Found husbands secret phone

[Sandpaperkisses357]

I have, a few days ago, found a phone I never knew my husband had..(I never usually would go through his phone but I just got a horrible feeling)and on it are texts from one of his female friends, one of which was asking him to send her money, 100 or 150 if possible as things are hard for her and family can't help.. next msg, her asking again and saying she will pay back the 1000?! He already sent last month When she gets bk on her feet WTF?! Another msg, burn after u read this ..
I am fuming to say the least .. how do I approach this ..
That money could have gone on the family, maybe for a holiday, which we've had one of in our 10 yrs together or get me my driving lessons he keeps putting off as " we can't afford it" but not just on some other woman.
Now I'm questioning our whole lives together and wondering is he having an affair?
We have 5 kids together, and can't just leave so easily..feeling so depressed about it all .. and even harder in the current circumstances too.
Totally heartbroken

Grey rock him.

Thinking of you. What an idiot your husband is. And lying to you when confronted. What a coward

I would text her again saying, 'hey, it's me again. The coast is clear. It's fine to use this phone no again for now'.

I’m sorry why are you not kicking him out?

OP has 5 children including a young baby, has no close family or friends she can see and does not drive.

It's not as simple as just 'kicking him out'

Thanks @Notimeforaname I couldn't have put it better myself

I’m sorry why are you not kicking him out?

Because she actually has no rights to force him to leave his property.
You can just tell someone to leave unless he is a danger to those within the house.

How do you suppose she kicks him out?

I think you're being amazingly strong, OP. Hopefully you can use this time to work out what to do when lockdown ends and you have more options.

Just keep doing what you're doing op. You're being very sensible.

I suspect some posters here are disappointed there's no gossip, swearing matches and drama here 🙄

Notimeforaname - oh no an anonymous person on mumsnet thinks bad of me giving advice. What shall I do?

OP, you can say it’s all too much till your blue in the face. But until you actually do something, he continues to win.

The kids deserve a better dad, no a mum who thinks that she’ll just wait till this storm passes.

Get on the phone to a solicitor, save those messages and get in gear.

Mumsnet can think what they like 🤷🏻‍♀️ But in six months you’ll be in the position as now because you’ve put off the real issue - him

@Tomoveornotomove2 she can start divorce proceedings if she wants to. But that still won't get him out of his home. So now the atmosphere is even worse. Now there's the potential for arguments. Or for him to retaliate.

How do you propose she gets him out?

Tomoveornotomove2 I dont think bad of you. I just answered your question re the kicking out.

@Tomoveornotomove2

How do you suggest OP forces him to leave then? And if he did manage to, how is she meant to look after five children solo while unable to have other people come to the house etc?

So I've just txt her, no reply. So called her and she says is this some kind of joke ,stop calling me and starts threatening me ..I told her she the fucking joke ! How does she feel knowing he has 5kids to support and she's taking money from him. I'm fuming then she hung up

So she's as good a liar as he is 🙄 pair of fools

What a couple of cowards.

I'm fuming for you OP.

How fucking frustrating and hurtful to be lied to and gaslighted by both of them.

They can't keep this up for too long, it will all come out soon enough... . Well, it is out but I mean they can't keep denying it.

What a pair of thicks.

You would think they would come clean now, if not for you then for the 5 children caught up in this. Jesus.

He has obviously already called her and told her not to say anything.

Is she in a relationship?

Is she in a relationship?
Yes, do you know much about her current situation? Husband or kids?

Don't let them control the narrative op. Keep your cool 😎. Don't say anything to him and wait. His behaviour may tell you if they're still in contact somehow (if he knows you've contacted her). She'll be panicking now.

Wow the least she can do is give you the truth.

If that was me , I would be honest and tell you the truth.

Sorry this is happening to you

You're giving them all the power at the moment. You don't need either of them to confirm what's been happening, you've seen the evidence.

I know you must have wanted to pull her down a peg or two and no-one can blame you for that. But it's a fruitless exercise and you'll never get the satisfaction you're after by putting energy into communicating with either of them. For what it's worth I think you should invest all your energies in looking after yourself and your future now (and by extension your DC's future). Get your finances in order so you can be free of this awful man.

If she was innocent she would not have been aggressive

I've just had it out with him again too and told him I called her .. he is still adamant nothing has gone on and now angry at me for looking in his phone !?
I told him he either tells me the truth and we could maybe,just maybe , work through it or he continues to lie and he has lost us.
Guess he would rather lose us