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Original poster

Found husbands secret phone

616 replies

Sandpaperkisses357 · 17/04/2020 19:09

I have, a few days ago, found a phone I never knew my husband had..(I never usually would go through his phone but I just got a horrible feeling)and on it are texts from one of his female friends, one of which was asking him to send her money, 100 or 150 if possible as things are hard for her and family can't help.. next msg, her asking again and saying she will pay back the 1000?! He already sent last month When she gets bk on her feet WTF?! Another msg, burn after u read this ..
I am fuming to say the least .. how do I approach this ..
That money could have gone on the family, maybe for a holiday, which we've had one of in our 10 yrs together or get me my driving lessons he keeps putting off as " we can't afford it" but not just on some other woman.
Now I'm questioning our whole lives together and wondering is he having an affair?
We have 5 kids together, and can't just leave so easily..feeling so depressed about it all .. and even harder in the current circumstances too.
Totally heartbroken Sad

OP posts:
TiddlestheCat · 18/04/2020 18:26

If you find his phone, Def hold onto it and consider sending her messages from 'him' if you think it will help you get to the bottom of the matter.

Misssmoo · 18/04/2020 19:47

Yes I would definitely keep hold of the phone. Let him sweat

Windyatthebeach · 18/04/2020 19:51

Where have you looked for his phone op? We may have ideas!
Mm is good at finding lost items!

willowmelangell · 18/04/2020 20:14

Every phone needs a charger.

Can you check the car? Toolbox? Gym bag?

Tomoveornotomove2 · 18/04/2020 20:15

Check floor boards
His clothing draws
He might have put it on a top shelf or above a kitchen unit

VenusTiger · 18/04/2020 20:21

Does he go for a walk or run alone? Check running gear, inside shoes he wears to go out and inside coat pockets. Also car.

VenusTiger · 18/04/2020 20:23

*lastly, if you call the phone next time he goes out, see if it's engaged - you'll know he has it on him then so can try and find out where he hides it on his return. Obviously, call it from a number that won't show up on his phone just in case.

Jeaniealogy · 18/04/2020 20:26

Look inside cereal boxes/other food boxes lurking in the back of kitchen cupboards...under the mats or in the boot of his car...suit pockets if they are hung in the wardrobe, likewise look in all his coats and jackets. My money will be in the car...

HappyHammy · 18/04/2020 20:27

Do you have the number for the secret phone to ring it.

Original poster
Sandpaperkisses357 · 18/04/2020 21:35

A lot of good ideas, thanks all x unfortunately no, i don't have the number in my haste I forgot to get it. Hoping I can find it when I have a chance

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 18/04/2020 21:56

look inside folded socks etc ..

makewaymakeway · 18/04/2020 21:58

Inside blazer pockets (the secret inside pocket)

So sorry you're going through this op Thanks

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 18/04/2020 22:11

I would talk to him sooner rather than later, yes the lockdown is a problem but also an opportunity.

If you wait, the longer that you are marinating on your anger, the less likely are you to have any patience left to save the marriage even if he begs for forgiveness, you owe it to your kids, give him a chance to explain, then, just then, with the information in hand, take the decisions you need to take.

Notimeforaname · 18/04/2020 22:16

Sandpaperkisses357 If you've to leave the house and can leave your own phone behind , you could leave it somewhere, with the recorder on and perhaps pick up any calls/conversations he has whilst you're out?
It's a long shot but just an idea...

lowlandLucky · 19/04/2020 15:01

Look in the tool box or wherever he keeps d.i.y bits, check what ever he uses to stash hobby bits and pieces in, anywhere you never go

Davespecifico · 19/04/2020 15:11

Do exactly what tomoveornottomove2 says. I agree with you that during lockdown you can use the time to gather your thoughts.
I think you need the time, before confronting him, to reevaluate and maybe to mentally check out from him, if you decide to leave.
You’re not entirely dependent on him; you can get advice about how to go about leaving, maintenance etc. Good luck.xx

MrsPeacockInTheLibrary · 19/04/2020 15:11

Check under the lining of the car boots - where the spare is kept. Anywhere that is usually undisturbed.

MrsPeacockInTheLibrary · 19/04/2020 15:25

Sadly, from a friend in a past relationship you might have be very clever and thorough when searching for something. She was with an utter, bastard ex who was incredibly abusive and manipulative. I am not comparing your situations in that sense (he had installed cameras etc), but this is the sort of thing she told me about.

For example, if you pull a drawer open and search it, you don't think to run your hands over the 'roof' of the drawer - i.e. the bottom of the drawer above. My friend's ex used this with tape to store a phone or something in this way. I couldn't believe her when she told me, and that was the point, he was so unbelievable when it all came out.

He'd hollowed out an old book and had cash stored in there. Again, this man was very controlling and manipulative.
He did not have a tool box, but he did have a shed with lots of storage. He would store some things in heavy places like spare tyres.

I know from personally experience under car seats is an easy place to have a phone!

Thankfully my friend was able to leave him eventually, it was over 10 years ago and a unique situation. I still can't believe the lengths he went to.

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 19/04/2020 17:35

What I don’t understand is what the hell does she needs the phone for. You don’t need to prove to a cheater that he is cheating, you don’t need to convince a liar that he is lying, you just need to trust you saw what you saw and kick him out unless he comes with the truth, gaslighting only happens if you think you need to convince others that he is lying.

If he is lying, forget about what others think or may think, the important thing is what YOU think.

Chocchoc88 · 19/04/2020 18:13

Agree with PP above, and what facts are there to gather? I’d find those texts and ask him upfront, why the data gathering exercise and the biting the lip for several days? Really feel for you OP but aren’t you best just asking him?

Chocchoc88 · 19/04/2020 18:14

and by PP above I meant @TheMotherofAllDilemmas*

Original poster
Sandpaperkisses357 · 20/04/2020 08:07

Hi everyone, so I've found the phone this morning... more texts from her , "hi my man..." and a text in drafts from him beginning happy valentines day, I didn't forget u?!!
I am soooooo mad right now , I feel like my heart is going to burst.
I don't know if I can keep calm much longer or if I should.. feel like to just get it all over with already 😪 what a complete bastard doing this to us

OP posts:
Rebelwithallthecause · 20/04/2020 08:09

So sorry
When was the last text sent?
FlowersFlowersFlowers

Chocchoc88 · 20/04/2020 08:14

So sorry OP but you do need to just talk to him and then take stock. The people advising you to ‘hold off’ I just don’t get? Speak to him and get some clarity on your next steps! You deserve the truth from him directly.

Salene · 20/04/2020 08:16

Oh no that's awful what a cheating rat , 5 kids too , men like him make me sick. I'm sorry you are going through this and he has done this to you.

Hopefully when you are able you can kick his rotten ass to the kerb.

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