Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Found husbands secret phone

616 replies

Sandpaperkisses357 · 17/04/2020 19:09

I have, a few days ago, found a phone I never knew my husband had..(I never usually would go through his phone but I just got a horrible feeling)and on it are texts from one of his female friends, one of which was asking him to send her money, 100 or 150 if possible as things are hard for her and family can't help.. next msg, her asking again and saying she will pay back the 1000?! He already sent last month When she gets bk on her feet WTF?! Another msg, burn after u read this ..
I am fuming to say the least .. how do I approach this ..
That money could have gone on the family, maybe for a holiday, which we've had one of in our 10 yrs together or get me my driving lessons he keeps putting off as " we can't afford it" but not just on some other woman.
Now I'm questioning our whole lives together and wondering is he having an affair?
We have 5 kids together, and can't just leave so easily..feeling so depressed about it all .. and even harder in the current circumstances too.
Totally heartbroken Sad

OP posts:
AintNoMaryPoppins · 20/04/2020 09:28

Sorry OP Flowers

covidcougher · 20/04/2020 09:29

I am so sad for you. I know you are hurting now but try to hold on. I know with covid we see in lockdown but these are unique circumstances. Can you get anyone to come and sit with the DC for an hour and go for a walk with DH and talk to him.

Whatever you do hide the phone. Lift a bottom drawer completely out and put it underneath the drawer or put it in a boot of yours you don't wear much. In a pillowcase in with bedding in the airing cupboard, Or give it the DC to play with and watch his reaction when he sees it....seriously ignore that suggestion!

Wishing you strength and hope that you get to the bottom of all this.

Sexnotgender · 20/04/2020 09:32

What a bastard. Keep the phone. Don’t let him know you know.

LittleMissBumFun · 20/04/2020 09:33

Definitely keep the phone and see how his behaviour is the next few days without it.

pinkblanchmange · 20/04/2020 09:34

If it's an iPhone make sure you turn off 'find my iPhone'

Original poster
Sandpaperkisses357 · 20/04/2020 09:44

It's a pay as u go and isn't a smartphone, so no sm accounts or anything on it..don't have anyone to sit with the kids for a bit or I would do that, I think, if i can, I will wait til tonight when the kids are in bed and have it out with him. This is driving me insane

OP posts:
k1233 · 20/04/2020 09:51

I'm another who'd keep the phone and watch him panic - down the bra is an excellent holding spot, just make sure ring and vibrate is off.

Where did you end up finding it?

Original poster
Sandpaperkisses357 · 20/04/2020 10:18

Found it in the car, under the seat

OP posts:
YinMnBlue · 20/04/2020 10:23

I wouldn’t play games by keeping the phone etc, what does it achieve? You have the evidence from the phone. All it will do is give him time to make up stories, contact the woman and tee her up to lie, and get enraged with you for playing games with him, talking himself into believing that to are in the wrong for snooping etc.

What is the point? He will be shocked enough when you talk to him.

MySonIsAlsoNamedBort · 20/04/2020 10:26

What a complete barstard!!

JenNtonic · 20/04/2020 10:29

What an absolutely selfish, spineless sad little prick. I'm rubbish at advice I'm just really sorry you're going through this. He's an idiot ! Xx

MsMiaWallace · 20/04/2020 10:33

He won't be able to contact her though via the phone will he?
Just shows, hidden in the car, further thoughts of deception.
It'll be interesting his response to why it was hidden there.

Paddy1234 · 20/04/2020 10:33

My heart breaks for you 😢
Keep the phone in a very safe place

TheRedFox · 20/04/2020 10:37

Hi @Sandpaperkisses357 I'm really sorry you're going through this, especially at the moment.

In my experience (not personal but professional!) people tend to admit to the absolute minimum and rarely put a their cards on the table when confronted.

Therefore, before confronting him, I would suggest collating all the evidence you have. Make sure you have photos of the phone, messages, emails etc so that he can't deny they exist.

Take a note of the mobile number and type it into WhatsApp and Facebook to see if you can identify who this person is - he may try and say they are male / a family member etc.

In this situation I would want to be confident that I had all the evidence that I needed before confronting him as, as soon as he knows you know, he will start deleting.

Good luck, and please continue to ask for support on here.

MashedSpud · 20/04/2020 10:39

I’d make sure the ringer and vibration is off and check his text style (using u instead of you etc etc) then text her that he’s sorry but it’s over and being in lockdown has made him realise what he wants and it’s not her and to get an sti check because he’s been seeing other people.

That’ll throw a turd in their trifle.

pinksmile · 20/04/2020 10:44

So sorry you are going through this. To get a second phone as well just shows how calculated it all is, he can't claim it was a spur of the moment txting relationship that got out of control.
ThanksGin for you

turnandfacethenamechange · 20/04/2020 10:44

What a weapons grade bastard Angry

hesgotit · 20/04/2020 10:52

I'm with @YinMnBlue if he gets wind that you've got the phone, then he has time.

Forewarned is forearmed, just spring it on him ASAP.

Qgardens · 20/04/2020 10:58

So you know enough to know that it's not a good situation. What do you want the outcome to be when you confront him. Are you going to ask him to move out?

Use the time until tonight to work out the practicalities. If you don't think he will be able to go for whatever reason, it might be worth holding off the confrontation until it is practical for him to leave. It's going to be horrible in lockdown if you are together.

lostfrequencies · 20/04/2020 11:02

God what a bastard. Hugs OP Thanks

Peachy200 · 20/04/2020 11:09

So sorry you’re going through this, especially during an already difficult time.
We’re all here for you Flowers

shiveringwiggles · 20/04/2020 11:17

What an absolute bastard. Take no prisoners OP xx

Mumek · 20/04/2020 11:23

So very sorry for what you're going through. Been there. If you possibly can hold off confronting him for a few days as well as watching his panic when he discovers the phone is missing - the OW may send texts to the phone giving you more information on the situation. He is an absolute bastard and you and your DC deserve better.xx

MysweetAudrina · 20/04/2020 11:27

I would definitely have some fun with the phone and hide it and then sit back and watch him squirm while he tries to figure out where it went. It's not like he can ask you if you saw it. Sorry you are going through this.

overweightcat · 20/04/2020 11:27

Keep the phone. Wait and see how he acts once he can't find it.
You want the full truth.

You need the resolve to pull it off, once you have the conversation say you want the full truth and nothing but or its over. Don't show him any proof unless he starts denying it again let him dig that hole and let him fall right in.