the woman and find out what’s going on, I wouldn’t be able to help myself.

MsMiaWallace · 20/04/2020 08:50

Well done OP for getting the phone.
Where was it?
Don't say anything yet. Keep it & see what comes.
He'll be sweating.

RedMoonRising · 20/04/2020 08:59

Hide it somewhere like the laundry basket. I doubt he'll ever find it there - he doesn't seem the type

sparklecritters · 20/04/2020 09:00

Oh yes definitely keep the phone if you have it. He will soon start acting shifty.

percentageshelp · 20/04/2020 09:02

Op I'm so sorry this is happening to you, it must be horrible.

AteAllTheAfterEights · 20/04/2020 09:05

Definitely hang on to the phone, on silent. So sorry you’re going through this, especially now.

fishonabicycle · 20/04/2020 09:06

No advice, but sorry you are in such a horrible place x

notasportymum · 20/04/2020 09:07

OP so sorry to read this. bad enough even without lockdown. what a duplicitous cheating arsehole he is.

I'd keep hold of that phone, somewhere he can't or wouldn't think to look. switch the ringer off (and location/find my phone setting). use the time to collect your thoughts and make a plan, decide what's best for you and your DC and what you're going to say to him. tackle him in your own time and on your terms. he can sweat until you feel ready.

Molliemoo10 · 20/04/2020 09:11

I would wait for him to wake up and give it maybe 2 hours, just enough time for him to start panicking about where the phone is.
I would then confront him if he hadn't got desperate enough to ask me if I had found a 'work' phone.

But I'm a bitch and I'd want to see him panic for a bit before I threw him out.

MsMiaWallace · 20/04/2020 09:15

I would deffo say nothing for now (if you can) hide the phone somewhere you know he won't find it.
Make him sweat whilst you take back control.
Sort your finances out, get things in to place. Lockdown allows time to think & sort out.
Make sure you take her number off it. & the secret phones number too.

FoolishWife · 20/04/2020 09:20

I'm so sorry.
You know how what you're dealing with.
No one can tell you the right or wrong thing to do right now. There isn't really a right or wrong, you cannot do whatvyou feels right.

Im in the midst of not saying anything to my DH and it's hard. Luckily we don't always share a bed so that makes it easier.
Before you confront him think about how you will confront him. He has secrets from you. He will probably minimise everything. It might be wise to consider not laying all your cards on the table about how much or how you know and see how honest he'll be. Most men caught out only admit to the bare minimum, admitting to only what they think they can get away with telling you. There are endless threads on here about it.

Make sure you have saved anything you might ever want or need off that phone. Pics, messages, dates, history, phone numbers, social media accounts, user names,email addresses etc. You might not ever want that info or use it but you might want it. Take as much as you can incase he grabs the phone back, destroys it etc. You don't need to do anything with it ever but if you never use this chance to gather it, you might not get the chance again and regret it, if you ever decide you need it for any reason.

YinMnBlue · 20/04/2020 09:27

OP, can you tell from the phone whether it is in contract or PAYG?

If in contract he must have a secret bank account from which he is paying for it, and probably the money to her.

Could it be work money that he is paying? Does he have an expense account? And be putting the phone on a work account?

Sorry you are plunged into this. Really horrible.