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Original poster

Found husbands secret phone

616 replies

Sandpaperkisses357 · 17/04/2020 19:09

I have, a few days ago, found a phone I never knew my husband had..(I never usually would go through his phone but I just got a horrible feeling)and on it are texts from one of his female friends, one of which was asking him to send her money, 100 or 150 if possible as things are hard for her and family can't help.. next msg, her asking again and saying she will pay back the 1000?! He already sent last month When she gets bk on her feet WTF?! Another msg, burn after u read this ..
I am fuming to say the least .. how do I approach this ..
That money could have gone on the family, maybe for a holiday, which we've had one of in our 10 yrs together or get me my driving lessons he keeps putting off as " we can't afford it" but not just on some other woman.
Now I'm questioning our whole lives together and wondering is he having an affair?
We have 5 kids together, and can't just leave so easily..feeling so depressed about it all .. and even harder in the current circumstances too.
Totally heartbroken Sad

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 21/04/2020 12:29

Oh op, you knew he would do this, we all did.
You also know what you've seen, he is lying and gaslighting you.
Please do not buy into any of his lies. He will try to wear you down.... Stay strong. You've done so well so far.

Dont be too hard on yourself.... You absolutely had to say somthing the stress is too much for you.

This has shown you that he does not respect you or your children.

He is a coward.
You did the right thing telling someone in real life....

Rainbowqueeen · 21/04/2020 12:30

Op this is a huge huge deal. Do not blame yourself for any reactions that you have. Your world has been turned upside down

Can you call someone for some support? Have some sweet tea. I’m so sorry

Notimeforaname · 21/04/2020 12:31

I do think you should tell him to go. Pack some things and make him leave.
This will do no good having him there lying to your face. He can go stay with his fucking cousin.

SquirtleSquad · 21/04/2020 12:33

Above all else please just stay safe

Notimeforaname · 21/04/2020 12:33

We will all be here to support you and talk you down.
You are in no fit state to have him staying there. He must leave.

You have your children to think about and you've done an amazing job caring for them so far. Flowers
Get him out so you can have some space.

You have the phone amd her number.
Keep it.

Notimeforaname · 21/04/2020 12:35

Just reiterate that you know everything and you will not be speaking to him again until he has the courtesy to be honest.

You are worth so much more.

Do not engage with him whilst he is continually lying to you.
It will only cause more damage

CustardySergeant · 21/04/2020 12:35

"If he had nothing to hide he wouldn’t be, well, hiding it"

Exactly. Ask him why he needed a second phone, which he hid in the car, if it's all above board.

Notimeforaname · 21/04/2020 12:36

He can work this one out for himself. It is his mess.

If you can transfer any funds today, please do so.

Put all your focus on you and your children and get him out

FidgetyTwitch · 21/04/2020 12:37

Don't even bother trying to get the truth out of him- he's a lying bastard as evidenced by the fact he's bee. Sneaking around on a secret phone.

Just get him out OP. Get him out.

Then call a friend Thanks

Notimeforaname · 21/04/2020 12:39

I wouldnt be askin him any more questions.
He will just keep lying.
You do not need this.

Be strong and turn your back on him.
He knows what he's done.

MyOtherProfile · 21/04/2020 12:40

How does he explain the secret phone and hiding it from you? He needs to go now. He can spend the rest of lockdown with her.

StoneofDestiny · 21/04/2020 12:43

His lies are so lame. That is another insult pilled on. You deserve better than bullshit

StoneofDestiny · 21/04/2020 12:44

See how long she lasts when he has to have 5 kids with him at the weekend!

Notimeforaname · 21/04/2020 12:46

I would not trust his cousin or friends either just in case they knew and are lying for him

Definitely this.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 21/04/2020 12:47

Don't be angry at yourself - I wouldn't have been able to stay composed as long as you have!

He is a lying cheating scumbag, and his lies are so lame at that! Mental health issues, I'm sure his side piece will be delighted to hear that.

I'd be messaging her from my phone telling her she's welcome to him, what time would suit her to come and collect him?

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 21/04/2020 12:48

Oh, and call a solicitor

Chocchoc88 · 21/04/2020 12:54

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CatSmize · 21/04/2020 12:56

I'm pretty sure he would have contacted the OW on his normal phone to let her know his secret phone was missing the second he realised it wasn't there. He will have told her to ignore your call or deny everything so I doubt you'd get much truth out of her anyway. Flowers

Teedeepie · 21/04/2020 13:01

So sorry OP. You are doing amazing and are fully entitled to have a meltdown with all that’s going on.

Just remember no matter what bullshit excuses and lies he comes up with (and remember he knew the phone was missing so had time to think up what he was going to say in the last 24 hours)... Nobody needs a second, hidden phone in order to be kind to “just a friend in need” or to negotiate a business deal.

He will say anything to make it look like you are delusional and crazy (I have been there). I would personally make him leave to calm the situation down and to give you time to think or not think and just get some space (I personally would not be able to look at his face right now). Let his cousin house him if he is such a “nice guy”.

We are all here for you Flowers

Elieza · 21/04/2020 13:01

If it were innocent he would t be using a second phone. He has no excuse. He knows what he was doing was wrong and he did it anyway.

CalleighDoodle · 21/04/2020 13:10

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Hidingtonothing · 21/04/2020 13:10

It might not feel like it right now but all those telling you to ask him to leave are 100% right, you can't even begin to figure out how you feel and what to do next with him there scrambling your head. You are what matters right now and you need space from him and preferably some RL support from someone completely on your side. Please take care of yourself Flowers

Jojo19834 · 21/04/2020 13:14

God I hate all the mind games people play with each other (him not you). You know if it was innocent he wouldn’t have a secret phone, so you know where you stand unfortunately

Tomoveornotomove2 · 21/04/2020 13:15

if you have access to savings OP then take some out to use as funds and then pack his bags!

Next time he goes out chuck them out and lock / block the door.

Arsehole

NowSissyThatWalk · 21/04/2020 13:17

Agree don't listen to his cousin. My ex's family all thought he was the kindest, loveliest man and even now 5 years later probably still think I was wildly unreasonable for kicking him out.
Rooting for you OP. Please get him out.