Found husbands secret phone

[Sandpaperkisses357]

I have, a few days ago, found a phone I never knew my husband had..(I never usually would go through his phone but I just got a horrible feeling)and on it are texts from one of his female friends, one of which was asking him to send her money, 100 or 150 if possible as things are hard for her and family can't help.. next msg, her asking again and saying she will pay back the 1000?! He already sent last month When she gets bk on her feet WTF?! Another msg, burn after u read this ..
I am fuming to say the least .. how do I approach this ..
That money could have gone on the family, maybe for a holiday, which we've had one of in our 10 yrs together or get me my driving lessons he keeps putting off as " we can't afford it" but not just on some other woman.
Now I'm questioning our whole lives together and wondering is he having an affair?
We have 5 kids together, and can't just leave so easily..feeling so depressed about it all .. and even harder in the current circumstances too.
Totally heartbroken

Tell him she admitted it.

Watch him wobble.

OP it must be so difficult. You are doing so well. Only you know in your heart of hearts if you want in or out of the relationship. I guess in time you will go through the grieving processes for your relationship. Try and get all of the relevant paper work together that will help you secure a decent financial future for you and your children. Ask for the £1000 back and put it to driving lessons. Seek professional support and don't dance to his tune anymore. You and your children deserve so much more than to be cheated on.

Guess he would rather lose us

He probably doesn't think you're serious. He most likely thinks you'll shout about it a few days then carry on as normal. Because he will think you can’t manage without him. So you have no choice. If he intended to go he would have gone. He has no intention of leaving and instead probably thinks it will all be brushed under the rug.

He had a second phone. Hidden under the seat of his car. With one contact which wasn't saved.

?

Oh OP I’m sorry you’re dealing with this and that those two shit bags can’t even take any responsibility

Maybe she has a husband at home who doesn’t know!

Oh he's angry you went through his secret phone hidden in the car?? My god

He'll be on the phone to her now.

What he's doing now is beyond cruel.
It was already a horrendous thing to do cheating and lying but this is pure cruelty.

As CalleighDoodle said, I don't think he's taking you seriously.

I know you need him around to take care of his children but perhaps getting him out for a few days would help, on the condition he comes back every day to help with the children and not speak to you.??

Really trying to come up with somthin for you OP.

How can he say nothing has gone on. The mind boggles. She called him "My man" ffs

Try and get hold of his other phone and hide that too. At the moment it sounds like he is still in touch with her and they will try and come up.with a story. I know he could probably get hold of another phone but it won't be easy and be a pain for him.

I think he's thinking "Hey, we have 5 kids. I'm the breadwinner. Sandpaperkisses357 can't afford to leave, so what's she going to do? All I have to do is keep denying it. She'll give up after awhile, she's stuck."

Please, see a solicitor.

OK, maybe you won't be able to SEE a solicitor right now, but at least make a few phone calls.

Take photographs of the texts. Don't say a word to him until you have decided what you want to do. I would call a solicitor for advice, I would withdraw cash every week of lockdown and start piling it up. If confronted he will deny everything and you will lose the advantage you have right now which is you know but he doesn't know you know. I went through this. I decided to leave him and filed for divorce without telling him first. During the week or so when I knew I copied anything I could find on bank accounts, bank balances, pensions etc. This is horrible but you can't trust him to do the right thing now.

What I can't understand is what his explanation of it all is? How is he explaining a secret phone with messages to one woman only that discuss financial transactions. A phone that was hidden in his car. Whats his rationale @Sandpaperkisses357paper Have you asked him how you would feel if he found that you had a secret phone and parted with £1000 to a strange man?? Beggars belief x

Do not back down until he tells you the truth! He should have come clean by now. Tell him he needs to start looking for somewhere else to live - let him know you are serious and not a push over!

Remember your frustration should be aimed at him and not her, if he's lied to you you know he's definitely lied to her too!

I needed some advice a couple of months ago and found JustAnswer.UK were really good. It was £5 and I could ask as many questions as I needed for a week.

Yup, legal advice for sure. I think the first half hour is free?

OP - I might have missed it - is the ‘other woman’ married?

@serenityisqueen have you not read ANY of the ops replies to this thread??

StoneofDestiny it's not known if she's married or not.

OP was told a few months ago that OW was living abroad. Who knows whats true here. Lying scumbag

The lying cunts deserve each other.

Aww I am so sorry, I had to go through a similar thing with my ex husband, it's heart breaking but luckily no children to consider for me so straight out the door. I do hope you are okay and manage to get some time to yourself even if just a 10 min breather it sounds exhausting. Stay strong 💪🏼 things will get better Xx

What I can't understand is what his explanation of it all is? How is he explaining a secret phone with messages to one woman only that discuss financial transactions. A phone that was hidden in his car. Whats his rationale?

This ^